Mrs. Fossilblast, may I go to the loo?
September 2, 2011 10:22 AM Subscribe
Help me make a list of subject-relevant silly names for my substitute teaching gigs.
I have been a long-standing substitute teacher at a high school that was once very relaxed and open and has progressively gotten more restrictive and formal. This year, I have heard that we will be forced (after ten years of first names) to be addressed by students as Ms/Mrs/Miss/Mr So-and-so. I think this change betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of respect and how it is earned, and since I'm a sub, I can get away with some things that other teachers perhaps cannot.
My plan of protest is to ask to be addressed by a silly moniker that is subject-relevant so that I can, if ever challenged, explain that I'm engaging with the subject matter in a way that connects with students.
Originally, I thought I'd just come up with names like Ms. Bumbleshoot or Miss Gigglesnort or somesuch, but I'm thinking that if they're subject relevant I'll get less hassle. I really do not care about getting fired that much, but I'd like to avoid bullshit with the bossman.
Please let's don't make this an argument about respect and last-names and formalism. I just want creative names I can use for things like Chemistry, Biology, English, History, Mathematics, etc. They could be vocabulary terms, or famous people in that subject area who also have interesting/fun names. I'm not opposed to being called Mrs. Nietzche, but I'm wondering if there are better ones. And of course these have to be school appropriate, so no Mrs. Whorebottom.
I have been a long-standing substitute teacher at a high school that was once very relaxed and open and has progressively gotten more restrictive and formal. This year, I have heard that we will be forced (after ten years of first names) to be addressed by students as Ms/Mrs/Miss/Mr So-and-so. I think this change betrays a fundamental misunderstanding of respect and how it is earned, and since I'm a sub, I can get away with some things that other teachers perhaps cannot.
My plan of protest is to ask to be addressed by a silly moniker that is subject-relevant so that I can, if ever challenged, explain that I'm engaging with the subject matter in a way that connects with students.
Originally, I thought I'd just come up with names like Ms. Bumbleshoot or Miss Gigglesnort or somesuch, but I'm thinking that if they're subject relevant I'll get less hassle. I really do not care about getting fired that much, but I'd like to avoid bullshit with the bossman.
Please let's don't make this an argument about respect and last-names and formalism. I just want creative names I can use for things like Chemistry, Biology, English, History, Mathematics, etc. They could be vocabulary terms, or famous people in that subject area who also have interesting/fun names. I'm not opposed to being called Mrs. Nietzche, but I'm wondering if there are better ones. And of course these have to be school appropriate, so no Mrs. Whorebottom.
The name of Rudolph Lipschitz never fails to provoke some tittering in a math classroom.
posted by Nomyte at 10:30 AM on September 2, 2011
posted by Nomyte at 10:30 AM on September 2, 2011
Best answer: My high school physics teacher was actually named Mr. Newton.
I think it would be great if they were subject-specific and funny (in the sense that it's clearly not a name), but also provoked questions and learning (what does that mean? well, let me explain how it fits in with what we're learning...)
Ms. Thermodynamics
Ms. Entropy
Ms. Iambic Pentameter
Ms. Gerrymandering
Ms. Phenotype
Ms. Blitzkrieg
Ms. PEMDAS
Ms. Ytterbium
And so on...
posted by phunniemee at 10:38 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think it would be great if they were subject-specific and funny (in the sense that it's clearly not a name), but also provoked questions and learning (what does that mean? well, let me explain how it fits in with what we're learning...)
Ms. Thermodynamics
Ms. Entropy
Ms. Iambic Pentameter
Ms. Gerrymandering
Ms. Phenotype
Ms. Blitzkrieg
Ms. PEMDAS
Ms. Ytterbium
And so on...
posted by phunniemee at 10:38 AM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Chemistry:
"My name is Bond. Covalent bond."
posted by googly at 10:42 AM on September 2, 2011 [6 favorites]
"My name is Bond. Covalent bond."
posted by googly at 10:42 AM on September 2, 2011 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Since you're a Miss/Ms:
All-purpose - Miss Education
Math - Miss Calculate
English - Miss Statement
Gym Class - Miss Fit
Film - Miss En Scene
Everything else - Miss Celany
posted by macadamiaranch at 10:54 AM on September 2, 2011 [6 favorites]
All-purpose - Miss Education
Math - Miss Calculate
English - Miss Statement
Gym Class - Miss Fit
Film - Miss En Scene
Everything else - Miss Celany
posted by macadamiaranch at 10:54 AM on September 2, 2011 [6 favorites]
Best answer: Miss Immiscibility (Chemistry)
Mrs. Honorific (Language)
Mrs. Malaprop (English)
Miss Missouri-Bellwether (Social Studies)
posted by Iridic at 11:52 AM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]
Mrs. Honorific (Language)
Mrs. Malaprop (English)
Miss Missouri-Bellwether (Social Studies)
posted by Iridic at 11:52 AM on September 2, 2011 [2 favorites]
I like the misseducation style ones, but also live that ms Entropy et al sound like superhero names. Miss Marvel stylee :)
posted by Iteki at 11:57 AM on September 2, 2011
posted by Iteki at 11:57 AM on September 2, 2011
I once had a class mate named Miss Alanious. Even made the professor crack when he first called her name.
posted by JXBeach at 12:21 PM on September 2, 2011
posted by JXBeach at 12:21 PM on September 2, 2011
Best answer: I cringe at my offerings but here you go:
Mrs. Sohcahtoa (Trigonometry)
Mrs. Dalloway (English)
Madame Tussauds (random)
Mrs. H'helibeeb-k'noff-nenuhmgallsipsickle (Chemistry) - uhm, the first few elements of the periodic table: H He Li Be B C N O F Ne N Mg Al Si P S Cl. (1-17). Optional pirate-y "Arrrrhh!" (Argon) at the end, to round it out.
posted by pimli at 12:59 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Mrs. Sohcahtoa (Trigonometry)
Mrs. Dalloway (English)
Madame Tussauds (random)
Mrs. H'helibeeb-k'noff-nenuhmgallsipsickle (Chemistry) - uhm, the first few elements of the periodic table: H He Li Be B C N O F Ne N Mg Al Si P S Cl. (1-17). Optional pirate-y "Arrrrhh!" (Argon) at the end, to round it out.
posted by pimli at 12:59 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: General: Miss Take
If you happen to have a television production class (we did): Miss Cast, Miss Spoken, or Miss Quote.
Geography or US History: Miss Mason-Dixon
For Enlish/Lit classes you can choose any funny names you like from books, and maybe have a prize for the student who knows which work it's from. You can also choose from a multitude of male pseudonyms which female writers used to get published, in a time when writing for money was not considered "feminine."
For English or Journalism: Miss Type; Miss Turry
For Chemistry: Miss Pb (tell them, it's pronounced Led. Hilarity ensues. Or doesn't.)
For science in general (and I admit, the following is less clever and more ham handed than I think you're looking for), use this xkcd to 1. choose names and 2. make a point to the classes. Just, make a power point slide of it, or a transparency if the school in question uses those. Or, photocopy it and hang it up on the chalkboard for the class to come view. Ya, the guys too.
If you're just plain cranky, you can be Miss Ann Thropic
For a general good mood, Miss Chevious
posted by bilabial at 1:25 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
If you happen to have a television production class (we did): Miss Cast, Miss Spoken, or Miss Quote.
Geography or US History: Miss Mason-Dixon
For Enlish/Lit classes you can choose any funny names you like from books, and maybe have a prize for the student who knows which work it's from. You can also choose from a multitude of male pseudonyms which female writers used to get published, in a time when writing for money was not considered "feminine."
For English or Journalism: Miss Type; Miss Turry
For Chemistry: Miss Pb (tell them, it's pronounced Led. Hilarity ensues. Or doesn't.)
For science in general (and I admit, the following is less clever and more ham handed than I think you're looking for), use this xkcd to 1. choose names and 2. make a point to the classes. Just, make a power point slide of it, or a transparency if the school in question uses those. Or, photocopy it and hang it up on the chalkboard for the class to come view. Ya, the guys too.
If you're just plain cranky, you can be Miss Ann Thropic
For a general good mood, Miss Chevious
posted by bilabial at 1:25 PM on September 2, 2011 [1 favorite]
Just be 100% certain that you can get away with it. If the leadership is cracking down, they may not be amused, and you're out of a job.
posted by kinetic at 1:47 PM on September 2, 2011
posted by kinetic at 1:47 PM on September 2, 2011
kinetic, please note: I really do not care about getting fired that much
posted by bilabial at 2:27 PM on September 2, 2011
posted by bilabial at 2:27 PM on September 2, 2011
Response by poster: Thanks for all the answers so far!
And yeah, kinetic--this is my third job. I have enough work without it. My only reason for staying there at this point is because I'm also a parent at the school. When the kids are graduated, I anticipate being done with the place for good. Besides, you really have to be a fuck-up to get fired as a sub. They tend to need you more than you need them, hence the reality that you can often get away with more crackpot behavior than regular teachers can.
posted by RedEmma at 6:46 PM on September 2, 2011
And yeah, kinetic--this is my third job. I have enough work without it. My only reason for staying there at this point is because I'm also a parent at the school. When the kids are graduated, I anticipate being done with the place for good. Besides, you really have to be a fuck-up to get fired as a sub. They tend to need you more than you need them, hence the reality that you can often get away with more crackpot behavior than regular teachers can.
posted by RedEmma at 6:46 PM on September 2, 2011
bilabial: "kinetic, please note: I really do not care about getting fired that much"
Oops, completely missed that line.
posted by kinetic at 4:36 AM on September 3, 2011
Oops, completely missed that line.
posted by kinetic at 4:36 AM on September 3, 2011
Best answer: I'm loving the miseducation-style ones too.
Detention: Miss Behaviour
Geography: Mrs Sippi / Ms Ouri
Any language class: Miss Interpret
Any class, around Christmas time: Miss L Toe
Women's Studies: Miss Ogyny
Legal Studies: Miss Represent / Miss Trial
Science: Miss Ing Link
Sex Ed: Miss Shonary
Dance: Miss Step
Cooking / Home Ec: Miss Terry Meat
Music: Miss Chopin-Liszt
Art: Miss Q Bism
That was fun.
posted by lovedbymarylane at 7:33 AM on September 3, 2011
Detention: Miss Behaviour
Geography: Mrs Sippi / Ms Ouri
Any language class: Miss Interpret
Any class, around Christmas time: Miss L Toe
Women's Studies: Miss Ogyny
Legal Studies: Miss Represent / Miss Trial
Science: Miss Ing Link
Sex Ed: Miss Shonary
Dance: Miss Step
Cooking / Home Ec: Miss Terry Meat
Music: Miss Chopin-Liszt
Art: Miss Q Bism
That was fun.
posted by lovedbymarylane at 7:33 AM on September 3, 2011
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posted by the_blizz at 10:29 AM on September 2, 2011