My optometrist is easy on the eyes. Crap.
July 25, 2011 7:57 AM   Subscribe

My eye doctor brings in a new second doctor every once in a while, I guess to handle most of the menial check-ups. To my frustration, I have a crush on this current one. I'm due to visit the office one last time in a week or two. What then? YANMD, at least, I hope not.

(Similar previous questions here: 1 or 2)

As luck had it, I needed to get a new brand of contacts this year, and ended up with two visits, with a different brand trial each time. First impression was that the second brand seemed better, and she preferred them also, so assuming I'd stick with it, she ordered an extra trial to hold me over until my full order came in.

Based on the responses from the threads above, and my own acquaintances, I was determined to ask her out the second time, but that exam room is so small, it just felt too awkward. There's a back waiting room that's more open, but there were patients. We made some small talk during the exam, but I didn't want to distract her or hold her up.

I called a short while later to clarify about my contacts order (really), but wasn't able to get her directly. So when I pick up the final trial pair, which I figure will just be through reception, what should I do then?

I'd likely only go on a Saturday, so it could be just before they officially open, which I did last time. Would I be able to talk to her without an actual visit? I'd hate to ask that she call me back for something unimportant. Perhaps leave a tongue-in-cheek card for her one-month anniversary there, which it'll be at around then? Or a note and say it's a recipe she had asked for? Whatever I'd do, I'd try to make it easy for her to decline, being a busy doctor and all.

Thanks in advance.
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (8 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I'd send her a nice card after the appointment saying that you didn't want to put her on the spot while she was doing her job, but now that your business is concluded you'd very much like to take her out to dinner etc. etc. Be sure to include your phone number in the card so that she doesn't have to look it up in patient records.
posted by hermitosis at 8:08 AM on July 25, 2011 [10 favorites]

Yeah, don't put her on the spot at her job, per usual mefite advice. The card afterward in which you offer a date, but make it clear that you won't be weird if she declines (um, but in better wording), would be best.
posted by ldthomps at 8:17 AM on July 25, 2011

This will happens a lot to any halfwayway attractive medical practitioner and they are well versed in turning such requests down gently.

If you must, and I strongly recommend you don't, then ask to meet for coffee or something short during the work day, if she agrees there may be the possibility of asking for a date. The worst that can happen is you will need to find a new eye doctor.
posted by epo at 8:32 AM on July 25, 2011

Oh rats! "happen" and "halfway"
posted by epo at 8:33 AM on July 25, 2011

Oh man. I used to manage a dental office, and I worked the front desk in a GP office. Please don't do this. No matter how subtle or polite you are, it's always weird. Once a week, different guy, weird.

If you do, please don't lie about what you're doing. If you say it's a "recipe she asked for" that will probably be repeated to her by whoever gives her the note. And you know what she'll say? "I didn't ask anonymous for a recipe." Your cover will be instantly blown, and she will realize what's going on after she says that.

Your best bet is finding out if she has an email address of her own at the office. This doesn't guarantee that she'll be the only one to see your message, but it 1. improves the odds, and 2. Allows her to gracefully ignore the message.

If she doesn't respond to your email, do not follow up to check if she got it. Just don't.
posted by bilabial at 9:47 AM on July 25, 2011

Do NOT ask her out at work. Just don't do it. She's in professional mode and she's seeing you as a case, not a person, and it won't come out in your favor, anyway.

And yeah, don't lie or be sneaky, either. That just makes you look creepy.

I think hermitosis has the best approach here. It gives her a chance to know you are interested without putting her on the spot right then and there.

If you do send a note, make it to her c/o the office address, and put "private and confidential" on the envelope or something, don't just send it to the practice (unless you want your heart bandied about by the support staff, who regularly open the office mail). Include your email and cell phone number and then try, very hard, to let it go. If you don't hear from her in about a week, resist the impulse (you will have it, of course) to visit the office on some pretense.

I wish you luck, but this really is a common thing, and doctors rarely end up dating patients this way, honestly.
posted by misha at 10:06 AM on July 25, 2011 [3 favorites]

I'm perhaps not as insistent as some of the others that you have to rule her out because you saw her while on the job but - any sign at all that she was interested in you? Doctors make small talk and are nice to people - it's part of what they do. I do tend to agree with the others that they probably get hit on a lot - if you're attractive and presumed to be of middlin' to high income, it's got to be a double-whammy, along with the fact that people bond with people who are in close physical proximity to them, touching them as part of the job, etc.

I'd ask yourself if you would ask this person out under similar circs that were more mundane, given the same amount of time to communicate, same level of familiarity, etc. I'd also give yourself a week or two to perhaps re-assess how meaningful the contact really was.
posted by randomkeystrike at 2:22 PM on July 25, 2011

What hermitosis said. Send a card; if she's interested she'll respond and if not you haven't done anything weird. Win!
posted by goblinbox at 3:09 PM on July 25, 2011

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