Communication and Sexual Issues in Relationship. Who to Talk To?
October 18, 2011 7:13 PM   Subscribe

My girlfriend and I have been together for over 2 years now. Without getting into too much details, I have real no desire to have sex with her for reasons I'm not sure of.

I also have some communication issues I would like to resolve as well.

My question is what professional would be best suited to help me. A therapist? Or is there some other professional I haven't thought of. yet

Thanks
posted by Peeekay to Health & Fitness (12 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

 
Without getting too much into details, it is hard to say. But maybe a urologist?
posted by ian1977 at 7:21 PM on October 18, 2011


Well, what route you take to figure out what's going on depends on the details. Physical? Mental? Relationship issues? (Doctor, therapist or psychiatrist, couples therapy).
posted by zippy at 7:22 PM on October 18, 2011


Best answer: Is it mental? Physical? A combination of both? I recommend a blood test as a first step. Thyroid, common vitamin deficiencies, and especially low testosterone may be some physical reasons. Also, if you masturbate a lot, that can kill the drive for person to person sex. So, basically, your general every day doctor can be a big help there.

For mental and communication issues, I suggest a therapist. There is a wide variety of them, at a huge variety of prices (ask about sliding scales! If you don't like therapist A, try therapist B!) Depending on how big your issue, you may want to look into an actual sex therapist. But that's the big guns and might be more artillery than you need.

What time do you prefer sex? If shes a buttcrack of dawn type and you're an evening, it can be hard to get both people in bed and happy and aroused. Stress at work/life/home can drop sex drives, and so can advancing age and ill health.
posted by Jacen at 7:24 PM on October 18, 2011


There are a variety of issues that can cause loss of sex drive in men. You should visit a physician, who may run blood tests to see if this is symptomatic of an endocrine problem, or can refer you to something to treat psychological causes.
posted by grouse at 7:26 PM on October 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I think a basic question is: are you uninterested in having sex with anyone or just her? The former might be physical doctor, the latter, therapist.
posted by anitanita at 7:26 PM on October 18, 2011 [4 favorites]


Do you have a desire to have sex with other people? I guess part of the solution would be to figure out whether this is an issue concerning you and her, or one concerning you and your sex drive.
posted by threeants at 7:27 PM on October 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


Do you have a desire to have sex at all?
posted by dgeiser13 at 7:46 PM on October 18, 2011


Begin with a trip to your general practitioner. Before you go, make a list of answers to questions you might be asked, such as "have you lost interest in this one person sexually, or in sex in general?" and "do you masturbate, and if so, do you have difficulty getting aroused?"
posted by davejay at 8:06 PM on October 18, 2011 [1 favorite]


I recently read an article about Asexuality. Maybe it's not you, but it could be a consideration.
posted by empatterson at 11:00 PM on October 18, 2011


I think a basic question is: are you uninterested in having sex with anyone or just her? The former might be physical doctor, the latter, therapist.

Really? If it's the latter, I think the right answer is to break up already, and not waste money on therapy.
posted by roofus at 3:18 AM on October 19, 2011


Response by poster: Thank you for all your help. I think I will see a therapist.
posted by Peeekay at 11:39 AM on October 19, 2011


I experienced this. I dated a girl for a long time and never really wanted to have sex with her, even though she was beautiful and sexy -- a model -- and I loved her. And I mean that I REALLY didn't want to have sex with her, to the point of making up excuses to avoid us going to bed at the same time. Only at the end of our relationship did I find out that she was sleeping with other people the whole time.

My theory is that I could subconsciously smell it on her, and that made me not want to have sex with her.

Whatever the case, I'm now with another person who I'm very attracted to sexually, and the sexual dysfunction I thought was physical is entirely gone.

Maybe some people just don't do it for each other, no matter what the attraction otherwise.
posted by coolguymichael at 12:31 PM on October 19, 2011


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