Dating 101: moving on to the second date
December 13, 2010 3:23 PM   Subscribe

For once a first date that went well - what do I do next?

Somewhat of a dating newbie here looking for advice navigating the early stages of dating. We met online about a month ago, did the standard messaging thing, first date (get-together for drinks) was supposed to be last week. She texted me that day saying that she had to cancel due to work, we reschedule for this past weekend. Due to her currently busy work schedule, we settle on going out for drinks last night (Sunday).

The date goes surprisingly well, at least compared to most of my past experiences - incredibly good conversation and we seem to have some degree of physical chemistry (or at least I think we might). Best I can tell she seemed interested, but was still kind of sizing me up, asking lots of questions, etc. Surprisingly there was zero awkwardness during the entire date, except for when we parted ways (I went for a hug, she went for a handshake, we settled on a "goodbye" wave).

I didn't get the chance to make plans for another date before I left, but did ask in a somewhat dorky fashion "maybe we can get together again sometime?" to which I think she answered "yeah, definitely" as she was leaving. I was going so text her something like "hope you got home safe" when I got back, but I was busy last night and forgot (I know that's bad, but her and I have both been really busy lately).

So how/when should I follow up? Since the holidays are coming up, I'd like to try for this weekend if possible. Is tonight too soon to make plans for this weekend (considering it's Monday and we just went out last night) or should I wait another day or so? And what's the best way to contact her? I'm assuming calling is better than texting in this situation.

Oh, and on a side note - I'm open to second-date ideas in the D.C. area...I'm thinking holiday lights at the White House or Zoo followed by dinner, weather-permitting.
posted by photo guy to Human Relations (14 answers total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
I'd send her an email/text today just to thank her and tell her you had a good time. And then you can gauge her response (or lack thereof) before plunging ahead to inquire about a next date. If she seems encouraging, I'd ask a more general "So are you free this coming weekend?" tomorrow and then see how that goes. Or at least, this is how I, as a female, would want things to go.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 3:28 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

If you're both busy, I really wouldn't mess around as a second date is going to be hard enough to schedule this time of year.

What about a text or email along the lines of "I had a great time on Sunday and hope you did too - would you like to do it again sometime soon?"
posted by DarlingBri at 3:35 PM on December 13, 2010

Forgot to mention, she's been really slow to respond to texts lately. I get the impression she just tends to forget to reply sometimes - it took her two days to respond to my last text (I finally had to send a second one the following day to eke out a response), but I think that was partly due to a work emergency.
posted by photo guy at 3:35 PM on December 13, 2010

Just. Call. Her. Stop overthinking, stop texting her if that's not working, stop trying to play some weird game of counting how many days it has been. Nothing has turned me off from a guy faster. Just Call Her. Full stop.
posted by brainmouse at 3:44 PM on December 13, 2010 [4 favorites]

Yes, call now for this weekend!
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 3:49 PM on December 13, 2010 [1 favorite]

Don't contact her again, except to call her directly sometime today or tomorrow asking her out for the weekend, with a specific-ish plan in mind (as in, "Would you be interested in dinner Saturday?") Stop with the texting since she already is pretty nonresponsive about that.
posted by lacedcoffee at 5:11 PM on December 13, 2010

Just ask her out for this weekend already. I don't like phone calls, especially with people I barely know, so I'd be fine texting/emailing at this point, but why not call if you're comfortable with that.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:38 PM on December 13, 2010

Er, how often are you texting her? Considering you've had drinks all of once, you may not want to come on too strong there... 2nding the suggestion of contacting her to ask her out for some specific-ish activity on some specific date, and to not do the random chattiness thing.
posted by J. Wilson at 5:41 PM on December 13, 2010

Call her: "Hey, I have to tell you, I'm really excited about having met you and I'd love to see you again. Are you free to do x, y, or z in the next few days?" And then leave her be.

You could also see the answers to my last MeFi question on the off chance that some spark an "AHA" in you re: contact. I doubt you're like the dude in my situation. But... Just in case. She may be like me and contact might freak her out.
posted by patronuscharms at 5:54 PM on December 13, 2010

Tuesday call, directly suggesting dinner or some other face-to-face activity. Avoid art galleries or other "walk around" activities for now due to high awkwardness potential (dont know where to stand, etc.) Suggest dinner at Heritage India or other DuPont spot, followed by drinks at Kramerbooks or the cozy Tabard inn.
posted by Ironmouth at 6:02 PM on December 13, 2010

Crap, I was all ready to call this minute until I saw J. Wilson's and patronuscharm's answers and now I'm worried about coming on too strong (although I'm not sure that's the case). Stupid self-doubt.

FWIW, I haven't really been doing the "random chattiness" thing. We've exchanged about a dozen text messages since she had to cancel Thursday, but most of those were to decide on a mutually agreeable day, then some last-minute back-and-forth yesterday when she realized that the bar I chose was closed on Sundays and we had to find a new venue. I might have been a bit anxious to get a response, but only because we were supposed to go out Sunday and she didn't get around to texting me back with a confirmation until late Saturday. Not really any spontaneous "hi how are you" type of messages from either end - I don't feel ready just yet to start with the daily chit-chat.
posted by photo guy at 7:06 PM on December 13, 2010

Decided I didn't want to wait anymore, so I bit the bullet and left her a voice mail. I was kind of nervous so the message isn't exactly brimming with confidence, but at least I got it over with. Guess the ball's in her court now...
posted by photo guy at 7:45 PM on December 13, 2010

Call her once.

She likely will not answer because she screens her calls. KIDDING. She probably won't answer because people don't prioritize answering their phones like they used to; it's natural to want hear what someone has to say via voicemail, and respond at leisure. So call her and leave her a message. If what you want is to see her again, then ask her to see you again in the message. Here's a sample script:

"Hi, I had a really great time with you Sunday night. [Insert relevant tidbit/something you liked about her here.] I'd like the chance to do it again sometime soon, maybe this weekend? Would you like to have dinner with me? Call me or text me to let me know."

Leave your number.
posted by carsonb at 7:59 PM on December 13, 2010

Call her. Don't wait too long, though! Your second date ideas sound great! Say something to the effect of...

"Hey, it's *insertnamehere*, I had a great time with you the other night. Want to get together again? Blah blah blah blah *insert tentative next date time*.

It takes a few exchanges to set up all the logistics...good luck and hope you have fun!
posted by skybluesky at 4:33 AM on December 14, 2010

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