Questions to ask about entering a psychiatric facility
March 31, 2011 1:24 PM Subscribe
My spouse will soon be voluntarily entering a psychiatric facility in order to deal with some trauma from sexual and physical abuse when they were a child. I have some questions I hope you can help answer.
The idea of my SO going to the facility has been an idea for a while, but recent events have brought the matter to a head. Stress at work triggered numerous problems, resulting in sudden decline in their work and a general depression and a bit of self harm as stress and political battles at work wore away at their mental health.
While the possibility of my SO going to the facility was always remote, now it appears to be very sudden, with the agreement of both her psychologist and psychiatrist and even herself. I'm ok with it, if the professionals feel it's for the best, but of course a little freaked out.
Are there any specific questions I or my SO or we should be asking? They'll be gone for a month at least, to a very specific trauma treatment center, there are only three like it in the country. We're both a bit anxious about it, but generally upbeat in the sense that they will be getting topnotch professional care from the people who wrote the book on how to deal with their specific trauma.
But the situation is so new and different! There's no manual or life experience on how to deal with this, other than holder each other's hand and say "I love you, it'll be ok." As important as that is, can you think of any things we should be thinking of? Transportation is covered, cost is covered, we know what they can and can not bring, the center is within 100 miles of extended family and they know my SO is going there and why and are supportive and look forward to stopping by during visiting hours.
What else should we do or take care of before they goe?
The idea of my SO going to the facility has been an idea for a while, but recent events have brought the matter to a head. Stress at work triggered numerous problems, resulting in sudden decline in their work and a general depression and a bit of self harm as stress and political battles at work wore away at their mental health.
While the possibility of my SO going to the facility was always remote, now it appears to be very sudden, with the agreement of both her psychologist and psychiatrist and even herself. I'm ok with it, if the professionals feel it's for the best, but of course a little freaked out.
Are there any specific questions I or my SO or we should be asking? They'll be gone for a month at least, to a very specific trauma treatment center, there are only three like it in the country. We're both a bit anxious about it, but generally upbeat in the sense that they will be getting topnotch professional care from the people who wrote the book on how to deal with their specific trauma.
But the situation is so new and different! There's no manual or life experience on how to deal with this, other than holder each other's hand and say "I love you, it'll be ok." As important as that is, can you think of any things we should be thinking of? Transportation is covered, cost is covered, we know what they can and can not bring, the center is within 100 miles of extended family and they know my SO is going there and why and are supportive and look forward to stopping by during visiting hours.
What else should we do or take care of before they goe?
How has your spouse discussed this with people at work? Obviously it's none of their business (and disability is a protected category, which is heavily restricted). But how much do they know -- even with the stress, are there people who care about her enough to contact?
One of my partner's colleagues went off for a little visit (I think it was a week or so, with additional leave at home) to an in-town facility, in part because of stress at work. Clearly, people around him knew that something was going on; he'd had difficulties for a long time and behaved like a startled rabbit even with people outside his immediate vicinity. But even though some of his behavior may have impacted -- and even turned off -- other people in the office, several people made sure to discreetly share his contact info and even visit him.
Your spouse should only do what feels right -- whether that's now, later, a solo decision or a decision made with the help of a therapist. But if your spouse feels like some of these colleagues can be trusted -- and if it fits within the program, of course -- it might be nice to know that people from one's other life are actively thinking good thoughts.
And it certainly couldn't hurt to know that at least a couple other people will help ease the transition back into life outside the intensive program, which is always difficult.
posted by Madamina at 1:59 PM on March 31, 2011
One of my partner's colleagues went off for a little visit (I think it was a week or so, with additional leave at home) to an in-town facility, in part because of stress at work. Clearly, people around him knew that something was going on; he'd had difficulties for a long time and behaved like a startled rabbit even with people outside his immediate vicinity. But even though some of his behavior may have impacted -- and even turned off -- other people in the office, several people made sure to discreetly share his contact info and even visit him.
Your spouse should only do what feels right -- whether that's now, later, a solo decision or a decision made with the help of a therapist. But if your spouse feels like some of these colleagues can be trusted -- and if it fits within the program, of course -- it might be nice to know that people from one's other life are actively thinking good thoughts.
And it certainly couldn't hurt to know that at least a couple other people will help ease the transition back into life outside the intensive program, which is always difficult.
posted by Madamina at 1:59 PM on March 31, 2011
If people cannot solidly, 100% commit to visiting when they say they will-- they shouldn't tell your SO that they're going to visit. My ex-girlfriend lost a lot of points with me for repeatedly promising to drop everything and fly up to visit me when I was hospitalized, then repeatedly hemming and hawing, and finally just saying that she couldn't be bothered.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 2:40 PM on March 31, 2011
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 2:40 PM on March 31, 2011
I know it's a scary feeling to suddenly be going into the hospital, and I'm sure it's scary for you to think about as her spouse. The only thing I would say is for her to make sure with her HR dept. that everything is taken care of in terms of leave (whether it's FMLA or PTO or whatever) and then just grab onto it as a way of starting over and dealing with the stuff from the past. Good luck to you both!
posted by la petite marie at 2:55 PM on March 31, 2011
posted by la petite marie at 2:55 PM on March 31, 2011
Do you have a medical power of attorney?
+1. While you don't necessarily need to compromise your SO's privacy (that's often counterproductive), both of you may want to consider giving you some kind of power to exercise in case you both have disagreement with the professionals so that you aren't powerless in an emergency in which the professionals refuse to help, or worse.
Also, make sure you stay in touch. When you're out of touch, phone calls and letters make a big difference.
posted by Hylas at 4:56 PM on March 31, 2011
+1. While you don't necessarily need to compromise your SO's privacy (that's often counterproductive), both of you may want to consider giving you some kind of power to exercise in case you both have disagreement with the professionals so that you aren't powerless in an emergency in which the professionals refuse to help, or worse.
Also, make sure you stay in touch. When you're out of touch, phone calls and letters make a big difference.
posted by Hylas at 4:56 PM on March 31, 2011
I would ask, just so that you both know, what the policy is on checking out against medical advice. If your SO wants to leave or feels the need to get out of the program, what will happen? I'd want to know both so that she understands what she's getting herself into and so that you know what they will do to help her if she suddenly wants to come home.
posted by decathecting at 7:46 PM on March 31, 2011
posted by decathecting at 7:46 PM on March 31, 2011
There is some standard paperwork such a patient's rights and the daily schedule that people get on check in to a psych ward. If you don't have it already, you might ask if they could fax you a copy. The schedule is especially nice since you can think about what she is doing at any particular time as well as knowing when phone calls are allowed. They probably already told you if she needs a pre-paid phone card to make long-distance calls. If not, ask.
And I think, "I love you. It will be OK" is a great strategy.
posted by metahawk at 10:38 PM on March 31, 2011
And I think, "I love you. It will be OK" is a great strategy.
posted by metahawk at 10:38 PM on March 31, 2011
Having been through something similar but completely different once, ensure that before she arrives there is airtight paperwork to get her out. Airtight. Lawyer-reviewed. Have no case for them keeping her beyond 30 days or when she/you want her to leave (depending on who holds the authority).
Some people react very poorly to the facility itself and of course the facility may then say that justifies a further time period of their presence. It is entirely possible the facility will not be the right one for whatever reason and springing her out needs to be easy. Like a phone call and a signed form. No debate, no BS.
Also, tour the facility and meet the people who will be taking care of her. Do this until you are comfortable. Know their names and have direct numbers for them. It's a bit over the top but this is a big step and you want to be assured that you can contact her anytime.
These programmes can be tremendous or they can be counterproductive. No way of knowing in advance, just make sure that your bases are covered and don't let them intimidate you or get lost in their administrative monkey business.
posted by nickrussell at 1:32 AM on April 1, 2011
Some people react very poorly to the facility itself and of course the facility may then say that justifies a further time period of their presence. It is entirely possible the facility will not be the right one for whatever reason and springing her out needs to be easy. Like a phone call and a signed form. No debate, no BS.
Also, tour the facility and meet the people who will be taking care of her. Do this until you are comfortable. Know their names and have direct numbers for them. It's a bit over the top but this is a big step and you want to be assured that you can contact her anytime.
These programmes can be tremendous or they can be counterproductive. No way of knowing in advance, just make sure that your bases are covered and don't let them intimidate you or get lost in their administrative monkey business.
posted by nickrussell at 1:32 AM on April 1, 2011
Keep saying something like, "I love you. We will get through this."
posted by QIbHom at 9:01 AM on April 1, 2011
posted by QIbHom at 9:01 AM on April 1, 2011
Echoing strongly decathecting and nickrussell. Make sure you're absolutely clear that she can check out if she needs to without the possibility of getting held against her will (this includes making sure there are no mandatory overnight "waiting periods", screwing around making phone calls or waiting for doctors who are out for the weekend and can't be reached).
posted by media_itoku at 5:25 PM on April 1, 2011
posted by media_itoku at 5:25 PM on April 1, 2011
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Also: if you can, find out if they have specific phones they're allowed to use for outbound calls, and program those into your phone with very very very irritating ringtones set to maximum volume. Do the same for the main nursing station (if there is one), and the main doctor you'll be interacting with. The idea here is to maximize the chance that you'll be there for them when they call -- especially if they get limited chances to call.
...because, believe me, few things make you feel worse than getting a voicemail from a loved one using their only call for the day, and all you can do is listen to them being forlorn.
posted by aramaic at 1:38 PM on March 31, 2011