Softcore pr0n for guys?
July 7, 2011 4:43 PM Subscribe
Straight couple in their 40s needs softcore porn suggestions for him.
We're a straight couple in our 40s who've been together a year and a half or so. We need porn suggestions geared more for him than me. He isn't comfortable doing the research and I am, but the porn I like is a little rougher and I think it will do more turning off than on for him. He has no porn experience at all. It wouldn't surprise me if he became okay with harder core stuff later but I don't want to scare him off by starting there.
Erotic scenes in non-porn movies turn him on, but since he doesn't seem into fast forwarding just to those scenes, we have to watch the whole movie, and that doesn't work for *me*. I suspect that good costumes and period piece sorts of things would go over well. Some plot or at least set up would probably go over well, too. He says that woman-on-woman doesn't work for him. Anything that seems like violence or rape is completely off the table. Our DSL connection is sloooow so online won't work, alas.
Having started this project, I realize now that ANY sex turns me on as long as it doesn't feel mean-spirited, exploitative, or involve poop or blood, though it's true I prefer natural bodies. It turns out he's more discerning. He's also less physically sensual than I am, regarding touch (and food- another of my favorite experiences) though he is very sensitive to visuals, music, and words, both spoken and on paper, so that might be a good route to go, too. You can pry my Oxford comma from my cold, dead keyboard.
I have read the AskMes people posted asking for starter porn for their wives, and people generally advise the softer stuff: is there any reason those same suggestions wouldn't work for a guy? If not, I'll start there.
I feel awkward about the whole thing because I've never been in a relationship where I had to do the heavy lifting in bringing in new sex experiences, so any words of encouragement and advice are appreciated, too.
We're a straight couple in our 40s who've been together a year and a half or so. We need porn suggestions geared more for him than me. He isn't comfortable doing the research and I am, but the porn I like is a little rougher and I think it will do more turning off than on for him. He has no porn experience at all. It wouldn't surprise me if he became okay with harder core stuff later but I don't want to scare him off by starting there.
Erotic scenes in non-porn movies turn him on, but since he doesn't seem into fast forwarding just to those scenes, we have to watch the whole movie, and that doesn't work for *me*. I suspect that good costumes and period piece sorts of things would go over well. Some plot or at least set up would probably go over well, too. He says that woman-on-woman doesn't work for him. Anything that seems like violence or rape is completely off the table. Our DSL connection is sloooow so online won't work, alas.
Having started this project, I realize now that ANY sex turns me on as long as it doesn't feel mean-spirited, exploitative, or involve poop or blood, though it's true I prefer natural bodies. It turns out he's more discerning. He's also less physically sensual than I am, regarding touch (and food- another of my favorite experiences) though he is very sensitive to visuals, music, and words, both spoken and on paper, so that might be a good route to go, too. You can pry my Oxford comma from my cold, dead keyboard.
I have read the AskMes people posted asking for starter porn for their wives, and people generally advise the softer stuff: is there any reason those same suggestions wouldn't work for a guy? If not, I'll start there.
I feel awkward about the whole thing because I've never been in a relationship where I had to do the heavy lifting in bringing in new sex experiences, so any words of encouragement and advice are appreciated, too.
Perhaps you could go to a specialised shop and browse the dvd shelves together? If that sounds too intimidating perhaps you could try somewhere with a veneer of fun and highst respectibility. Here in the UK there is something called "Ann Summers" in most larger towns.
Also have you considered reading erotic literature aloud to each other? There seems to be a general concensus that the greatest erotic /sensual body part we have is the brain! Plus reading aloud to each other makes it a couples activity.
Hoe that helps and good luck.
posted by Faintdreams at 5:06 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Also have you considered reading erotic literature aloud to each other? There seems to be a general concensus that the greatest erotic /sensual body part we have is the brain! Plus reading aloud to each other makes it a couples activity.
Hoe that helps and good luck.
posted by Faintdreams at 5:06 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Pirates and its sequel come in both R and X-rated varieties. They have hot porn, humor, AND a semi-coherent plot lines. The sex scenes are just long enough to be hot without turning into endless fleshy landscapes.
My SO and I started with the R version and realized we needed something racier. You might try the same tactic.
posted by lekvar at 5:09 PM on July 7, 2011
My SO and I started with the R version and realized we needed something racier. You might try the same tactic.
posted by lekvar at 5:09 PM on July 7, 2011
absolutely look at suggestions for women. it has the stuff you're looking for. soft, cuddly, story based, not rough, not offensive.
red shoe diaries might be a nice easy place to start - it's on hulu and netflix i'm pretty sure, but you can also buy them i think.
good vibrations has some suggestions and a couple essays about getting into porn and some categories, even on explicitly called new to watching porn. you'll have to weed through some (seriously hot) lesbian porn (namely, crash pad - omg.), but there are some good suggestions there.
posted by nadawi at 5:12 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
red shoe diaries might be a nice easy place to start - it's on hulu and netflix i'm pretty sure, but you can also buy them i think.
good vibrations has some suggestions and a couple essays about getting into porn and some categories, even on explicitly called new to watching porn. you'll have to weed through some (seriously hot) lesbian porn (namely, crash pad - omg.), but there are some good suggestions there.
posted by nadawi at 5:12 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
Maybe magazines and erotica (read out loud by you, perhaps) are better places to start than video?
posted by mauvest at 5:18 PM on July 7, 2011
posted by mauvest at 5:18 PM on July 7, 2011
I second x Art linked above. I can't stand it (so much love! and happy couples! and romantic music as they make love on the shore!) but my boyfriend likes the slow pace, very gentle, soft and cuddly, nice music.
posted by Dukat at 5:31 PM on July 7, 2011
posted by Dukat at 5:31 PM on July 7, 2011
Pirates is an awful movie. That being said, Pirates is a pretty great porn film.
My suggestion is to check out the better sex video series. It is permission giving porn. There are little 2/3 minute spiels at the beginning of each segment by a doctor and then visuals by some hot couples of what the doctor is talking about.
As for more traditional movies, Adam and Eve has a section called "features" which has a really good selection of decent porn with story lines.
A couple that I remember being pretty good are:
The scottish love knot
the perfect secretary
Rawhide
Also, anything by Anais Ninn (Ninn works) is pretty erotic/high art porn.
posted by TheBones at 5:32 PM on July 7, 2011
My suggestion is to check out the better sex video series. It is permission giving porn. There are little 2/3 minute spiels at the beginning of each segment by a doctor and then visuals by some hot couples of what the doctor is talking about.
As for more traditional movies, Adam and Eve has a section called "features" which has a really good selection of decent porn with story lines.
A couple that I remember being pretty good are:
The scottish love knot
the perfect secretary
Rawhide
Also, anything by Anais Ninn (Ninn works) is pretty erotic/high art porn.
posted by TheBones at 5:32 PM on July 7, 2011
Maybe check out Shortbus. It's more a "real" movie with a plot and such but has real sex scenes between real people. My wife and I enjoyed it on a few different levels.
posted by Captain_Science at 5:41 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Captain_Science at 5:41 PM on July 7, 2011 [1 favorite]
The Art of Blowjob - featuring real life couple Camille Crimson and Mike Flirt. No rough gagging or abusing. I really enjoy watching beautiful Camille in her sensual and professionally made videos and picture sets. She also regularly updates a blog on her life, behind-the-scene tidbits, her view on beautiful porn, etc.
Search for Hayden Winters, she's on most of the free tube sites and has a couple relatively softcore videos. Here's a sample of her movie. I think she's with New Sensation/Digital Sin.
posted by lucia_engel at 6:16 PM on July 7, 2011
Search for Hayden Winters, she's on most of the free tube sites and has a couple relatively softcore videos. Here's a sample of her movie. I think she's with New Sensation/Digital Sin.
posted by lucia_engel at 6:16 PM on July 7, 2011
and food- another of my favorite experiences
...
The Art of Blowjob - featuring real life couple Camille Crimson and Mike Flirt.
Here's one where dinner is involved!
posted by spockpuppet at 7:34 PM on July 7, 2011
...
The Art of Blowjob - featuring real life couple Camille Crimson and Mike Flirt.
Here's one where dinner is involved!
posted by spockpuppet at 7:34 PM on July 7, 2011
Girlfriends Films does some great relatively softcore stuff (mostly girl-girl) with lots of natural bodies, as does Sweetheart Video (once again female-friendly girl-girl porn).
Actually, Sweetheart Video has a sister company, Sweet Sinner, that provides more female-friendly erotica that is male/female scenarios. Maybe that's where you should start.
Viv Thomas is another choice for more erotic porn with natural bodies, but once again it is girl/girl.
So perhaps Sweet Sinner is the place to start.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:24 PM on August 3, 2011
Actually, Sweetheart Video has a sister company, Sweet Sinner, that provides more female-friendly erotica that is male/female scenarios. Maybe that's where you should start.
Viv Thomas is another choice for more erotic porn with natural bodies, but once again it is girl/girl.
So perhaps Sweet Sinner is the place to start.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:24 PM on August 3, 2011
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posted by pyro979 at 5:00 PM on July 7, 2011