about we go back to YOUR place?
September 18, 2011 7:49 AM   Subscribe

How can I a single guy in an open relationship, arrange logistics to date/hang out with other women when I can't hang out in my apartment?

My girlfriend and I have been together for a long time and have decided to open our relationship. I am interested in meeting women of the opposite sex and if everything goes good probably hang out in private spaces and what not. How do I go about meeting women that are interested in a guy in an open relationship? and in the case that I do meet them (I understand this is already a difficult task), how do I handle logistics regarding a place where to umm "hang'? (assuming we are past the point of dates). If you are or have been in an open relationship, how do you negotiate these logistics?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
If you're in an open relationship and the third part knows this, the part where you get to getting it on will have very clear boundaries. The event will will not be a surprise, because all three parties will know this is on the very, very short term cards. This is what God invented hotels for.
posted by DarlingBri at 7:54 AM on September 18, 2011 [8 favorites]

Presumably your new lady friend does not live in a closet that can only accommodate one person.

In terms of meeting them, it depends on what you want to meet them for. If its just sex, try Craigslist and dating sites. If you want something more, meet them the traditional way--or dating sites.
posted by Elminster24 at 8:09 AM on September 18, 2011

Well assuming you are bring honest with them, they will know you live with your girlfriend and that you can't go back to your place. So if they are interested in going some place private they'll suggest their place and if they don't it's fairly safe to assume they weren't just waiting for you to offer up your place.
posted by whoaali at 8:17 AM on September 18, 2011

How do I go about meeting women that are interested in a guy in an open relationship?

People I know who do or have done this seem to have found success on OKCupid. As for spaces: hotels, or sometimes the other person's house if they live alone or their partner is out and okay with it.
posted by rtha at 8:45 AM on September 18, 2011

If you're going to use online dating sites, use one that fits the bill. I have a friend who frequents "date hook up dot com" (or something like that) - and it works for him - just people looking for sex. Don't use sites like eharmony or match because those people trend towards looking for relationships.
posted by NoraCharles at 9:13 AM on September 18, 2011

[folks, can we focus on the quesiton and not "here's a funny polyamory quote?" thank you.]
posted by jessamyn at 9:59 AM on September 18, 2011

Why can't you "hang" at their places?

Assuming you're being honest with the other women you meet, it should be trivial to say, "We can't go back to my place, because my girlfriend is there. Let's go back to yours."

Failing that, DarlingBri's suggestion (hotels) is right on.
posted by lewedswiver at 11:12 AM on September 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

meeting women of the opposite sex
One can only hope. Do you have friends with apartments that they don't use during the day or who work nights? Rent The Apartment and see how this might work.
posted by Ideefixe at 11:40 AM on September 18, 2011 [2 favorites]

Finding a place to get together is the biggest pain in the ass of urban polyamory, what with roommates, significant others, and space at a premium. I have, in the past, scheduled time together for when my partner wasn't at home (check with your partner about this!), gone to their place and dealt with having roommates around, and gone to a decent hourly hotel. None of these things are ideal, unfortunately!
posted by the young rope-rider at 12:37 PM on September 18, 2011

Try looking on yelp for rooms that rent by the hour. It may not be classy, but it will get the job done :) Traditional hotels are better if you want something less seedy.

Otherwise some creative solutions include quiet parks late at night or your office after work hours.
posted by zemaj at 8:52 PM on September 19, 2011

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