nothing new under the sun
March 23, 2011 5:49 PM Subscribe
What should I say when people ask me "what's new?" when nothing is really new...? usually takes place in an elevator or lunch line.
Tell them what you told us. "Nothing, really."
posted by John Cohen at 5:53 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by John Cohen at 5:53 PM on March 23, 2011
The standard response in our family is "Fish fart cause you can see the bubbles."
posted by Paragon at 5:53 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Paragon at 5:53 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
The proper response to "what's new?", is to nod and say "sup?"
posted by found missing at 5:54 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by found missing at 5:54 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
I automatically say, "Not much, you?"
99.6% of people asking don't really care and they automatically ask you because we're programmed that way.
posted by birdherder at 5:55 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
99.6% of people asking don't really care and they automatically ask you because we're programmed that way.
posted by birdherder at 5:55 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Pick a quote, preferably from some relatively obscure cult film or TV programme, and use that. I don't have anything for "what's new?" but for "how are you?" my usual response is "Souper!" (about 8:20).
posted by robertc at 5:56 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by robertc at 5:56 PM on March 23, 2011
This is basically just a pleasantry, like when a cashier says, "How's your day going?" as they ring you up. They aren't really looking for a monologue about your innermost feelings about your day, it's just conversation to pass the time.
A stock response like, "Not much, what's new with you?" or similar is just fine.
posted by palomar at 5:57 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
A stock response like, "Not much, what's new with you?" or similar is just fine.
posted by palomar at 5:57 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
You don't even have to answer the question. You can just respond "How's it going?" and they'll either have something to say, or the conversation ends there without another thought.
posted by wondermouse at 6:03 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by wondermouse at 6:03 PM on March 23, 2011
"Same old, same old."
posted by jabberjaw at 6:05 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jabberjaw at 6:05 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
The correct response is "Working hard or hardly working?" but do try to know if they are unemployed when you do so.
posted by jenlovesponies at 6:14 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by jenlovesponies at 6:14 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Oh, this and that. You?
posted by shortyJBot at 6:25 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by shortyJBot at 6:25 PM on March 23, 2011
Back when I was a smartass in high school, I used to say (in my most helpful voice): "it's an adjective."
posted by Mchelly at 6:30 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Mchelly at 6:30 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Oh, you know. Same old. You?"
"Not much, working hard. How are you?"
It's just pleasantries, no need to worry too much about what you are saying. The key is to ask them about how they are doing too, because that makes you come off as a nice person.
posted by gemmy at 6:37 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Not much, working hard. How are you?"
It's just pleasantries, no need to worry too much about what you are saying. The key is to ask them about how they are doing too, because that makes you come off as a nice person.
posted by gemmy at 6:37 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
I usually fix them with a heavy stare and say, "Not one single goddamned thing. My life is a stagnant, suppurating hell-midden of despair and hopelessness. How's tricks with you?"
posted by Decani at 6:39 PM on March 23, 2011 [8 favorites]
posted by Decani at 6:39 PM on March 23, 2011 [8 favorites]
You only need a two sentence reply.
"I saw [film] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I read [book] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I watched [TV show] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I'm loving this rain and cool change/cool weather. How about you?"
"I'm loving this gorgeous sunny spring weather. How about you?"
"I'm really looking forward to dinner with friends this evening. How about you?"
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 6:45 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
"I saw [film] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I read [book] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I watched [TV show] last night and really enjoyed it. How about you?"
"I'm loving this rain and cool change/cool weather. How about you?"
"I'm loving this gorgeous sunny spring weather. How about you?"
"I'm really looking forward to dinner with friends this evening. How about you?"
posted by Sockpuppets 'R' Us at 6:45 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
"c over lambda"
posted by nightwood at 6:54 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by nightwood at 6:54 PM on March 23, 2011 [3 favorites]
Ain't nothin' going on but the rent!
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:14 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by cestmoi15 at 7:14 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
Best answer: "Nothin', muffin." is my automatic response to this question.
posted by byanyothername at 7:20 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by byanyothername at 7:20 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Same shit, different day.
posted by Nickel Pickle at 7:28 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by Nickel Pickle at 7:28 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Oh...you know," with a vague hand gesture. Eye contact optional.
posted by easy, lucky, free at 7:43 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by easy, lucky, free at 7:43 PM on March 23, 2011
Depending on mood, I sometimes reply: "York, Jersey, Mexico, Brunswick...", they start to get it.
posted by Drasher at 7:48 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by Drasher at 7:48 PM on March 23, 2011
"Elizabeth Taylor died." "There was an earthquake in Japan." Whatever else is in the news that day.
posted by IndigoRain at 8:37 PM on March 23, 2011
posted by IndigoRain at 8:37 PM on March 23, 2011
I had a major revelation about that kind of question when I was about 20. It was an opportunity to ask "How are you?" - or, as I had been discovering, a chance to look like an ass by responding as though it was all about me. It took a couple months to train myself to respond with a pleasantry and then to reciprocate with interest and sincerity, but man did it make small talk flow more smoothly once I did.
posted by restless_nomad at 8:43 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
posted by restless_nomad at 8:43 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
I just continue quietly honing my straight-razor.
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:57 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by PareidoliaticBoy at 8:57 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Finally finished sound-proofing my crawlspace. You?"
posted by jnnla at 10:21 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by jnnla at 10:21 PM on March 23, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Cleaned the stains out of my trunk." *grin*
"Livin' it."
"Cruising for a bruising."
posted by Giggilituffin at 10:46 PM on March 23, 2011
"Livin' it."
"Cruising for a bruising."
posted by Giggilituffin at 10:46 PM on March 23, 2011
[...] when a cashier says, "How's your day going?" as they ring you up. They aren't really looking for a monologue about your innermost feelings about your day, it's just conversation to pass the time.
Aw, when I ask I really do care. I promise. I will happily listen to your innermost feelings monologue, if you're in an innermost-feelings-monologue-delivering mood.
If something pleasant just happened, or you're looking forward to something pleasant in the near future, Sockpuppets 'R' Us is so right on. Of course you're not obligated to share, in which case "not much, you?" is the best response.
posted by Neofelis at 11:20 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Aw, when I ask I really do care. I promise. I will happily listen to your innermost feelings monologue, if you're in an innermost-feelings-monologue-delivering mood.
If something pleasant just happened, or you're looking forward to something pleasant in the near future, Sockpuppets 'R' Us is so right on. Of course you're not obligated to share, in which case "not much, you?" is the best response.
posted by Neofelis at 11:20 PM on March 23, 2011 [2 favorites]
Instead of coming up with a witty zinger, why not try doing something new? You might enjoy it.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:20 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ActingTheGoat at 12:20 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Same shit, different day.
OR: Same shit, different pants.
posted by XhaustedProphet at 3:06 AM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
OR: Same shit, different pants.
posted by XhaustedProphet at 3:06 AM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
"You know what!? I was pointlessly beanplating about this very question the other day on Metafilter."
posted by fire&wings at 3:09 AM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
posted by fire&wings at 3:09 AM on March 24, 2011 [3 favorites]
"Nothing much. You?"
If they reply "I asked you first," you're allowed to punch them.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:53 AM on March 24, 2011
If they reply "I asked you first," you're allowed to punch them.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:53 AM on March 24, 2011
Finally got rid of that body that had been stinking up the cellar, you?
posted by honey-barbara at 5:48 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by honey-barbara at 5:48 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Depends on who it is, if it's someone I have no real history with then it's just a nothing much. If I know and like talking to the person I tend to use the question as an opportunity to think of what novel things have actually occurred in the past week. Usually the actual subject matter is boring (health insurance, rude encounters, stupid dog) but I try to use the time to spin it into a creative and funny story. I've found that the people who like sharing stories will reciprocate and the people who are weirded out will go away. A win-win.
posted by grizzly at 6:18 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by grizzly at 6:18 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
My standard response is "The usual craziness!"
posted by silverstatue at 8:31 AM on March 24, 2011
posted by silverstatue at 8:31 AM on March 24, 2011
"Absolutely nothing. All this has happened before and all this will happen again."
posted by AugieAugustus at 8:50 AM on March 24, 2011
posted by AugieAugustus at 8:50 AM on March 24, 2011
Best answer: Same shit, different day.
OR: Same shit, different pants.
I prefer: Same shit, different fork.
Always good for a laugh at work.
posted by Dirjy at 9:57 AM on March 24, 2011
OR: Same shit, different pants.
I prefer: Same shit, different fork.
Always good for a laugh at work.
posted by Dirjy at 9:57 AM on March 24, 2011
My standard response is "nothing a couple more hours in bed this morning wouldn't solve". Usually gets a smile and occasionally a laugh.
posted by mr_silver at 10:00 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by mr_silver at 10:00 AM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Nothin' much. Trying to stay out of trouble."
Usually starts a conversation about our levels of troublemaker-ness which with the right person, can be fun.
posted by melissa at 1:45 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
Usually starts a conversation about our levels of troublemaker-ness which with the right person, can be fun.
posted by melissa at 1:45 PM on March 24, 2011 [1 favorite]
"Each day is a bit better than the next"
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 4:09 PM on March 24, 2011
posted by screamingnotlaughing at 4:09 PM on March 24, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by you're a kitty! at 5:50 PM on March 23, 2011 [7 favorites]