Hokiest Country Music Songs
August 3, 2011 5:45 PM   Subscribe

Give me your hokiest country music songs!

My girlfriend is finally moving to Texas next week. I'd like to make her a mix CD of the hokiest, dorkiest country music songs. I'd prefer recent to old. Thanks for your help!
posted by unexpected to Media & Arts (62 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus fits the bill. Really, to me most new country falls into this category. Alan Jackson's Chattahoochee is another and that has exhausted my knowledge of this genre. Good luck.
posted by Odinhead at 5:53 PM on August 3, 2011

You should strongly consider including James McMurtry's "Choctaw Bingo" -- guns, meth, moonshine, family reunions, trucks and giving kids a little bit of Benadryl in a Cherry Coke. It's AWESOME. (Hokey? I dunno about that, but it sure as hell is funny and well-written.)

"Strap them kids in
Give 'em a little bit of vodka in a cherry coke
We're going to Oklahoma to the family reunion for the first time in years
It's up at Uncle Slayton's cause he's getting on in years
You know he no longer travels but he's still pretty spry
He's not much on talking and he's just too mean to die
And they'll be comin' down from Kansas
and from west Arkansas
It'll be one great big old party like you never saw
Uncle Slayton's got his Texan pride
Back in the thickets with his Asian bride
He's got a Airstream trailer and a Holstein cow
He still makes whiskey 'cause he still knows how
He plats that Choctaw bingo every Friday night
You know he had to leave Texas but he won't say why"
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:56 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Alan Jackson's "Chattahoochie" is typical and typically bad. You may also enjoy Alabama's "Roll on 18 Wheeler".
posted by plasticbugs at 5:56 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

John Denver's "You Done Stomped on My Heart (And You Mashed That Sucker Flat)"

"You done stomped on my heart,
and you mashed that sucker flat:
You done sorta
stomped on my aorta.....
You started going out with guys,
I felt us drift apart....."
posted by easily confused at 6:02 PM on August 3, 2011

I know Texas themed was not a requirement, but:

-God Blessed Texas, Little Texas
-All My Exes Live in Texas, George Strait
-If You're Gonna Play in Texas, Alabama
-Texas Tornado, Tracy Lawrence

Other hokey, dorky, more recent (but not Texas themed) songs:
Chicken Fried, Zac Brown Band
10 Rounds With Jose Cuervo, Tracy Bird
Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy, Big & Rich

And then, finally, not new, but it calls itself the "perfect Country & Western song" and always has folks who don't know/like country music rolling in the aisles:

"You Never Even Called Me By My Name," David Allen Coe
posted by terilou at 6:05 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Gotta do Garth Brooks Friends In Low Places. I'd toss in Jerry Reed's She got the coal mine (I got the shaft).
posted by straw at 6:05 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

My personal favorite: I Spent My Last $10 (on Birth Control and Beer):

I spent my last ten dollars on birth control and beer
My life was so much simpler when I was sober and queer
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me spend my last ten bucks on birth control and beer
posted by Leezie at 6:05 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Please, please consider adding Trace Adkin's "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk" to your list. It was a SMASH HIT in the country world when it came out a few years back. I don't know if it fits your criteria of "dorky" -- it's part of the newer, slicker country/pop sound that's gotten popular in the last decade -- but it is fabulously brazen, and will give you and your gf the chance to bray "HOOONKY-TAWWWWWWNK BA-DONK-AH-DOOOOOONK" at each other whenever the mood strikes.

Caution: it may strike often.
posted by alleycat01 at 6:06 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Ray Wylie Hubbard, "Snake Farm" ("it sure sounds nasty")

Trace Adkins, "Chrome" ("Chrome,I said hey little girl you sure look nice/Do you wanna ride, I won't bite, she climbs inside/Says hell no, I want to drive")

Kenny Chesney, "She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy" ("She likes the way it's pullin' while we're tillin' up the land/She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan")

Big & Rich, "Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy)" ("Riding up and down Broadway/On my old stud Leroy/And the girls say/Save a horse, ride a cowboy")

Gretchen Wilson, "Redneck Woman" ("'Cause I'm a redneck woman/I ain't no high class broad/I'm just a product of my raising/I say, 'hey ya'll' and 'yee-haw'")
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:06 PM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

It's an oldie, but it's had some recent covers (including by Shenandoah), and it's canonically "hokey, dorky country": "Your wife's been cheating on us again."
posted by AsYouKnow Bob at 6:14 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Three Hearts in a Tangle by Roy Drusky belongs in your mix.
posted by paulsc at 6:14 PM on August 3, 2011

Oooo! And "Fancy" by Reba McEntire! The classic story of a mother who sees her daughter's chance for a better life through prostitution, and pushes her to take a chance! Featuring the classic lyrics:

"And I shivered as I watched a roach crawl accross
The toe of my high heeled shoe
It sounded like somebody else that was talkin'
Askin' Mama what do I do
She said be nice to the gentlemen Fancy
And they'll be nice to you
She said Here's your one chance Fancy, don't let me down
Here's your one chance, Fancy, don't let me down
Lord forgive me for what I do,
but if you want out, well it's up to you
Now don't let me down -- your Mama's gonna move you uptown

... I knew what I had to do but I made myself this
solemn vow, That I's gonna be a lady someday
Though I didn't know when or how
I couldn't see spending the rest of my life
With my head hung down in shame you know
I might have been born just plain white trash
But Fancy was my name"

posted by alleycat01 at 6:19 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

I almost feel bad, lumping this guy in the "hokey country songs" category because he's such a badass guitarist, but...

Junior. Brown.

"My Wife Thinks You're Dead"

"Highway Patrol"

Cleanse your palate with his "Surf Medley" and "Rock & Roll Medley."
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:28 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

alleycat01: Reba McEntire, doing "The Night The Lights Went Out In Georgia."
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:30 PM on August 3, 2011 [4 favorites]

My favorite silly country song is Garth Brooks's "Mama's In The Graveyard, Papa's In The Pen":

"Well, it was bound to happen and one night it did
Papa came home and it was just us kids
He had a dozen roses and a bottle of wine
If he was lookin' to surprise us, he was doin' fine
I heard him cry for mama up and down the hall
Then I heard a bottle break against the bedroom wall
That old diesel engine made an eerie sound
When Papa fired it up and headed into town
Well, the picture in the paper showed the scene real well
Papa's rig was buried in the local motel
The desk clerk said he saw it all real clear
He never hit the brakes and he was shifting gears
Mama was a looker
Lord, how she shined
Papa was a good'n
But the jealous kind
Papa loved Mama
Mama loved men
Mama's in the graveyard
Papa's in the pen"
posted by parkerjackson at 6:37 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

I'm actually offended that these songs are considered hoky and dorky. I heart country. How is Chattahoochie bad? It's freakin' awesome! Fancy!? I might have been born just plain white trash but Fancy was my name - how can you not love that? Friends in Low Places - my theme song in high school. ;)

Anyway . . .

I'd stay away from "All My Exes Live in Texas."

10 Worst Country Songs of All Time

So, here are some of my favorite country songs (they are awesome, but you may find them hoky):

Gary Allan - Smoke Rings in the Dark

Tracy Lawrence - Time Marches on

Tracy Lawrence - If The World Had a Front Porch

Dwight Yoakam - Suspicious Minds

Martina McBride - Independence Day

Oh and I've got others. . .
posted by Sassyfras at 6:37 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

How could I forget, Joe Diffie - Prop Me Up Beside The Jukebox (If I Die)

Kinda silly.
posted by Sassyfras at 6:39 PM on August 3, 2011

PS--The other obvious Garth Brooks song is "I've got friends in low places".

I'm with Sassyfras that these songs are both hokey AND awesome.
posted by parkerjackson at 6:40 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

George Strait "The Chair"
Statler Brothers "Flowers on the Wall"
George Jones "He Stopped Loving Her Today"
The Oakridge Boys "Elvira"
These are a few of the memorably peculiar country songs I've heard over the years. Yeah, I've lived in Texas quite some time now!
posted by Allee Katze at 6:41 PM on August 3, 2011

T. Bone Burnett's Falling Feels Like Flyin' or Fallin' and Flyin' from the movie Crazy Heart also comes to mind.
posted by paulsc at 6:41 PM on August 3, 2011

Almost anything by Rascal Flatts will do, but it's hard to beat Mayberry for complete and utter hokeyness.
posted by mykescipark at 6:43 PM on August 3, 2011

Lyle Lovett is a "Long Tall Texan."
posted by MonkeyToes at 6:51 PM on August 3, 2011

Found another one! Tracy Byrd - Watermelon Crawl. Although that might not be hokey, it just may be bad.
posted by Sassyfras at 6:53 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Not sure to what extent these are hokey and to what extent they're awesome, but...

Big & Rick - Kick My Ass
Red Meat - Girl with the Biggest Hair (I love Smelley Kelley admonishing the crowd: "I see you trying to hide behind that tent, but you can't hide that boot-scootin'!")
Dale Watson - Honkiest Tonkiest Beer Joint
posted by Lexica at 7:01 PM on August 3, 2011

"Feed Jake" was the first song that came to mind by Pirates of the Mississippi. "Cowboy's Sweetheart" is good, too, but I have no idea who sings it. Also, pretty much anything by Garth Brooks.
posted by allnamesaretaken at 7:03 PM on August 3, 2011

Yeah actually I'm voting for hokey AND awesome for most of these too.

posted by alleycat01 at 7:20 PM on August 3, 2011

It's an oldie, but: Roy Clark's "Thank God and Greyhound"

Thank God and Greyhound you're gone;
That load on my mind got lighter when you got on.
That shiny old bus is a beautiful sight,
With the black smoke a-rollin' up around the tailpipe.
It may sound kinda cruel, but I've been silent too long:
Thank God and Greyhound you're gone.
posted by easily confused at 7:21 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

El Paso - Marty Robins

Goddamn Blue Yodel - Slim Cessna's Auto Club
posted by Seamus at 7:23 PM on August 3, 2011

Kenny Rogers - Lucille
posted by Anitanola at 7:24 PM on August 3, 2011

Well, if 'hokey' is swahili for 'pure awesomeness', then of course we'd be talking about willie nelson and merle haggard singing 'Half a Man':

And if I had born with but one eye
Then I'd only have one eye to cries
And if half my heart turned to ashes
Maybe half of my heartaches would die

If I'd only had one leg to stand on
Then a much truer picture she'd see
For then I more closely resemble
The half a man that she made of me

It's the kind of song, and the type of singers that just makes you say "daaammmn, that's just messed up".

This is a thread of wonderfulness. I love country. AsYouKnow Bob, "Your wife's been cheating on us again." recommendation just became my go to song for an example of all that is both right and wrong with the world. And I say this knowing my love for Drop Kick Me Jesus Through The Goalposts of Life.
posted by anitanita at 7:38 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

Lord, I'm gonna get catcalls for sayin' this, but the dorkiest Texas twag belongs to Mick Jagger and his faux shit kickin' accent in "The Girl with the Far Away Eyes"
posted by effluvia at 7:53 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Statler Brothers - Bed of Roses

Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty - Louisiana Woman Mississippi Man
posted by Mr Mister at 7:58 PM on August 3, 2011

Dang Me - Roger Miller.
posted by Kloryne at 8:44 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

60 Dollar Duck Lewie Wickham

Shriner’s Convention Ray Stevens

Queen Of My Doublewide Trailer Sammy Kershaw

Bar Room Buddies Merle Haggard and Clint Eastwood

Uneasy Rider Charlie Daniels

You’re The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty

Swingin’ John Anderson

Tequila Sheila Bobby Bare

It’s Hard To Be Humble Mac Davis

Navajo Rug Jerry Jeff Walker
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 8:49 PM on August 3, 2011

Two of a Kind (workin' on a Full House) - Garth Brooks (...we'll find some country music on the ray-ee-ay-dee-yo...)

Sold! The Grundy County Auction Incident - John Michael Montgomery ("Hey pretty lady! Won't you gimme a sign? I'd give anything to make you mine, all mine,") And oh my Lord I never saw the video before right now and boy it's horrible.
posted by ladygypsy at 9:00 PM on August 3, 2011 [2 favorites]

I used to drive a truck for a living, and felt a moral obligation to have at least one channel on the radio tuned to a country station. (This has been 34 years ago, now.) The only song I clearly remember from that time was Lewie Wickham's 60 Dollar Duck.

"Your dog ate my duck."
posted by Bruce H. at 9:55 PM on August 3, 2011

Kevin Fowler, Pound Sign.

It's about a dude who's he's dog tired and wired, up tighter, tail draggin, little ragged. Basically, what he's saying is, "I feel like pound sign, question mark, star, exclamation point". I would think that's just what your girlfriend will feel like after her move, because that's what I ALWAYS feel like. But I hope she has a better move once she hears your mix.
posted by lesli212 at 10:38 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

On the verging-on-parody side of country, Brad Paisley's "Ticks" ("…I'd like to walk you through a field of wildflowers / And I'd like to check you for ticks.")
posted by JiBB at 11:59 PM on August 3, 2011 [1 favorite]

Junior Brown leans more toward awesome, but he's got a touch of hokey too:
My Wife Thinks Your Dead
Venom Wearin' Denim
Too Many Nights in a Roadhouse
Freedom Machine
Long Walk Back to San Antone

and of course the instrumental Peelin' Taters, sure to be a MeFi favorite.
posted by rube goldberg at 12:37 AM on August 4, 2011

better make that Peelin' Taters
posted by rube goldberg at 12:38 AM on August 4, 2011

The Big Yin weighs in
posted by flabdablet at 12:41 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Randy Travis
Digging Up Bones
...exhuming things that are better left alone...
posted by vitabellosi at 4:42 AM on August 4, 2011

More recent songs! (And definitely meant to idolize or parody the exact sound you're looking for)

Rascal Flatts - When You Play a Country Song Backwards

Joe Nichols - Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off (this one always makes me laugh)

Dixie Chicks - Sin Wagon, Hello Mr. Heartache, Goodbye Earl

Billy Currington - Good Directions
posted by amestar_runner at 4:49 AM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Lyle Lovett is a 'Long Tall Texan.'

True enough, but his That's Right (You're Not From Texas)" is a better song.
With bonus points for dumping Julia Roberts beside the road in Tennessee.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:05 AM on August 4, 2011 [2 favorites]

She Thinks I Still Care
She's Leaving Me Because She Really Wants To
I Married Her Just Because She Looks Like You

Lyle Lovett is your man. I don't know if he's the original songwriter on those, but I enjoy his versions.
posted by emelenjr at 8:02 AM on August 4, 2011

oh please oh please pick Dead Skunk (in the Middle of the Road)
posted by castlebravo at 8:03 AM on August 4, 2011

amestar_runner: Billy Currington - Good Directions

This is the only song you need - you can just put 15 copies of this song on the CD and you're set. "Thank God for good directions…and turnip greens!"
posted by dilettanti at 8:30 AM on August 4, 2011

Classic Texas Swing out of the Panhandle: The Lightcrust Dough Boys.

It's better if you don't know the name of this song before you hear the chorus. So listen first then read the YouTube title.
posted by dog food sugar at 8:53 AM on August 4, 2011

Oh and Texas yoddling extradonaire Don Walser: Cow Poke.

Or the little more upbeat: Shotgun Boogie. Love that man.
posted by dog food sugar at 9:01 AM on August 4, 2011

'Running Bear - Johnny Preston (I hate this song so much)

'Ghost Riders in the Sky' - Johnny Cash
posted by h00py at 9:40 AM on August 4, 2011

As with Junionr Brown, above, I'm reluctant to label Wayne Hancock as hokey, 'cause the guy is as serious as a heart attack about his brand of Texas music, and he's really good. Nonetheless, I commend you to his "87 Southbound" and "Johnny Law" for the way that they play with iconic sound and image.
posted by MonkeyToes at 10:18 AM on August 4, 2011

Some great suggestions above; I'm adding to my playlist!

Zac Brown Band - Toes & Knee Deep (with Jimmy Buffett) Fyi, this is the only video I haven't watched and can't check it at the moment.

Robert Earl Keen - Road Goes on Forever and Corpus Christi Bay

Ty England - Swing Like That

Blake Shelton - Ol' Red

Eric Hetherly - Flowers On The Wall (Yes, I am aware it's a cover, but it's "hokey-er" than the original.)

Cross Canadian Ragweed - Boys From Oklahoma (Blatantly about marijuana smoking)

Kevin Fowler - Beer Season
posted by MuChao at 11:41 AM on August 4, 2011

I just happen to have a file in my Common Place Book called "Apocryphal Country Song Titles" So here they are...

1. All I Want From You (Is Away)
Written by Bobby Harden (ASCAP)
2. All My Exes Live In Texas
3. All the Guys that Turn Me On Turn Me Down
Written by Gene Plott, Harold Powell & Roni Stoneman (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
4. Am I Double Parked by the Curbstone of Your Heart? (courtesy of Michael)
Double Parked Heart by Jim Pollock (BMI) (Could this be the same song?)
5. An Old Flame Can't Hold A Candle To You
Several songs in the databases called "Old Flame."
6. Are You Drinkin With Me Jesus? (courtesy of Sylvester)
by Mojo Nixon, Country Dick Montana, Peter & Louise Berryman (BMI)
According to Sylvester, the song contains the truly touching lyrics:
"Does your head pound Jesus as hung over you do rise....how does paradise look Jesus, through holy bloodshot eyes...
Should we take a cab home Jesus...aw man we can hoof it from here...
I know you can walk on the water but can you walk on this much beer?"
7. Are You on the Top 40 of the Lord? (courtesy of Joel)
8. At the Gas Station of Love, I Got the Self Service Pump (courtesy of Barry)
Apparently this is from a Weird Al Yankovic song, "One More Minute." But it sounds like a country title, so I'll keep it!
9. Beauty is Only Skin Deep, but Ugly Goes Clean to the Bone (courtesy of Ken)
I've found 2 songs titled "Beauty is Only Skin Deep" - one was recorded by The Temptations and The Miracles and won a BMI Songwriting Award for Eddie Holland & Norman Whitfield..
The other was written by Francis Burke & Don Raye (ASCAP)
10. Billy Broke My Heart at Walgreens and I Cried All the Way to Sears (courtesy of Jim)
According to Lynn, this was recorded by Peter Drake.
11. Bubba Shot The Jukebox
12. Bubba's Inconvenience Store
by Bett Butler (BMI)
13. Come out of the Wheatfield Nellie, You're Going Against the Grain (courtesy of Louis)
Apparently heard in Liverpool, 30 years ago. Wasn't there anything better to listen to in Liverpool 30 years ago???
14. Cow Cow Blues Written by Charles "Cow Cow" Davenport (ACAP), and recorded by Bing Crosby, among others.
Not a country song at all, as it turns out, but I've left it on the list because of the title's similarity to...
15. Cow Cow Boogie (Moo Moo My Love)
This one's been performed by everyone from The Judds to Mel Torme, according to ASCAP. Also not to be confused with...
16. Cow Cow Strut
by Barbara Chamberlin (SOCAN)
17. Did I Shave my Legs for This? by Deana Carter (courtesy of Scott)
18. Don't Believe My Heart Can Stand Another You.
by Tanya Tucker (BMI)
19. Don't Chop Any Wood Mother, I'm Comin' in With a Load! (courtesy of Garnet)
20. Don't Come Home a-Drinkin' With Lovin' on Yo-mind
by Loretta Lynn (BMI) (courtesy of Hamp)
21. Don't Give Me A Plastic Saddle 'Cuz I Want To Feel That Leather When I Ride (courtesy of Diane)
22. Don't Make Love To a Country Music Singer
written by Robert Morrison & Dale WM Thomas (ASCAP)
23. Don't Roll Those Bloodshot Eyes at Me (courtesy of Richard)
Several songs called "Bloodshot Eyes" in the database.
24. Don't Squeeze My Sharmon. (Yes, that IS the correct spelling)
Written by Carl Belew & Van Givens (BMI)
25. Don't Strike A Match (To The Book Of Love)
Written by Pat Alger & Hal Ketchum (BMI)
26. Drop Kick Me Jesus (Through The Goal Posts Of Life.)
Written by Paul Charles Craft
27. Feelin' Single and Drinkin' Doubles
Written by Donald Fagan & Johnnie Masters (BMI)
28. Feelin' Single and Seein' Double (courtesy of Laurence)
by Emmy Lou Harris (Elite Hotel album, says Laurence) - written by Wayne Kemp (BMI)
29. Four on the Floor and a Fifth Under the Seat
Written by Rex Pearce (BMI) (courtesy of Rick)
30. Get Off The Stove,Grandma, You're Too Old To Ride The Range
by Colin Hartridge (SOCAN)
31. Get Off the Table, Mabel (The Two Dollars is for the Beer)
by Bull Moose Jackson
32. Get Your Biscuits In The Oven, And Your Buns In The Bed.
Written by Richard Friedman (BMI)
33. Git Up Off'n the Floor Hannah (a Bitter New Year's Eve)
by Red Ingle and the Natural Seven, Written by Foster Carling & Joe Washburne (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
34. Going to Hell in Your Heavenly Arms
by the Austin Lounge Lizards (ASCAP)
35. Guess My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Heart.
Written by Liz Anderson (BMI)
36. Hand me the Pool Cue and Call Yourself an Ambulance (courtesy of Tom, who isn't sure it's a real song)
37. He's got a Way with Women...and He's Just got Away with Mine (courtesy of Mick)
A whopping 17 songs titled "He's Got a Way With Women" in the BMI database.
38. Her Only Bad Habit Is Me
Believe it or not, three songs with this title in the BMI database.
39. Here's A Quarter (Call Someone Who Cares)
by Travis Tritt - "It's All About to Change" (several folks submitted this one)
40. He Went To Sleep and The Hogs Ate Him (Now Claude's Gone Forever) (courtesy of Pam)
Pam says - "don't know who wrote/recorded it. used to be on the jukebox at Lester's Cafe Howdy, Cleveland OH. (mercifully demolished back in the '80s)"
BMI database says it's written by Nathaniel Nathan, Gene Redd & Ray Starr.
41. High Cost of Low Living
by John Steele & James Sloane (ASCAP)
42. Hog Sloppin' Time in the Hollow (courtesy of Bob, who claims it's "A true love song")
by Chuck Mayfield - Written by Antell & Tyler (BMI)
43. Hold On To Your Men..Cause she's Single Again (courtesy of Susan)
44. How Can I Get Over You if You Won't Get Out from Under Me? (courtesy of Dan)
How Can I Get Over You Till You Get Out from Under Him? (alternate title courtesy of Mike)
45. How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?
Written by Leonard Linnehan & Louis Philip Perry (ASCAP) (courtesy of Charles)
But there are a half-dozen songs with this title in the BMI database!
46. How Can You Believe Me When I Say I Love You, When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life?
According to Murphy, this song was written for the film Royal Wedding starring Fred Astaire, and was a novelty dance number.
This is confirmed by Esther, who remembers hearing the song as a little girl in the 1930s and 40s. Matti confirms it was written specifically for the film.
Burton Lane & Alan Jay Lerner (ASCAP)
47. How Come My Dog Don't Bark (When You Come Around)? (courtesy of Steve)
by Dr. John
48. How Come Your Dog Don't Bite Nobody But Me?
by Mel Tillis (BMI)
49. How Did You Get so Ugly Overnight? (courtesy of Mark, who's not sure it's a real song either)
50. I-95 Asshole Song (courtesy of Stacy)
written by Fred August Campbell (BMI)
51. I Bought the Shoes that Just Walked Out on Me
2 songs with this title in the BMI database (courtesy of Rick)
52. I Can't Pass the Bar, and There's One on my Way Home (courtesy of Rick)
53. I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life (courtesy of Charles)
54. I Don't Care if it Rains or Freezes 'Long as I Have My Plastic Jesus Sittin' on the Dashboard of my Car
a.k.a. "Plastic Jesus" by Ernie Marrs (courtesy of Bill)
55. I Don't Do Floors
by Don Cook & Charles Victor Rains (ASCAP)
56. I Don't Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
by Thom Sharpe (courtesy of Gail, who tells me he wrote a number of comedy songs)
57. I Fell for Her, She Fell for Him, and He Fell for Me (courtesy of "Narkspud")
58. I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me (courtesy of Charles)
59. I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart
Written by Jack Clement (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
60. I Gave Her My Heart And A Diamond And She Clubbed Me With A Spade (courtesy of Bruce)
61. I Gave Her the Ring, and She Gave Me the Finger (courtesy of Maureen)
62. I Got Tears In My Ears From Lying On My Bed Crying On My Pillow Over You.
According to ASCAP, the acutal title is simply, "Tears In My Ears"
63. I Got the Hungries for Your Love, and I'm Waitin In Your Welfare Line (courtesy of John)
Apparently written & performed by Buck Owens
64. I Got Through Everything But The Door
65. I Guess I Had Your Leavin' Coming
by Vern Gosdin (ASCAP)
66. I Keep Forgettin' I Forgot About You
Written by Byron Gallimore, Don Pfrimmer & William Shore (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
67. I May Be Used, But Baby I Ain't Used Up
68. I Only Miss You On The Days That End In " Y " (courtesy of Frank)
69. I Sat Down On A Beartrap (Just This Morning)
70. I Sent Her Artifical Flowers For Her Artificial Love
There are 4 songs called "Artificial Flowers" in the BMI database (courtesy of Jerry)
71. I Spent My Last Ten Dollars on Birth Control and Beer (courtesy of Rennie )
by 2 Nice Girls (on their self-titled 1989 album) - written by Clara Phillips (BMI)
72. I Still Miss You Baby... But My Aim is Getting Better (courtesy of Eric)
73. I Want a Beer as Cold as My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Dan)
74. I Wanted You To Leave Until You Left Me.
75. Wanna Be A Blue Light Special In The K Mart Of Your Heart (courtesy of Gene, who "heard it in a little bar in Covington, Kentucky... And yes, it was as bad as it sounds like it would be.)
There are a surprising 11 songs titled "Blue Light Special" in the BMI database!
76. I Wanna Whip Your Cow (courtesy of Charles)
77. I Was Looking Back to See If You Were Looking Back to See If I Was Looking Back to See if You Were Looking Back at Me
According to Sean, this may be "I Looked Back" by Jimmy Eaton & Larry Wagner, recorded by Perry Como.
If that's the case, I think we can safely move it out of the "country" category!
On the other hand, according to Steve, it was a duet performed by Buck Owens and Susan Raye in the 1960s, called "Looking Back to See,"
which would move it right back into the "country" category.
Finally, according to Beth, it was originally recorded by Red Sovine and Goldie Hill.
78. I Went Back to My Fourth Wife for the Third Time and Gave Her a Second Chance to Make a First Class Fool Out of Me
by Rev.Billy C. Wirtz (courtesy of Zev)
79. I Went Out On A Limb and Fell Off the Family Tree (courtesy of Brad)
80. I Wish I Were A Lesbian
by Loudon Wainwright III (ASCAP)
81. I Wish I Were A Woman (So I Could Go Out With A Guy Like Me) (courtesy of Mick)
82. I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn't Spell Yuck! (courtesy of Charles)
According to Shalom, the actual title of this song is "I Couldn't Spell !!*@!" , by Sam The Sham & The Pharaohs (same guys who hit it big with Wooly Bully).
It came out in 1968 on M-G-M #13972, and was their last Top 40 song.
83. I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (courtesy of Charles)
84. I'd Rather Hear A Fat Girl Fart Than A Pretty Boy Sing (courtesy of Mike)
85. I'd Rather Pass a Kidney Stone than Another Night With You
86. If Fingerprints Showed Up On Skin, Wonder Whose I'd Find On You.
by Freddie Hart (BMI)
87. If I Ain't Got It, You Don't Need It.
Two songs with this title in the BMI database
88. If I Can't Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You (courtesy of Charles)
89. If I'd Killed You When I Wanted To, I'd be Out of Jail By Now (courtesy of Tom)
by Reuben Darnell
90. If I Had It To Do All Over Again, I'd Do It All Over You
by Dan Hicks and his Hot Licks (courtesy of Peter)
91. If I Had My Life to Live Over, I'd Live Over a Delicatessen (courtesy of Mike)
92. If I Were In Your Shoes, I'd Walk Right Back To Me
Five songs in the BMI database caleed "If I Were In Your Shoes" (courtesy of Mick)
93. If Love Were Oil, I'd Be A Quart Low (courtesy of Charles)
94. If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You (courtesy of Charles and Ray)
95. If My Nose Was Running Money, Honey, I'd Blow It Al On You (Title from BMI database)
96. If I Had a Nose Full of Nickels, I'd Sneeze Them All Atchoo! (Another version of the title)
97. If She Hadn't Been So Good Lookin' I Might Have Seen the Train (courtesy of Phil)
98. If the Devil Danced in Empty Pockets, He'd Have a Ball in Mine
by Joe Diffie (ASCAP) (courtesy of Jennifer)
99. If The Jukebox Took Teardrops
2 songs with this title listed in the ASCAP database.
100. If The Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me
by Jimmy Buffett, also recorded by Crystal Gayle (ASCAP) (courtesy of Carol)
101. If Today Was a Fish, I'd Throw It Back In
3 songs titled "If Today Was a Fish" in the BMI database. (courtesy of Rick & Frank)
102. If You Can't Be Good, Be Bad With Me
Written by Tim Bussey & Mark Maxwell (BMI)
103. If You Can't Be Good, Son, Be Good At It
by Neal McCoy (BMI) (courtesy of Betsy)
104. If You Can't Bite, Don't Growl.
by Tommy Collins (BMI)
105. If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead?
Written by Benjamin Costello, Alexis Feltham & Jason Whalley (BMI) (courtesy of Simon)
106. If You Don't Leave Me, I'll Find Someone Who Will (courtesy of Barry)
107. If You Ever Get the Feelin' I Don't Love You, Feel Again.
108. If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
Three songs in the BMI database with this title. (courtesy of Charles)
109. If You Leave Me I'm Gone
by Hunter Davis (ASCAP)
110. If You Really Loved Me, You'd Leave (courtesy of Phil)
111. If You Got the Money, Honey, I Got the Time
by Hank Williams (courtesy of Bill)
112. If You’re Gonna Do Him Wrong Again, You Might As Well Do Him Wrong Again With Me! (courtesy of Peter)
113. If You're Gonna Do Me Wrong, Do It Right (courtesy of Kathy)
by Vern Gosdin & Max Barnes (BMI)
114. If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put it Next to My Ex-Wife's Heart (courtesy of Blair)
115. If You Want Your Freedom PDQ, Divorce Me COD
Written by Cliffie Stone & Merle Travis. Also recorded by Boxcar Willie and Glen Campbell.
116. If Whiskey Were A Woman, I'd Be Married For Sure.
Written by Stuart Holdsworth, Jack Routh & Randy Sharp (BMI)
117. I Like Bananas Because They Have No Bones
by Hoosier Hot Shots, Written by Chris Yacich (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
118. I'll Marry You Tomorrow, But Let's Honeymoon Tonight.
119. I'll Tennessee You In My Dreams
120. I'm Drinkin Christmas Dinner (All Alone This Year) (courtesy of Stephen)
by Mac Davis & Freddy Weller (BMI)
121. I'm Gonna Hire A Wino To Decorate Our Home.
122. I'm Gonna Put a Bar in the Back of my Car and Drive Myself to Drink
From the album "Fear of Frying" by a Marin County (California) band called"Eggs Over Easy", around 1968 (courtesy of Mark)
Unfornutately, according to Eric, "After years of searching, I have finally obtained a copy of the album "Fear of Frying" by the Marin County band "Eggs Over Easy". And, I must report, there is no song titled "I'm gonna put a bar in the back of my car and drive myself to drink" Nothing even remotely similar. Nor does this line, or anything similar to this line, appear in any song on the album. Still, it's a great title"
123. I'm Here To Get My Baby Out Of Jail
Two songs with this title in the BMI database.
124. I'm In Love With A Capital U (courtesy of Sara Kate)
by Country Joe Diffie. Written by Nelson & Wiseman (BMI)
125. I'm Just an Old Chunk of Coal (But I'm Gonna be a Diamond Someday) (courtesy of Neo)
written by Billy Joe Shaver (BMI) Recorded by Johnny Cash and John Anderson, among others.
126. I'm Quittin' Wild Turkey Cold Turkey
Believe it or not, 24 songs called "Cold Turkey" in the BMI database. Only 13 called "Wild Turkey" (courtesy of Mandy)
127. I'm So Miserable Without You, it's Almost like Having you Here (courtesy of Mike, who isn't sure it's a real song)
There are several songs called "I'm So Miserable Without You" in the BMI database.
But Tina says it was written by Jimmy Folker and Korky May, from Oxford, PA.
128. I'm The Only Hell Mama Ever Raised
by Johnny Paycheck (BMI)
129. I'm Under The Table Over You (courtesy of Buddy)
130. Is It Cold in Here, or Is it Just You? (courtesy of Mark)
The BMI database lists a song called "Is It Cold In Here" by Joe Diffie.
131. It Only Takes One Bar (To Make A Prison)
by Tracy Lawrence (ASCAP)
132. I've Been Carrying a Torch for You so Long that it's Burned a Great Big Hole in my Heart
by Nino Temple and April Stevens. There are 2 songs called "Carrying a Torch" in the BMI database.
133. I've Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart.
Written by Jack Clement (BMI)
134. I've Been Roped And Throwed By Jesus In The Holy Ghost Corral.
135. I've Got a Cowboy In The Saddle, and Another One's Holding My Horse (courtesy of Laurena)
We now have independent confirmation of this one from Tracy, who has a copy of the '45! (1981 Acclaim Records Canada)
by Iris Larrat - written by M.R. Garlow & Neil Patton Rogers
136. I've Got the Cob, If You've Got the Corn (courtesy of Marvin)
137. I've Got $5 And It's Saturday Night
138. I've Heard that Tear Stained Monologue You do There by the Door Before You Go
by John Hartford (courtesy of Joel)
139. It Ain't Easy Being Easy
by Roseanne Cash (courtesy of Pamela)
140. It Took a Helluva Man to Take my Anne, but it Sure Didn't Take Him Long (courtesy of Rick)
141. It's Not the High Cost of Living, It's the Cost of Living High (courtesy of Buddy)
142. I've Got Those Feed 'Em In The Morning, Change 'Em, Feed 'Em In the Evenin' Blues
by Tennessee Ernie Ford (BMI) (The official title is "Feed 'Em In The Morning Blues")
143. I Would Kiss You Through the Screendoor but It'd Strain Our Love (courtesy of David)
144. Jeremiah Peabody's Polyunsaturated Quick Dissolving Fast Acting Pleasant Tasting Green and Purple Pills
by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
145. Jesus Loves Me But He Can't Stand You (courtesy of Michael)
by the Austin Lounge Lizards
146. Jim, I Wore A Tie Today
147. Last Night I Went to Bed with a "10" and Woke this Morning with a "2"
by Willie Nelson (courtesy of Janet)
148. Lay Something On My Bed Besides A Blanket
Written by Daniel Hogan, Gladys & Ronny Scaife (BMI)
149. Legendary Chicken Fairy
by Jack Blanchard & Misty Morgan (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
150. Let's Do Something Cheap and Superficial (courtesy of Dan)
by Burt Reynolds (Smokey and the Bandit 2 soundtrack) written by Richard Levinson (BMI)
151. Make Me Late For Work Today.
Five songs with this title in the BMI database, including one by Paul Brandt.
152. Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)
Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Baby's Head) (Conflicting submissions on this blues tune - anyone??)
Get the Hammer Mama, There's a Head on Papa's Fly (Now that's the best one yet)
153. Meet Me In the Gravel Pit, Honey, cuz I'm a Little Boulder There (courtesy of Maggie)
154. Messed Up In Mexico, Living On Refried Dreams (courtesy of Jennifer, who said it was on heavy rotation on the radio in Montana)
155. Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?
156. My Give-A-Damn Is Broken (courtesy of Randy)
written by Ammons-Baker-Martindale-Whisenhunt (BMI)
157. My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus. (courtesy of Paul)
by Jimmy Buffett
158. My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
159. My Lips Want to Stay (But My Heart Wants to Go)
by Hank Wangford
160. My Phone Ain't been Ringing, so I Guess it Wasn't You
161. My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
Written by Phil Earhart (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
162. Nashville Rash
Written by Kenneth Dale Watson (BMI)
163. Ned Nostril (and his South Seas Paradise, Put Your Blues on Ice, Cheap at Twice the Price Band, Icky Icky Ucky Ucky)
by Ray Stevens (BMI) (courtesy of Narkspud, who actually owns the album and confirms that it's even printed this way on the label)
164. Nobody Wants to Play Rhythm Guitar Behind Jesus (courtesy of Russell)
by the Oak Ridge Boys - written by T.A. Hill (There's a Terry Allan Hill in the ASCAP database, but no titles registered)
165. No Way, Conway (I Ain't Gonna Twitty Tonight) (courtesy of Narkspud)
Supposedly recorded by Teresa Brewer.
166. Occasional Wife
Written by Robert William Scott (ASCAP)
167. Oh, I've Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You (courtesy of Charles)
According to Jeff, this is by Rolf Harris. Haven't been able to confirm it.
168. One Day When You Swing That Skillet (My Face Ain't Gonna Be There)
by Richard (Dick) Hardwick - courtesy of Tom.
169. Our Love is Illegal, Cause Our Names Ain't the Same (courtesy of Ned)
170. Out of My Head and Back in My Bed (courtesy of Stacy)
Stacy says this was recorded by Loretta Lynn. I've found 2 similar titles in the BMI Database:
"Out of my Head and Back in my Bed" by Snuff Garrett
"Out of my Head and Back in Bed" by Peggy Forman
171. Overlonely and Underkissed
172. Pardon Me, I've Been Pardoned
Written by Michael Manuel (BMI)
173. Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill
by Johnny Paycheck (BMI) (courtesy of Charles)
174. Phantom Of The Opry
A whopping 7 entries in the BMI database for this one.
175. Pick Me Up On Your Way Down
by Patsy Cline (BMI)
176. Pick Me Up Or Let Me Down
by Hank Smith (SOCAN)
177. Poultry Promenade
by Diamond Rio (BMI)
178. Prop Me Up Beside the Jukebox When I Die (courtesy of Laura)
by Joe Diffie - written by Blaylock-Perdew-Phillips (BMI)
179. Queen Of My Double-Wide Trailer Written by Dennis Linde
Recorded by Sammy Kershaw, and Country Dance Kings
180. Redneck Martians Stole My Baby
by Hank Flamingo (BMI)
181. Red Necks, White Socks, and Blue Ribbon Beer
by Johnny Russell (ASCAP)
182. Refried Dreams
by Tim McGraw (BMI)
183. Run for the Roundhouse Nellie (He Can't Corner You There)
by Zeke Masters and his Band, Written by Julian Kay & Zeke Manners (ASCAP) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
184. Saddle Up the Stove Ma, I'm Riding the Range Tonight (courtesy of Garnet)
185. She Broke My Heart, I Broke Her Jaw (courtesy of Katrina)
by Rick Stanley.
186. She Can Put Her Shoes Under My Bed Anytime
by Johnny Duncan (courtesy of Bill)
187. She Dropped me in Denver So I Had a Whole Mile to Fall (courtesy of William)
by The Gatlin Brothers
188. She Feels Like A New Man Tonight.
Five songs with this title in the BMI database.
189. She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft
by Jerry Reed (courtesy of Charles)
190. She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger (courtesy of Charles)
191. She Looks Good Through the Bottom of My Shot Glass (courtesy of Marc)
192. She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart (courtesy of Charles)
193. She Offered Her Honor, He Honored Her Offer, and All Through the Night It Was Honor and Offer
by Sligo Studio Band, written by Robert Bivens (BMI) (courtesy of "Narkspud")
194. She Thinks My Tractor's Sexy
Written by Jim Collins & Paul Overstreet (BMI)
195. She Walked Across My Heart Like It Was Texas (courtesy of James)
196. She's Actin' Single..... I'm Drinkin' Doubles
by Gary Stewart (BMI).
197. She's Got the Rhythm (And I Got the Blues)
198. Skillet Full of Crisco
written by Null Cecil Allen (BMI)
199. Slap 'Er Down Again Paw
by Arthur Godfrey (courtesy of "Narkspud")
200. Thank God And Greyhound She's Gone
by Roy Clark (BMI)
201. Thanks To The Cathouse, I'm In The Doghouse With You
Written by Max Barnes, Frank Saulino & James Valentini (BMI)
202. That "It's All Over" Feeling (All Over Again)
by The Clarks - written by Stephen Clark & Rae Mac (ASCAP)
203. The Alcohall of Fame
by Wayne Kemp - from the album of the same name.
204. The Bridge Washed Out and I Can't Swim and My Baby's On the Other Side
205. The Last Word in Lonesome is Me
206. The Man That Came Between Us (Was Me)
207. The Old Home Fill 'er Up and Keep On Truckin' Cafe"
by C. W. McCall (courtesy of "Narkspud")
208. The Pint Of No Return.
209. There Ain't Enough Room in my Fruit Of The Looms to Hold All My Lovin' For You (courtesy of Atley)
210. There's A Tear In My Beer
by Hank Williams
211. They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (courtesy of Charles)
They Can Lock Me Up for Lovin' You, but They Can't Keep My Face from Breakin' Out (variation courtesy of Peter)
212. This Good Girl's Gonna Go Bad
by Tammy Wynette(courtesy of Bill)
213. This White Circle on My Finger Means We're Through
by Kitty Wells (courtesy of Bill)
214. Tight Fittin' Jeans
Two songs in the BMI database with this title.
215. Timber... I'm Fallin In Love (courtesy of Kathy)
by Patty Loveless. Written by "Kostas" (BMI)
216. Trainwreck Of Emotion
Written by Allen Kohnhurst & Jonathan Vezner (ASCAP)
217. Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother
by Jerry Jeff Walker "Great Gonzos" (courtesy of Ed) Also recorded by Willie Nelson, written by Ray Hubbard (ASCAP)
218. Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart (courtesy of Charles)
Did find a song in the BMI database called "Velcro Heart"
219. Waitin' In Your Welfare Line
by Buck Owens (BMI)
220. Walk Out Backwards Slowly So I'll Think You're Walking In
Four songs in the BMI database called "Walk Out Backwards"
221. Warm Beer and Cold Kisses
by Stallins & Crowe (BMI)
222. Warm Beer Cold Women
by Tom Waits (ASCAP) Wouldn't call Tom Waits country, though....
223. We Feed Our Babies Onions So We Can Find 'Em In The Dark (courtesy of Stephen)
224. We Used To Kiss On The Lips, But It's All Over Now (courtesy of Cheryl)
225. Welcome to Dumpsville, Population Me
Two songs in the BMI database called "Welcome to Dumpsville" (courtesy of Jim)
226. What Made Milwaukee Famous Has Made a Loser Out of Me
227. When the Lightning Struck the Coon Creek Party Line
by Hoosier Hot Shots (courtesy of "Narkspud")
228. When You Wrapped My Lunch in a Road Map, I Knew You Meant Good-Bye (from Sally in Sacramento)
229. Which Way Do I Go (Now That I'm Gone) ?
by Waylon Jennings - written by Stephen Clark & Rae Mac (ASCAP)
230. Who's Gonna Mow Your Grass?
by Buck Owens (BMI)
231. Who's Gonna Take The Garbage Out When I'm Dead And Gone?
232. Who's Makin' Time with the Time Keeper's Daughter, when the Time Keeper's Keepin' Time? (courtesy of Steve)
233. Whose Bed Have Your Boots Been Under?
by Shania Twain & Mutt Lange (ASCAP)
234. Why Have You Left the One You Left Me For?
by Crystal Gayle, also recorded by Ronnie Milsap (courtesy of the Johnson family)
235. Why Don't We Get Drunk and Screw
by Jimmy Buffett "All the Great Hits" (courtesy of Karen, James & Ed)
236. Would Jesus Wear A Rolex On His Television Show?
by Ray Stevens, Written by Chet Atkins & Margaret Archer (BMI)
237. Yard Sale (12 exciting songs share this title in the BMI database)
238. You Ain't Much Fun Since I Quit Drinkin'
by Toby Keith (BMI) (courtesy of Chili)
239. You Ain't Woman Enough To Take My Man
by Loretta Lynn (courtesy of Bill)
240. You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog ('s Leavins') (courtesy of Jim)
241. You can Lock Me Up in Jail & Throw Away the Key, But You Can't Keep My Face from Breaking Out
by Randy Scruggs (courtesy of Dave )
242. You Can't Have Your Kate And Edith Too.
243. You Can't Haul a U-Haul Into Heaven
written by Clark-Mac-Northrup (ASCAP)
244. You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
by Roger Miller (BMI)
245. You Changed Your Name From Brown to Jones, and Mine From Brown to Blue
Apparently by a British spoof country singer, "Hank Wangford." Courtesy of Jan from Essex.
246. You Done Blacked My Blue Eyes Once Too Often (courtesy of Dave)
247. You Done Changed my Lifestyle
by Earl Hines (BMI)
248. You Done Me Wrong, But at Least You Done Me! (courtesy of Aaron )
Several songs titled "You Done Me Wrong" appear in the databases.
249. You Done My Brain In
by Neil James Innes (BMI)
250. You Done Stomped On my Heart (and You Mashed That Sucker Flat)
According to multiple emails, this was written by Mason Williams (yes, the "Classical Gas" guy) and recorded by various artists including John Denver.
"You done stomped on my heart and mashed that sucker flat, you just sorta, stomped on my aorta.
You started going out with guys, I felt us drift apart, and every step you took, was a stomp right on my heart."
251. You Done The Wrong Woman Wrong
written by Connie Rae Harrington (ASCAP)
252. You Were Only A Splinter As I Slid Down The Banister Of Life (courtesy of Charles)
253. You'd think my Bed was a Bus Stop, the Way You Come and Go (several submissions)
254. Your Negligee Has Turned To Flannel Nightgowns.
255. You're Not Free & I'm Not Easy
written by Herb Coleman & Robert Morrison (ASCAP)
256. You're The Hangnail In My Life, And I Can't Bite You Off
by Hoyt Axton, Written by Woody Bowles (BMI)(courtesy of Eli)
257. You're a Hard Dog To Keep Under The Porch
by Gail Davies (BMI) (courtesy of Susan)
258. You're Going To Ruin My Bad Reputation
Could this be "My Bad Reputation" by Woody Guthrie?
259. You're Out Of Step (With The Beat Of My Heart)
260. You're The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly (courtesy of Charles, with more info from Ray))
By Lola Jean Dillon & L.E. White (BMI) Apparently also recorded by Loretta Lynn & Conway Twitty
261. You're The Ring Around My Bathtub, You're The Hangnail Of My Life
262. You've Already Put Big Old Tears In My Eyes, Must You Throw Dirt In My Face?
by The Louvin Brothers (courtesy of Art)
263. You've Got Sawdust On The Floor Of Your Heart
by Sneezy Waters (courtesy of Paul)
264. 80 Proof Bottle of Tear Stopper
265. 800 Pound Jesus
by Sawyer Brown. Written by Billy Maddox & Paul Thorn (BMI)
posted by ohshenandoah at 11:50 AM on August 4, 2011 [32 favorites]

The preceding post may be the definitive list! I would only add the
Trailer Park Troubadours - "It ain't home 'til you take the wheels off."
And, I am also seconding The Austin Lounge Lizards. My personal favorite is "The Dogs They Really Miss You."
posted by easilyamused at 1:23 PM on August 4, 2011

"Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys" and "cowboys are secretly, frequently fond if each other" both by Willie Nelson. I suggest them back to back.
posted by natasha_k at 1:37 PM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Home with the Armadillo.
posted by Addlepated at 5:18 PM on August 4, 2011

Oh, and this one is mentioned in a mongo post above but let's give it the respect it deserves - Up Against the Wall, Redneck Mother.
posted by Addlepated at 5:20 PM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

I hate to be a pedant, but the Ned Sublett original version of cow it's are secretly frequently has a weirdness and sincerity that the Willie version does not... But I'm not sure it's available.

Also worth a mention:
Screw you, we're from Texas (Ray Wylie Hubbard)
Swervin' in my lane (Robert Earl Keen and maybe mentioned up thread)
posted by Lesser Shrew at 5:36 PM on August 4, 2011 [1 favorite]

Glad to see some folks recommending the Austin Lounge Lizards, but my favorite hokey tune of theirs (with a wink and a nudge) is Stupid Texas Song.
posted by immlass at 7:04 AM on August 5, 2011

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