Crappy situation at work, who is at fault?
January 15, 2011 2:52 PM Subscribe
Either I am oblivious to my own ineptitude, or my boss is reacting disproportionately, how do I tell? What do I do?
I've worked at this place for about 8 months, and it's a rather technical job. I essentially do tier 1 network and video conferencing support for sites across a large, unassuming, mid-western state. The company is very small, with about 10-20 employees. For the last few months things have been fine. I know enough to where I can answer any questions new employees have.
But during the last month things have taken some kind of turn, and my boss has raised her voice to verbally reprimand me, several times, and this is causing me a lot of anxiety. I also feel that this is disproportionate to other employees, and has me thinking I'm a terrible employee. Unfortunately, in most of these cases I won't know I have done something wrong until my boss "yells" at me for it.
For example: the other day in the early morning hours we had a rather technical video conference go bad, and my co-worker (who got hired with me, 8 months ago) took the call. He admitted that he didn't know how to troubleshoot the call at all, and I stepped him through several troubleshooting methods in an attempt to get the conference to work. Eventually the conference came back online (though not through our actions, it just decided to work again) and, when my boss came in during the morning to discuss this, my coworker again admitted to not knowing how to deal with it, as it had been his first call of that type in the 8 months of working there, so they discussed additional training.
That same day, I took another video conference, someone wished to extend a conference that had ended as they made the call. Immediately I recognize that this is something that can be done, but I don't know how (since I had not done so in practice, and this is the first call I've gotten to extend a conference since getting hired), so I contact someone from our video department who does know, and within the minute the conference has been extended, and he comes over to show me what he did so that I can do so in the future. Immediately, my boss blows up at me for having to get such assistance, and asserts (loudly, in front of everyone else) that I should know how to do this, and how she won't tolerate these kinds of events.
This is one example, but these seem to happen about twice a week. I'll be doing my job suddenly get scolded at for doing something I was completely oblivious to. Either in conflict to earlier, given instructions, or something I forgot to do (typically documentation related)
However, one of my co-workers, who has been at the job for about 3 years, has confided with me that I'm am his favorite to work with, as I am one of the few people who actively pays attention to network events/conferences and generally holds up my end of the work. My boss and my co-worker probably have different standards for what constitutes a "good employee" but I would like to think this is evidence against my own perceived incompetence.
I cannot tell if I have simply eroded my boss's patience through all of these mistakes. I would like to think showing up to work on time, sober, and my actions not resulting in excessive downtime for any site would be enough. I find myself worried about what I'll be 'yelled at' for on a given work day, as I won't know until my boss brings it up. I would very much like to get into my boss's good graces again, but I'm not sure how to do so. I described the above incident because, prior to this, most of these episodes were documentation related, so I sought to fix those and I thought "well, great, if I just do this then she has no reason to complain" but now it's over things I have outright forgotten due to never having encountered them.
Is there a way I can communicate to my boss these concerns? Should I go above her to her immediate supervisor? Or am I inept, is there a way to tell, and how do I fix it?
I just don't know what to do, honestly. I'm trying to contact people in my personal network and lay the groundwork for getting another job, but I'd like to think I can salvage the situation here.
I've worked at this place for about 8 months, and it's a rather technical job. I essentially do tier 1 network and video conferencing support for sites across a large, unassuming, mid-western state. The company is very small, with about 10-20 employees. For the last few months things have been fine. I know enough to where I can answer any questions new employees have.
But during the last month things have taken some kind of turn, and my boss has raised her voice to verbally reprimand me, several times, and this is causing me a lot of anxiety. I also feel that this is disproportionate to other employees, and has me thinking I'm a terrible employee. Unfortunately, in most of these cases I won't know I have done something wrong until my boss "yells" at me for it.
For example: the other day in the early morning hours we had a rather technical video conference go bad, and my co-worker (who got hired with me, 8 months ago) took the call. He admitted that he didn't know how to troubleshoot the call at all, and I stepped him through several troubleshooting methods in an attempt to get the conference to work. Eventually the conference came back online (though not through our actions, it just decided to work again) and, when my boss came in during the morning to discuss this, my coworker again admitted to not knowing how to deal with it, as it had been his first call of that type in the 8 months of working there, so they discussed additional training.
That same day, I took another video conference, someone wished to extend a conference that had ended as they made the call. Immediately I recognize that this is something that can be done, but I don't know how (since I had not done so in practice, and this is the first call I've gotten to extend a conference since getting hired), so I contact someone from our video department who does know, and within the minute the conference has been extended, and he comes over to show me what he did so that I can do so in the future. Immediately, my boss blows up at me for having to get such assistance, and asserts (loudly, in front of everyone else) that I should know how to do this, and how she won't tolerate these kinds of events.
This is one example, but these seem to happen about twice a week. I'll be doing my job suddenly get scolded at for doing something I was completely oblivious to. Either in conflict to earlier, given instructions, or something I forgot to do (typically documentation related)
However, one of my co-workers, who has been at the job for about 3 years, has confided with me that I'm am his favorite to work with, as I am one of the few people who actively pays attention to network events/conferences and generally holds up my end of the work. My boss and my co-worker probably have different standards for what constitutes a "good employee" but I would like to think this is evidence against my own perceived incompetence.
I cannot tell if I have simply eroded my boss's patience through all of these mistakes. I would like to think showing up to work on time, sober, and my actions not resulting in excessive downtime for any site would be enough. I find myself worried about what I'll be 'yelled at' for on a given work day, as I won't know until my boss brings it up. I would very much like to get into my boss's good graces again, but I'm not sure how to do so. I described the above incident because, prior to this, most of these episodes were documentation related, so I sought to fix those and I thought "well, great, if I just do this then she has no reason to complain" but now it's over things I have outright forgotten due to never having encountered them.
Is there a way I can communicate to my boss these concerns? Should I go above her to her immediate supervisor? Or am I inept, is there a way to tell, and how do I fix it?
I just don't know what to do, honestly. I'm trying to contact people in my personal network and lay the groundwork for getting another job, but I'd like to think I can salvage the situation here.
Just talk to her about it. See if she thinks you need to do anything to improve your performance. Send an email first, promising to follow up in person.
Quite honestly, it seems like it's just a poor fit. Due to issues of personality, there just may not be anything you can do to get back on her good side.
Also, the scolding and the sarcasm are not attributes of a good supervisor. Neither is denigrating teamwork. If you can you may want to try to get a better job, or just stick it out.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:17 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Quite honestly, it seems like it's just a poor fit. Due to issues of personality, there just may not be anything you can do to get back on her good side.
Also, the scolding and the sarcasm are not attributes of a good supervisor. Neither is denigrating teamwork. If you can you may want to try to get a better job, or just stick it out.
posted by KokuRyu at 3:17 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I would like to think showing up to work on time, sober, and my actions not resulting in excessive downtime for any site would be enough.
I also came here to say that this is never enough to make someone a valued employee.
But as to your boss's little explosions --- they sound unwarranted.
posted by jayder at 3:20 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I also came here to say that this is never enough to make someone a valued employee.
But as to your boss's little explosions --- they sound unwarranted.
posted by jayder at 3:20 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
Sounds like an expectations mismatch. It sounds like you've forgotten some easy stuff and haven't gone out of your way to learn things on your own. She may actually be pissed because she likes you and sees you as someone who could advance/be a trainer/be excellent, and you seem to be content just being pretty good/acceptable. Are you interested in being kick-ass? This might be your moment to step up.
And *wow* is this a great example of fate tricking me into answering for someone else the question I didn't know I had for myself :-)
posted by facetious at 3:31 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
And *wow* is this a great example of fate tricking me into answering for someone else the question I didn't know I had for myself :-)
posted by facetious at 3:31 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
My advice is to talk to your boss, and expect to have a civil, productive, and beneficial conversation. Be willing to admit where you could have been better prepared or more attentive, and plan to stand firm that if you had no way to anticipate an event the best you can do is react as positively as possible with the training and experience you've had. Look for opportunities to offer to take additional training, learn new skills or change how you do little things if they will better satisfy her.
In these sorts of conversations the outcome can sometimes come from your expectations. If you go in thinking she has already written you off and you need to find new work, it is more likely that it will end up that way because of your mood in the conversation. The flip side is that if you pro-actively go to your boss, let her know that you are aware you haven't been meeting her expectations and that you really want to do something about it, you may find that the opportunity is to shift something you aren't even aware of and she'll be very pleased with your performance.
Good luck.
posted by meinvt at 4:53 PM on January 15, 2011
In these sorts of conversations the outcome can sometimes come from your expectations. If you go in thinking she has already written you off and you need to find new work, it is more likely that it will end up that way because of your mood in the conversation. The flip side is that if you pro-actively go to your boss, let her know that you are aware you haven't been meeting her expectations and that you really want to do something about it, you may find that the opportunity is to shift something you aren't even aware of and she'll be very pleased with your performance.
Good luck.
posted by meinvt at 4:53 PM on January 15, 2011
Do you think that your boss actually perceives you as an individual during these events? I wonder whether she sees her team as one big blob (that happens a lot at our workplace), and she got impatient with you not knowing what to do in that video conference precisely because the same thing had recently happened with your coworker. I.e. she felt like the junior employees "never" know how to do stuff, even though it only happened once with you.
She probably felt like she had been patient and accepting "the first time" and then the second time it happened in a short period, she felt like it was time to tell people it wasn't acceptable.
This doesn't explain why this sort of thing is happening to you all the time, though.
posted by lollusc at 4:58 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
She probably felt like she had been patient and accepting "the first time" and then the second time it happened in a short period, she felt like it was time to tell people it wasn't acceptable.
This doesn't explain why this sort of thing is happening to you all the time, though.
posted by lollusc at 4:58 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
I really can't tell from what you've written here whether your performance is good enough or not. Some have commented that you're setting the bar incredibly low for adequate performance, and that seems half true: nobody's going to congratulate you for showing up sober, but a lack of downtime seems okay.
However, I don't know anything about networking, nor do I know what a minimum acceptable knowledge state would be for someone in your job, or how subjective that is. Programmers throw around a lot of statements like "he doesn't know obscureThingX and he's an idiot and anyone who isn't me is an idiot and should be fired," but maybe networking is more standardized? At the very least, does your company have documentation that makes clear what is expected of someone with your job title?
Another thing that stands out to me is that sometimes you get in trouble for following instructions, and sometimes for forgetting instructions. How are you forgetting to do things? Forgetting to do stuff should be an incredibly rare event, because you should be writing things down. If you're not keeping a task list, is it possible that you're also misremembering instructions?
Are any of these experiences familiar to you from previous jobs? Or is this the first time you've had these kinds of problems?
You see, the signs you describe point to your being bullied: hypervigilant about getting in trouble for things you have no way of anticipating; excellent feedback from one colleague; doubting your competence and weighing stuff up and puzzling out what you've been told.
The very worst sign is that your boss is yelling at you in public. This is just plain bullying behaviour. If you do not have any documentation or set of standards that would make clear what is expected of you or how you are falling short, this is another failure of management. It's unfortunately quite common - most managers don't seem to get training of any kind for what is an inherently highly skilled job, and as a result most of them are absolute crap. Communicating clearly and respectfully is the very least you can ask of them, and it looks as though they aren't doing that at all.
However, the fact that you're forgetting things does make me wonder how much you're contributing to this problem. You can start to address it by documenting stuff, writing down tasks and instructions as you receive them, and so on.
This is definitely going to improve your performance, whether or not your performance is the problem. Whether it will improve your boss's perception is another matter. I think lollusc's idea that your boss doesn't see you as individuals is probably true. The bad news is that this kind of boss also probably doesn't know that her mistakes are coming from her - she probably sees these things as being like weather, which is something out there that is beyond her control (though that doesn't stop it from being your fault).
posted by tel3path at 5:39 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
However, I don't know anything about networking, nor do I know what a minimum acceptable knowledge state would be for someone in your job, or how subjective that is. Programmers throw around a lot of statements like "he doesn't know obscureThingX and he's an idiot and anyone who isn't me is an idiot and should be fired," but maybe networking is more standardized? At the very least, does your company have documentation that makes clear what is expected of someone with your job title?
Another thing that stands out to me is that sometimes you get in trouble for following instructions, and sometimes for forgetting instructions. How are you forgetting to do things? Forgetting to do stuff should be an incredibly rare event, because you should be writing things down. If you're not keeping a task list, is it possible that you're also misremembering instructions?
Are any of these experiences familiar to you from previous jobs? Or is this the first time you've had these kinds of problems?
You see, the signs you describe point to your being bullied: hypervigilant about getting in trouble for things you have no way of anticipating; excellent feedback from one colleague; doubting your competence and weighing stuff up and puzzling out what you've been told.
The very worst sign is that your boss is yelling at you in public. This is just plain bullying behaviour. If you do not have any documentation or set of standards that would make clear what is expected of you or how you are falling short, this is another failure of management. It's unfortunately quite common - most managers don't seem to get training of any kind for what is an inherently highly skilled job, and as a result most of them are absolute crap. Communicating clearly and respectfully is the very least you can ask of them, and it looks as though they aren't doing that at all.
However, the fact that you're forgetting things does make me wonder how much you're contributing to this problem. You can start to address it by documenting stuff, writing down tasks and instructions as you receive them, and so on.
This is definitely going to improve your performance, whether or not your performance is the problem. Whether it will improve your boss's perception is another matter. I think lollusc's idea that your boss doesn't see you as individuals is probably true. The bad news is that this kind of boss also probably doesn't know that her mistakes are coming from her - she probably sees these things as being like weather, which is something out there that is beyond her control (though that doesn't stop it from being your fault).
posted by tel3path at 5:39 PM on January 15, 2011 [1 favorite]
the scolding and the sarcasm are not attributes of a good supervisor. Neither is denigrating teamwork.
It sounds like you are being scapegoated and your boss is a bully. If I worked for someone who treated me this way, my hackles would be raised. Highly. It sounds like your co-worker is asking for help and admitting he doesn't know how to do things too, and she's not yelling at him.
If you do try to deal with this in a sane, productive manner like others above have suggested, and your boss overreacts during this conversation, you can be pretty sure you're dealing with a bully. If so, she has targeted you and will likely escalate the scapegoating. This never ends well. Start documenting.
If things get better between the two of you after the conversation, you can probably chalk her inappropriate, unprofessional behavior to transient stresses in her life, or something about you rubbing her the wrong way and maybe triggering her to react a certain way.
Are you female or a different race than your boss? Maybe there's gender/race/who knows what else issues at play here.
Honestly, though, anyone who would act that way at work in the first place has issues that might not be fixable with one simple meeting. I've supervised people, and would never, ever yell at an employee as though they were a naughty child. You just don't do that.
And for something as innocuous as asking for help? Ye gods. That's praiseworthy in my book, unless the person is ALWAYS leaning on others for simple things. It doesn't sound like you're doing that. It sounds like you guys are working as a team, and that's what you're supposed to do.
Even if you were incompetent, it's entirely possible to lay off, transfer, or fire someone without throwing a tantrum.
Too bad being a grownup isn't always a prerequisite for being a boss!
posted by xenophile at 5:47 PM on January 15, 2011
It sounds like you are being scapegoated and your boss is a bully. If I worked for someone who treated me this way, my hackles would be raised. Highly. It sounds like your co-worker is asking for help and admitting he doesn't know how to do things too, and she's not yelling at him.
If you do try to deal with this in a sane, productive manner like others above have suggested, and your boss overreacts during this conversation, you can be pretty sure you're dealing with a bully. If so, she has targeted you and will likely escalate the scapegoating. This never ends well. Start documenting.
If things get better between the two of you after the conversation, you can probably chalk her inappropriate, unprofessional behavior to transient stresses in her life, or something about you rubbing her the wrong way and maybe triggering her to react a certain way.
Are you female or a different race than your boss? Maybe there's gender/race/who knows what else issues at play here.
Honestly, though, anyone who would act that way at work in the first place has issues that might not be fixable with one simple meeting. I've supervised people, and would never, ever yell at an employee as though they were a naughty child. You just don't do that.
And for something as innocuous as asking for help? Ye gods. That's praiseworthy in my book, unless the person is ALWAYS leaning on others for simple things. It doesn't sound like you're doing that. It sounds like you guys are working as a team, and that's what you're supposed to do.
Even if you were incompetent, it's entirely possible to lay off, transfer, or fire someone without throwing a tantrum.
Too bad being a grownup isn't always a prerequisite for being a boss!
posted by xenophile at 5:47 PM on January 15, 2011
It sounds like your supervisor may have gotten the unfair impression that you're less competent than the other team members. Once that prejudice is in place (even though she may have No Idea that she holds it), it's hard to correct.
Yes, be proactive and send her an email saying that you're looking to improve your performance. Ask her if she has concrete suggestions on how you can best do that. Don't mention that you've been reprimanded more than the others or that she's making you feel inept (at least not yet). The main purpose of the email is to reassure her that you're serious about doing a good job, but she might also have good ideas.
If it's any help, you don't sound inept at all. I've always found that the really great IT/support/troubleshooters aren't the ones who immediately know the answer, they're the ones who know how to Find the answer. It sounds like you troubleshot well, and provided good service getting the conference extended fast - then, extra bonus, actively learning how to do it again in the future.
posted by ldthomps at 5:52 PM on January 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
Yes, be proactive and send her an email saying that you're looking to improve your performance. Ask her if she has concrete suggestions on how you can best do that. Don't mention that you've been reprimanded more than the others or that she's making you feel inept (at least not yet). The main purpose of the email is to reassure her that you're serious about doing a good job, but she might also have good ideas.
If it's any help, you don't sound inept at all. I've always found that the really great IT/support/troubleshooters aren't the ones who immediately know the answer, they're the ones who know how to Find the answer. It sounds like you troubleshot well, and provided good service getting the conference extended fast - then, extra bonus, actively learning how to do it again in the future.
posted by ldthomps at 5:52 PM on January 15, 2011 [2 favorites]
There's just no excuse for yelling in that kind of environment. Find out why there is yelling before you heap it on yourself.
posted by gjc at 6:44 PM on January 15, 2011
posted by gjc at 6:44 PM on January 15, 2011
While I think your boss's behavior sounds a little over the top for any office environment, the second scenario you described sounds like something a customer support tech should learn very early and know how to do, especially 8 months in. It's not an unusual problem or a trouble-shooting scenario - it's a basic "this is how our system works" kind of thing.
That said, just because it should be part of early training doesn't mean your company has a fully formed training plan or has given you the proper tools to know these things.
Is there a job description for what you do? How about a list of common problems/scenarios for your role? How about standard operation procedures and instructional docs? If you don't have these things, ask for them. Learn everything on them. Get specific direction from your boss regarding her expectations and attempt to meet the mark. If they don't exist, that says a lot about your company and puts your boss's behavior into question, but you can also spin it in your favor to help your job by offering to help develop them, or suggesting possible ways to streamline training to ensure that all employees have the skills your boss wants to see in practice after a reasonable amount of time with the company.
posted by amycup at 9:02 PM on January 15, 2011
That said, just because it should be part of early training doesn't mean your company has a fully formed training plan or has given you the proper tools to know these things.
Is there a job description for what you do? How about a list of common problems/scenarios for your role? How about standard operation procedures and instructional docs? If you don't have these things, ask for them. Learn everything on them. Get specific direction from your boss regarding her expectations and attempt to meet the mark. If they don't exist, that says a lot about your company and puts your boss's behavior into question, but you can also spin it in your favor to help your job by offering to help develop them, or suggesting possible ways to streamline training to ensure that all employees have the skills your boss wants to see in practice after a reasonable amount of time with the company.
posted by amycup at 9:02 PM on January 15, 2011
The next time it happens, without raising your voice, tell her that you won't tolerate being spoken to in such an unprofessional manner. If it happens again, take it to HR, her boss, or both. Such behavior is unacceptable. Period.
posted by ob1quixote at 1:10 AM on January 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
posted by ob1quixote at 1:10 AM on January 16, 2011 [1 favorite]
my boss blows up at me for having to get such assistance, and asserts (loudly, in front of everyone else) that I should know how to do this, and how she won't tolerate these kinds of events
Is it possible she is - how you say - a turd?
Does she do this to other people? I worked for someone once who called an art director stupid at the first meeting I attended. She was hell on everyone.
Either way, she's being unprofessional. You don't do that crap. It creates a culture of fear, and it makes the horrible social awkwardness more important than the work itself. I think I would take her aside and ask if she could restrict criticism to when we are in private.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:22 AM on January 16, 2011
Is it possible she is - how you say - a turd?
Does she do this to other people? I worked for someone once who called an art director stupid at the first meeting I attended. She was hell on everyone.
Either way, she's being unprofessional. You don't do that crap. It creates a culture of fear, and it makes the horrible social awkwardness more important than the work itself. I think I would take her aside and ask if she could restrict criticism to when we are in private.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 2:22 AM on January 16, 2011
"Does she do this to other people? I worked for someone once who called an art director stupid at the first meeting I attended. She was hell on everyone."
Not that it's not worse if she does it only to you, but over and over again I have seen people excuse this kind of thing by saying "it's nothing personal" until the wrongdoer goes postal with the most unbelievably destructive behaviour. And they get away with that, too. Why wouldn't they? No-one knows how to stop them, and they're protected from consequences by never having been disciplined for it.
tl;dr don't assume it's any less of a threat for not being personal.
posted by tel3path at 7:53 AM on January 16, 2011
Not that it's not worse if she does it only to you, but over and over again I have seen people excuse this kind of thing by saying "it's nothing personal" until the wrongdoer goes postal with the most unbelievably destructive behaviour. And they get away with that, too. Why wouldn't they? No-one knows how to stop them, and they're protected from consequences by never having been disciplined for it.
tl;dr don't assume it's any less of a threat for not being personal.
posted by tel3path at 7:53 AM on January 16, 2011
This thread is closed to new comments.
I think it might be best to talk to the boss about this incident in particular. How were you supposed to know how to do this without assistance? Was this covered in your training and you forgot it? Is there a manual that you are supposed to have read? Is it something that is not specifically documented or trained but is obvious to someone with technical skills?
I would like to think showing up to work on time, sober, and my actions not resulting in excessive downtime for any site would be enough.
That sounds like the standard for not being fired, not for being a good employee. I would increase your standards.
posted by grouse at 3:03 PM on January 15, 2011 [3 favorites]