The voices in my head give really good fashion advice

December 8, 2010 9:46 PM

Why is my new friend narrating my thoughts?

In general, I've noticed that when I start to hang out with someone often, I start to pick up on their expressions, gestures, speech patterns, etc. I have a feeling this is relatively normal (product of our environment).

Recently, I've become very close with this guy and we've been spending a lot of time together. His voice is narrating my thoughts. Is there a name for this? Is it simply because we've been spending a lot of time together? There have been other people who I've spent just as much, if not more time with but never has their voice entered my subconscious. He's gay, so there's no romantic inclinations (I'm a straight female, we're both in our mid-20s).

posted by allymusiqua to Grab Bag (18 answers total)

Just to clarify, you're saying that when your hear yourself thinking, it's actually in your friend's voice?
posted by bardophile at 10:00 PM on December 8, 2010

Response by poster: yup...usually the voice I hear when I'm thinking is my own or some generic non-descript voice, but lately when I hear myself thinking its his voice.
posted by allymusiqua at 10:18 PM on December 8, 2010

He's gay, so there's no romantic inclinations

uh ... from his side, at least?
posted by mannequito at 10:21 PM on December 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

You might want to read about Limerence. There's a lot of talking about it in the context of romantic love, but the article defines Limerance as a cognitive and emotional state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship (although it can further intensify the situation).

Other keywords you might want to look into:

Cognition
Persona
Cognitive obsession
Infatuation

You're going to find a lot of stuff revolves around romantic relationships, but I think a lot of the stuff is applicable to your situation as well.
posted by carsonb at 10:29 PM on December 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

Might not necessarily be romantic -- if I don't speak to actual people for a couple of days, the voice of Stewie Griffin starts seeping into my thoughts. That makes me wonder: Does your guy have some unusual vocal characteristics? Timbre, accent, resonance that makes him more memorable than the other people you spend time with?
posted by sageleaf at 10:34 PM on December 8, 2010 [4 favorites]

Random data point: when I re-read my notes from a particular subject last semester, I still hear them in the voice of my lecturer, who had a very David-Attenborough-ish way of speaking. (And no, I had no romantic feelings for him at all!) Seconding sageleaf, then: since you spend a lot of time with the dude, and maybe a lot of time thinking about the dude, and the dude perhaps has an unusual voice, then it makes sense that you might "think" using his voice.
posted by jaynewould at 10:50 PM on December 8, 2010

When I read books written in a strong dialect like Gone With the Wind, The Grapes of Wrath, or Their Eyes were Watching God, that happens to me too. I don't think it's weird, but maybe you're just even more susceptible to it than I am so it happens to new friends.
posted by oreofuchi at 10:55 PM on December 8, 2010

I used to spend a fair bit of time hanging out with a drug-addled genius guitar player, and even though I haven't seen him for close on 15 years, I still notice myself thinking occasional thoughts in his voice - usually if I've just been amused by one of the kinds of thing that used to amuse him.

I think some people just have such distinctive ways of looking at the world that their thought patterns actually work very much like another language, and that it becomes difficult to think those thoughts or ones like them except in the voice that originally gave you access to that language.

This kind of thing is also most likely what good actors do for a living.
posted by flabdablet at 11:13 PM on December 8, 2010 [7 favorites]

When I spend a lot of time reading a particular book, or watching a particular show (meaning several hours per day for a few days in a row), I start to think in the style of narration and/or dialogue. I don't know what it's called or if it has a name, but if you're really spending that much time with him, I think that's probably it. It sounds like you're pretty attuned to people's mannerisms and speaking style, and I don't think it's abnormal.
posted by mchorn at 4:11 AM on December 9, 2010

It's because you've been spending a lot of time together. I have a friend with a unique voice and whenever we hang out I tend to hear it in my head for a while after.
posted by FAMOUS MONSTER at 6:22 AM on December 9, 2010

This happened to me with a Trinidadian coworker. All my work-related thoughts were in her voice. I think it was a combination of unusual accent, stress, and proximity.
posted by lunalaguna at 6:28 AM on December 9, 2010

I've had this happen before. It always seemed like an aspect of normal human empathy to me, and it probably happens to everyone or most everyone.
posted by xenophile at 7:09 AM on December 9, 2010

you've got a very strong theory of mind
posted by jrishel at 7:31 AM on December 9, 2010

I had this strongly with a platonic friend of the opposite sex who had helped me through very significant personal challenges. For me it was early stages of learning new things about myself which he articulated, and which eventually I learned to articulate and hear in my own voice. It was very valuable for me.
posted by sockraticpielogue at 7:49 AM on December 9, 2010

This RadioLab podcast, titled "Voices in Your Head," might be of interest to you. One of the most fascinating in a typically-interesting series of science and social documentary shorts.
posted by xax at 9:05 AM on December 9, 2010

I went through a couple weeks once where my internal narrative voice had a different accent than my own (I'm American, the voice was British-English). I think it's because of what I was reading (and how much of it I was reading) at the time. It was so strong a feeling that it made me feel like my own voice, when I spoke, sounded wrong. It happens.
posted by penduluum at 9:19 AM on December 9, 2010

Unless there are other signs (finding yourself throwing rocks at his window with no idea how you got there, for example), I wouldn't worry about it. I have a long-term friend (we're both married straight dudes) who sometimes comes up with the perfect line about a given situation, except he's not there. I just know what he'd say.

It could be a touch of transference, to use a common psychobabble term, but not even that, necessarily.

Also, when I read William Gibson novels I tend to start narrating my everyday events thusly:

Randomkeystrike returned from his meeting to find the website where he wasted a lot of time still open in the browser window, the dusty Dell keyboard showing signs of wear on the "t" key because he used that one a lot. A woman named allymusiqua was wondering whether the voices in her head were bothering anyone else. The sound of a Pearl Jam album on his iPod, plugged into a Sony compact sound system, sitting on a Steelcase filing cabinet painted a certain shade of green they only made in 1975, like dusty cactus but a pantone shade lighter...

It wears off in a day or two, mercifully.
posted by randomkeystrike at 11:54 AM on December 9, 2010

I have been known to go one step further and speak in different accents without being aware of it. Usually depending on what I've been reading or who I've spent time with.
posted by threeturtles at 1:15 PM on December 9, 2010