Chuck Norris doesn't take photos, he keeps moments in time in his freezer.
December 15, 2010 9:16 AM   Subscribe

A photographer I work with looks alarmingly similar to Chuck Norris. Can you please submit your best photo-related Chuck Norris facts? This website does not have any answers regarding photography.
posted by infinitefloatingbrains to Media & Arts (12 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
 
I once went to a movie in DC where the showing was somehow sponsored by some foundation or other that Chuck Norris was involved in. But I didn't realize that. I just got free tickets from someone and went to the show. Before the previews, they showed some sort of promo for the foundation, which mentioned something about Chuck Norris. So, since I had poor judgment and liked to crack wise, I leaned over to my wife and made a wisecrack about Chuck Norris, not really being careful to whisper. The theater was quiet and there was no question that everyone within two or three rows heard my little joke about Chuck Norris (this was before the Chuck Norris meme started on the internet).

Within, literally, 10 seconds of my making a wisecrack about Chuck Norris, a guy seated two rows ahead of us stood up to make a pitch for the foundation. It was Chuck Norris. He had certainly heard my wisecrack. But he didn't punch or kick me or anything. He just made his pitch and sat down. He stayed after the movie to greet and talk with people. He was really gracious and cool.

I would have taken a photo of him to remember the event. But I could not. Because Chuck Norris cannot be photographed. His image is a fist that destroys all photographic equipment.
posted by The World Famous at 9:31 AM on December 15, 2010


A man tried to photograph Chuck Norris once.

Once.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 9:37 AM on December 15, 2010


Best answer: A photograph of Chuck Norris is worth infinity words.
posted by bondcliff at 10:33 AM on December 15, 2010


Chuck Norris' soul can't be stolen by photography. It will roundhouse kick it's way right off the film.
posted by jrishel at 11:15 AM on December 15, 2010


Response by poster: Thanks for the suggestions so far. The one I came up with already was "If (photographer's) eyes were a digital sensor, they would be 5 terapixels."

It is more centered on the photographer (and not Chuck Norris). Thanks again!
posted by infinitefloatingbrains at 11:18 AM on December 15, 2010


Best answer: Photographer Chuck Norris doesn't need different lenses. He bends light with his bare hands.
posted by kagredon at 11:40 AM on December 15, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Photographer Chuck Norris does not take your picture. He seizes it.
posted by Rhaomi at 12:07 PM on December 15, 2010 [1 favorite]


You do not sign release forms to Photographer Chuck Norris. You can go when he gives you permission.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:55 PM on December 15, 2010


Photographer Chuck Norris doesn't bother with red-eye reduction. He reduces entire heads.

Photographer Chuck Norris doesn't need to shake Polaroids, they fear him just like everyone else.
posted by haveanicesummer at 1:01 PM on December 15, 2010


Photographer Chuck Norris took Paul Simon's Kodachrome away.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 1:16 PM on December 15, 2010 [1 favorite]


Best answer: Photographer Chuck Norris needs no tripod to take pictures. The camera does not dare to move.
posted by Telpethoron at 1:59 PM on December 15, 2010


Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
posted by MiggySawdust at 4:55 PM on December 15, 2010


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