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August 29, 2011 8:10 PM   Subscribe

Best friends just had a baby--should I bring a gift to the hospital?

We're part of "the chosen few" that have been invited to see them and the baby in the hospital. We are so, so happy for them and their new daughter, and I was thinking of bringing flowers to the hospital as a little gift. But then I thought--maybe they're drowning in flowers. Maybe new parents hate getting flowers. Is there something else I should bring instead?

Note: we've already gotten them an actual baby gift at her shower. Her mom is in town for a few weeks to help with laundry/meals/etc, and after that I'm planning on bringing meals by and stopping by to help with housework. I'm really just wondering about a little fun token or gift to bring while she's still in the hospital. She has an ipad and lots of magazines so I know she's pretty set for entertainment.

Anything you new moms would have appreciated having while you recuperated at the hospital?
posted by Bella Sebastian to Human Relations (35 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
Bring her something yummy to eat. Hospital food is awful. Bring her a treat -- bonbons or a banana bread -- any sweet baked good; nothing too big, because she won't have much space. Nothing pungent (no cheese, no garlic.)
posted by fingersandtoes at 8:13 PM on August 29, 2011 [3 favorites]


Should I bring a gift to the hospital?

Absolutely not. Do not give new parents more to carry.
posted by mhoye at 8:13 PM on August 29, 2011 [16 favorites]


Candy!
posted by Perplexity at 8:13 PM on August 29, 2011


I'm sorry to continue to rain on this parade, but:

Hospital food is awful.

The hospital you're visiting has a policy about this - no food allowed, food but no nuts or fragrant foods, something - so if you're going to bring any kind of food, figure out what that policy is first.
posted by mhoye at 8:19 PM on August 29, 2011


Call. "We are going to get you a present. What would you like?"

You can suggest take-away from a great place (I knew the score; I took a giant, packed, cooler to the hospital -- she might've done something about the food issue, or she may be in one of the freak hospitals that serve new mothers adequate amounts of edible food) or whatever, but, why not just ask? Ruins the surprise, yes yes, but she will appreciate it. She may even tell you "A pack of Tena underpants! Oh, what a huge help for you to pick up a box of those..."

I don't think I would've cared for candy. Really, everybody's different about this sort of thing.

mhoye is right if the item is large.
posted by kmennie at 8:20 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]


Bring her a treat -- bonbons or a banana bread

I read this as "baboons and banana bread" and I thought holy shit, on what planet does that constitute "a treat"? (Planet of the Apes, I guess.)

Anyway, definitely do NOT bring them anything they will need to take home. Bring food.
posted by scody at 8:20 PM on August 29, 2011 [4 favorites]


I wouldn't, unless it was something like food that could be consumed by the family. When we were popping out little random keystrikes, we had everything we really needed in the hospital, and yes, hauling stuff away from the hospital can turn into a chore. Bless you for bringing stuff and showing up to the house later, because that's when the family really needs the help.
posted by randomkeystrike at 8:20 PM on August 29, 2011


The hospital you're visiting has a policy about this

In my experience (having attended dozens of hospital births) this is not the case. You're bringing food just for one family and most postpartum units are pretty flexible about this. There is usually a fridge where families can store their own food. Or just bring them take out.

In any case, food is a great idea. You can't go wrong with a cute little snuggly toy for the baby either.
posted by serazin at 8:27 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]


Our second son was born in a hospital. The food was terrible. Something nice like fresh fruit, or something nice to drink like tea or something. More crap is not needed.

(Our first son was born in a midwife's clinic in Japan. That was really nice. My wife got the best Japanese food ever.)
posted by KokuRyu at 8:28 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]


Oh yeah, and I agree with the above person who said you should ask first. Mom might be dying for some lip balm right now.
posted by serazin at 8:28 PM on August 29, 2011


The hospital I gave birth at had no policy about outside food. I was wise enough after kid #2 to be able to give my husband detailed instructions about the exact quickest way to get to the nearby Whole Foods and exactly what sandwich to order at the counter, and which beverages in exactly what sizes to obtain.

I would not have wanted anything I had to drag home, not that it would have been such a hardship, but it would have still been another thing to try to get out the door and in hindsight I feel kind of bad for anything non-consumable I've ever brought to friends in post-delivery.

So, I'd basically ask your friend to place her delicious, delicious non-institutional food order and then bring it to her. Whatever she asks for, I'd also throw in more beverages than she requests--things like Odwalla smoothies, drinkable yogurts, fresh-squeezed juice, whole milk if she's a milk-drinker. I was so fucking thirsty after giving birth, and really hungry too, but so thirsty that it was really useful to be able to quench my thirst and nourish myself at the same time. A small cooler full of freeze-packs would not be a bad idea, either. You can only drink so many of the things at once.

Also: Lansinoh, for her nipples, if she's breastfeeding, and for her possibly super-chapped lips and cuticles after the dehydrating process of birthing. This is something we stopped at Walgreen's on the way home from the hospital to buy, the first time.
posted by padraigin at 8:30 PM on August 29, 2011 [5 favorites]


Flowers are also fine, they can enjoy them at hospital and choose to bring them home or not. But yeah, don't bring gifts they have to bring home. How about taking photos? We treasure ours and wish we had more. We don't have any of both parents plus new baby. You could offer to take some if the mom is up for it.
posted by Knowyournuts at 8:32 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]


Friends of mine brought me fancy chocolate-covered Oreos after the birth of my first child. She's almost 10 now and I've forgotten a lot about those early days, but MAN do I remember how happy I was to get those Oreos.
posted by jrossi4r at 8:35 PM on August 29, 2011


Yes, please do take pictures of both parents with the new baby, and include anyone else who happens to be there. I have no pictures of my husband in the hospital with the babies, because he took them all. I have me with each of them, I have me and the older one with the little one, but none with him. I don't even mind how puffy and pale I look in them, I'm happy to see them, but I wish I had pictures of Mr. Padraigin with the girls on day one, and I simply don't. It's like he doesn't exist until day three of their lives. Make sure that this happens for your friends when you see them, if it hasn't already.
posted by padraigin at 8:37 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]


For her: all the things she's not been able to eat for 9 months: sushi, sashimi, smoked salmon, brie, camembert. A bunch of magazines to read would also be appreciated.

For him: a nice bottle of single malt.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:40 PM on August 29, 2011


One of my only permitted visitors brought a pizza and I was thrilled. You might just ask if there's anything they need. I also asked one visitor (my mom) to bring underwear and that was also greatly appreciated. Flowers are nice but I didn't really care about them and left them all with the nurses (who liked them).
posted by otherwordlyglow at 9:00 PM on August 29, 2011


Last time I visited a new mum, I took her a chunk of the best camembert I could find and some nice crackers. I had been her birth partner (and actually got to cut the cord!), but remembering how much she enjoyed scoffing that cheese is almost as lovely as the memory of being at the birth of her son.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 9:19 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]


Your presence is present enough. Everybody is different but I'm glad no one brought us stuff we had to then lug home. I expect if you will see them in the hospital you will see them at their house soon enough.

Give them a couple days of not having to do anything (and recording presents for thank you notes is something to do)
posted by bottlebrushtree at 9:21 PM on August 29, 2011


Yeah, the last thing we were thinking about when visitors came were "WHERE ARE THE PRESENTS". We were a little preoccupied
posted by KokuRyu at 9:32 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]


Don't bring them something else that they have to take home. Edibles are good! Go get a big ol' Costco-sized wheel o' brie and some crackers. And some chocolate.
posted by Ostara at 9:41 PM on August 29, 2011


Yes - offer to take pictures of everyone together. This is meaningful and sweet. The hospital photographers generally just take pictures of the baby, and they usually show up just as you're trying to get the baby to latch on. A family picture, taken at a convenient time, would be wonderful.
posted by Ostara at 9:43 PM on August 29, 2011


Maybe this is dumb, but when I was in the hospital (not baby-related) the best thing I got was an Edible Arrangement - having all that lovely fresh fruit (and a bit of chocolate) after eating so much crappy hospital food was an excellent change of pace, and my family enjoyed it as well.
posted by naoko at 9:56 PM on August 29, 2011 [2 favorites]


Do not bring a gift to the hospital. The new parents will have to carry all that stuff home, plus the baby. The only gift I got in the hospital after my son was born that I actually appreciated was a spa gift certificate, which I used for a much-needed massage (it was very small). Otherwise, I got a ton of flowers, baby gift sets, and even a fishing pole! I ended up having to somehow pile all that stuff onto a wheel chair and hold my baby while the nurse wheeled me out to my car when I left. If you're going to get them a gift, bring it to their house in a few weeks, after things have settled down.

As far as suggestions for gifts, the aforementioned spa gift certificate will most likely be welcomed. Also consider just offering to help out, and by help out, I don't mean show up and coo at the baby. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to my house once a week for a while after my son was born and did my laundry, cleaned my kitchen, and brought me food so that I could just relax and take a shower or a nap. That was by far the best gift I received as a new parent.
posted by lexicakes at 9:58 PM on August 29, 2011


My mother-in-law and sister-in-law came to my house once a week for a while after my son was born and did my laundry, cleaned my kitchen, and brought me food so that I could just relax and take a shower or a nap. That was by far the best gift I received as a new parent.

Offer these services to your friends and make good on them. :) Yay babies.
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 10:18 PM on August 29, 2011 [1 favorite]


Soft cheese and smoked salmon. Every new-mother I've known has been hanging out for soft cheese and smoked salmon, which are taboo during pregnancy.
posted by pompomtom at 1:47 AM on August 30, 2011


Flowers are also fine...

Depends on the hospital. Where my boy was born (UCLH if that makes any difference), flowers weren't fine on the maternity ward. Anyone who brought flowers had to leave them outside.
posted by ComfySofa at 3:25 AM on August 30, 2011


I'd be careful with cheese and salmon and such. Some women can't handle strong smells postpartum. I would have vomited profusely had anyone brought such things to my hospital room, although I love them usually. Ask mom, and be sure to ask if she's in a shared room such that a roommate's prefs need to be taken into account.
posted by fingersandtoes at 6:00 AM on August 30, 2011


Bring her a treat -- bonbons or a banana bread

I read this as "baboons and banana bread"


I read bourbon and banana bread. Maybe baboons would be more fun.
posted by spinturtle at 6:19 AM on August 30, 2011


Fuzzy slippers!
Something delicious sounds good too.
posted by chickenmagazine at 8:13 AM on August 30, 2011


I would call and ask the guy if he or she needs anything. Tell them you're swinging by the grocery store on your way. If they say, "nothing," then bring nothing. It's really okay in this situation. Photos would be lovely to do if the moment comes up. Use your camera or theirs. Ask if they want a photo of all of them.

One thing I didn't know and would have been helpful at the time would have been some help moving out of the hospital. Ours was a maze and you'd think the staff would have been more helpful but they were not. It was terrible. Husband was off trying to get all our crap into the car and the car pulled around. Baby started crying and wouldn't stop and then all these people were staring at me and then I started crying and... it was not the sweet vision I imagined. Ask if they have someone to help and if not offer to be there. One helper for daddy, one for mom. Don't go home with them but help get them on their way.
posted by amanda at 9:42 AM on August 30, 2011


I notice a lot of people are saying they wanted cheese, especially the soft cheeses they were forbidden during pregnancy. But after delivery, uh...there is often constipation, and um...soreness if not outright wounding. Not to mention intense fear of needing to "go." I avoided cheese like the plague after both my deliveries.
posted by Knowyournuts at 10:39 AM on August 30, 2011


I like the idea of offering to take a new-family picture. Maybe come equipped to give the mom a pretty pedicure or foot massage.
posted by lakeroon at 12:46 PM on August 30, 2011


I see some have advised you not to bring food, but believe me, good food is really appreciated! Something that doesn't have to be refrigerated, preferably. Maybe bring a thermos with something warm to drink like tea! When I was at the hospital, I was happy to get food, warm drinks, flowers really cheer up the room, and balloons!

I always brought a gift even if I already gave a gift, I couldn't see a baby for the first time and not bring him or her something. In my culture, we give red envelopes with money. The first time we see a baby, we give a red envelope for good luck. It is good luck for the baby to receive the gift and it is good luck to give the gift. Giving a red envelope represents that you will always have enough to give!

It's such a happy occasion! Enjoy the baby!
posted by Yellow at 3:37 PM on August 30, 2011


Response by poster: Thank you everyone! I think the food idea is a great one. I asked--begged--to bring her whatever she was craving, but she didn't have an appetite when we visited. Still, I'll keep this in mind for future maternity visits.
posted by Bella Sebastian at 9:49 PM on August 30, 2011


When our friends had their second kid in hospital, we brought them a small gift and they seemed fine with it. What they went nuts over was the gigantic cookie we brought for their two-year old daughter, who was also in the hospital. She had been giving her parents some trouble - she was apparently upset about being upstaged by the birth of her little brother. Anyway, the cookie did the charm, calmed her down and gave her something to focus on. She loved us, her parents loved us, and they still talk about it :)))
posted by cartoonella at 10:08 AM on August 31, 2011


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