Is outing panic disorder academic suicide?
December 12, 2010 12:46 PM Subscribe
Is outing panic disorder academic suicide?
I am a graduate student in humanities pursuing my terminal degree. As the semesters go by, each semester end, I get more and more panicky in anticipation of the deadlines. This is getting worse. I have vomiting, uncontrollable shaking, harmful ideations and irrational fears that distract me from my work. It's a very serious problem. I am on medication (maybe not the right ones) and I see a therapist and try to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Should I confide my struggles in a friendly professor so she knows I'm not a garden-variety slacker, but struggling to control a disorder? Should I register with the disability office, so that all my professors will be apprised? It is my natural inclination to be open and unashamed, but I've been cautioned against this. I feel like I would do better work if I could adjust the expectations on the grader's end, in terms of extending deadlines, but at what cost? I tend to think of my department as a friendly place, at least as far as the faculty is concerned, and I can't imagine this professor in particular breaking a trust. But as I hope to become their colleague upon matriculation, I don't know what to do.
Do you have anecdotal information about similar disorders in academia you could share?
I am a graduate student in humanities pursuing my terminal degree. As the semesters go by, each semester end, I get more and more panicky in anticipation of the deadlines. This is getting worse. I have vomiting, uncontrollable shaking, harmful ideations and irrational fears that distract me from my work. It's a very serious problem. I am on medication (maybe not the right ones) and I see a therapist and try to lead a healthy lifestyle.
Should I confide my struggles in a friendly professor so she knows I'm not a garden-variety slacker, but struggling to control a disorder? Should I register with the disability office, so that all my professors will be apprised? It is my natural inclination to be open and unashamed, but I've been cautioned against this. I feel like I would do better work if I could adjust the expectations on the grader's end, in terms of extending deadlines, but at what cost? I tend to think of my department as a friendly place, at least as far as the faculty is concerned, and I can't imagine this professor in particular breaking a trust. But as I hope to become their colleague upon matriculation, I don't know what to do.
Do you have anecdotal information about similar disorders in academia you could share?
I say do what you want. If you can get accommodation, get it.
posted by k8t at 12:54 PM on December 12, 2010
posted by k8t at 12:54 PM on December 12, 2010
I'm not a professional academic. That being said, right now you have one problem. After you put this problem at issue in a professional context, you will have two problems. Also, if you have meds & a therapist and you still feel like shit, doesn't this imply the meds & therapist aren't working? You didn't say how long you've been on/with them, but getting more effective help was the first thing that jumped out at me, and trying to do pro-active spin control/expectations-management was down at the bottom of the list.
posted by facetious at 1:07 PM on December 12, 2010
posted by facetious at 1:07 PM on December 12, 2010
I can't agree with k8t. The disability office exists to help you, and a professor or a program that would use the revelation against you are likely in violation of state and federal regulations as well as university policy (your millage may vary depending on the state and institution (esp. public or private)). At the very least, I would talk with the Disability Office and see what their advice is. A few thoughts:
1. If you do not qualify for disability, you may be able to get counseling, which might relieve some of the stress and/or provide you with coping mechanisms. They may be able to refer you to a more complete psychiatric service -- you need to see a professional to see if medication will help (I have had students with anxiety disorders who were able to up the dosage on their meds to deal with stressful sequences in the course like presentations).
2. They can suggest what kinds of accommodations are appropriate.
3. They can probably tell you if that department is likely to be a problem or not.
Now, where I do agree with k8t is that graduate school is very taxing; if you are under this much stress already, you are likely in for a rough ride. Especially, if k*t's guess is true and your department gives you a hard time about it, you will may have to fight with them to get your accommodation, which, even with help, will likely be even more stressful. And the tenure process is enough to strain even the most solid of egos. So, although MF tends to go to the "get therapy" well a bit too often, you want to talk to some professionals about this to get an idea of what the problems will be and how you can deal with them.
At any rate, good luck.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:11 PM on December 12, 2010 [5 favorites]
1. If you do not qualify for disability, you may be able to get counseling, which might relieve some of the stress and/or provide you with coping mechanisms. They may be able to refer you to a more complete psychiatric service -- you need to see a professional to see if medication will help (I have had students with anxiety disorders who were able to up the dosage on their meds to deal with stressful sequences in the course like presentations).
2. They can suggest what kinds of accommodations are appropriate.
3. They can probably tell you if that department is likely to be a problem or not.
Now, where I do agree with k8t is that graduate school is very taxing; if you are under this much stress already, you are likely in for a rough ride. Especially, if k*t's guess is true and your department gives you a hard time about it, you will may have to fight with them to get your accommodation, which, even with help, will likely be even more stressful. And the tenure process is enough to strain even the most solid of egos. So, although MF tends to go to the "get therapy" well a bit too often, you want to talk to some professionals about this to get an idea of what the problems will be and how you can deal with them.
At any rate, good luck.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:11 PM on December 12, 2010 [5 favorites]
Argh. I missed the "seeing a therapist" point -- sorry. I would still recommend going to the Disabilities Office to see what they can suggest and maybe they can either give you ideas to discuss with your therapist or speak directly to them. Even if your department is full of gossips; your disability office should not be. You can at least talk to them.
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:14 PM on December 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 1:14 PM on December 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
as I hope to become their colleague upon matriculation
I am confused by this sentence, but will assume it's just a braino and you meant "I hope to become their colleague after I complete my degree"?
Moving on from that: You've got two issues here. Issue A is disclosing your panic disorder and getting accommodations regarding deadlines in your current program. Presuming that you're in the US or Canada, you can do that.
Issue B is what happens after you finish your degree. The bottom line is that if your panic disorder keeps you from completing academic work in a timely manner, that is going to be a strike against you when you're looking for teaching gigs, when you're going up for tenure, etc., etc. And the people who are going to be asked about your work style and habits are your current professors, yeah. And though in theory they cannot legally disclose your medical issues, they're going to be asked if you turn stuff in on time, because turning stuff in on time is really important--so if you get an accommodation that says "Does not have to turn stuff in on time" who knows what they're going to say?
So no, I would not disclose this if it were my issue. It is so hard to get an academic job in the humanities these days that any potential drawbacks are going to be seized upon by the people sorting the field, just to winnow the hundreds of candidates down to a manageable number.
The thing is that employers have to provide reasonable accommodations for people's medical issues (including anxiety and panic issues). But this particular issue can (and does) lead in some cases to people not completing work in a timely manner and basically fucking shit up. (I once had a job working for an academic press where all I did all day was call up college professors and ask them when they would be sending their manuscripts that were at least one year overdue--in some cases, the manuscripts were five, six, ten years overdue; I also more than once had to assign final grades to a class I wasn't teaching because the person teaching the class had a meltdown about grading and basically left it in the laps of his colleagues to pick up after him or else kids wouldn't graduate, etc.) So it's a bit of a complicated question as to what accommodations they would have to provide, and one they can easily dodge by hiring one of the other many hundreds of applicants, yes?
I wish you all the best with addressing this problem, and I wish I had a more optimistic opinion for you. But that's how it looks to me as an ex-academic and ex-university administrator.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:18 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I am confused by this sentence, but will assume it's just a braino and you meant "I hope to become their colleague after I complete my degree"?
Moving on from that: You've got two issues here. Issue A is disclosing your panic disorder and getting accommodations regarding deadlines in your current program. Presuming that you're in the US or Canada, you can do that.
Issue B is what happens after you finish your degree. The bottom line is that if your panic disorder keeps you from completing academic work in a timely manner, that is going to be a strike against you when you're looking for teaching gigs, when you're going up for tenure, etc., etc. And the people who are going to be asked about your work style and habits are your current professors, yeah. And though in theory they cannot legally disclose your medical issues, they're going to be asked if you turn stuff in on time, because turning stuff in on time is really important--so if you get an accommodation that says "Does not have to turn stuff in on time" who knows what they're going to say?
So no, I would not disclose this if it were my issue. It is so hard to get an academic job in the humanities these days that any potential drawbacks are going to be seized upon by the people sorting the field, just to winnow the hundreds of candidates down to a manageable number.
The thing is that employers have to provide reasonable accommodations for people's medical issues (including anxiety and panic issues). But this particular issue can (and does) lead in some cases to people not completing work in a timely manner and basically fucking shit up. (I once had a job working for an academic press where all I did all day was call up college professors and ask them when they would be sending their manuscripts that were at least one year overdue--in some cases, the manuscripts were five, six, ten years overdue; I also more than once had to assign final grades to a class I wasn't teaching because the person teaching the class had a meltdown about grading and basically left it in the laps of his colleagues to pick up after him or else kids wouldn't graduate, etc.) So it's a bit of a complicated question as to what accommodations they would have to provide, and one they can easily dodge by hiring one of the other many hundreds of applicants, yes?
I wish you all the best with addressing this problem, and I wish I had a more optimistic opinion for you. But that's how it looks to me as an ex-academic and ex-university administrator.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:18 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
The disability office exists to help you, and a professor or a program that would use the revelation against you are likely in violation of state and federal regulations as well as university policy
Absolutely. But try to prove that it happened.
"Hi, Professor Jones. We're looking at Jane Doe for our new hire in German literature. What can you tell me about her work?"
"Jane's very bright and knows more about Goethe than you can possibly imagine. She's a good writer, too."
"What about her work habits? Does she get stuff in on time?"
"Weeeellllllll...."
When you have two or three hundred other applicants, it only takes one "Weeeeellllll" before you move on.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:22 PM on December 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
Absolutely. But try to prove that it happened.
"Hi, Professor Jones. We're looking at Jane Doe for our new hire in German literature. What can you tell me about her work?"
"Jane's very bright and knows more about Goethe than you can possibly imagine. She's a good writer, too."
"What about her work habits? Does she get stuff in on time?"
"Weeeellllllll...."
When you have two or three hundred other applicants, it only takes one "Weeeeellllll" before you move on.
posted by Sidhedevil at 1:22 PM on December 12, 2010 [4 favorites]
I'm hesitant to offer any advice because I think different faculty members reactions to this kind of situation will be quite invidualistic, and I certainly do think there are some professors who will and won't be sympathetic. Speaking for myself I am happy to provide reasonable extensions etc. in a classroom setting, and I do prefer that students (undergrads at least) go through the disability office, because I am not an expert in what reasonable accommodations are, whereas they are. If told something like this in confidence I would try to respect that confidence.
But (if "terminal degree" means PhD, given the "colleagues" comment) I would encourage you to think about why this might be considered academic suicide, and why some faculty might react negatively. A graduate degree is halfway between school and an apprenticeship/job, and is training you for a particular kind of job. In the context of a classroom, reasonable accommodations have a fairly clear meaning -- extra time on exams, looser deadlines, etc. But in the context of actually working in academia, if that is your goal, the most important deadlines are typically external to the job and cannot be accommodated. Not to mention the deadlines you have to impose on yourself. Furthermore, the amount of stress and pressure increases dramatically, along with the personal stakes for your career. I personally do not think I would be capable of functioning in my job as an assistant professor given the symptoms you describe, no matter what kind of accommodations I got from my employer (especially given the substantial difference in difficulty/impact on my life/complexity between a term paper and the stuff that I currently have to do). This is what I think any faculty member will worry about. If the department is friendly, they will not "use this against you" as Genjiandproust puts it, but they may develop serious concerns over whether you are capable of completing the degree and having this kind of career.
posted by advil at 1:23 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
But (if "terminal degree" means PhD, given the "colleagues" comment) I would encourage you to think about why this might be considered academic suicide, and why some faculty might react negatively. A graduate degree is halfway between school and an apprenticeship/job, and is training you for a particular kind of job. In the context of a classroom, reasonable accommodations have a fairly clear meaning -- extra time on exams, looser deadlines, etc. But in the context of actually working in academia, if that is your goal, the most important deadlines are typically external to the job and cannot be accommodated. Not to mention the deadlines you have to impose on yourself. Furthermore, the amount of stress and pressure increases dramatically, along with the personal stakes for your career. I personally do not think I would be capable of functioning in my job as an assistant professor given the symptoms you describe, no matter what kind of accommodations I got from my employer (especially given the substantial difference in difficulty/impact on my life/complexity between a term paper and the stuff that I currently have to do). This is what I think any faculty member will worry about. If the department is friendly, they will not "use this against you" as Genjiandproust puts it, but they may develop serious concerns over whether you are capable of completing the degree and having this kind of career.
posted by advil at 1:23 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I work in academia and I have seen it all.
I have seen professors with bipolar disorders, crippling depression, sociopathic behaviour and two paranoid schizophrenics. I think most people who work in academia are acutely aware that any profession that attracts intelligent people is also going to attract perhaps more than its fair share of people with mental illness.
You can approach your professor, but be sure to explain your situation in the context of a medical condition, so you won't be seen as using it as a crutch for your poor performance.
But i think the top priority is that you see your GP and get your condition assessed. From your post it seems that you are not convinced that your current treatment is working (especially considering that things seem to be getting worse) and is now directly impacting on your career and work performance.
You need to get your condition treated properly, because if you pursue a career in academia your stress levels are only going to increase.
posted by TheOtherGuy at 1:23 PM on December 12, 2010
I have seen professors with bipolar disorders, crippling depression, sociopathic behaviour and two paranoid schizophrenics. I think most people who work in academia are acutely aware that any profession that attracts intelligent people is also going to attract perhaps more than its fair share of people with mental illness.
You can approach your professor, but be sure to explain your situation in the context of a medical condition, so you won't be seen as using it as a crutch for your poor performance.
But i think the top priority is that you see your GP and get your condition assessed. From your post it seems that you are not convinced that your current treatment is working (especially considering that things seem to be getting worse) and is now directly impacting on your career and work performance.
You need to get your condition treated properly, because if you pursue a career in academia your stress levels are only going to increase.
posted by TheOtherGuy at 1:23 PM on December 12, 2010
I understand the pressure you're going through. I'm currently researching my Masters degree; I've had bad anxiety and OCD for nearly ten years. It's a lot better now than it used to be. After trying numerous SSRI's I now take Citalopram (Celexa) which works very well for me.
I can't really give a reason for saying this, but I would not disclose your condition to the professor or anyone on the faculty. Like other posters have said, it is an extremely stressful environment, and the one thing you can be sure of is that it will get tougher, with harder deadlines and bigger work loads.
What I will suggest is trying different medication. I went through at least four different kinds before finding one that works for me. It's a trying process, but definitely worth it in the end. Also, make sure you see a therapist that specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), as it is crucial to understanding your condition, and helping you build and maintain strategies to cope better in times of stress.
Good luck!
posted by New England Cultist at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2010
I can't really give a reason for saying this, but I would not disclose your condition to the professor or anyone on the faculty. Like other posters have said, it is an extremely stressful environment, and the one thing you can be sure of is that it will get tougher, with harder deadlines and bigger work loads.
What I will suggest is trying different medication. I went through at least four different kinds before finding one that works for me. It's a trying process, but definitely worth it in the end. Also, make sure you see a therapist that specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), as it is crucial to understanding your condition, and helping you build and maintain strategies to cope better in times of stress.
Good luck!
posted by New England Cultist at 1:24 PM on December 12, 2010
Generally speaking, I don't think that's looked upon well in an academic setting. Aside from the fact that there is still a stigma attached to mental disorders, graduate school is generally expected to be a pressure cooker and every grad student is probably suffering from some kind of anxiety as a result. So your committee may not be able to understand the difference between a normal grad student's anxiety and your medical condition.
That said, I'm currently in a graduate program in the hard sciences and have been struggling through several major depressive episodes through out my degree. All my supervisor wants to know is that there is an underlying medical condition that's causing the delays (but not what it was) and that treatment is being sought so this will not be a permanent problem. But I'm done with classes and all I'm doing is lab work so this may not work for you.
I'd suggest that you seek out a psychiatrist that can readjust your meds in addition to therapy. This is a health issue. If you're in such bad conditions that you're having harmful ideations, you should talk to your department about taking a medical leave and come back after you get the anxiety under control.
posted by cosmic_shoals at 1:34 PM on December 12, 2010
That said, I'm currently in a graduate program in the hard sciences and have been struggling through several major depressive episodes through out my degree. All my supervisor wants to know is that there is an underlying medical condition that's causing the delays (but not what it was) and that treatment is being sought so this will not be a permanent problem. But I'm done with classes and all I'm doing is lab work so this may not work for you.
I'd suggest that you seek out a psychiatrist that can readjust your meds in addition to therapy. This is a health issue. If you're in such bad conditions that you're having harmful ideations, you should talk to your department about taking a medical leave and come back after you get the anxiety under control.
posted by cosmic_shoals at 1:34 PM on December 12, 2010
I'm not in academia, but the "real world," but I think this is a question with more general applicability. I say: of course, tell your advisor. Your advisor may be able to help you structure your work into smaller chunks with less anxiety-inducing deadlines or something. I don't think the outing of the disability itself is going to harm anything. You may get a few stifled eye-rolls and "whatevs" from other people.
It's when you start counting on that for accommodations that other students don't get that you're going to run into some negative reactions, I'd bet. Lots of people need deadlines extended once in a while for whatever reason. If you are constantly needing it to the point where people (and other students) are going to start feeling like you're being waited on hand and foot and given your degree on a silver platter, there's going to be some grumbling. See this thread for example.
Here's the attitude you're going to see from some, right or wrong:
At some point, that's what school IS. If you can't do it, you can't do it. As a military analogy, You can't be a Navy SEAL in a wheelchair. If you're going to fall apart in boot camp when the drill instructor yells at you, maybe you're not really cut out for the military, whether it's a "legit" disability or not. If you're claustrophobic, I can get you through submarine school with all the required knowledge. That doesn't mean I think I should do that for you.
Yeah, school is not the military,or anything like it, so the analogy isn't very good. I think the general attitude reflected is human nature, though. "Pfft, kids these days, I tell ya... Why, back in MY day, you had to be in a coma to get a deadline extended..."
I think my strategy would be to register with the disability office, then try as much as possible to not need very much special accommodation. You may earn some extra respect for overcoming your disability with only occasional special needs.
posted by ctmf at 1:44 PM on December 12, 2010
It's when you start counting on that for accommodations that other students don't get that you're going to run into some negative reactions, I'd bet. Lots of people need deadlines extended once in a while for whatever reason. If you are constantly needing it to the point where people (and other students) are going to start feeling like you're being waited on hand and foot and given your degree on a silver platter, there's going to be some grumbling. See this thread for example.
Here's the attitude you're going to see from some, right or wrong:
At some point, that's what school IS. If you can't do it, you can't do it. As a military analogy, You can't be a Navy SEAL in a wheelchair. If you're going to fall apart in boot camp when the drill instructor yells at you, maybe you're not really cut out for the military, whether it's a "legit" disability or not. If you're claustrophobic, I can get you through submarine school with all the required knowledge. That doesn't mean I think I should do that for you.
Yeah, school is not the military,or anything like it, so the analogy isn't very good. I think the general attitude reflected is human nature, though. "Pfft, kids these days, I tell ya... Why, back in MY day, you had to be in a coma to get a deadline extended..."
I think my strategy would be to register with the disability office, then try as much as possible to not need very much special accommodation. You may earn some extra respect for overcoming your disability with only occasional special needs.
posted by ctmf at 1:44 PM on December 12, 2010
I'm not sure what you would hope to gain by either confiding in the trusted professor or by going to the disabilities office. If the goal is to get deadline extensions....well, won't you still panic when the new extended deadline rolls around? Everything will always be due at some point, and by pushing the deadlines back further and further I think you would just be exacerbating your problem.
I would recommend pursuing cognitive-behavioral treatment (I am assuming that you are not doing CBT with your current therapist). Panic disorder responds extremely well to CBT, and a CBT therapist will also be able to assist you in developing other study skills that may help with your anxiety regarding academic work. It sounds like you have clear goals that you want to work towards, which is great. That motivation, combined with an effective treatment approach, will do you a world of good. Good luck!
posted by Bebo at 1:52 PM on December 12, 2010
I would recommend pursuing cognitive-behavioral treatment (I am assuming that you are not doing CBT with your current therapist). Panic disorder responds extremely well to CBT, and a CBT therapist will also be able to assist you in developing other study skills that may help with your anxiety regarding academic work. It sounds like you have clear goals that you want to work towards, which is great. That motivation, combined with an effective treatment approach, will do you a world of good. Good luck!
posted by Bebo at 1:52 PM on December 12, 2010
Here's the thing--disclosing to this one professor won't help you with problems in any other classes or with any other professors, so I don't think that's really going to help you meet your objectives. You say you can't imagine this person breaking your trust, but I wouldn't rely on that *at all* in academics. You have no idea how many conversations happen outside your purview. Imagine your friendly prof is talking to another prof, who says something offhand about how, yet again, you haven't turned something in on time. Your friendly prof, knowing there's more to the story and wanting to defend you, says something to the effect of, "Well, Anon has a lot going on." This will not, as your friendly prof hopes, end the conversation. "What do you mean? Everyone's busy this time of year." "Well, she talked to me about some problems she's having." The conversation may or may not end here. If prof #2 is perceptive, he will drop it. If not, he may press for more info. Perhaps your friendly prof accidentally shares more than she means to. Perhaps she thinks sharing about your condition is a way to help you. Perhaps there's a weird power dynamic between the two profs and you end up getting outed against your will.
Lots and lots of people in my program were in therapy. We all knew it, and since our department was generally supportive of such things, people talked about therapy relatively freely. While at least some of them (those in therapy and those who probably should have been) must have had disabilities that would have qualified for accommodations, none EVER revealed that to anyone beyond close personal friends (other grad students--not professors, never ever), and it was better if those friends were people you wouldn't be directly competing with on the job market later.
And really read through Sidhedevil's points--they are important.
posted by BlooPen at 1:55 PM on December 12, 2010
Lots and lots of people in my program were in therapy. We all knew it, and since our department was generally supportive of such things, people talked about therapy relatively freely. While at least some of them (those in therapy and those who probably should have been) must have had disabilities that would have qualified for accommodations, none EVER revealed that to anyone beyond close personal friends (other grad students--not professors, never ever), and it was better if those friends were people you wouldn't be directly competing with on the job market later.
And really read through Sidhedevil's points--they are important.
posted by BlooPen at 1:55 PM on December 12, 2010
Current grad student here, clinically depressed, out to my advisor and some of the other professors I work with.
For me, coming out was definitely the right thing to do. But — and this is important — it didn't buy me any leeway to do things late or poorly.
I'm glad I came out because it improved the personal side of my relationship with some of my professors. A few profs had assumed that I didn't like them, or that I didn't like their subject. Telling them I was depressed gave me room to say "Look, no, I think you're great, I love your class, it's a fascinating subject; I know I don't smile a whole lot in class, but I'm just going through a rough patch and I'm not feeling all that smiley over anything right now." It didn't affect my grades any. But at least I avoided leaving those professors with the impression that I was an asshole. I still run into them socially and sometimes need technical advice from them, so I'm glad I could salvage those personal connections.
The thing is, you're still gonna be held to the same academic and professional standards no matter what. Sidhedevil's right: if you do bad work, nobody's going to say "Well, he's got a disability — when anyone asks we'd better pretend like he's our star student." Of course, on the other hand, if you do awesome work then nobody's likely to badmouth you just because of the anxiety thing, so there's certainly no harm in telling anyone. It just isn't going to change the rules for you in either direction.
Long story short, if you need some support on this, or you think it'll help you cultivate a better personal relationship with someone, go ahead and talk to them. Just forget the idea that it'll make anyone cut you any slack when they're grading your assignments.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:56 PM on December 12, 2010 [7 favorites]
For me, coming out was definitely the right thing to do. But — and this is important — it didn't buy me any leeway to do things late or poorly.
I'm glad I came out because it improved the personal side of my relationship with some of my professors. A few profs had assumed that I didn't like them, or that I didn't like their subject. Telling them I was depressed gave me room to say "Look, no, I think you're great, I love your class, it's a fascinating subject; I know I don't smile a whole lot in class, but I'm just going through a rough patch and I'm not feeling all that smiley over anything right now." It didn't affect my grades any. But at least I avoided leaving those professors with the impression that I was an asshole. I still run into them socially and sometimes need technical advice from them, so I'm glad I could salvage those personal connections.
The thing is, you're still gonna be held to the same academic and professional standards no matter what. Sidhedevil's right: if you do bad work, nobody's going to say "Well, he's got a disability — when anyone asks we'd better pretend like he's our star student." Of course, on the other hand, if you do awesome work then nobody's likely to badmouth you just because of the anxiety thing, so there's certainly no harm in telling anyone. It just isn't going to change the rules for you in either direction.
Long story short, if you need some support on this, or you think it'll help you cultivate a better personal relationship with someone, go ahead and talk to them. Just forget the idea that it'll make anyone cut you any slack when they're grading your assignments.
posted by nebulawindphone at 1:56 PM on December 12, 2010 [7 favorites]
Also a current grad student - and I have bipolar disorder along with a plethora of physical problems. I have accommodation through the disabilities office. ALL of my professors know that I have bipolar, and they know that I take medication that sometimes causes me to make local errors on my papers (and for an, form for from, etc...) and they are willing to work with me. Most of my colleagues also know that I have bipolar because, you know what? I don't care... I'm tired of the stigma that goes with mental illness and the more we hide in the closet the more that stigma is going to hang around. My profs, advisor, and colleagues know that I'm an okay person and that my bipolar does not define me. If I'm a little stressed and acting off - they know why and don't have to put it down to "patheral is kinda weird, dontcha think?"
Anyway, coming out hasn't done anything to hurt my academic career. I still get good referrals. My grades are consistently good, and my profs are willing to work with me when I need working with... I'd suggest going through your school's student services - it's really helped me.
posted by patheral at 2:09 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
Anyway, coming out hasn't done anything to hurt my academic career. I still get good referrals. My grades are consistently good, and my profs are willing to work with me when I need working with... I'd suggest going through your school's student services - it's really helped me.
posted by patheral at 2:09 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I am an academic and have seen this dilemma from both sides. I absolutely think you should talk to your profs, mainly for the reasons that nebulawindphone gives. If your profs are aware that you are not completing things on time, or struggling, they ALREADY think badly of you, and are likely to give ambivalent references. Once they know it is a medical condition, not laziness, they will think better of you, and will hesitate to mention it in references, because they are scared of legal consequences, or because they have sympathy for you, or because they realise that medication can keep the issue under control.
My advice would be different if the anxiety had not affected your work in noticeable ways, but since your profs already know something's up, you are doing yourself a favour by explaining what that something is.
Lastly, absolutely be prepared for everyone and anyone in the department to know about your condition as soon as you tell one prof. They (we) gossip like nobody's business.
posted by lollusc at 2:58 PM on December 12, 2010
My advice would be different if the anxiety had not affected your work in noticeable ways, but since your profs already know something's up, you are doing yourself a favour by explaining what that something is.
Lastly, absolutely be prepared for everyone and anyone in the department to know about your condition as soon as you tell one prof. They (we) gossip like nobody's business.
posted by lollusc at 2:58 PM on December 12, 2010
The disability office exists to help you, and a professor or a program that would use the revelation against you are likely in violation of state and federal regulations as well as university policy (your millage may vary depending on the state and institution (esp. public or private)).
You seem to be assuming that you can actually tell professors to do something and they'll do it. This is, um, not true.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:18 PM on December 12, 2010
You seem to be assuming that you can actually tell professors to do something and they'll do it. This is, um, not true.
posted by madcaptenor at 3:18 PM on December 12, 2010
FWIW -- Disclosing a disability and/or seeking accommodation has risks and benefits (risk of stigma or increased scrutiny, possible benefit of accommodation or better experience, for examples). Ultimately, you are the only one who can make the decisions about how to disclose or not disclose. You are the one interacting with your colleagues and professors, and your institution, on a daily basis.
From my own outsider perspective, academia seems simultaneously better and worse for people with disabilities compared to non-academic private sector employment settings.
Better -- Weirdness/quirkiness may be more accepted, even embraced, particularly when an individual is talented. There may be a broader range of what is "normal."
Worse -- Universities and their officials tend to discount their obligations under federal nondiscrimination laws, particularly in PhD programs. There's a bit of a wild, wild West aspect to many departments. This is in part accurate, as courts tend to defer to "academic freedom."
Mixed -- Academic life may have less structure than other pathways, which may be better or worse for living with a disability, depending upon individual factors. There's a combination of freedom and obligation/stress that works well for some PWDs and not others.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 3:21 PM on December 12, 2010
From my own outsider perspective, academia seems simultaneously better and worse for people with disabilities compared to non-academic private sector employment settings.
Better -- Weirdness/quirkiness may be more accepted, even embraced, particularly when an individual is talented. There may be a broader range of what is "normal."
Worse -- Universities and their officials tend to discount their obligations under federal nondiscrimination laws, particularly in PhD programs. There's a bit of a wild, wild West aspect to many departments. This is in part accurate, as courts tend to defer to "academic freedom."
Mixed -- Academic life may have less structure than other pathways, which may be better or worse for living with a disability, depending upon individual factors. There's a combination of freedom and obligation/stress that works well for some PWDs and not others.
posted by ClaudiaCenter at 3:21 PM on December 12, 2010
And just a head's up - you're probably eligible for all sorts of counseling/therapy through the university. It will never be so easy to just walk in and get treated (with a flexible schedule and all that), so it might be worth taking advantage of now.
posted by k8t at 3:40 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by k8t at 3:40 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]
I have a friend who was dealing with crippling panic attacks. He approached his professor... who then recommended mindfulness training and CBT. It really seemed to change his life.
Sometimes telling someone about issue you're struggling with... is not a confession of weakness but rather an opportunity for helpful advice.
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 4:09 PM on December 12, 2010
Sometimes telling someone about issue you're struggling with... is not a confession of weakness but rather an opportunity for helpful advice.
posted by Bighappyfunhouse at 4:09 PM on December 12, 2010
I completely agree with K8t's first comment. I've seen people who came out with mental issues (even fairly mild ones) be stigmatized in academia. It's possibly illegal, but there usually isn't anything open and obvious -- just that the other person got the job and you didn't. I would make sure you have the treatment side well in hand before telling anyone in your department, and I would definitely be talking with the university disabilities office first -- in some cases, that information needs to come directly from them rather than from you, for example.
posted by Forktine at 4:52 PM on December 12, 2010
posted by Forktine at 4:52 PM on December 12, 2010
You seem to be assuming that you can actually tell professors to do something and they'll do it. This is, um, not true.
Some will, some won't. But Chairs are often willing to cave when pressured by the Administration to do things legally, if push comes to shove. A lot depends on the OPs willingness to shove and keep shoving until the regulations are upheld. Which, given the circumstances, could be difficult. But, yeah, Departments can be made to behave. I have managed it myself, to a limited degree.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:08 PM on December 12, 2010
Some will, some won't. But Chairs are often willing to cave when pressured by the Administration to do things legally, if push comes to shove. A lot depends on the OPs willingness to shove and keep shoving until the regulations are upheld. Which, given the circumstances, could be difficult. But, yeah, Departments can be made to behave. I have managed it myself, to a limited degree.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:08 PM on December 12, 2010
Register with disability services! At least at my school they do not tell professors or TAs the specifics of your disability. Instead they work with your doctor to figure out accommodations, and send a sternly worded letter to the prof and the TAs instructing them exactly what to do. As a TA I've had students (including grad students) who needed X% extra time on assignments or exams, needed a private room to take exams, etc. and I've never asked any questions. Maybe they have a learning disability...or maybe they have carpal tunnel or bad vision or need to pee a lot. I don't know and don't care.
As for research...that's a different matter. Professors routinely discriminate against people in all kinds of ways that would not be tolerated in the workplace: I've seriously met profs who won't work with women, will only work with thin women, won't work with men, will only work with native-born Americans, will only work with immigrants, won't work with older students, etc. All of which is ridiculously illegal. But you can make that decision separately when it's time for you to start doing research. All those notices from Disability Services will very likely be forgotten by then.
posted by miyabo at 5:12 PM on December 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
As for research...that's a different matter. Professors routinely discriminate against people in all kinds of ways that would not be tolerated in the workplace: I've seriously met profs who won't work with women, will only work with thin women, won't work with men, will only work with native-born Americans, will only work with immigrants, won't work with older students, etc. All of which is ridiculously illegal. But you can make that decision separately when it's time for you to start doing research. All those notices from Disability Services will very likely be forgotten by then.
posted by miyabo at 5:12 PM on December 12, 2010 [2 favorites]
Nthing the speaking to disability services. You should be able to decide whether or not you want them to tell your professors or not. But it's never a bad thing to have it on record - if you subsequently ask for an extension, there's a reason on record already, which makes it easier to grant it. It's more difficult if you wait until the week before your thesis is due to mention it.
Mental illness / disabilities do carry a stigma in almost all work environments. It shouldn't be that way, but sadly, it is. Legally you can't be discriminated against because of yours, but if it does happen, you'll struggle to prove it.
If it was just about getting extended deadlines, then I'd recommend being open about it, but as you want to work there afterwards, I'd recommend thinking about disclosure more carefully.
If you do decide to tell your professor, I'd recommend doing it at a time when you are not suffering from anxiety. At a time when you're on top of your work, or when you've done something that has received praise. That way, you're giving the information in a context that says "I have a problem, but despite that, I'm someone who is talented and produces good work". And that will then be the overriding impression they have of you. And it makes it more likely that they'll want to help you. It also means that you're able to be objective about what triggers the anxiety, what makes it better and what makes it worse. Which may make it easier for them to provide the environment and support to make it easier for you.
(NB: I don't work in academia, and I've never told my boss about my mental illness. When I'm well, I work hard and make sure that my successes are noted, so that when I'm having problems, I've got enough brownie points in the bank that people think "she's just having a bad couple of weeks" rather than thinking "she's just bad at her job".)
posted by finding.perdita at 6:06 PM on December 12, 2010
Mental illness / disabilities do carry a stigma in almost all work environments. It shouldn't be that way, but sadly, it is. Legally you can't be discriminated against because of yours, but if it does happen, you'll struggle to prove it.
If it was just about getting extended deadlines, then I'd recommend being open about it, but as you want to work there afterwards, I'd recommend thinking about disclosure more carefully.
If you do decide to tell your professor, I'd recommend doing it at a time when you are not suffering from anxiety. At a time when you're on top of your work, or when you've done something that has received praise. That way, you're giving the information in a context that says "I have a problem, but despite that, I'm someone who is talented and produces good work". And that will then be the overriding impression they have of you. And it makes it more likely that they'll want to help you. It also means that you're able to be objective about what triggers the anxiety, what makes it better and what makes it worse. Which may make it easier for them to provide the environment and support to make it easier for you.
(NB: I don't work in academia, and I've never told my boss about my mental illness. When I'm well, I work hard and make sure that my successes are noted, so that when I'm having problems, I've got enough brownie points in the bank that people think "she's just having a bad couple of weeks" rather than thinking "she's just bad at her job".)
posted by finding.perdita at 6:06 PM on December 12, 2010
You need to get a few key senior peoples and colleagues you can bring in to your world, confidentially, people who will be sympathetic to you and have the drive and time to do take you under wing, people who can mentor you through the issues you are dealing with; you need to show them that you are working to deal with this and become a real colleague, and they can advocate for you behind the scenes which makes a huge difference. Probably this means taking a hard look at your current mental health treatment, new meds, possibly some time off. Even in the harshest most cutthroat academic environments I've been, it is *far* superior for the institution to nurse a troubled student through and turn them into a success than to watch someone admitted and invested because of the potential they saw, then see them crash and burn. Your current institution has certainly seen these before and probably has a written plan for assisting these people. My guess is that some of the senior people have had to deal with unstable mental illness themselves and that could be very validating in itself.
You asked anecdata, not sure how medical training applies to a different academic environment, but my wife and I both made it through training and are now teaching at the programs we trained from.
I sought psychiatric care twice in med school and training. This is not your typical academic environment, but it *is* very top town, very unforgiving of people without the mental and emotional strength to excel. Sure I experienced panic attack, loss of focus, loss of sleep, depression but it was all in reaction to the types of rotations I was on, or judge physical exhaustion. The school had a plan to pull out of and delay more time intensive rotations, got me to a head shrinker, met reguarly with my mentors and basically all became about me being reflective with parts of the job that I struggle with, why I struggle with them, and how will I develop skills to work through them. In residency, we actually had a weekly moderated support group that met over coffee to share our emotional struggles (Yay for hippies and go Family Medicine!). I continue to meet with a psychiatrist periodically and I feel like it's been a key part of what has kept me balanced throughout a pretty demanding career.
As far as the fallout -- if you're in a good program that tackles the well being of it's students, there's not much stigma. I mean, we've had people go pretty far off the sanity map but to this day, I have absolute respect for the large majority of whom were able to pull things together with the right institutional support.
That's what it was like for me. If you are in an institution that doesn't have a good culture of support, then you may choose to stay closed up and deal with it on your own. Or you may question if this is the right place or even right career, as I did at certain points.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:00 PM on December 12, 2010
You asked anecdata, not sure how medical training applies to a different academic environment, but my wife and I both made it through training and are now teaching at the programs we trained from.
I sought psychiatric care twice in med school and training. This is not your typical academic environment, but it *is* very top town, very unforgiving of people without the mental and emotional strength to excel. Sure I experienced panic attack, loss of focus, loss of sleep, depression but it was all in reaction to the types of rotations I was on, or judge physical exhaustion. The school had a plan to pull out of and delay more time intensive rotations, got me to a head shrinker, met reguarly with my mentors and basically all became about me being reflective with parts of the job that I struggle with, why I struggle with them, and how will I develop skills to work through them. In residency, we actually had a weekly moderated support group that met over coffee to share our emotional struggles (Yay for hippies and go Family Medicine!). I continue to meet with a psychiatrist periodically and I feel like it's been a key part of what has kept me balanced throughout a pretty demanding career.
As far as the fallout -- if you're in a good program that tackles the well being of it's students, there's not much stigma. I mean, we've had people go pretty far off the sanity map but to this day, I have absolute respect for the large majority of whom were able to pull things together with the right institutional support.
That's what it was like for me. If you are in an institution that doesn't have a good culture of support, then you may choose to stay closed up and deal with it on your own. Or you may question if this is the right place or even right career, as I did at certain points.
posted by Slarty Bartfast at 7:00 PM on December 12, 2010
"I get more and more panicky in anticipation of the deadlines. This is getting worse. I have vomiting, uncontrollable shaking, harmful ideations and irrational fears that distract me from my work."
This not only sounds like many grad students I know, but also several academics when facing a grant proposal deadline. :) But everyone tries to put on a brave front and not let on how much the pressure is getting to them. I hear about these things, though, because I'm very open about my own problems and that I take anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, and medication for ADD. It seems like once you "come out" then others feel comfortable confiding in you about what they're going through.
This doesn't answer your question of whether you should disclose, but if you do, you'll probably discover that you're not as alone as you feel.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:02 PM on December 12, 2010
This not only sounds like many grad students I know, but also several academics when facing a grant proposal deadline. :) But everyone tries to put on a brave front and not let on how much the pressure is getting to them. I hear about these things, though, because I'm very open about my own problems and that I take anti-depressants, anti-anxiety meds, and medication for ADD. It seems like once you "come out" then others feel comfortable confiding in you about what they're going through.
This doesn't answer your question of whether you should disclose, but if you do, you'll probably discover that you're not as alone as you feel.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:02 PM on December 12, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
Here's my take on it, if you were going for a PhD:
Don't do anything to allow anyone in the department to form a negative opinion of you. If being anxious about your schoolwork is causing a more negative opinion than disclosing your disability, disclose and vice versa. It is my opinion that the disclosure is viewed as more negative. I also have seen in my own graduate career, a number of students register with disability services and asking for accommodations and this not reflecting well on them.
And, sorry that this makes me sound like an asshole, if you were going for a PhD and an academic career, I'd say that with your anxiety issues, things are only going to get worse... comprehensive exams, dissertation, getting a tenure track job (ESPECIALLY in the humanities!), going for tenure... it only gets worse from here. Thus, I'd ask myself, if I were you, if this is really the right career choice.
But since it is a terminal degree (and I don't understand why you'd be their colleague when it is done...), I say do what you want. If you can get
And if you don't think that a faculty member would "break trust," I don't think that you know how gossip-y academics can be. (I don't know this person in particular, but...)
posted by k8t at 12:53 PM on December 12, 2010 [1 favorite]