Elderly parents house in disrepair

May 27, 2011 7:25 PM

Parents are ederly and have a house in horrible disrepair. What should I do?

My father has severe dementia and will be moving to a long term care facility. My mother will be staying in the house but has mobility issues and needs help doing basic house work. The house has been ignored for decades and needs major repairs to ...everything. They didn't plan for their retirement and don't have money other than their pension cheques. I don't have a large amount of income either. What should I do?

posted by anonymous to Home & Garden (13 answers total)

Do they own their home outright, or do they owe money on it? Perhaps if it is paid off the best solution would be to try to sell it and use the proceeds to move your mother into a smaller, more manageable home. Are there specific reasons why she wants to stay in the house? Do the repairs constitute a safety hazard?
posted by DiscourseMarker at 7:29 PM on May 27, 2011 [4 favorites]

Have you checked on getting your Mom Home Health Care? They have social workers or you can contact a social worker at your local health department, they can guide you on your options such as available help for low income, etc.
posted by sandyp at 7:42 PM on May 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

There are rare cases when this is the best plan, so you will need to consult a financial advisor or someone you trust, but if they own a house, you might consider a reverse mortgage for your parents. The money can be used for their healthcare and repairs on the home while your Mom lives there.
posted by misha at 7:42 PM on May 27, 2011 [6 favorites]

Depending on where you are, there may be non-profit organizations that help with home repair. Google "home repair non-profit YOURTOWN" and I'm willing to bet you find something. Many of these organizations are able to do extensive work.
posted by emkelley at 7:54 PM on May 27, 2011 [1 favorite]

Would it be possible to get a location? Not all financing options will be available everywhere, and "cheques" suggests that the poster is not from the USA. Obviously, I could be wrong, but still.
posted by thomas j wise at 7:55 PM on May 27, 2011

Location would be very helpful. In Canada, there might be an opportunity to qualify for various grants, disability benefits, rental subsidies and so on.

It would also be helpful to know how strong your mom is emotionally right now. For some elderly people, a move - even to an apartment - can be traumatic.

Also, is there any way to rent out the basement of the home and use this income to offset costs? It would give your mom some security, perhaps, to have people around too.
posted by acoutu at 8:32 PM on May 27, 2011

I am in a somewhat similar situation. My father passed away and my mother is in her 80s. My wife and myself live in the house in the downstairs apartment. My mother lives upstairs. The house is very old. My father used to do most of the upkeep. I can do some work now, but a lot of it is more than I can handle.

We know a gentleman who is a kind of jack of all trades. If he can't do the work he knows people who can. We found out about him by asking friends of my father for exactly that, someone who is a handyman type.

Is there any way that you could do the same? Either ask friends of your parents or neighbors who they might recommend? You might be surprised. Neighbors might be just the way to go. Or friends of friends. Of course you would have to be very careful who you trust. But a friend of a friend would seem better than say an advertisement or just talking to a stranger. Hope this helps.
posted by Splunge at 10:07 PM on May 27, 2011

If you are in the UK, both equity release and reverse mortgages are possible. You might be better off selling the house, but otoh that might affect how much has to be contributed to your father's care. The best people to speak to for advice are CAB or Age Concern.

You should probably assume that you either pay for the repairs yourself, or that your inheritance is severely reduced. If you have siblings, it will probably work better in the long run if you get them onboard.
posted by plonkee at 11:38 PM on May 27, 2011

Is the house safe for her to live in? If not, the best thing is likely to move her to an apartment or other safe space and sell the house. Is she concerned about being able to visit your father? If there are any apartment complexes near the long-term care facility, that might be an option. (However, if the house gets sold it might affect funding for your father's care, so you'd need to look into that.)

My family had a similar situation a few years ago, and it was extremely stressful -- my sympathies. If it helps, my parents were able to get my elderly relative successfully moved to a much safer apartment, next door to her sister. The new owners dealt with the rotting sill, steep stairway, and missing back steps.
posted by pie ninja at 4:13 AM on May 28, 2011

I would get a home inspection. They cost only like $100.
Then you will know what is safe, what is the priority, what you can do yourself.
Shop around, find a good inspector - a good one can provide a lot of info.

You will need this info no matter which way you go - if you are selling or repairing.
posted by Flood at 5:30 AM on May 28, 2011 [1 favorite]

A lot of assisted living places have a policy where the spouse can move in, too. Especially if she is also on the spectrum of needing care, but maybe not at the same level. They are set up to handle multiple levels of care and the residents sort of graduate from one level to the next as abilities change.
posted by CathyG at 5:59 AM on May 28, 2011

How bad is it? Is the house a tear down? If so, I would wait until your mom moves out and sell it as a tear down. Does it have a large lot? If the lot is large enough to be divided into two or more pieces, investigate the permit process for subdividing the lot (short plat) to make the home more attractive to developers once they come back into the market.
posted by crazycanuck at 8:19 AM on May 28, 2011

Definitely talk to a competent social worker. Assuming they live in the us. Medicare will pay for a surprising number of services (home health aids, etc.) this is not an uncommon situation for the eldery and a good social worker can help.
posted by bananafish at 8:20 AM on May 28, 2011