I'm 26 going on 14.
April 4, 2011 3:07 PM Subscribe
How can I act on this silly schoolgirl crush?
This is so embarrassing, but here goes. I am a mid-20s female currently living in a European country and returning to the US shortly. I have a silly little crush on someone who works at an internet shop in my very small town. He was extremely helpful when I had internet trouble (my friends and I would visit a few times a week due to these problems) and gives off a vibe of kindness (and maybe a little shyness, too). I feel drawn to him, silly as that sounds. I don’t even know his name!
I would really love to chat with this person and go for a walk or have a coffee or some such activity, but I am so completely lost on how to go about this. A few months ago, I did attempt communication by going to his place of employment around closing time (I tried this twice or thrice), but it didn’t work out for various reasons (the place had closed a few minutes early, he wasn’t working, etc.) I gave up for a few months but then saw him again recently and have been thinking about his pretty brown eyes. And how his pretty brown eyes were making eyes at my pretty brown eyes. Ai ai ai!
The complications are:
1. The communication barrier. I do speak the language fairly well but the thought of going into this shop and trying to get across how I feel… well, yikes. Here comes the weird foreigner!
2. He works with a few others in very close proximity; ideally I’d like to talk to him one-on-one but I guess that’s why picking someone up while they’re working is kind of awkward. Oh yeah, and he could have a girlfriend. Or a wife!
The thing is, I feel very immature about this because I’m not a sprightly little teen anymore. This is the kind of thing my teenage self would get herself into, and here I am still giggling over boys. However, I don’t want to let fear control my actions as much as it does now. I’ve been given advice lately to carpe diem and, well, I may never be back to this teeny town again and I might always wonder what could have been. Or what his name was, mystery internet man.
I do have a friend who is willing to go in there on my behalf and say something to this guy, but I fear that is even more teenager-y. So, help a girl out. I’m totally overthinking this, duh.
This is so embarrassing, but here goes. I am a mid-20s female currently living in a European country and returning to the US shortly. I have a silly little crush on someone who works at an internet shop in my very small town. He was extremely helpful when I had internet trouble (my friends and I would visit a few times a week due to these problems) and gives off a vibe of kindness (and maybe a little shyness, too). I feel drawn to him, silly as that sounds. I don’t even know his name!
I would really love to chat with this person and go for a walk or have a coffee or some such activity, but I am so completely lost on how to go about this. A few months ago, I did attempt communication by going to his place of employment around closing time (I tried this twice or thrice), but it didn’t work out for various reasons (the place had closed a few minutes early, he wasn’t working, etc.) I gave up for a few months but then saw him again recently and have been thinking about his pretty brown eyes. And how his pretty brown eyes were making eyes at my pretty brown eyes. Ai ai ai!
The complications are:
1. The communication barrier. I do speak the language fairly well but the thought of going into this shop and trying to get across how I feel… well, yikes. Here comes the weird foreigner!
2. He works with a few others in very close proximity; ideally I’d like to talk to him one-on-one but I guess that’s why picking someone up while they’re working is kind of awkward. Oh yeah, and he could have a girlfriend. Or a wife!
The thing is, I feel very immature about this because I’m not a sprightly little teen anymore. This is the kind of thing my teenage self would get herself into, and here I am still giggling over boys. However, I don’t want to let fear control my actions as much as it does now. I’ve been given advice lately to carpe diem and, well, I may never be back to this teeny town again and I might always wonder what could have been. Or what his name was, mystery internet man.
I do have a friend who is willing to go in there on my behalf and say something to this guy, but I fear that is even more teenager-y. So, help a girl out. I’m totally overthinking this, duh.
Option 1:
Be brave and ask him to walk next door with you.
Option 2:
Roll in, drop your name and number on the counter, roll out.
posted by jander03 at 3:13 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Be brave and ask him to walk next door with you.
Option 2:
Roll in, drop your name and number on the counter, roll out.
posted by jander03 at 3:13 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
You are overthinking this.
Just go in there and tell him you think he's good looking, and ask to buy him a drink. You're leaving the country soon, so the risk really isn't that high.
Think about it- the worst thing that can happen is that he says no and you feel a little weird. ALSO you can return to the states with a "look how brave i am" story that will be true if he goes for it or not.
please don't send in a friend. that's awkward as sin.
posted by Blisterlips at 3:14 PM on April 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Just go in there and tell him you think he's good looking, and ask to buy him a drink. You're leaving the country soon, so the risk really isn't that high.
Think about it- the worst thing that can happen is that he says no and you feel a little weird. ALSO you can return to the states with a "look how brave i am" story that will be true if he goes for it or not.
please don't send in a friend. that's awkward as sin.
posted by Blisterlips at 3:14 PM on April 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Ask him directly. I can (almost) guarantee that one of two things will happen -- both good:
1) He agrees. Mission accomplished. Win.
2) He says "no"/"non"/"nein"/[insert local language here]; for the cost of a slightly uncomfortable moment with someone you are almost guaranteed to never have to see again shortly, you've bravely done this thing that you feel adults who are interested in other adults should be able to do. The next time you want to do it for the next cute guy who catches your eye (and trust me, there will always be cute boys who catch your eye), it will be easier. Win.
There are plenty of reasons to talk yourself out of doing this - because even after both of those "wins", there's plenty of unknowns. But they will all stay unknown if you don't ask. Taking control is (almost) always the better option.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:34 PM on April 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
1) He agrees. Mission accomplished. Win.
2) He says "no"/"non"/"nein"/[insert local language here]; for the cost of a slightly uncomfortable moment with someone you are almost guaranteed to never have to see again shortly, you've bravely done this thing that you feel adults who are interested in other adults should be able to do. The next time you want to do it for the next cute guy who catches your eye (and trust me, there will always be cute boys who catch your eye), it will be easier. Win.
There are plenty of reasons to talk yourself out of doing this - because even after both of those "wins", there's plenty of unknowns. But they will all stay unknown if you don't ask. Taking control is (almost) always the better option.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 3:34 PM on April 4, 2011 [8 favorites]
"Hey, I really have enjoyed coming here when you're behind the counter...I'm leaving the country soon to go back home, but I'd hate it if I left without getting to know you better. Would you like to go out for a drink?"
Don't worry about other people being around him. Just ask. It'll totally make him like a million times cooler in the eyes of his fellow workers.
But just ask. Either answer is good. At least you'll have tried and will never wonder "What if".
Good luck.
posted by inturnaround at 3:53 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Don't worry about other people being around him. Just ask. It'll totally make him like a million times cooler in the eyes of his fellow workers.
But just ask. Either answer is good. At least you'll have tried and will never wonder "What if".
Good luck.
posted by inturnaround at 3:53 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Project seven months into the future, then a year, then seven years, then seventeen years... and imagine all the time you've now spent agonizing over what you DID NOT do.
Imagine all that you have *lost out* on.... by NOT approaching this guy, when you had the chance to do so.
Wouldn't it be a relief if you could go back in time, and just ask the guy out?
posted by darth_tedious at 4:48 PM on April 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
Imagine all that you have *lost out* on.... by NOT approaching this guy, when you had the chance to do so.
Wouldn't it be a relief if you could go back in time, and just ask the guy out?
posted by darth_tedious at 4:48 PM on April 4, 2011 [2 favorites]
I say go for it! But there are definitely ways to make it less awkward for all involved. Why don't you write on a card "Thanks for all of your help. I'm leaving the country soon but would love to get a drink/coffee with you sometime. I realize you are at work, so didn't want to put you on the spot. If you're interested, you can get in touch with me by calling/emailing/post/messenger etc me here atxxxxxxx. If not, thanks again for being such a great help to your customers etc."
This avoids the awkward position of putting someone on the spot in the place that they work, and also lets him know that you appreciate his help regardless of whether he wants to hook up with you or not (as a female who used to work in retail and hated when a guy apparently only appreciated my good customer service if he thought it meant I wanted to go out with him; it's nice to know that people appreciate you regardless of if you are going to put out :) ) There's a reason why the phone number on the credit card slip for the waiter became a cliche. It allows for a bit more freedom and privacy on the side of the person receiving advances in his/her place of employment so he/she can decide whether or not to act upon it when they are not taken by surprise. Might as well go for it, but in a way that has the potential for not embarrasing everyone involved.
posted by witchstone at 5:57 PM on April 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
This avoids the awkward position of putting someone on the spot in the place that they work, and also lets him know that you appreciate his help regardless of whether he wants to hook up with you or not (as a female who used to work in retail and hated when a guy apparently only appreciated my good customer service if he thought it meant I wanted to go out with him; it's nice to know that people appreciate you regardless of if you are going to put out :) ) There's a reason why the phone number on the credit card slip for the waiter became a cliche. It allows for a bit more freedom and privacy on the side of the person receiving advances in his/her place of employment so he/she can decide whether or not to act upon it when they are not taken by surprise. Might as well go for it, but in a way that has the potential for not embarrasing everyone involved.
posted by witchstone at 5:57 PM on April 4, 2011 [3 favorites]
Ask him for his email address! If he's not there when you go ask his co-worker for his email address. Or, ask him if he's on Facebook. And you could always do this.
posted by Ashley801 at 6:51 PM on April 4, 2011
posted by Ashley801 at 6:51 PM on April 4, 2011
Man, you have the perfect excuse: you're leaving, and need to squeeze in every bit of conversational practice that you can before the language leaves your brain forever. Sure, you're an advanced speaker, but when else would you get the chance to learn idioms/slang/obscenities with a cute foreigner?
Ask if he'd be up for a bit of conversational practice over a coffee: 30 minutes in his language, 30 minutes in yours, a full hour of sitting across from those brown eyes.
posted by inkytea at 8:39 PM on April 4, 2011
Ask if he'd be up for a bit of conversational practice over a coffee: 30 minutes in his language, 30 minutes in yours, a full hour of sitting across from those brown eyes.
posted by inkytea at 8:39 PM on April 4, 2011
You only need four words: "leaving soon," and, "drink sometime?"
Being in foreign countries, especially at your age, are all about doing stuff like this ANYWAY. It's Europe, nobody will know if you made an ass out of yourself. It cuts both ways, though, the flipside to this is "Yeah...sure you got with the pool boy."
posted by rhizome at 9:15 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Being in foreign countries, especially at your age, are all about doing stuff like this ANYWAY. It's Europe, nobody will know if you made an ass out of yourself. It cuts both ways, though, the flipside to this is "Yeah...sure you got with the pool boy."
posted by rhizome at 9:15 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Do it, woman! You'll regret it if you don't. The worst that can happen is he'll be flattered and politely say no thanks.
Let us know how it goes so those of us trying to be distracted at work and such can enjoy a vicarious thrill.
posted by xenophile at 9:49 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
Let us know how it goes so those of us trying to be distracted at work and such can enjoy a vicarious thrill.
posted by xenophile at 9:49 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]
I'm with Darth_Tedious... whilst one may regret the outcomes from the things one has done, the biggest regrets of all are for the things not done... because you never know what could have happened... A chance encounter can provide a great memory of a lovely afternoon/evening or change your life.
I like Elna Baker's Yes Means Yes Moth story. The meat is in the middle.
posted by nickrussell at 2:56 AM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
I like Elna Baker's Yes Means Yes Moth story. The meat is in the middle.
posted by nickrussell at 2:56 AM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Asking people out in foreign languages is the BEST -- somehow, the lack of complete fluency in the language creates some distance between you and the potentially humiliating things you're saying. For example, I'd never walk up to a guy and say "you're cute!" in English (at least I never have before), but in a foreign language I am happy to say "YOU ARE CUTE." loud and proud and repeat as many times as it takes for them to understand my pronunciation.
I think it's that in one's native tongue, we feel all this pressure to be subtle, suave, and indirect when showing romantic interest, but in other languages, you don't have that option because you can only actually express a very small set of things. In your native language, you have pretty much infinite choice of what to say, and paralyzed with choice, many people freeze up. This is one of those great times where having fewer options makes it EASIER.
Plus, you're good enough at the language that if he accepts, you'll actually be able to carry on a date in said foreign language. He'll probably be impressed, especially if it's one of those countries where Americans typically go and don't bother to try to pick up the language (or do so poorly).
GO FOR IT GIRL!
posted by mokudekiru at 4:28 AM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
I think it's that in one's native tongue, we feel all this pressure to be subtle, suave, and indirect when showing romantic interest, but in other languages, you don't have that option because you can only actually express a very small set of things. In your native language, you have pretty much infinite choice of what to say, and paralyzed with choice, many people freeze up. This is one of those great times where having fewer options makes it EASIER.
Plus, you're good enough at the language that if he accepts, you'll actually be able to carry on a date in said foreign language. He'll probably be impressed, especially if it's one of those countries where Americans typically go and don't bother to try to pick up the language (or do so poorly).
GO FOR IT GIRL!
posted by mokudekiru at 4:28 AM on April 5, 2011 [1 favorite]
Folded up note with a cute message and your phone number always works a charm.
posted by Chrysalis at 4:38 AM on April 5, 2011
posted by Chrysalis at 4:38 AM on April 5, 2011
As a European, I wouldn't be that direct or explain myself much - how about "hey, I enjoyed chatting with you. Want to go have a coffee?"
That's plenty obvious and if he's interested, he'll make time.
(If he says "no time" tell him it's a pity and to just let you know when he has more time. Then drop it.)
posted by Omnomnom at 5:24 AM on April 5, 2011
That's plenty obvious and if he's interested, he'll make time.
(If he says "no time" tell him it's a pity and to just let you know when he has more time. Then drop it.)
posted by Omnomnom at 5:24 AM on April 5, 2011
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Eyes, smile, ask him for coffee. That's what the boys have to do here in the states and its unfortunate, because it makes it even harder for women when they need to make the move themselves. In Europe its more common for women to be asking, so don't feel so worried.
Also, enjoy those butterflies!
posted by Ironmouth at 3:12 PM on April 4, 2011 [1 favorite]