She looked me straight in the eye... and peed on the bed.
August 16, 2011 9:01 PM Subscribe
Asking for a family member. How does one deal with a cat that is off-the-rails passive aggressive?
A family member has two manx cats that are siblings (four years old, neutered). The boy cat (Rufus) is generally a real sweetie. The girl cat (Hazel) is a passive-aggressive bitch. Hazel will jump on a bed, look you in the eye and then pee on the bed. She's done this upwards of 20 times and is just beginning to progress to other textiles (coats and other clothing). I have met other female cats from the breeder she came from and they are all stand-offish, but not as destructive as she is (they live on a farm and are outdoor cats though, so maybe that is a confounding factor).
Yes, I know that this cat should go on kitty-prozac. But to be honest, I think one would take one's life into one's hands trying to get her to take medication. I don't think feliway is readily available in Australia. This cat used to be stand-offish but relatively affectionate to some people, but as she gets older she is just getting wild... despite our family's best efforts to connect with her.
Has anyone had similar experiences? Does anyone know of any strategies to help this cat be socially functional?
A family member has two manx cats that are siblings (four years old, neutered). The boy cat (Rufus) is generally a real sweetie. The girl cat (Hazel) is a passive-aggressive bitch. Hazel will jump on a bed, look you in the eye and then pee on the bed. She's done this upwards of 20 times and is just beginning to progress to other textiles (coats and other clothing). I have met other female cats from the breeder she came from and they are all stand-offish, but not as destructive as she is (they live on a farm and are outdoor cats though, so maybe that is a confounding factor).
Yes, I know that this cat should go on kitty-prozac. But to be honest, I think one would take one's life into one's hands trying to get her to take medication. I don't think feliway is readily available in Australia. This cat used to be stand-offish but relatively affectionate to some people, but as she gets older she is just getting wild... despite our family's best efforts to connect with her.
Has anyone had similar experiences? Does anyone know of any strategies to help this cat be socially functional?
Many cats love the taste of pill pockets. My cat hates them, but I can get her to eat her pills wrapped in treats she does like, and she would be the type to slice me open if I tried to pin her down and pill her the way "they" say to.
The peeing in the open and while she knows you're watching is a big red flag as to a possible bladder infection.
Take her to a vet, get the bladder checked out, get some pill pockets for the pills if you decide to go that route. She may be very finicky about cleanliness of the litterbox. They say if you have two cats you should have three litterboxes. Sounds like a lot, but might be worth a try.
What else does she do that's destructive? And where's the picture of these kitties??
posted by eldiem at 9:28 PM on August 16, 2011
The peeing in the open and while she knows you're watching is a big red flag as to a possible bladder infection.
Take her to a vet, get the bladder checked out, get some pill pockets for the pills if you decide to go that route. She may be very finicky about cleanliness of the litterbox. They say if you have two cats you should have three litterboxes. Sounds like a lot, but might be worth a try.
What else does she do that's destructive? And where's the picture of these kitties??
posted by eldiem at 9:28 PM on August 16, 2011
Feliway is readily available in Australia. I buy through my vet, but large pet stores have it too (not often in smaller places) and I've seen it available online too.
posted by Trivia Newton John at 9:35 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Trivia Newton John at 9:35 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm a total advocate of Feliway. We had an older female cat who was incredibly violent with our new kitten -- almost to the point of murder. We used 2 diffusers in our 1400 square foot home, and replaced them monthly, for three months. Problem totally solved.
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:55 PM on August 16, 2011
posted by BlahLaLa at 9:55 PM on August 16, 2011
Re: medicating: if the medication doesn't taste too bad, you can grind it up and put it in moist food.
Playing with her every day could help her bond with her person more; I've seen it work wonders (although I haven't tried with older cats as much, just very shy young ones). Not just in making the cat happier, but in making the cat adore people more. It's worth a try, anyway; if the other cat is more playful, make sure troubled loner cat gets _some_ playtime without him in the room.
Finally, there is (at least here in the US) some cat litter you can get with special "herbs" mixed in; it's called "Cat Attract" litter. You can also just get the herbs and mix them into other litter. Some cats like/dislike particular types of litter, so trying new things might help.
posted by amtho at 10:12 PM on August 16, 2011
Playing with her every day could help her bond with her person more; I've seen it work wonders (although I haven't tried with older cats as much, just very shy young ones). Not just in making the cat happier, but in making the cat adore people more. It's worth a try, anyway; if the other cat is more playful, make sure troubled loner cat gets _some_ playtime without him in the room.
Finally, there is (at least here in the US) some cat litter you can get with special "herbs" mixed in; it's called "Cat Attract" litter. You can also just get the herbs and mix them into other litter. Some cats like/dislike particular types of litter, so trying new things might help.
posted by amtho at 10:12 PM on August 16, 2011
Honestly? This could be a breed+household dynamic problem.
I have a problem cat (photo not available) and I just found an amazing vet after lots of research. Who knew?! Turns out her coloring (in the silver tabby range, of which I've had many) designates her as particularly sensitive - there are technical names for her markings I forget now - add to this she was bottle-fed as a kitten. Done and done. It just adds gasoline to the fire that there was a confirmed alpha female onsite when she joined our household.
A few simple tweaks (via our vet's insight) in the way we relate to her changed a lot about how she was relating to us.
I didn't think I had anything to learn about Silver Tabbies - but I did.
BTW - Feliway made her vet visit (after 5 days of anxious fall starts) enjoyable for her.
----
Find a vet that knows cats. I thought I was the expert. Boy! Was I surprised!
----
Take Away: Your family's cat could have a physical problems she is communicating or emotional problems - or both. Research (found mine on Yelp) and find an EXCELLENT vet that specializes in cats.
posted by jbenben at 10:18 PM on August 16, 2011
I have a problem cat (photo not available) and I just found an amazing vet after lots of research. Who knew?! Turns out her coloring (in the silver tabby range, of which I've had many) designates her as particularly sensitive - there are technical names for her markings I forget now - add to this she was bottle-fed as a kitten. Done and done. It just adds gasoline to the fire that there was a confirmed alpha female onsite when she joined our household.
A few simple tweaks (via our vet's insight) in the way we relate to her changed a lot about how she was relating to us.
I didn't think I had anything to learn about Silver Tabbies - but I did.
BTW - Feliway made her vet visit (after 5 days of anxious fall starts) enjoyable for her.
----
Find a vet that knows cats. I thought I was the expert. Boy! Was I surprised!
----
Take Away: Your family's cat could have a physical problems she is communicating or emotional problems - or both. Research (found mine on Yelp) and find an EXCELLENT vet that specializes in cats.
posted by jbenben at 10:18 PM on August 16, 2011
Unfortunately our cats cannot speak English, and must try other ways to tell us things. When your cat looks you in the eye and pees on the bed, she is communicating with you. The message is that she is very unhappy (literally pissed off). Now it's up to you to figure out what she's unhappy about. Could be she's feeling pain -- worth a trip to the vet. Could be you've done something (or are continuing to do something) that upsets her. Have you changed anything related to her? Food? Food bowl? Water? Water bowl? Litter box? Brand of Litter? Your daily routine? How you relate to her, spend time with her, play with her? Do you favor her sibling, resulting in rivalry for your attention?
I think your cat will fit into your household better once you learn to relate to her, understand her messages and needs, and show her some real affection.
posted by exphysicist345 at 10:28 PM on August 16, 2011 [4 favorites]
I think your cat will fit into your household better once you learn to relate to her, understand her messages and needs, and show her some real affection.
posted by exphysicist345 at 10:28 PM on August 16, 2011 [4 favorites]
I favorited exphysicist345 with the caveat that I thought I was a "cat whisperer" until my new vet showed me a few somethings new that I could NOT have discerned about my particular cat.
Just to give you some bullet points, our new vet knew our problem cat had been bottled fed before we mentioned it. He took one look at her and knew her particular markings indicated an unusually sensitive temperment. Just saying there are obvious physical and behavioral "tells" (to borrow a gambling term) that your family is likely missing because they aren't commonly understood. Even among cat lovers!
I hope it isn't a totally physical issue and the cat isn't ill in any way.
The right vet can help here.
posted by jbenben at 10:58 PM on August 16, 2011
Just to give you some bullet points, our new vet knew our problem cat had been bottled fed before we mentioned it. He took one look at her and knew her particular markings indicated an unusually sensitive temperment. Just saying there are obvious physical and behavioral "tells" (to borrow a gambling term) that your family is likely missing because they aren't commonly understood. Even among cat lovers!
I hope it isn't a totally physical issue and the cat isn't ill in any way.
The right vet can help here.
posted by jbenben at 10:58 PM on August 16, 2011
Best answer: You can get Feliway in Australia. Many vets sell it, but I used to buy it from Budget Pet Products as they were a lot cheaper, even with shipping.
My cat used to wee on my bed. He did it occasionally as a kitten, but as he grew older, he began doing it more and more. Feliway helped to slow the behaviour but not stop it entirely, so my vet suggested Fluoxetine (kitty prozac). I was hesitant, but I was also tired of having to wash my bedding three times a week, so I gave it a go. The difference has been remarkable. He's gone from weeing on my bed three times a week to doing it once in three months. It's like my old kitty is back.
One thing I will add is that you may need to fiddle with the dose to get it right. We started with the lowest recommended dose and it made my cat stop eating. He's now on about half that -- theoretically, a dose too small to work -- but it's the sweet spot for him. He's stopped weeing but he's still happy and healthy.
If your family member is near Sydney, feel free to MeMail me for a recommendation of a good kitty-specialist vet.
posted by Georgina at 12:35 AM on August 17, 2011
My cat used to wee on my bed. He did it occasionally as a kitten, but as he grew older, he began doing it more and more. Feliway helped to slow the behaviour but not stop it entirely, so my vet suggested Fluoxetine (kitty prozac). I was hesitant, but I was also tired of having to wash my bedding three times a week, so I gave it a go. The difference has been remarkable. He's gone from weeing on my bed three times a week to doing it once in three months. It's like my old kitty is back.
One thing I will add is that you may need to fiddle with the dose to get it right. We started with the lowest recommended dose and it made my cat stop eating. He's now on about half that -- theoretically, a dose too small to work -- but it's the sweet spot for him. He's stopped weeing but he's still happy and healthy.
If your family member is near Sydney, feel free to MeMail me for a recommendation of a good kitty-specialist vet.
posted by Georgina at 12:35 AM on August 17, 2011
I think you need to be careful with the temptation to interpret such behavior as aggressiveness or attempts to communicate. The cat doesn't understand that you hate pee on the bed, and is not doing it to teach you a lesson. More likely, the cat is responding to its own problems in a way that happens to be problematic for you. The bed is presumably covered with bedding that can be moved around, so it's a little like litter in that it might seem feasible to bury one's pee in the folds of blankets. Laundry baskets / hampers are similar in this way, and all of these are commonly used as litter box substitutes. Your cat might have some problem with the litter box -- not liking sharing it with another cat, or it's too dirty for her taste, or she's associating it with the pain of a bladder infection, etc. Look first to explanations that don't portray the cat as a small, angry human.
(Currently on my 4th cat, in case I've inspired some doubt)
posted by jon1270 at 3:24 AM on August 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
(Currently on my 4th cat, in case I've inspired some doubt)
posted by jon1270 at 3:24 AM on August 17, 2011 [5 favorites]
Nthing Prozac for ongoing behavioral issues. Our cat was overgrooming to point of self-harm (his stomach was completely bare... raw and weeping, he was basically living in a cone). The prozac curbed that behavior almost immediately with minimal personality changes. When we weened him about about 5 months later, the behavior never returned.
His dose was very small... a quarter of one smallish pill. We gave him his meds in a little ball of yellow american cheese, which he goes bonkers for. In fact, he would beg for it every night. He would race to the kitchen whenever we opened the plastic container. We started calling in drug cheese... (as in "we are down to one slice of drug cheese, can you pick some more up on the way home), and even thought we no longer have to medicate him, we still call it drug cheese, which is a great addition to any grocery list.
I once lived with a roommate whose cat peed on my bed with regularity. Unfortunately, my room did not have a door. I started draping a plastic shower curtain over my bed... the cat still peed, but it was easier to cleanup, and less laundry. I moved after 4 months.
posted by kimdog at 6:08 AM on August 17, 2011
His dose was very small... a quarter of one smallish pill. We gave him his meds in a little ball of yellow american cheese, which he goes bonkers for. In fact, he would beg for it every night. He would race to the kitchen whenever we opened the plastic container. We started calling in drug cheese... (as in "we are down to one slice of drug cheese, can you pick some more up on the way home), and even thought we no longer have to medicate him, we still call it drug cheese, which is a great addition to any grocery list.
I once lived with a roommate whose cat peed on my bed with regularity. Unfortunately, my room did not have a door. I started draping a plastic shower curtain over my bed... the cat still peed, but it was easier to cleanup, and less laundry. I moved after 4 months.
posted by kimdog at 6:08 AM on August 17, 2011
Best answer: Absolutely take the cat to the vet first. We had some recent problems with inappropriate elimination that turned out to be crystals in his urine, causing pain, probably exacerbated by the stress of a recent move.
posted by telophase at 9:38 AM on August 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by telophase at 9:38 AM on August 17, 2011 [2 favorites]
Take the kitty to the vet. She may have an ongoing bladder infection and she's peeing in front of her owner because she wants the owner to know, "YOU NEED TO FIX ME MY PEE HURTS".
I mean, shoot, I'm human and sometimes I get ongoing bladder infections and my first instinct is just to pee everywhere because I am in PAIN. Let's be real here. /TMI
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:05 PM on August 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
I mean, shoot, I'm human and sometimes I get ongoing bladder infections and my first instinct is just to pee everywhere because I am in PAIN. Let's be real here. /TMI
posted by These Birds of a Feather at 12:05 PM on August 17, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Has anything changed in your household recently?
My brother's cat, who can be moody but never peed on furniture before, went to the bathroom (numbers 1 and 2) all over our new roommate's bed and leather jacket the day he moved in. (FYI, a good laundry place can get cat urine out of a leather jacket, but it costs $50 and has to be sent away to a specialty shop.)
We speculate she did this for a couple of reasons -- one, of course, was that she was not happy the roommate moved in. Also, my brother had been sleeping in that bed, but had gotten a new one and passed that one down to the roommate when he moved in. The cat sleeps with him, so we were thinking it perhaps had something to do with her displeasure at a stranger occupying that particular bed.
In sum...cats are weird.
posted by mingodingo at 1:33 PM on August 17, 2011
My brother's cat, who can be moody but never peed on furniture before, went to the bathroom (numbers 1 and 2) all over our new roommate's bed and leather jacket the day he moved in. (FYI, a good laundry place can get cat urine out of a leather jacket, but it costs $50 and has to be sent away to a specialty shop.)
We speculate she did this for a couple of reasons -- one, of course, was that she was not happy the roommate moved in. Also, my brother had been sleeping in that bed, but had gotten a new one and passed that one down to the roommate when he moved in. The cat sleeps with him, so we were thinking it perhaps had something to do with her displeasure at a stranger occupying that particular bed.
In sum...cats are weird.
posted by mingodingo at 1:33 PM on August 17, 2011
Response by poster: I just wanted to update this before it gets closed.
Hazel's behaviour didn't change, regardless of a number of strategies used. In the end my family member contacted a breed-specific re-homing organisation. She worked with them for some time to find a new family for Hazel. In the end Hazel went to live with a young woman who had one other cat (and no dogs) - Hazel became the companion cat to a show cat too (she keeps the other cat company in its enclosure prior to judging. We found out not too long ago that in this new home Hazel has become the most purry, gentle lap-cat! My family member (together with the rest of us) are just so happy with the outcome! Another crazy thing that happened was that the other cat, Rufus, has become much happier too. He's a breed that is meant to be pretty stocky, but he never really put on weight and had always been lanky. Since his sister went to her new home he's filled out and is looking relaxed and healthily stocky for the first time in his life! He and the dog are best of friends - Rufus even grooms the dog.
So there you go!
posted by Alice Russel-Wallace at 6:22 PM on July 26, 2012
Hazel's behaviour didn't change, regardless of a number of strategies used. In the end my family member contacted a breed-specific re-homing organisation. She worked with them for some time to find a new family for Hazel. In the end Hazel went to live with a young woman who had one other cat (and no dogs) - Hazel became the companion cat to a show cat too (she keeps the other cat company in its enclosure prior to judging. We found out not too long ago that in this new home Hazel has become the most purry, gentle lap-cat! My family member (together with the rest of us) are just so happy with the outcome! Another crazy thing that happened was that the other cat, Rufus, has become much happier too. He's a breed that is meant to be pretty stocky, but he never really put on weight and had always been lanky. Since his sister went to her new home he's filled out and is looking relaxed and healthily stocky for the first time in his life! He and the dog are best of friends - Rufus even grooms the dog.
So there you go!
posted by Alice Russel-Wallace at 6:22 PM on July 26, 2012
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by Jubey at 9:10 PM on August 16, 2011 [1 favorite]