When will my cat love me again?
June 24, 2011 9:20 AM Subscribe
My normally-extremely-affectionate cat Harriet has become aloof and uninterested in her humans since we introduced a new kitten, Sagan, 5 days ago. I miss her terribly. Please reassure me that this phase will pass.
My fiance and I have had our cat Harriet since she was a kitten. She's now two years old. She is extraordinarily friendly and outgoing, and wants to interact with us constantly. Because she dislikes being alone, we decided to get another cat to keep her company since we are away during the day. So, one week ago, we brought home a new kitten, fully expecting that the cats would be upset and/or aggressive at first, and hoping that they would eventually become friends. We followed proper cat introduction protocol. We've now had the new kitten for 5 days. Harriet has progressed from hissing and growling at a closed door to coexisting (relatively) peacefully with the new kitten - they even ate out of the same food bowl at the same time this morning, and both of them have cuddled up on the bed at night. There have been many paw-batting exchanges, but no hissing, biting, yowling or injuries. As cat introductions go, this is GREAT!
So what am I worrying about? Harriet is normally extremely affectionate. She grooms my hair (yeah, kinda gross), cuddles up on my lap every time I sit down, follows me everywhere and sits with me while I work, cook, or read, plays fetch... She sleeps curled up next to me on the bed at night and greets me enthusiastically whenever I come home. This cat is honestly my friend and it would be impossible to overstate how much I love her. She is just an amazing, amazing creature. Since we got the new kitten (who we immediately fell totally in love with, too), she has been tense and aloof. I know this is stressful for her, and since things are progressing well I keep telling myself I shouldn't worry, but I honestly find it heartbreaking that she's ignoring me and I'm afraid I've traumatized her. She has occasionally accepted affection - she'll sit on my lap for a few minutes here or there, and will occasionally respond to petting, but for the most part she is aloof or tense. The real killer is that when I pick her up, about 50% of the time she'll make this pitiful little meow and jump out of my arms, which she's never done before.
Did this happen to you? Did your older/existing cat go through an aloof phase when you introduced a new cat? How long did it take to pass? Did your cat return to his/her previous ways? WILL MY CAT LOVE ME AGAIN??!?! I seriously feel kind of desperate about this.
Details: Both the new kitten (Sagan) and Harriet are eating well, using their litterboxes, drinking plenty of water, etc. They feel comfortable enough to sleep and/or groom in the presence of each other. Harriet has several perches/sleeping spots that Sagan can't reach. We are already using Feliway. Harriet gets lots of treats.
My fiance and I have had our cat Harriet since she was a kitten. She's now two years old. She is extraordinarily friendly and outgoing, and wants to interact with us constantly. Because she dislikes being alone, we decided to get another cat to keep her company since we are away during the day. So, one week ago, we brought home a new kitten, fully expecting that the cats would be upset and/or aggressive at first, and hoping that they would eventually become friends. We followed proper cat introduction protocol. We've now had the new kitten for 5 days. Harriet has progressed from hissing and growling at a closed door to coexisting (relatively) peacefully with the new kitten - they even ate out of the same food bowl at the same time this morning, and both of them have cuddled up on the bed at night. There have been many paw-batting exchanges, but no hissing, biting, yowling or injuries. As cat introductions go, this is GREAT!
So what am I worrying about? Harriet is normally extremely affectionate. She grooms my hair (yeah, kinda gross), cuddles up on my lap every time I sit down, follows me everywhere and sits with me while I work, cook, or read, plays fetch... She sleeps curled up next to me on the bed at night and greets me enthusiastically whenever I come home. This cat is honestly my friend and it would be impossible to overstate how much I love her. She is just an amazing, amazing creature. Since we got the new kitten (who we immediately fell totally in love with, too), she has been tense and aloof. I know this is stressful for her, and since things are progressing well I keep telling myself I shouldn't worry, but I honestly find it heartbreaking that she's ignoring me and I'm afraid I've traumatized her. She has occasionally accepted affection - she'll sit on my lap for a few minutes here or there, and will occasionally respond to petting, but for the most part she is aloof or tense. The real killer is that when I pick her up, about 50% of the time she'll make this pitiful little meow and jump out of my arms, which she's never done before.
Did this happen to you? Did your older/existing cat go through an aloof phase when you introduced a new cat? How long did it take to pass? Did your cat return to his/her previous ways? WILL MY CAT LOVE ME AGAIN??!?! I seriously feel kind of desperate about this.
Details: Both the new kitten (Sagan) and Harriet are eating well, using their litterboxes, drinking plenty of water, etc. They feel comfortable enough to sleep and/or groom in the presence of each other. Harriet has several perches/sleeping spots that Sagan can't reach. We are already using Feliway. Harriet gets lots of treats.
Response by poster: I think it may be relevant to add that both cats are purebred Turkish Angoras, and extremely affectionate behavior is characteristic of the breed, and especially characteristic of the cats bred by the (really wonderful) breeder we bought ours from. Every time we walk in to her house, another beautiful cat jumps in to our arms and starts to purr.
posted by Cygnet at 9:43 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by Cygnet at 9:43 AM on June 24, 2011
I'm going to say this gently, but it may not come across that way: it's only been five days. Give it time. She might be picking up on your anxiety, too.
It seems as if you hit the cat-introduction lottery and the transition has gone incredibly smoothly. Don't worry if either or both take a back slide at some point.
posted by cooker girl at 9:46 AM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
It seems as if you hit the cat-introduction lottery and the transition has gone incredibly smoothly. Don't worry if either or both take a back slide at some point.
posted by cooker girl at 9:46 AM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Female cats are very territorial and she's adjusting to a new creature in her space and a competitor for your affection. When we introduced a new kitten into our family situation my Maine Coon didn't miss a beat, but my other cat was kind of aloof and we didn't see him for a little while as he adjusted. I'm happy to report that while the cats don't always get along with each other, they have no issues getting along with us.
posted by Kimberly at 9:49 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by Kimberly at 9:49 AM on June 24, 2011
Mine totally went through that transition period as well. My older cat is more or less fine with being picked up, except in front of the younger cat. That hasn't changed in five years. So I have to be a little more careful to respect her dignity, but otherwise, she's pretty much the same one-human-bonded Siamese she was before she got the kitten.
posted by restless_nomad at 10:12 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by restless_nomad at 10:12 AM on June 24, 2011
While I have little to add to Lyn Never's astute comment, I do want to observe that your kitties are OMG CUUUUUUUTE.
Also, have you given your breeder a call? She may be able to reassure you better than we can, because she's familiar with the expected behavior of these cats and how they will interact over time.
But, really, Harriet has had five days to adjust to a new family member. She just needs time (and a lot of things you're giving her, like space where the kitten can't get to her.)
posted by endless_forms at 10:15 AM on June 24, 2011
Also, have you given your breeder a call? She may be able to reassure you better than we can, because she's familiar with the expected behavior of these cats and how they will interact over time.
But, really, Harriet has had five days to adjust to a new family member. She just needs time (and a lot of things you're giving her, like space where the kitten can't get to her.)
posted by endless_forms at 10:15 AM on June 24, 2011
Response by poster: Re: the breeder - we are in touch. But I think I might be driving her crazy with my constant questions, so I decided to query the hive-mind too.
posted by Cygnet at 10:26 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by Cygnet at 10:26 AM on June 24, 2011
Give it time. When we introduced cat #2 I made a point of separating them for a while each night, so that I could have some quality time with cat #1. We still follow this routine. Cat #2 goes into the family room (Where both cats are eventually closed in for the night) and get special treats. Cat #1 gets special treats upstairs, and snuggles with me for a while (about a half an hour?) before he joins Cat #2 in the family room for the night. (Also by the time I bring Cat #1 into the family room, Cat #2 is finished with her treats and cuddled up on her blanket eagerly awaiting the Nightly Rubbing of the Tummy.) So, they each get a little individual TLC. And since it's a regular habit, look forward to it.
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 10:28 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by Green Eyed Monster at 10:28 AM on June 24, 2011
It took this very friendly cat about a month to fully forgive us for bringing home this guy when he was a tiny kitten. During the adjustment period Jaguar didn't want any snuggles unless the kitten was locked out of the room, and instead of following people around as usual he would find a tall perch and watch from there (the fridge was a favourite). It was weird to have a standoffish cat instead of my normal cuddly always-underfoot buddy, but he got over it eventually (and now they are both the snuggliest, even though only one can fit on a lap at a time).
posted by bewilderbeast at 10:32 AM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by bewilderbeast at 10:32 AM on June 24, 2011 [2 favorites]
When I adopted Toby last year, Little Feet was annoyed and standoffish to me as well. I think she was just trying to figure out the new order of things, and since Toby was less than a year old (and being all kitten all the time) she wanted to stay out of the way.
It took some time, and intentionally doing the same things that Little Feet was used to but now they follow me around everywhere together and sleep on the bed with me together (and use the bed for their many wrestling matches, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
In short, give her some time to settle in, and all will be well. Thanks for giving me a reason to share some pics like a crazy lady!
posted by MultiFaceted at 10:33 AM on June 24, 2011
It took some time, and intentionally doing the same things that Little Feet was used to but now they follow me around everywhere together and sleep on the bed with me together (and use the bed for their many wrestling matches, especially in the wee hours of the morning.
In short, give her some time to settle in, and all will be well. Thanks for giving me a reason to share some pics like a crazy lady!
posted by MultiFaceted at 10:33 AM on June 24, 2011
Uhhh...that link "many" should go to this photo. Linky fail!
posted by MultiFaceted at 10:34 AM on June 24, 2011
posted by MultiFaceted at 10:34 AM on June 24, 2011
Time. With Turks, you will discover one day that they are secretly cuddling.
And then they will be brazenly cuddling each other all the damn time, and while you might get some occasional snuggles, they could turn out to prefer each other.
This is another instance where the answer is "cats are weird."
posted by bilabial at 10:35 AM on June 24, 2011
And then they will be brazenly cuddling each other all the damn time, and while you might get some occasional snuggles, they could turn out to prefer each other.
This is another instance where the answer is "cats are weird."
posted by bilabial at 10:35 AM on June 24, 2011
We had the same issue when we brought Daisy home as a teeny 5-week-old kitten. Our cats George and June, who are about 2, were terrified of her, and June especially was resistant to welcoming her into the family. George and Daisy became BFFs within days, but June watched from the sidelines, hissing whenever the 0.8-lb kitten got too terrifyingly close. June also stopped being as affectionate -- especially with me, since she (correctly) identified me as the betrayer/traitor who was responsible for introducing this hellish beast into her life. But after about a week, she made peace with the situation, and within two weeks, she was back to nudging the computer off my lap so she could roll around and purr and cover me with cat hair, bringing me her ball to throw for her never-ending game of fetch, and snuggling with me (even when Daisy was also snuggling). Now the three of them are awesome pals, and June is as affectionate as ever. So I'd say just wait it out -- she'll come around!
posted by mothershock at 10:52 AM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mothershock at 10:52 AM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
I own two cats. One is a Siamese, one is a Rag Doll. The Siamese was first, and we had him about 2 years before we brought her into the picture. He used to cuddle with my wife A LOT, but once she came into the picture he toned that down about 80%, and I'm sad to say it never really went back to that level.
Your experience may vary, but in mine the aloofness stuck.
posted by zombieApoc at 11:03 AM on June 24, 2011
Your experience may vary, but in mine the aloofness stuck.
posted by zombieApoc at 11:03 AM on June 24, 2011
Have you deployed the tuna water?
posted by Soliloquy at 1:40 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Soliloquy at 1:40 PM on June 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
We got (found) two new kittens about a month ago, and it took a few days ago all of our other (5? 6? I lose count) cats to start coming inside again. It's funny, because they all started coming in again at roughly the same time. Cats are weird. This happens more or less every time we get another kitten. It'll be fine.
posted by Gymnopedist at 1:46 PM on June 24, 2011
posted by Gymnopedist at 1:46 PM on June 24, 2011
You've heard all the best advice--I'm just here to say Harriet's face is absolutely beautiful. What a lovely expression.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:03 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by BlueHorse at 12:03 AM on June 25, 2011 [1 favorite]
This happened to us. Yes, our once-affectionate cat loves us again. It took a few months, I believe. It will happen.
posted by sugarbomb at 7:41 PM on June 25, 2011
posted by sugarbomb at 7:41 PM on June 25, 2011
Response by poster: Thank you all so much for convincing me that this does happen and that it passes. I read many, many articles about cat introduction before we got the new kitten, and while I was prepared for cat/cat animosity, I was totally unprepared for cat/human animosity beyond an initial double-take. Don't know why it's not mentioned more often.
The really great news is that Harriet is almost back to her old self. Yesterday she slept on my lap again for the first time (bonus: with purring and kneading), and this morning she did her full-blown greeting routine after sleeping next to me all night. She has resumed head-butting and nuzzling and winding around my ankles. I'm so happy!
posted by Cygnet at 4:36 AM on June 28, 2011
The really great news is that Harriet is almost back to her old self. Yesterday she slept on my lap again for the first time (bonus: with purring and kneading), and this morning she did her full-blown greeting routine after sleeping next to me all night. She has resumed head-butting and nuzzling and winding around my ankles. I'm so happy!
posted by Cygnet at 4:36 AM on June 28, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
But also, for example with picking her up: right now she's got some dominance to work out, and being picked up makes her vulnerable to predators (it's why you have to be careful picking up animals in front of each other, or small children in front of animals). It's not a rejection of you, it's an adaptation to current circumstances.
Once they've settled - and it may take a month or two - you'll likely have your lap cat back and you guys will probably form some new routines as well, but you won't be your cat's cat-substitute anymore.
posted by Lyn Never at 9:30 AM on June 24, 2011 [11 favorites]