How to be an ok person while doing animal rescue?
September 4, 2011 3:26 PM Subscribe
I have started being really active in the dog rescue community. I specifically work mostly with pugs and pug mixes (but I'll help any animal in any way I can, it's just so overwhelming and I love pugs so I have focused there) My problem is, how do I process and cope with the abuse?
Not for the squeamish!! I have to network with lots of dog rescues in my area to find homes and know where the dogs are that need rescuing. These rescues cope with some awful, I mean AWFUL animal abuse. I'm in Vegas which is bad but we also get animals from LA a lot and it's just, I don't even have words. I get sent pleas for help, with graphic photos that haunt me. I was recently sent information on a female dog who was sent on fire as she was giving birth resulting in the death of her and all the puppies. I mean, what the fuck? Anyhow, I will not stop doing the rescue work because I truly feel it's important and though I am but a drop in the ocean at least I AM a drop for the dogs I can help. Still, I can't un-know this stuff or get the pictures out of mind and I will burst into tears at the worst moments when the pictures flash into my mind. I can spend hours just crying and feeling awful and helpless but that is accomplishing nothing. How do you cope? People who work with abuse in animals or even humans, how do you compartmentalize this stuff so that your whole life isn't viewed through a lens of misery? I need to be able to maintain my life, a job my marriage... all that or I won't be able to keep doing rescue. Advice on coping?
Not for the squeamish!! I have to network with lots of dog rescues in my area to find homes and know where the dogs are that need rescuing. These rescues cope with some awful, I mean AWFUL animal abuse. I'm in Vegas which is bad but we also get animals from LA a lot and it's just, I don't even have words. I get sent pleas for help, with graphic photos that haunt me. I was recently sent information on a female dog who was sent on fire as she was giving birth resulting in the death of her and all the puppies. I mean, what the fuck? Anyhow, I will not stop doing the rescue work because I truly feel it's important and though I am but a drop in the ocean at least I AM a drop for the dogs I can help. Still, I can't un-know this stuff or get the pictures out of mind and I will burst into tears at the worst moments when the pictures flash into my mind. I can spend hours just crying and feeling awful and helpless but that is accomplishing nothing. How do you cope? People who work with abuse in animals or even humans, how do you compartmentalize this stuff so that your whole life isn't viewed through a lens of misery? I need to be able to maintain my life, a job my marriage... all that or I won't be able to keep doing rescue. Advice on coping?
I work in a hospital and I totally understand what you mean. I've seen abuse of adults and children. I guess what you have to try to remember is that you can't change what happened in their past, but you can affect their future. Talk to other people who do the same kind of thing - that always helps. But mostly, be proud of what you're doing because you're saving lives. Those pugs needs you! Big thanks from me and my pug buddy, Winston!
posted by fresh-rn at 3:52 PM on September 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by fresh-rn at 3:52 PM on September 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: I'm an RN too and for whatever reason, I cope a lot better with people problems. The pictures are usually attached to the pleas for help so it's hard to not see them. I do try to limit my exposure but it is unavoidable sometimes. (I have a foster pug named Winston right now! ) I didn't even mention all learned about "bait" dogs, which pugs are frequently used for...
posted by yodelingisfun at 3:58 PM on September 4, 2011
posted by yodelingisfun at 3:58 PM on September 4, 2011
I can understand this in a small way. Our dog was a rescue. She was used as a breeding bitch in a puppy mill, tied out to breed, kept in a cage, beaten, starved and burned. She was rescued with a litter of dead puppies. She was in horrendous shape when we got her and that was better than when she was released from the mill. The first months we had her, I would burst into tears imaging anyone had done this to this sweet, submissive, pleasing, loving creature.
Eventually my mind came to terms with the fact that this kind of cruelty was part of the backdrop of the world. It always had been but I just hadn't understood how normal that was. It took some time to absorb this in a way that less sharp. Seeing her improve and be happy helped too.
I think you have to have some boundaries. Stories and photos from the tragedies you cannot make better will just devastate you over and over. How do these stories come to you oor how do you come across them? Can you control any of that? Needing to know a dog in X needs rescuing doesn't mean you need to know every detail, right?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:03 PM on September 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Eventually my mind came to terms with the fact that this kind of cruelty was part of the backdrop of the world. It always had been but I just hadn't understood how normal that was. It took some time to absorb this in a way that less sharp. Seeing her improve and be happy helped too.
I think you have to have some boundaries. Stories and photos from the tragedies you cannot make better will just devastate you over and over. How do these stories come to you oor how do you come across them? Can you control any of that? Needing to know a dog in X needs rescuing doesn't mean you need to know every detail, right?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:03 PM on September 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Focus on the living.
Some of my volunteer work is with greyhound adoption groups. Most people know about the horrendous things that have been done to racing greyhounds that didn't earn their keep, so I will not go into that, but will say that things have improved from their worst. Yes, I have images of abuse seared into my brain like you would not believe, but what I do is keep the actual living dogs in the adoption kennels right front and center in my head. What happened to other greyhounds will not happen to the hounds that have made it to adoption groups, and I keep the focus on them.
I know it is hard. But you are making a difference with each dog you rescue and place. I've decided a picture of abuse cannot take the place of 40 smiling dogs when I go to the kennel, each getting ready for a permanent home.
Make your focus precise. Thank you for all you are doing to change lives for the better.
posted by vers at 4:06 PM on September 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Some of my volunteer work is with greyhound adoption groups. Most people know about the horrendous things that have been done to racing greyhounds that didn't earn their keep, so I will not go into that, but will say that things have improved from their worst. Yes, I have images of abuse seared into my brain like you would not believe, but what I do is keep the actual living dogs in the adoption kennels right front and center in my head. What happened to other greyhounds will not happen to the hounds that have made it to adoption groups, and I keep the focus on them.
I know it is hard. But you are making a difference with each dog you rescue and place. I've decided a picture of abuse cannot take the place of 40 smiling dogs when I go to the kennel, each getting ready for a permanent home.
Make your focus precise. Thank you for all you are doing to change lives for the better.
posted by vers at 4:06 PM on September 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
I was recently sent information on a female dog who was sent on fire as she was giving birth resulting in the death of her and all the puppies. I mean, what the fuck?
I would reply sternly asking what exactly you're supposed to rescue in that situation. People have no right to take advantage of your good nature by sending you actionless "hey, check out how nasty this is" messages. What, they thought you'd just like to know?
posted by rhizome at 4:21 PM on September 4, 2011 [6 favorites]
I would reply sternly asking what exactly you're supposed to rescue in that situation. People have no right to take advantage of your good nature by sending you actionless "hey, check out how nasty this is" messages. What, they thought you'd just like to know?
posted by rhizome at 4:21 PM on September 4, 2011 [6 favorites]
You're a better person than I could ever be. I've always made forays into working for animal welfare but I've always stopped short...thinking about being exposed to it, I think my brain would snap and I'd go on a spree before long. All I can do is give money.
But if I had the guts and the strength of character that you do, the way I'd get through it is by telling myself that by doing this work, I have become one of the best people in the world. God, can you imagine that? Being literally one of the best people on this planet of billions?
And, well, is there any way you can not look at the pictures and other material? As sick and murderous and full of righteous rage as it would make me to see it, do you need to look at a picture of a burned dog to do your job?
In the end, whenever that shit blinks in your head, just remember that there are many of us out there who, like me, think you are one of the awesomest people alive, and are eternally grateful for you making us realise that all hope isn't lost for our own species just yet.
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:34 PM on September 4, 2011
But if I had the guts and the strength of character that you do, the way I'd get through it is by telling myself that by doing this work, I have become one of the best people in the world. God, can you imagine that? Being literally one of the best people on this planet of billions?
And, well, is there any way you can not look at the pictures and other material? As sick and murderous and full of righteous rage as it would make me to see it, do you need to look at a picture of a burned dog to do your job?
In the end, whenever that shit blinks in your head, just remember that there are many of us out there who, like me, think you are one of the awesomest people alive, and are eternally grateful for you making us realise that all hope isn't lost for our own species just yet.
posted by tumid dahlia at 4:34 PM on September 4, 2011
If I were you, I would set up a special email address to use for your volunteer work. Change your settings so that images sent to this address are not displayed. Create a sig that asks people not to send you graphic images of abused animals, so everyone who deals with you will know your preference. No one will think less of you, or they do, they can go fuck themselves.
posted by bq at 4:39 PM on September 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by bq at 4:39 PM on September 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
Response by poster: Thanks all, I guess I'll just have to learn to deal better but in the meantime setting up a rescue only email account is a great idea and I will try to screen things even more. I think the folks who send out the really bad stuff feel they are educating people to the abuses that happen but I already KNOW all about that so seeing more of it just breaks my heart and wears me out. People are motivated differently I guess, the really bad abuse cases just make me want to curl up and whimper as opposed to making me want to go out and do more so I need to be more aware of that reaction in myself. So consider best answer to everyone, I'll take a little of everyone's advice and hopefully stay saner!
posted by yodelingisfun at 4:59 PM on September 4, 2011
posted by yodelingisfun at 4:59 PM on September 4, 2011
Response by poster: And just because it's a pet thread, my 3 rescues, Moby the terrible, Jill the weird and Yuki. All Jill was a puppy mill breeder too DarlingBri, her recover was what motivated me to start volunteering. It's amazing what these animals can endure and still be loving...
posted by yodelingisfun at 5:06 PM on September 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
posted by yodelingisfun at 5:06 PM on September 4, 2011 [5 favorites]
Just remember the old story about the starfish.
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
posted by wwax at 5:18 PM on September 4, 2011 [6 favorites]
Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.
One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.
As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.
He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"
The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."
"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.
To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."
Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"
At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."
posted by wwax at 5:18 PM on September 4, 2011 [6 favorites]
Oh wow, I don't even know where to start. I do rescue too. And I've seen some truly awful things. I've treated and/or fostered: a dog whose owners locked him outside with a compound fracture until he got gangrene, a cat whose head was set on fire, a cat whose owner neglected to take it to the vet after being hit by a car despite having a broken jaw and maggots in her eye, more kittens with ruptured eyes from untreated infections than you could shake a stick at, and plenty of others. The worst of the worst right? So I know that sick feeling that hits you like a ton of bricks when you see them, as well as the shaky rage that follows.
But what I do is to go to the animal immediately if they let me (and heartbreakingly, despite what they've been through, most of them do). I touch them and try to calm them and then I tell them something in my head. I tell them "I'm so very, very sorry for what they did to you. But you are safe now. I promise that I will help you as much as I possibly can. They failed you. I will not." This sounds kind of hokey, and to be honest I'm tempted to not post this comment. But having that little unheard conversation helps me so much. It lets me focus on our future together instead of what can not be undone. It also makes me feel bonded to that animal and more determined to keep it up when the going gets rough, or sad, or hard. Because I made a promise to that creature and I'll be goddamned if I'm going to let humans let it down twice. But a lot of the power of it is in the fact that I've said it so many times. The first few animals I rescued, I was almost begging with the promise. As in, if they just DON'T DIE, I'll make sure they never have to worry again. I'd be a wreck worrying that they wouldn't recover physically. Or that even if they did, they'd be too spiritually damaged to be adoptable. But! Animals are resilient. They surprise me time and time again. And the more animals I helped, the more faith I had in my ability to do so. And the easier it became to promise the next one that I would. At this point, it's just as calming for me as for them.
So I guess what I'm saying is to focus on the animal in front of you. You can't change the past. You also can't change the wold. But you can change everything for that one. And you will.
(Also sometimes you fail, but what's important is that you tried and acted in love and good faith. But you'll be shocked how often you succeed. Those terrible examples I gave you above? The dog with gangrene is the happiest little tripod on the planet. He lives with a great couple and likes to ride in lady's backpack while she's biking and causes the dude to swear life long allegiance to Pomeranians. The hit by car cat has a "unique" face, but was never the less adopted by a doting lady. She sleeps on her owner's bed despite having several of her own. The burned cat wound up with a decent scar, a wonky ear, and, once healed, a loving home with the good Samaritan who originally found him. And there's a lot of now grown, fat and happy cyclops cats in my social media feeds. So one foot in front of the other and don't lose focus or hope.)
posted by troublewithwolves at 5:53 PM on September 4, 2011 [20 favorites]
But what I do is to go to the animal immediately if they let me (and heartbreakingly, despite what they've been through, most of them do). I touch them and try to calm them and then I tell them something in my head. I tell them "I'm so very, very sorry for what they did to you. But you are safe now. I promise that I will help you as much as I possibly can. They failed you. I will not." This sounds kind of hokey, and to be honest I'm tempted to not post this comment. But having that little unheard conversation helps me so much. It lets me focus on our future together instead of what can not be undone. It also makes me feel bonded to that animal and more determined to keep it up when the going gets rough, or sad, or hard. Because I made a promise to that creature and I'll be goddamned if I'm going to let humans let it down twice. But a lot of the power of it is in the fact that I've said it so many times. The first few animals I rescued, I was almost begging with the promise. As in, if they just DON'T DIE, I'll make sure they never have to worry again. I'd be a wreck worrying that they wouldn't recover physically. Or that even if they did, they'd be too spiritually damaged to be adoptable. But! Animals are resilient. They surprise me time and time again. And the more animals I helped, the more faith I had in my ability to do so. And the easier it became to promise the next one that I would. At this point, it's just as calming for me as for them.
So I guess what I'm saying is to focus on the animal in front of you. You can't change the past. You also can't change the wold. But you can change everything for that one. And you will.
(Also sometimes you fail, but what's important is that you tried and acted in love and good faith. But you'll be shocked how often you succeed. Those terrible examples I gave you above? The dog with gangrene is the happiest little tripod on the planet. He lives with a great couple and likes to ride in lady's backpack while she's biking and causes the dude to swear life long allegiance to Pomeranians. The hit by car cat has a "unique" face, but was never the less adopted by a doting lady. She sleeps on her owner's bed despite having several of her own. The burned cat wound up with a decent scar, a wonky ear, and, once healed, a loving home with the good Samaritan who originally found him. And there's a lot of now grown, fat and happy cyclops cats in my social media feeds. So one foot in front of the other and don't lose focus or hope.)
posted by troublewithwolves at 5:53 PM on September 4, 2011 [20 favorites]
Asking for updates is also a great idea. I give my contact info to adopters with a little note that more or less says "Hey, I'd love to see how this ends. Please send pics once you get settled in!" People love to share photos of their pets and it makes me feel awesome to see them happy in their new homes. Totally makes it all worth it.
posted by troublewithwolves at 5:58 PM on September 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by troublewithwolves at 5:58 PM on September 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm a vet, and I've done extensive work over the years with rescues. I have found that some people *NEED* to feel like their animal was abused in order to put themselves in the role of supreme benevolent rescuer. This is fucked up, but you simply cannot change it. These people are attracted to what a colleague calls 'abuse p0rn', where they proliferate information showing the worst abuse. Steer clear of these people, their need to focus on such darkness is usually a precursor to minor dishonesty and a generally flaky standard of care.
Please do take care of yourself, make sure that you're taking on only the cases YOU can help. Type out a resource list or a FAQ for those you can't, and send them on their way knowing that your resources are being put to excellent use.
If you are like many of us who work in rescue, it is hard to say no. Remember that taking on too many animals is not the way to learn, it is the way to drown. You'll have nights where you cry (I know I still do). When they start to outnumber the days of joy, take a break. People ebb and flow in rescue, there is no shame in taking time out.
posted by Nickel Pickle at 5:59 PM on September 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
Please do take care of yourself, make sure that you're taking on only the cases YOU can help. Type out a resource list or a FAQ for those you can't, and send them on their way knowing that your resources are being put to excellent use.
If you are like many of us who work in rescue, it is hard to say no. Remember that taking on too many animals is not the way to learn, it is the way to drown. You'll have nights where you cry (I know I still do). When they start to outnumber the days of joy, take a break. People ebb and flow in rescue, there is no shame in taking time out.
posted by Nickel Pickle at 5:59 PM on September 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
I've had a similar issue. I am a pit bull person, and I get a little messed up seeing any kind of abused dogs, but especially pit bulls. As you might imagine, it gets pretty bad. Those dogs are treated like garbage on so many fronts.
The solution I've come up with is that I do some web work for pit bull rescues and education, but instead of working directly with the dogs, I work with a rabbit rescue. This way, I figure that I'm helping a really great no-kill rescue take some of the burden off the general purpose shelters, so they have more time and resources for everyone else, but I'm not putting myself through the torment of wanting to bring every dog I meet home with me, which is almost always a pretty strong impulse. Talking to another volunteer a couple of weeks ago, she told me she picked the bunny rescue for the same reason: She's a cat person and knows she couldn't stand working directly with abused cats.
As for the abuse, I try my best not to seek out details. I don't want to see pictures or hear detailed stories unless there's a very clear reason I have to. I've gotten pretty good about recognizing things that are going to be graphic and deleting or otherwise ignoring them. Those are meant to convince people to help. I am already helping the best I can, so further convincing can only make me miserable and/or turn me into a hoarder.
It is starting to get a little bit tough with some of the bunnies, who are also sometimes horribly neglected and abused, but I comfort myself knowing that they're safe now, and in the care of people who will move heaven and earth for them, and that their futures are bright.
And what Nickle Pickle says is absolutely true. I learned to take some of the less substantiated abuse stories with a grain of salt. Some people really kind of wallow in that stuff, exaggerating and even making up tragic back stories, so I have been able to dismiss some of the things I've heard based on that.
posted by ernielundquist at 6:48 PM on September 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
The solution I've come up with is that I do some web work for pit bull rescues and education, but instead of working directly with the dogs, I work with a rabbit rescue. This way, I figure that I'm helping a really great no-kill rescue take some of the burden off the general purpose shelters, so they have more time and resources for everyone else, but I'm not putting myself through the torment of wanting to bring every dog I meet home with me, which is almost always a pretty strong impulse. Talking to another volunteer a couple of weeks ago, she told me she picked the bunny rescue for the same reason: She's a cat person and knows she couldn't stand working directly with abused cats.
As for the abuse, I try my best not to seek out details. I don't want to see pictures or hear detailed stories unless there's a very clear reason I have to. I've gotten pretty good about recognizing things that are going to be graphic and deleting or otherwise ignoring them. Those are meant to convince people to help. I am already helping the best I can, so further convincing can only make me miserable and/or turn me into a hoarder.
It is starting to get a little bit tough with some of the bunnies, who are also sometimes horribly neglected and abused, but I comfort myself knowing that they're safe now, and in the care of people who will move heaven and earth for them, and that their futures are bright.
And what Nickle Pickle says is absolutely true. I learned to take some of the less substantiated abuse stories with a grain of salt. Some people really kind of wallow in that stuff, exaggerating and even making up tragic back stories, so I have been able to dismiss some of the things I've heard based on that.
posted by ernielundquist at 6:48 PM on September 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Favoriting troublewithwolves HARD, and agreeing with Nickle Pickles. Ask me sometime about the day I spent volunteering in support of greyhounds with a woman who was a member of PETA, GREY2K and also ran a rabbit rescue. I support the rabbit portion;the rest, I had hours to, let's say, converse.
Did you know a greyhound race lasts less than 30 seconds? Neither did she. Etc.
posted by vers at 7:11 PM on September 4, 2011
Did you know a greyhound race lasts less than 30 seconds? Neither did she. Etc.
posted by vers at 7:11 PM on September 4, 2011
My brother was a vet tech for many years, and also worked at a kennel/rescue. He fell in love with so many dogs that died or suffered in front of him.
When I asked him how he stood it, he basically said that he loved "dog-ness" enough to sacrifice his own comfort - enough to consciously put himself in situations where he knew he would grieve for particular dogs over and over. For him the bigger picture was about being a person who could hold it together in order to help "dog-ness," like, the species as a whole.
I don't know if this will help, but maybe it's the beginning of an approach that would work for you?
posted by jessicapierce at 4:37 PM on September 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
When I asked him how he stood it, he basically said that he loved "dog-ness" enough to sacrifice his own comfort - enough to consciously put himself in situations where he knew he would grieve for particular dogs over and over. For him the bigger picture was about being a person who could hold it together in order to help "dog-ness," like, the species as a whole.
I don't know if this will help, but maybe it's the beginning of an approach that would work for you?
posted by jessicapierce at 4:37 PM on September 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
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posted by canine epigram at 3:32 PM on September 4, 2011