Sex Toy Christmas: the Fleshlight version
December 7, 2010 9:38 PM   Subscribe

Current fleshlight owners, what do you think? (probably NSFW) Tips and advice requested.

For Christmas, I am considering getting my boyfriend a fleshlight. I've heard Kevin Smith go on and on about how great they are, but are they really? A few questions for current owners...

:: do you have more than one sleeve and is there a favorite one? Why?
:: do you use the cleaning supplies they offer and are they worth it?
:: is it a big deal to clean it? any tips?
:: anything you wish you had known before you bought it?
:: any other advice/tips/etc?

I know it's just a sex toy, but I'd like to make sure it's worth it and that he'll use it if I get it for him. If it requires an awful lot of cleaning, etc, I know he won't use it unless it is SuperAmazingOMGTheBestThingEver.
posted by itsacover to Health & Fitness (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite

I could be wrong, but I don't think guys are as turned on by toys (well, toys like the Fleshlight) as women are. Your boyfriend might find it infinitely more sexy if you found a sex toy for yourself, and asked him for assistance trying it out (on yourself). A present addressed to containing lingerie for you would also be pretty exciting.


But maybe that's just me.
posted by KokuRyu at 9:42 PM on December 7, 2010

Response by poster: Not a bad idea, KokuRyu...

But I should note: part of the reason that I am getting him the Fleshlight is because he lives several hours away and he travels a lot for work. Basically, I would like to help him in one way or another when I'm not around. :)
posted by itsacover at 9:46 PM on December 7, 2010

It's funny that a couple of my guy friends and I were talking about it the other day. The concensus was that, if given they opportunity, they'd try it out but they wouldn't actually want to own one. They said that their hands do the job just fine and that it'd actually be kind of weird and creepy to have sex with a disembodied simulated vagina (I think some of them have mouths too). If you're worried about sexy times, you can always do sexy times over the phone or with video chat. Maybe invest in some quality web cams instead?
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:53 PM on December 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also, Kevin Smith might be raving about it all the time because he probably gets money for endorsing it.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 9:55 PM on December 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Edenfantasies has a lot of toys for him that you can peruse, each with reviews. I have bought from this site and been satisfied. Heh.

From Mr. Cheminatrix: The fleshlight has a couple of drawbacks for me. First, it's messy which means a shower if you use it, but that's not a deal breaker. The main problem is, I have to use my hand anyway to manipulate the device. So now I'm using my hand but there is a numbing barrier between my hand and my business. It would be easier to dispense with the barrier and just buy a superior lube.

Having said that he understands that it's totally fun to find the right toy and the link above may guide you in the right direction. They have some hands-free stuff that looks interesting too. I can't wait for other guys to chime in on this one.
posted by Cheminatrix at 10:02 PM on December 7, 2010

By the way NSFW links above. Sorry!
posted by Cheminatrix at 10:03 PM on December 7, 2010


A prostate massager is for most dudes the only toy that will ever make it into that category.
posted by MillMan at 10:21 PM on December 7, 2010 [3 favorites]

Best answer: All right. Nobody answering seems to have much experience with the toy itself so I'll chime in.

First, I don't consider the silicone sleeve a numbing barrier. It is something in between a hand and the real thing, skewing towards the real thing. I find the sensations are better than what I can provide with my hand. You do have to use lube but I find toweling off is all that's required.

Second, the fleshlight is not travel sized. It will not help him on business trips, I promise that.

Third, I think it's strange that MaryDellamorte's guy-friends would try but not buy. I guess it's not so strange considering that sex toys have only recently become acceptable for women. Acceptance for guys is lagging behind. I think your gift idea is fantastic. Check out other silicone sleeves as well. Couple it with some webcams and I think you'd be all set.

Now for your questions.

I bought the 3 for 2 deal way back in the day but ended up only liking one of them. It's the 'wonder wave', I think. For cleaning I just rinse it out with water and a little hand-soap after each use. I shake it out and wrap it in a towel to dry in its box. Cleaning takes all of 30sec. Obviously I wish I hadn't bought the other two.
posted by just.good.enough at 10:21 PM on December 7, 2010 [2 favorites]

Also Kevin Smith might be raving all about it because it's really just that good.
posted by just.good.enough at 10:22 PM on December 7, 2010

OK, here's probably way too much info for anyone reading this thread.

I don't own a fleshlight, but I do own a very similar device. The silicone part is mushroom shaped, with the shaft part being quite thin. Surrounding that, inside the blue part, is a layer of foam to get the required tightness. I don't really enjoy using it all that much, because I'm not really about the penile orgasm. My penis apparently isn't that sensitive. It feels OK, I guess.

My (male) partner also has a very similar device, and he raves about it. He's big on edging, but when he uses the sleeve, he becomes unable to edge. He rates it really highly.

Cleaning can be a bit of an issue, but using the hose off the shower seems to help. Hot water scooshed down through the sleeve cleans it out pretty quickly and effectively. I don't use any specific cleaning product, other than maybe a little antibacterial soap. The device I own can have the sleeve removed and turned inside out, which makes cleaning a lot easier. Don't use anything like wet wipes to clean one - trust me!

Make sure to buy decent lube. My partner uses ID lube, which is water based and seems to offer a good deal of slip.
posted by Solomon at 11:10 PM on December 7, 2010 [1 favorite]

How about a pair of webcams for you and him?
posted by cman at 11:24 PM on December 7, 2010

I know a number of guys who are happy to have a fleshlight or similar device, especially those who travel frequently.

Few of them would admit ownership to their male friends.

(I'm not assuming this, I've been told. Look, a lot of men say things with the guys that are not *exactly* accurate. Flirting gets insinuated into making out, making out gets insinuated into fucking, and sex toys and anything in their ass gets all theoretical.)
posted by desuetude at 11:39 PM on December 7, 2010 [5 favorites]

I own a fleshlight and I actually don't use it. I find the experience a bit too intense for me. When I actually orgasm all the muscles in my core seize up almost cramp-like because I can't handle the sensation.

A few years ago I bought 2 of my friends a fleshlight each for Christmas. One was using it pretty regularly but his use has tapered. The other loved it so much that he named it, bought 2 more (different styles and textures) and named them.
The one who bought 2 is the only straight guy in this equation. He says it's very, very similar to vaginal sex. The only drawback for him is the cleaning.
posted by simplethings at 12:41 AM on December 8, 2010

oh! a cleaning tip:
it's actually not too bad. just run water through it until all residue inside is gone and then dry it thoroughly. i usually leave the sleeve out to dry overnight just to be sure. if it doesn't dry completely you'll start to notice the mildew-y smell. then you'll have to wash it again and give it an alcohol rub down and dry completely.
cornstarch actually does help get the original texture back.

on another note:
someone mentioned a prostate massager toy... i've tried 3 different brands and 5 different sizes and none of them did anything for me. maybe i don't have the patience or mind set... or maybe my prostate is broken... but it's definitely not an OMG toy.
posted by simplethings at 1:00 AM on December 8, 2010

>I'd like to make sure it's worth it and that he'll use it if I get it for him

You can't really know that without asking him. Some guys are into that kind of thing, some aren't.
posted by J. Wilson at 4:42 AM on December 8, 2010

Yea, if I were him, a couple pics, even a week, of you would be waaaaaaaay better. Absence making the parts grow harder, after all.

Anyway---if you're scared about them leaking, just make them not include your face. If they do include your face, smoosh up your lips, open your mouth, make sexy face, etc.

In case you haven't figured it out, most of us don't mind sloppy but aren't super gung-ho about clean up time, and if you don't deal with our fluids pretty quickly...well, eww. When I've been in your situation in the past, pictures + tissues were waaaaay more effective, and much easier to clean up/maintain, with nothing to be found by roomates/parents/dogs/etc.
posted by TomMelee at 6:38 AM on December 8, 2010

Some people like it, some people don't, so if it's affordable, go for it.

Especially if you find them sexy!

I'd wait to see if he likes the general concept and buy the cheapest insert, then offer to get him newer ones.

It's a pain to clean if you have roommates (heh) but otherwise, not horribly bad.
posted by the young rope-rider at 9:01 AM on December 8, 2010 [1 favorite]

And, I don't think it's any creepier than using a disembodied penis-y thing.
posted by the young rope-rider at 9:03 AM on December 8, 2010

The Fleshlight inserts are definitely NOT silicone! Also, while not wanting to make statements about other people's choices, I and several people I know are not comfortable with Fleshlight's disembodied body parts designs and I'll leave it at that.

My recommendation would be to start with a simple silicone sleeve such as the Get a Grip or the Stroker XL and see how he likes those before investing in something more elaborate. Also add in a supply of water based lubes (for two reasons: 1) all sleeves require lube to work properly and 2) silicone lubes are generally not compatible with toys made of silicone, as the silicones bond over time and degrade the toy).

When he's ready, then if he wants something akin to what a Fleshlight does without the disembodied body part design, there is the Tenga Flip Hole. The Tenga is nice because it has an amazing versatility in the sensations it provides and the insert is a lot easier to clean (and it should be flushed out with water and air dried every time after use!!) and the case can be used like a drying rack.

The Tenga Flip Hole has lots of fans, and there are lots of good review videos out there which help explain all the details.

You may also consider purchasing a gift certificate to a retail sex toy seller and allow him to choose a sleeve on his own, so that he is part of the decision process thereby feeling more comfortable and likely to use the sleeve.

Awesome gift idea, btw!!! :)
posted by kuppajava at 9:31 AM on December 8, 2010

You should check out products from the Japanese company Tenga. (Some available here and elsewhere if you google it.)

They make a product called the Tenga Flip which is considered better than the Fleshlight. I've tried both and totally agree! It's a lot newer and more sophisticated. Cleaning the Flip is far easier and superior to the Fleshlight since the whole unit opens up to wash, and keeps itself propped open to air/drip dry. And I think the sensation is better too. There are a bunch of video reviews you can find online.

A lot of the other Tenga products (eg, the Egg) are made as single-use products. They come with lube already inside, and you dispose of the entire thing after use. A sampling of these might be ideal for you to get your boyfriend for travel use, and to see if he likes the concept and novelty of using a toy before committing to something more expensive.
posted by jameslavelle3 at 9:39 AM on December 8, 2010

i was coming in to discuss the Tenga Flip. we just learned of it last week and it looks infinitely better than the fleshlight. and the egg looks amazing!
posted by nadawi at 1:56 PM on December 8, 2010

Bought a buncha toys of all sorts when a local adult shop was being forced out of business. Of the male-oriented ones, the only one I really tried more than once was a vibrating cock ring with a clitoral "fingers" pad (something like this). It really accelerated and enhanced my girlfriend's orgasms, and we also tried it upside down (vibe against my sac), and solo during phone sex.

That being said, webcams are a way better present.
posted by IAmBroom at 2:34 PM on December 8, 2010

Best answer: Ok, this is where I prove I have little/no shame.

I got my first fleshlight about a month ago, and then I picked up a few extra inserts on Black Friday (yay sales). I have to say, I love the thing. I live with my wife, we have plenty of sex, and she has her toys, and I have mine. Mind you, we're more likely to bring her's into play when it's the two of us, but I think using a fleshlight is much better than doing it by hand, so to speak. It's a completely different sensation, an tons of fun.

do you have more than one sleeve and is there a favorite one? Why?

I have three - a Build-your-own Wonderwave, the Stoya Destroya, and the Stoya Forbidden. They're all different, and I'm glad I have them all, honestly. The Wonderwave was my first and got me convinced to buy others. The Forbidden and Destroya are a bit intense, so the Wonderwave works as my usual. I looked into some others, like the standard Pink Lady, but I definitely wanted to try one of the textures. The Wonderwave was the best reviewed of the original textures, it seemed.

do you use the cleaning supplies they offer and are they worth it?
is it a big deal to clean it? any tips?

Nope. I just run some warm water through it after use and leave it out to dry. Luckily, my wife is chill enough to not care that there are three rubber lady bits out drying on the bathroom counter. Water takes care of most things - they recommend isopropyl alcohol if you really want to work it. NO SOAP. If it starts getting sticky, they suggest putting a little corn starch on it as well.

anything you wish you had known before you bought it?
Nothing really. As stupid as it sounds, I got it in my head to buy one after listening to Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier shill for them for ages on SModcast. It sounded like something fun, and I figured, wife gets toys, I should get one too. She's bemused by it, to be sure, but I find it hella fun. If you have the cash to throw, it's worth it, I think. They run sales all the time, so I'd hold off until you find a deal you life (they should have one before Christmas, to be sure).

All in all, I enjoy it. I like having three options of sleeves, and I like having an alternative to doing things by hand. Some people suggest lodging it between pillows for a more hands-free experience, but I haven't tried that. For me, it's not a sub for sex, but just a happy alternative to the old usual.

If you want to know anything else, feel free to MeMail me - I think I've aired enough laundry tonight.
posted by SNWidget at 6:54 PM on December 8, 2010

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