Forget it, I'm registering at the dollar store.
October 14, 2011 9:05 AM Subscribe
Do I have to register at Big Box Red Store, even if I hate this store, just to be "polite?"
(Friends act flabbergasted/annoyed and say we should register at BBRS basically because it's convenient for them. Rant inside about why I don't think we need to register there.)
I live in MN, home of BBRS, and I refuse to shop there for political/ethical reasons. I also avoid Big Box Blue/White Store.
(I'm not using store names because Admins have had to retroactively edit a question I wrote several years ago about a company after legal threats from said company).
ShadeDude and I are engaged and we have had multiple people harangue us about why we haven't registered at BBRS or a department store. We have registered with Amazon and at another national house-y store. Amazon is online only, obviously, and the other store is brick-and-mortar and online.
The wedding will be small-ish and we don't need much stuff and I think two registries are adequate. Nothing is over $200 and there is a wide variety of prices and gift options (Rubber chicken on Amazon, FTW!). So, I think we've got solid arguments against prohibitive costs and availability of stuff.
I live in MN, home of BBRS, and I refuse to shop there for political/ethical reasons. I also avoid Big Box Blue/White Store.
(I'm not using store names because Admins have had to retroactively edit a question I wrote several years ago about a company after legal threats from said company).
ShadeDude and I are engaged and we have had multiple people harangue us about why we haven't registered at BBRS or a department store. We have registered with Amazon and at another national house-y store. Amazon is online only, obviously, and the other store is brick-and-mortar and online.
The wedding will be small-ish and we don't need much stuff and I think two registries are adequate. Nothing is over $200 and there is a wide variety of prices and gift options (Rubber chicken on Amazon, FTW!). So, I think we've got solid arguments against prohibitive costs and availability of stuff.
What could possibly be more convenient than a registry at Amazon? You don't even have to put pants on to shop there. Tell your friends that you're not registered at BBRS, but you are registered at two other places, and if that's not good enough for them you will also welcome cash.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:09 AM on October 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:09 AM on October 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
Of course you don't have to register there, or anywhere at all for that matter. I think the whole idea of gift registries at all is rude.
posted by Violet Hour at 9:12 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Violet Hour at 9:12 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: I think you're fine. Even having a registry is a personal choice, much less where you choose, but you sound like you've done your footwork in thoughtfulness to your friends already: you've registered for their convenience, you picked out lower-priced items and a wide variety of options, and I'm assuming the "national house-y store" is available close by to where you live as well. I agree that they're not being very polite if they keep bugging you about it - your explanations sound more than sufficient.
posted by flex at 9:13 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by flex at 9:13 AM on October 14, 2011
I'm going in the camp of "you are right to do this." If someone asks, reply that you don't like BBRS or BBB/WS. Tell them "for realz yo, I know you are on teh facebooks all day, you gots teh intertubes, you can go hit the amazons and go click click click done. quit yo bitchin or gtfo of my weddin, b."
Okay, don't say that. But you are right to do what you want, and you've made it thoroughly easy using Amazon.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:14 AM on October 14, 2011 [6 favorites]
Okay, don't say that. But you are right to do what you want, and you've made it thoroughly easy using Amazon.
posted by Mister Fabulous at 9:14 AM on October 14, 2011 [6 favorites]
Register where ever you want. My fiancee and I tend to agree with Violet Hour. Our wedding is next week and we didn't register anywhere until two weeks ago, at Amazon, because our friends and clients kept asking us and gave us blank stares when we said we weren't registered anywhere.
I think registries are stupid-rude.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I think registries are stupid-rude.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
If this bothers you for political/ethical reasons, I would not register. I would also just prepare a few sentence blurb that you cut and paste into email or prepare to say 2 or 3 sentences if someone asks you why.
I'd make it as nonjudgemental as possible, but just say you personally don't like what they do and really don't want to support them. Then mention that you are registered at X, Y with a wide range of prices (like to your rubber chicken) -- you could even say you don't even need anything, but you just want to see your friends on that special day (only say this last bit if you mean it of course).
You could also just post 2 sentences on social media if you use it (and have a locked acct) -- a link to an article and just a sentence saying --I know everyone loves this company, here is why it bothers me for those of you who asked about this.
If it is really, really important to you --tell them in your email reply/verbal reply because this will be the gift that keeps on giving ...people will know not to give you gifts from there now and in the future.
posted by Wolfster at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011
I'd make it as nonjudgemental as possible, but just say you personally don't like what they do and really don't want to support them. Then mention that you are registered at X, Y with a wide range of prices (like to your rubber chicken) -- you could even say you don't even need anything, but you just want to see your friends on that special day (only say this last bit if you mean it of course).
You could also just post 2 sentences on social media if you use it (and have a locked acct) -- a link to an article and just a sentence saying --I know everyone loves this company, here is why it bothers me for those of you who asked about this.
If it is really, really important to you --tell them in your email reply/verbal reply because this will be the gift that keeps on giving ...people will know not to give you gifts from there now and in the future.
posted by Wolfster at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011
Best answer: While part of me questions the tackiness of insisting that gifts being given to you out of generosity must be from a certain store, another larger part wonders why your friends and family should make a big deal about it. Are they wanting to buy you a gift but only if it is convenient to them while they are out shopping? Since your views are not just a preference but one based on passionate political/ethical reasons a good friend would respect that and shop accordingly.
If those wanting to buy you a gift want to buy it from BBRS they can. They can look at what you register for at Amazon or wherever, and then buy that same item at BBRS or wherever.
No, you are not being unreasonable in the least. Your friends/families are the ones being rude
posted by 2manyusernames at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011 [5 favorites]
If those wanting to buy you a gift want to buy it from BBRS they can. They can look at what you register for at Amazon or wherever, and then buy that same item at BBRS or wherever.
No, you are not being unreasonable in the least. Your friends/families are the ones being rude
posted by 2manyusernames at 9:15 AM on October 14, 2011 [5 favorites]
IIRC, you can make a registry at BBRS that only includes gift cards. Alternatively, you can investigate their return policy on registry-purchased items. Having a local outlet makes it that much easier to return.
But no, you're not being unreasonable in the slightest.
posted by supercres at 9:18 AM on October 14, 2011
But no, you're not being unreasonable in the slightest.
posted by supercres at 9:18 AM on October 14, 2011
Response by poster: Great advice so far. And as far as politicking, I avoid sharing my thoughts about BBRS unless asked. I am more vocal about it when it comes to non-gifty occasions, such as buying groceries, but I would never lecture someone about "How dare you buy us an unethical gift!!". I just say we're not registered there and only go into detail if folks ask.
posted by ShadePlant at 9:18 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by ShadePlant at 9:18 AM on October 14, 2011
Oh, geez. I just thought about my first sentence. Gift cards are a bad idea for obvious reasons. Put easily-returnable stuff on it if you want to be more accommodating than you should.
posted by supercres at 9:21 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by supercres at 9:21 AM on October 14, 2011
I also think that registries can be kind of tacky and rude, but on the other hand, they are terribly convenient for things like weddings and baby showers. When a whole bunch of people are shopping for gifts, it's easy for them to check the registry and see what's already been taken care of, and what hasn't, which eliminates a lot of hassle with exchanges etc. for the newlyweds or new parents. But yeah, register where you want, it's your wedding.
I mean, they can always look it up on Amazon and go buy it at BBRS if they want, it'll just foul up the registry a bit.
posted by xedrik at 9:22 AM on October 14, 2011
I mean, they can always look it up on Amazon and go buy it at BBRS if they want, it'll just foul up the registry a bit.
posted by xedrik at 9:22 AM on October 14, 2011
I think it's nice to consider what stores are convenient for your guests and set up at least one registry that's at an easily accessible brick & mortar. Some people really don't like online shopping. Online shopping also requires forethought and planning, and lots of gifts are purchased at the last minute. At least one registry at Macy's or something like that might be really helpful for your guests. But ultimately, it's your decision.
posted by litnerd at 9:26 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by litnerd at 9:26 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
I registered at BBRS and really, really regretted it. There was some glitch with our registry that meant we ended up with multiples of things, and they made it incredibly difficult to return or exchange things - sometimes even WITH gift receipts. On the other hand, I created a universal gift list through Amazon for our foster parenting, and have loved it. It even has the option of marking a gift "purchased elsewhere" and removing it from the active registry. So, aside from ethical concerns, I think Amazon is a much better way to go for your own sanity.
posted by SeedStitch at 9:27 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by SeedStitch at 9:27 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: You don't have to register at a store you don't like. You don't have to register anywhere. They don't have to buy you things off your registry. They don't, technically, have to buy you anything at all. They are definitey rude to be bugging you about this.
posted by DestinationUnknown at 9:27 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by DestinationUnknown at 9:27 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
A little tangential, but not everyone is comfortable shopping online - so if the two online stores are the only places you have registered, you may want to consider one brick-and-mortar store for the technophobes. This certainly does NOT have to be any big box store you dislike. The benefit of big box stores is that they are ubiquitous, so people who don't live in your town can shop at the store you've registered with, but this is YOUR wedding and you don't have to register anywhere at all if you don't want to. I vote with everyone else who says don't register at BBRS. Maybe give a thought, though, to whether or not you need a non-online option of some sort.
posted by arcticwoman at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by arcticwoman at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Maybe they can charge at the bbrs and that's why it's easier for them to shop there? Or their kids' schools get points? You can tell them what you want and they can buy the stuff wherever. Crockpots are available all over.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by Ideefixe at 9:34 AM on October 14, 2011
It is really tacky and rude for people to insist you register at their choice of store. People could easily just give you cash or a check if it is "too hard" for them to shop online or at the brick and mortar store you picked. I don't think you need the added stress of having to deal with this when you are already planning your wedding, either.
Do you have a designated groomsman/bridesmaid that can tell people, "Hey, they're registered at Amazon and this other place, and that's what they need, but if you're uncomfortable with that, maybe you can chip in with someone else or just do your own thing."
posted by misha at 9:35 AM on October 14, 2011
Do you have a designated groomsman/bridesmaid that can tell people, "Hey, they're registered at Amazon and this other place, and that's what they need, but if you're uncomfortable with that, maybe you can chip in with someone else or just do your own thing."
posted by misha at 9:35 AM on October 14, 2011
Nope, you don't have to register anywhere you don't want to register. For any reason, political, social, or otherwise. Besides, if someone is really stuck on buying you something from Target, they can find Target's store on Amazon, and buy it that way.
posted by honeybee413 at 9:36 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by honeybee413 at 9:36 AM on October 14, 2011
Response by poster: House-y store is brick and mortar and nation-wide, FWIW.
Ideefixe, we thought about the charge-card thing when my mother mailed us an engagement gift from a large national department store. The gift got lost in delivery and was damaged when we got it, but I know my mom has credit at this store. Credit or not, she was livid when we told her the gift had been broken. The store also made it pretty difficult to return the gift. Because of these shenanigans, we're avoiding this store even though we (and other people we know) have credit there.
*I also fondly recall my grandma saying "pick something nice out of the AB Henny catalogue for $30" for the holidays because she could only get all the grandkids presents with her charge card. :)
posted by ShadePlant at 9:41 AM on October 14, 2011
Ideefixe, we thought about the charge-card thing when my mother mailed us an engagement gift from a large national department store. The gift got lost in delivery and was damaged when we got it, but I know my mom has credit at this store. Credit or not, she was livid when we told her the gift had been broken. The store also made it pretty difficult to return the gift. Because of these shenanigans, we're avoiding this store even though we (and other people we know) have credit there.
*I also fondly recall my grandma saying "pick something nice out of the AB Henny catalogue for $30" for the holidays because she could only get all the grandkids presents with her charge card. :)
posted by ShadePlant at 9:41 AM on October 14, 2011
I'm guessing you are having trouble in one of two categories: (1) the number of people that have asked you to register with BBRS are few in number, but insist that they are speaking for many; or (2) you are dealing with people who are not inclined to shop online.
(1) What I've found with wedding planning is that you tend to have a few people that are always telling you that you need to do X, Y or Z because otherwise a bunch of people will feel alienated. This, however, is untrue. The person is telling you to do X so that he, and only he, will feel better, or the person telling you to do X has no idea what he's talking about and doesn't really care if you do X. The number of actually people affected by X will be few if any. If you don't to X, you may be surprised to find out that nobody cares.
My point being, if one or two people want you to register at BBRS, then odds are that (a) they think they are speaking for people but don't know what they're talking about, and (b) they don't personally need you to register at BBRS. It's up to you to figure that out.
(2) Odds are that you know exactly who doesn't shop online. If that's the case, seek them out individually and try to figure out solutions as to each. Tell them they can go off-registry or something.
Ultimately, I do not think you need to register at BBRS just to be polite. I think there are ways to get around it. "Politeness" may force you to do all sorts of stupid and unnecessary shit, may require you to compromise your principles, may cost you a bunch of money for nothing, all for your wedding. Often, it is not actual politeness, but perceived politeness by people who project it onto the generic people.
Good luck.
posted by jabberjaw at 9:42 AM on October 14, 2011
(1) What I've found with wedding planning is that you tend to have a few people that are always telling you that you need to do X, Y or Z because otherwise a bunch of people will feel alienated. This, however, is untrue. The person is telling you to do X so that he, and only he, will feel better, or the person telling you to do X has no idea what he's talking about and doesn't really care if you do X. The number of actually people affected by X will be few if any. If you don't to X, you may be surprised to find out that nobody cares.
My point being, if one or two people want you to register at BBRS, then odds are that (a) they think they are speaking for people but don't know what they're talking about, and (b) they don't personally need you to register at BBRS. It's up to you to figure that out.
(2) Odds are that you know exactly who doesn't shop online. If that's the case, seek them out individually and try to figure out solutions as to each. Tell them they can go off-registry or something.
Ultimately, I do not think you need to register at BBRS just to be polite. I think there are ways to get around it. "Politeness" may force you to do all sorts of stupid and unnecessary shit, may require you to compromise your principles, may cost you a bunch of money for nothing, all for your wedding. Often, it is not actual politeness, but perceived politeness by people who project it onto the generic people.
Good luck.
posted by jabberjaw at 9:42 AM on October 14, 2011
Response by poster: Also, the only person we've identified who doesn't shop online is ShadeDude's awesome, 80 y/o Japanese ex-pat Grandma. She likes to play gambling games on the Wii, but doesn't internet.
posted by ShadePlant at 9:46 AM on October 14, 2011
posted by ShadePlant at 9:46 AM on October 14, 2011
Best answer: You're fine, and the people complaining are whiny babies. You don't have to elaborate on the reasons for your choice, just "You can find our registries here and here." If you want to add more: "We registered at those places with our guests' convenience in mind. We're sorry if it's not working out for you, but we are simply too busy with wedding planning to create another registry."
It's not like anyone has to go by the registry anyway. People are going to buy you crystal towel racks and Australian waterproof ice cream grills whether you want them or not.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:59 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
It's not like anyone has to go by the registry anyway. People are going to buy you crystal towel racks and Australian waterproof ice cream grills whether you want them or not.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:59 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Friends act flabbergasted/annoyed and say we should register at BBRS basically because it's convenient for them.
Remind them that the reason you are getting married is NOT "to give them a convenient reason to shop."
And then tell them that a cranky lady in New York told them "it's your FRIENDS' wedding, what THEY say goes, so suck it up, and if you want to have a registry at this store so bad YOU get married and register there."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:03 AM on October 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
Remind them that the reason you are getting married is NOT "to give them a convenient reason to shop."
And then tell them that a cranky lady in New York told them "it's your FRIENDS' wedding, what THEY say goes, so suck it up, and if you want to have a registry at this store so bad YOU get married and register there."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:03 AM on October 14, 2011 [4 favorites]
I refused to register for any store for my wedding, mostly because I was so beyond embarrassed at the prospect of tagging a bunch of stuff for what was essentially a "wish list." I just couldn't get beyond that on a personal level of Tackiness Quotient of choosing gifts for people to give to me. I have no problems with buying people stuff from a registry (I don't know anyone who HASN'T had a registry, let's put it that way..), but for me, it just makes me completely uncomfortable. I just brushed away the somewhat rude comments from people that I was making things difficult for THEM (what a dumb thing to say. seriously.) by saying that I was happy just to have them attending my wedding and that I wasn't having the wedding for the purpose of receiving gifts, I was having it to celebrate my marriage with all the people important to me. I'm stubborn, though, so YMMV.
Worst case, if you're really feeling like you HAVE to register for something other than the Amazon stuff, you could always see if whatever dish pattern or bedspread or whatever larger-ticket matching item type thing is available in a brick and mortar store (Macys... that sort of thing) and just register for that. And that's it.
Either way, people are lame. Good for you for keeping it simple and hope you have a very happy wedding.
posted by takoukla at 10:04 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Worst case, if you're really feeling like you HAVE to register for something other than the Amazon stuff, you could always see if whatever dish pattern or bedspread or whatever larger-ticket matching item type thing is available in a brick and mortar store (Macys... that sort of thing) and just register for that. And that's it.
Either way, people are lame. Good for you for keeping it simple and hope you have a very happy wedding.
posted by takoukla at 10:04 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I love the Empress's cranky NY lady's attitude!
I'm shocked by the responses that imply that you need to be thoughtful and accommodating to your guests. People have become so lazy, physically and intellectually, that it's aburden to put some thought into a gift and go get one.
posted by Dolley at 10:05 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
I'm shocked by the responses that imply that you need to be thoughtful and accommodating to your guests. People have become so lazy, physically and intellectually, that it's aburden to put some thought into a gift and go get one.
posted by Dolley at 10:05 AM on October 14, 2011 [2 favorites]
Don't register there.
If someone gets some sort of benefit from shopping at the Red place than they can look on your registry and get something from Big Red that's on the registry. You might get double but that's why you can return things.
Also, I wouldn't think any less of you if you told them to stick their head up their butt for trying to tell you where to register. I've always figured the registry was for family that you don't see often and as a way to not end up with 50 coffee makers.
posted by theichibun at 10:11 AM on October 14, 2011
If someone gets some sort of benefit from shopping at the Red place than they can look on your registry and get something from Big Red that's on the registry. You might get double but that's why you can return things.
Also, I wouldn't think any less of you if you told them to stick their head up their butt for trying to tell you where to register. I've always figured the registry was for family that you don't see often and as a way to not end up with 50 coffee makers.
posted by theichibun at 10:11 AM on October 14, 2011
Registries are not rude unless you are using them to tell people "you must get me a gift and it must be from this list". Most people who use them are giving you ideas of what they would like and, yes trying to avoid duplicates (like the 4 different stand mixers gifted to a newly married couple I know). In that vein, let them know you aren't registered there because you don't want anything that only comes from that store. Anything you want that is available there, they can go get and mark it bought on your current registries.
A comment to them about how you don't need another thing to do or point of stress right now would be appropriate. Maybe they will realize how uncouth it is to harangue you about this.
posted by soelo at 10:19 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
A comment to them about how you don't need another thing to do or point of stress right now would be appropriate. Maybe they will realize how uncouth it is to harangue you about this.
posted by soelo at 10:19 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just tell them they don't have to get you anything at all if it's that inconvenient for them. I mean, say it nicely, not passive-aggressively. And mean it, as presumably you would rather not get a gift from someone than get a gift from Target that you're going to feel bad about.
posted by mskyle at 10:22 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mskyle at 10:22 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
You can also have a third party tell people "No, they're not registered there. Their registries are at X and Y. But if you want to shop somewhere else, they did say they could use ____" And fill in the blank with something easy to find that you'd be happy to have various of. Eg white sheets, towels, tablecloths, etc.
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:43 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by LobsterMitten at 10:43 AM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm big on registries being a convenience for your guests (people who complain registries are for lazy or thoughtless guests must come from small families that don't have a lot of weddings for third cousins twice removed), but if you've already got one online and one national brick & mortar? They can suck it up, you've made it convenient for who wish to get you a gift and prefer to buy it off a registry.
(And that's just bizarre behavior -- I can understand complaining that there's NO registry, though it's still tacky to bitch about it, but complaining that the couple didn't register at the store of YOUR choice? So weird.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:17 AM on October 14, 2011
(And that's just bizarre behavior -- I can understand complaining that there's NO registry, though it's still tacky to bitch about it, but complaining that the couple didn't register at the store of YOUR choice? So weird.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:17 AM on October 14, 2011
I agree that your family is being rude to complain, as you've given them options. You don't want to register there should really be reason enough, but if you feel compelled to give a non-political reason for having avoided Target, they are the WORST at customer service, even for registries. (Maybe especially for registries). One of our registry items worth about $40 got stuck on the registry, and no one could remove it, no matter what, apparently. We received 2 at the shower AND 2 at the wedding. Even though the failure to remove it from the registry was all their fault, they wouldn't let us return them, even for store credit. Such a hassle.
I tell everyone I know not to register there.
In contrast, Bed Bath & Beyond was INCREDIBLE about customer service, and somehow gave us store credit for those items that Target wouldn't, even though they didn't sell the same item. Couldn't have been happier with our experience there.
posted by terilou at 11:59 AM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
I tell everyone I know not to register there.
In contrast, Bed Bath & Beyond was INCREDIBLE about customer service, and somehow gave us store credit for those items that Target wouldn't, even though they didn't sell the same item. Couldn't have been happier with our experience there.
posted by terilou at 11:59 AM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]
I also registered at bbrs and had endless problems. It was the biggest headache and I will never ever do it again. ever.
They updated their website about 3 weeks prior to my baby shower and I was completely locked out of my registry the entire time. When I spoke to their customer service they said it would be down for 3-4 weeks. Since then their entire site has been down numerous times (as recent as yesterday) due to "heavy traffic". Unless you go into the store and physically scan the items 75% of your registry will be only available online anyways and that kind of defeats the purpose. The other major issue is that they change their stock so often you have to constantly update your registry and change your items out or there will be nothing for anyone to purchase. The issue of duplicates has been mentioned and is true. The purchased items do not get registered correctly in their system. When returning items they will only give you a store giftcard so you are forced to shop with them. Lastly, when returning duplicates, I was told I could return no more than 75$ worth of merchandise in one day. I am not sure what they expected to happen if the one item was over 75$.
A quick Google search regarding their registries with confirm all of this. I reccomend myregistry.com, we were able to register at several online retailers, including Amazon and Etsy, with one master list.
posted by Pork n Beans at 12:54 PM on October 14, 2011
They updated their website about 3 weeks prior to my baby shower and I was completely locked out of my registry the entire time. When I spoke to their customer service they said it would be down for 3-4 weeks. Since then their entire site has been down numerous times (as recent as yesterday) due to "heavy traffic". Unless you go into the store and physically scan the items 75% of your registry will be only available online anyways and that kind of defeats the purpose. The other major issue is that they change their stock so often you have to constantly update your registry and change your items out or there will be nothing for anyone to purchase. The issue of duplicates has been mentioned and is true. The purchased items do not get registered correctly in their system. When returning items they will only give you a store giftcard so you are forced to shop with them. Lastly, when returning duplicates, I was told I could return no more than 75$ worth of merchandise in one day. I am not sure what they expected to happen if the one item was over 75$.
A quick Google search regarding their registries with confirm all of this. I reccomend myregistry.com, we were able to register at several online retailers, including Amazon and Etsy, with one master list.
posted by Pork n Beans at 12:54 PM on October 14, 2011
Registries are rude?? I mean, I get the idea that it can feel tacky picking out all that stuff for yourself, but nobody's forced to actually buy those specific things. I really appreciate registries because I want to give people something they want, not something that's just going to sit around collecting dust. Or something that they're going to have to return, along with all the other crap they want to return -- that just creates a huge hassle for them. And no matter how much you tell people 'oh you don't need to get us anything, we're just celebrating our love', most people find it incredibly rude to go to a wedding and not bring a gift. They WILL buy and bring a gift, no matter what you say. So give them a hand and let them know what you would like [/rant].
The complainers are lame and annoying. The only reason those complainers would have any right to complain is if you were exclusively registered at expensive stores (well, even then they wouldn't have a right to complain to you, and they could still very well go buy you something somewhere else). And as you've stated, the items you've registered for are reasonably priced and there is a brick-and-mortar option. It would be tacky if you told people they shouldn't or couldn't buy you something from BBRS, so I would steer clear of that. Maybe this is something to say to them: "we registered at Amazon and [other] because we were really drawn to the items they have, but of course we would appreciate any gift you bring!"
posted by imalaowai at 1:53 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
The complainers are lame and annoying. The only reason those complainers would have any right to complain is if you were exclusively registered at expensive stores (well, even then they wouldn't have a right to complain to you, and they could still very well go buy you something somewhere else). And as you've stated, the items you've registered for are reasonably priced and there is a brick-and-mortar option. It would be tacky if you told people they shouldn't or couldn't buy you something from BBRS, so I would steer clear of that. Maybe this is something to say to them: "we registered at Amazon and [other] because we were really drawn to the items they have, but of course we would appreciate any gift you bring!"
posted by imalaowai at 1:53 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
The single best online registry is giftb.ag.
The joy of this site is that it doesn't sell anything. You can link to products anywhere online! You can also just add stuff that you made up, or that you couldn't find a link to. It's totally store agnostic.
People can still mark things off the list just like a normal store registry, so there's really no downside.
Even if you only want to use one store, if their registry interface or software sucks, you can use giftb.ag to go around them.
posted by tiamat at 2:01 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
The joy of this site is that it doesn't sell anything. You can link to products anywhere online! You can also just add stuff that you made up, or that you couldn't find a link to. It's totally store agnostic.
People can still mark things off the list just like a normal store registry, so there's really no downside.
Even if you only want to use one store, if their registry interface or software sucks, you can use giftb.ag to go around them.
posted by tiamat at 2:01 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
As someone with no intention of ever being married but who attends a fair number of weddings, I LOVE registries! I can get my friends something they actually need/want instead of something that will wind up in their first garage sale and/or that will duplicate someone else's gift. Perfect!
That said, don't register anywhere you don't really, really want to. If Amazon covers your bases, stick with it. After all, it's not like people HAVE to buy stuff that's on the registry.
posted by coolguymichael at 2:43 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
That said, don't register anywhere you don't really, really want to. If Amazon covers your bases, stick with it. After all, it's not like people HAVE to buy stuff that's on the registry.
posted by coolguymichael at 2:43 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
An argument in favor of registries--many people want to get you a gift when attending your wedding. If they can't find a store you are registered at then you run the risk of getting many many ornate gold picture frames, wooden ducks, precious moments statues and random things from random stores that aren't returnable because it may not be clear where it even came from.
If you don't want any things at all, you can do a philanthropic registry through the I Do foundation. Guests can donate in your name to a charity of your choice and the website will track who gave so you can make sure to thank them. I did this and the funds are going to Human Rights Campaign's Marriage Equality campaign.
posted by dottiechang at 2:47 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you don't want any things at all, you can do a philanthropic registry through the I Do foundation. Guests can donate in your name to a charity of your choice and the website will track who gave so you can make sure to thank them. I did this and the funds are going to Human Rights Campaign's Marriage Equality campaign.
posted by dottiechang at 2:47 PM on October 14, 2011 [1 favorite]
I love registries and wish lists, but then I have a big spread-out family and I don't really feel like playing 20 questions with five siblings and four parents and a sister-in-law about what to get (a total of 15) people I haven't been able to see in five years, twice annually plus special events. Said people also ask me flat-out what I want. Guessing is hard and tends to result in traumatizing situations (or, e.g., my mother buying me Monopoly stuff... I have SO MUCH of that now, including four themed copies of the game.)
Anyway, you've more than satisfied any necessary courtesy to your guests by registering in two places. Heck, Amazon lets you ask for stuff from anywhere now (I have an IKEA bedspread and some cute Etsy stuff on my Amazon wishlist.) I don't think I've ever been invited to a wedding that had more than two store registries - they're an enormous pain to coordinate. Usually my friends just go to Bed, Bath & Beyond and call it a day.
posted by SMPA at 4:11 PM on October 14, 2011
Anyway, you've more than satisfied any necessary courtesy to your guests by registering in two places. Heck, Amazon lets you ask for stuff from anywhere now (I have an IKEA bedspread and some cute Etsy stuff on my Amazon wishlist.) I don't think I've ever been invited to a wedding that had more than two store registries - they're an enormous pain to coordinate. Usually my friends just go to Bed, Bath & Beyond and call it a day.
posted by SMPA at 4:11 PM on October 14, 2011
The skeptical/practical side of my personality wonders if some the folks who wish you would register at BBRS, which has it's HQ in your city, also have or know someone who has an employee discount. That would certainly be "convenient" for them. No matter, weddings are a matter of etiquette and we must never speak of such things, even if we think them.
Likewise, etiquette requires that if you have a registry your guests should honor it without complaining or making special requests. You are being polite to invite them to share in your happiness as you celebrate your wedding. They would be polite to congratulate you and participate as you request.
posted by Robert Angelo at 8:48 PM on October 14, 2011
Likewise, etiquette requires that if you have a registry your guests should honor it without complaining or making special requests. You are being polite to invite them to share in your happiness as you celebrate your wedding. They would be polite to congratulate you and participate as you request.
posted by Robert Angelo at 8:48 PM on October 14, 2011
I'm sorry to have to tell you that people are going to get you whatever tacky crap they feel like, regardless of what you register for, anyway -- I say this from chagrined personal experience, although I was careful to register for many <>
Congrats on your wedding, don't worry about this stuff.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:13 PM on October 14, 2011
Congrats on your wedding, don't worry about this stuff.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:13 PM on October 14, 2011
(sigh - posting fail)
... for many under- $20 items, on Amazon and elsewhere. So register for whatever you want. It does not make a lick of difference. Your friends like shopping at Target; and will probably wind up getting you gifts from Target because that is what they like... and if it makes you feel better, you'll still be doing better than me and my (used) popcorn popper, etc...
Congrats on your wedding, don't worry about this stuff.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:16 PM on October 14, 2011
... for many under- $20 items, on Amazon and elsewhere. So register for whatever you want. It does not make a lick of difference. Your friends like shopping at Target; and will probably wind up getting you gifts from Target because that is what they like... and if it makes you feel better, you'll still be doing better than me and my (used) popcorn popper, etc...
Congrats on your wedding, don't worry about this stuff.
posted by fingersandtoes at 11:16 PM on October 14, 2011
How awesome would it be, though, if you actually registered at the Dollar Store, like the name of this thread, just for the silly people who were giving you a hard time about your registries?
You could go in to the Dollar Store and register for 50 packs of gum, or 25 packs of little green army men!
posted by misha at 11:56 PM on October 14, 2011
You could go in to the Dollar Store and register for 50 packs of gum, or 25 packs of little green army men!
posted by misha at 11:56 PM on October 14, 2011
Stick to your guns about the registries. These people giving you a hard time are the ones being rude. They shouldn't even be talking to you about where you've registered. That's something that should be communicated through the wedding party and other close family and friends.
When and if people do complain, just answer "We have registered at x and y, but the most important thing for us is sharing our wedding with you." Anyone tacky enough to respond by complaining about where to shop at that point isn't worth worrying about.
posted by GilvearSt at 8:30 AM on October 15, 2011
When and if people do complain, just answer "We have registered at x and y, but the most important thing for us is sharing our wedding with you." Anyone tacky enough to respond by complaining about where to shop at that point isn't worth worrying about.
posted by GilvearSt at 8:30 AM on October 15, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by kendrak at 9:08 AM on October 14, 2011 [3 favorites]