Help me not be such a jerk when I travel
November 27, 2010 3:26 PM   Subscribe

When I travel, I get stressed out about being late. If someone is slow in line ahead of me, I start grumbling and get nasty. (Never cause a scene, but enough to really bug my wife). Help me stop that behaviour/attitude so she'll travel with me again!

After almost every trip, my wife swears that she will not travel with me again.

My real fear/problem arises from being late or missing the connection or not getting to where I have to be.

I used to travel and teach, and never missed a flight, so I have no history that should lead to this stupid behaviour/attitude.

I am not worried about a disaster. Just being late.

Normally, I'm really nice. Never violent to anyone, physically or verbally. ...but can I mutter.

On a recent trip, my wife humored me, and let us get to the airport in plenty of time ( about 30 to 45 minutes before the required time.) That worked extremely well. We'll continue that. I guess that I should never plan tight connections.

So... what can I do do remedy this travel behaviour/attitude? Should I consider some therapy? If so, what kind? Meditation, medication, I'm open to your suggestions, as I want to take my wife traveling again.
posted by mbarryf to Human Relations (37 answers total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
When you're traveling, what is the worst outcome if you are late or miss a connection?

I sometimes get really worked up by long lines and slow or clueless travelers, but I just remind myself (or have my partner remind me) that the worst that happens is we are rescheduled on a later flight. No big whoop.

Alternately, keep planning to show up hours early. If it makes the whole trip more pleasant then why not?
posted by muddgirl at 3:34 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


I have the same problem, which is why I always get to the airport at least an hour before the recommended time. If they say "be at the airport 2 hours before your flight," I will plan to arrive 3 hours early. Maybe 4.

I am totally not exaggerating this. One time, I arrived 6 hours early. That turned out to be "too early," even for me.

I assume the problem here is that your wife doesn't want to arrive that early.

Can you just tell her, "This is a completely irrational thing of mine, like a phobia" and get her to humor you? Can you perhaps agree upon a bribe or trade, like "If you'll let me get us to the airport ridiculously early, I will buy you SO MANY DRINKS at the airport bar"?

How about traveling separately? You make it sound like she's issuing a silly idle threat, but it's a plausible scenario. No more strange than couples who sleep in separate rooms because of one partner's snoring/night terrors/flailing limbs.
posted by ErikaB at 3:37 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


I used to be a horrible line-waiter. I got better by training myself. Therapy, medication, and meditation are not necessary. You can fix yourself if you work at it.

Really, the best thing you can do is to practice being patient. The more you do it, the easier it gets. But it might help to remember a few important points about waiting in line. First of all, when you're impatient you have a tendency to demonize everyone else in line, as if all these people are deliberately conspiring to make you late. Remember that that's not true, and even people who are slow are just doing the best they can. Also remember that most people are quite reasonable...if there was ever a situation where you were at risk of missing a flight, I'm sure you could make arrangements to get to the counter faster.

Also remember that a missed connection is no big deal, especially on vacation. We all have a tendency to think of such things as being hugely important when we start to panic. In the grand scheme of things, they're no big deal at all. Think of all the people out there with real problems. That tends to help me out.

Another thing you can do is just smile and be nice. You'd be amazed at how well this works. If someone turns your way, smile and make a crack about the line-up you're both stuck in. Most likely they'll nod in agreement, and you'll realize that you're all in the same boat.

Those are the best ideas I can come up with at the top of my head. I think it's most important to realize that you can change. People think that their behaviours are fixed when they reach adulthood, but that's not true. You can change yourself.
posted by hiteleven at 3:40 PM on November 27, 2010 [5 favorites]


Oh yes, also remember that there are going to be moments where you do lose your patience. It happens to everybody. The point is to try and lose your patience less, not to become completely invincible to annoyances.
posted by hiteleven at 3:43 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


It sounds like you have a solution for flights. For the rest, try a trip with no schedule. You can't be late if there are no deadlines to be late for. Don't plan on being anywhere at any time - if there is a show you would like to see, don't plan on seeing it, plan on not seeing it while noting it's something you can do if you happen to be in the area at the right time.

Most places you go, there is far more to do there than you have time for, so instead of interpreting that to mean "I must plan what to hit so that I can fit in as much as possible", interpret it to mean "No matter where I am or when, there will always be something cool to do, so I'll just be more generally aware of what is out there, and take opportunities as they arise!"

A plan is the perfect ideal of how things should run, so your trip will always fall short. Without a plan, you have the excitement of not knowing what the future holds, and there is no perfection on a pedestal to birsmirch the experience, it's quite liberating.

Also - adventure can't happen while things are going to plan. It's only when the plan breaks down (or there is no plan) that adventure can arise :)
posted by -harlequin- at 3:43 PM on November 27, 2010 [4 favorites]


I have similar issues travelling. I am convinced that everything that can go wrong will go wrong, and I am equally grumpy at any delay that might come my way. Unless I arrive at the airport/train station/bus stop ridiculously early so as to avoid any conceivable complication, I can feel my blood pressure slowly creeping up. I recall hearing something about the difference between people who are habitually early and those who are habitually late--essentially, us punctual types have a pessimistic sense of time, while the latecomers have an overly optimistic sense of time. So now when I am waiting in a line/stressing out about a connection/worrying about when that damn bus will arrive, etc., I just try to force myself to pretend to be a temporal optimist. It won't change my overall approach to time, but in the heated moments it can help me refocus and calm down.

Now if only my habitually late friends could learn to be more pessimistic.....
posted by oohisay at 3:43 PM on November 27, 2010


An anti anxiety medication like xanax, klonopin, might help, since you asked about medication. It sounds like the anger is coming from anxiety/fear about the whole travel experience. So yes, therapy/medication will help with this, but one thing that might help in terms of mindfulness training is just being present in the moment, realizing that being grumpy helps no one in the present moment, doesn't make the line move faster etc. Also helpful is to note that there's a time for every kind of emotion/situation -- time to be hurried, time to be relaxed, time to be stressed, time to be comfortable, happy -- and when it's time to be hurried and stressed, wait it out and try not to react to it, just know that there is a happy/relaxed time coming in the future, maybe when you're sitting on the plane, drink in hand -- whatever.

In any case, just practice mindfulness often and don't try to be the most serene, calm traveler your first time out. If you have two stressy fits when normally you would have had three, pat yourself on your back for a small win, and just keep working at it.
posted by sweetkid at 3:43 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Can you just tell her, "This is a completely irrational thing of mine, like a phobia" and get her to humor you? Can you perhaps agree upon a bribe or trade, like "If you'll let me get us to the airport ridiculously early, I will buy you SO MANY DRINKS at the airport bar"?

I had an ex who made traveling downright PAINFUL. I think if he'd said something like this, I would have been much more compassionate. Ultimately, I understood his anxieties but I did not like being the burdensome punching bag. Communicating that this is your problem and that you appreciate her understanding will go miles (hey-oh!).
posted by omarlittle at 3:46 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


When you're traveling, what is the worst outcome if you are late or miss a connection?

And then think of Jason Bourne of James Bond or MacGyver or some other character that is widely admired for coolly taking the worst case scenario in stride and cleverly figuring out how to achieve his goals without missing a beat despite the new situation on the ground.
posted by -harlequin- at 3:48 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


If allowing extra time keeps you calm that's fine if your schedule allows you to take the extra time. If your wife doesn't want to spend the extra time at the airport travelling separately is always an option. But really, learn to be patient. There's nothing you can do about the length of the line in front of you or the slowness of the people so learning to be patient, learning to distract yourself when you get irritated etc will go a long way to making this less irritating for you and your wife.
posted by koahiatamadl at 3:49 PM on November 27, 2010


I will plan to arrive 3 hours early. Maybe 4.
My recent experience with jetBlue was that I could only check a bag* up to 3 hours before departure. I'm not sure if this is true of all airlines or if it pertains to checking in without baggage but keep that in mind. I would think that being so early that you had to wait in the departures hall would be equally as frustrating.

*I had an 8 hour layover and wanted to leave my bag behind. Luckily I found a left luggage counter in the international departures hall.
posted by Bunglegirl at 3:50 PM on November 27, 2010


Also, if you have never missed a flight ever, then maybe you should miss one, just so you know firsthand what happens and that it's something you're totally able to take in stride.

When learning to rockclimb, I never fell. Because I never fell, I never learned to get over my fear of falling (when on a rope), so I was never able to take the risks I needed to take to learn my true limits. Consequently, I never got as good as I should have. Failure needs to be embraced sometimes.
posted by -harlequin- at 3:55 PM on November 27, 2010 [6 favorites]


Hey, (from too many personal experiences) until the door at the gate is totally closed they will let you on the plane. And by that I mean as it is closing...

Working through the realistic possibilities can help, a) I'll be the last one on the flight, b) the plane will leave without me but they will get me on the next. c) Missed the last and get put up at a hotel.

Or the unlikely and unreasonable a) miss the flight, hotel gives the last available room the presidential suite b) miss the flight but it's hijacked to Cuba. c) miss the last flight but the president of the airline is walking by and invites you on her private jet....

By the time you've worked through all the possibilities you'll be checked in!
posted by sammyo at 4:13 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Pay more and you won't have to wait much. Being in a premium cabin gets you a check-in line with no waiting. Then you get to skip past everyone in the security line. Then you can wait for your flight in the club, get paged to board, and be the first person on (and off) the plane. When you arrive, your checked bags come out first.

Annoyance is a function of how much money you're willing to pay. Don't have money? Wait in line for a seat by flying Southwest. Have a lot of money? Buy a private jet, hire a flight crew, and never wait again. And there are options in the middle, of course, many of which will save you the stress that ruins traveling for you.
posted by jrockway at 4:29 PM on November 27, 2010


First: book your flights very carefully. Always give yourself 2+ hours to make connections, and be conscious about when you need to switch terminals so that you're giving yourself more than enough time to keep your anxiety in check. Don't put yourself in a situation where you are likely to get grumpy and anxious about time when you fly. It sounds like you've got the first leg of a journey sorted by getting to the airport early. Now it's just a matter of keeping it up at each stage of your travels.

Additionally, and on a personal note, consider practicing some compassion in those moments. That slow person ahead of you? No matter how s/he looks to you, s/he may in fact be extremely ill. Before you start to grumble about someone moving too slowly, think first about exactly what kind of person you might be becoming in that moment.

I lost count of the number of people who grumbled about me being slow behind my back while I was in cancer treatment, and I'm pretty sure they all thought I couldn't hear it. Since I didn't lose my hair like other cancer patients, and I was in my early 30s, they had no way of knowing just how sick I was and how much I really was moving as fast as I could. Those people were jerks. Don't be that guy.

In short: everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. (Whoever it was who said that first.) Be kind.
posted by Hildegarde at 4:41 PM on November 27, 2010 [7 favorites]


Ahhhh...I'm like this. My standard anxiety dream is realising I don't have enough time to get to the airport to catch my (outrageously expensive and so so wanted and waited for for five years) flight to Australia. No refunds if I miss it.

So. On the one hand, you could decide this pisses your wife off, so don't do it. As a fellow sufferer, I don't think this is possible. You'll be sitting in a traffic jam, wildly insisting you're JUST FINE, while a vein throbs alarmingly on your forehead and your wife shifts away from you in her seat. So I think the suggestion by ErikaB is good - owning that this is your little thing, it's a pain in the ass, if we get to the airport three hours early you, wife, get to spend x amount of time or $ in the shops/bar. As Omarlittle says, once your wife is told this is just a thing of yours, please indulge, she'll likely be fine - I don't know anyone who wouldn't agree to indulge a partner who admitted this was just a minor weird thing they had and asked for understanding.

I'm not so sure about the 'what's the worst that could happen if you miss your flight?' thinking though. I'm fairly easy-going, but being late is just one of my quirks - even last week, when I'd rang ahead to work and said that terrible traffic and terrible weather meant I might be 20 minutes late, I was still gnawing my fingernails as the bus crawled up the road. If it's an issue, it's an issue - set some money aside to buy your wife a few cocktails or a massage or a mini-makeover at the airport and you're good. There's being a jerk (which you're clearly not) and refusing to work on something that bothers your partner - and there's ruefully acknowledging that this is Your Thing and how can you work with it to piss your wife off a bit less. Tell her you know it's annoying and ask how you can make it up to her.
posted by mudkicker at 4:42 PM on November 27, 2010


Hey, (from too many personal experiences) until the door at the gate is totally closed they will let you on the plane. And by that I mean as it is closing...

I once arrived at the gate when they had already closed the door, and the staff at the door had already packed and left. I ran over to a neighboring gate that was still staffed, and begged them to hope me. I miraculously still got onto the plane, although I have to say that's not an experience I ever want to repeat.

I remembered the time of my flight wrong and never bothered to check until I was past security. I would have felt pretty dumb for missing that plane.
posted by spaghettification at 4:45 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


When you are in line, remember that nothing you grumble will make the line move any slower or faster. It is just going to take as long as it is going to take. If possible, give yourself enough time that even a SLOW line will not make you late. If not, remind yourself of your back-up plans (A, B and C) and tell yourself that everything will work out. Then you have choice - do you want to make yourself and your wife miserable or do you want to have neutral to positive experience while waiting. Remember, you have to wait the same amount no matter which one you choose. So plan ahead what you can do while waiting that will make the experience better - listen to music? keep a book of puzzles in your pocket? make up stories about the people around you? flirt with your wife? If you feel the grumbles coming on, take a deep breath, remind yourself that you have a backup plan, everything will be OK, grumbling does no good and so you are making the choice to have a pleasant wait. Then go back to your pleasant pasttime.
posted by metahawk at 4:52 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I used to travel a lot, like every week a lot, and sometimes found myself slipping into this sort of thing. I'd think petty things about the people in front of me who didn't know to take off their shoes, or didn't have their laptop ready to pull out of their bag, or boarded before their "zone" was called, or whatever. It sounds like you know what I mean.

Part of what worked for me was just showing up to the airport earlier. Even though I have "elite" status (which among other things means I have access to shorter lines at check-in, security, etc), and so could cut most flights very, very close, I just choose not to. Eventually I just realized that I enjoyed the whole experience a whole lot more if I built in plenty of extra time -- so now I bring some work to the airport, or I have a drink in the lounge before my flight, or whatever. It's not like we're talking a lot of extra time: for me, it was the difference between showing up 90 minutes before my flights instead of 60. For you (especially if you don't have access to "elite" security lines and so forth), maybe it'd be 120 minutes. Totally worth it.

There's another part that's harder, and deeper, which is just becoming genuinely more relaxed, more forgiving, as you move through the various hurdles of travel (or of everyday life). Obviously I don't have any special insight into that part. A few years ago, David Foster Wallace gave a commencement speech (now widely reprinted, emailed, etc) at Kenyon, which touched on some of this stuff, about the petty frustrations of everyday life and how hard it can be to break out of "the automatic, unconscious belief that I am the center of the world and that my immediate needs and feelings are what should determine the world's priorities" -- for whatever reason it resonated with me; maybe you'd like it too. Nowadays when I travel I try to look at the people around me (including and especially mr. slow-security-line guy, or boarded-too-early guy) less as obstacles and more as stories. I'll try to make up stuff about them, sometimes, partly as a way of reminding myself that there's a whole world of stuff going on that has nothing to do with me getting through security five minutes faster. It works for me, anyway.

Good luck!
posted by chalkbored at 4:53 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Hildegarde: "Additionally, and on a personal note, consider practicing some compassion in those moments. That slow person ahead of you? No matter how s/he looks to you, s/he may in fact be extremely ill. Before you start to grumble about someone moving too slowly, think first about exactly what kind of person you might be becoming in that moment.."

Hildegarde has it. Getting to the airport early won't magically keep bad things from happening to you when you travel. My recent unexpected 6-hour layover is proof that the best laid plans can quickly go to hell given the right circumstances. It seems like your wife's issue is that you become a jerk to your fellow passengers when things start to unravel during a trip. This is not helpful (for you or anyone around you) and probably embarrassing for your wife.

I'd definitely practice some meditation techniques to help you through these tense moments. Remember, your trip (I hope) isn't a life or death situation. Take a close look at your fellow passengers. At least one of them probably IS dealing with a life or death situation...they have a chronic illness, they are traveling to a funeral, a loved one is in the hospital or nursing home. Look at those people and really see them as people...your parents, your children, your friends, your WIFE. Work on your sense of empathy and compassion towards others when you are stressed and it will help you in all other aspects of your life. Talk to your doctor if you think that anti-anxiety medication might help and good luck to you and your wife in your future travels.
posted by victoriab at 5:10 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


Have you considered valium or other anti-anxiety prescription medication? They come in pretty low doses.
posted by Jason and Laszlo at 6:10 PM on November 27, 2010


Another idea is just to shell out for skipping the line, if that is possible. With unbundled fares, everything is available if you are willing to pay for it!

For example, United sells access to priority security lanes(and early boarding), starting at 9 bucks.
posted by rockindata at 6:43 PM on November 27, 2010


Why do you mutter? What is the desired outcome of your muttering? I find muttering really irritating, on the grounds that its only effect is to make the person patiently listening to you feel really uncomfortable.
posted by BusyBusyBusy at 6:45 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


I think of this as sort of a gambling situation. If you keep your cool and wait, you *may* have a negative outcome (missing the flight, etc.). As has been pointed out, your reaction does nothing to increase your chances of a good outcome. However, if you lose your cool, the negative outcome is assured (Your wife is annoyed and so are you.).

Your vacation begins with travel to the destination, as necessarily unpleasant as that may be. Don't mar the memory.
posted by Morrigan at 6:52 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I now live in LA and sit in endless traffic, so I enjoy listening to informative podcasts to pass the time, but back in NYC my life was filled tons of travel waits (trains, planes, buses) and the solution to help keep me calm was...

Paperback Books!

I always had a book with me wherever I went. Always. I'm aggressive, and being absorbed in whatever I was reading kept me from making a scene during delays.

My simple suggestion to you is podcasts or some kind of e-reader (Kindle?)

Good luck.
posted by jbenben at 7:03 PM on November 27, 2010


Ok, this is going to be very hard to implement. But if you can, it will help you a lot - at least, it helped me. The trick is to realize how that when something unpleasant happens, like missing a connection, a huge part of what makes it so unpleasant is your outrage that it's happening, and your fervent wish that it had not happened. The way I think about this is in terms of rain. I hate, hate, getting caught in the rain without an umbrella. Flames on the side of my face, etc. The feeling of being in wet clothes is one of my least favorite feelings. But at a certain point, I realized that a huge part of what made that experience so bad was my rage at the fact that it was happening - the fact that I was just wishing that I was dry. But the thing is, when it happens, I am wet. That's just the way the world is. If I can deal with that, the whole thing gets a lot better.
posted by Ragged Richard at 7:11 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


Stop thinking ahead so much?

My worry in travelling was (is) the help that I'll need - I'm a bit physically disabled & so getting on and off buses I'm likely to need help. I went on a holiday where this spoiled things for me, worrying before and during the journey about who I'd get help from and how. But then the next holiday I managed to stop thinking about it. None of the material facts had changed, but I'd managed to get into the "I'll cross that bridge when I come to it" mindset, and found that very helpful.

Many times things are a lot easier than we imagined them; and when they're not, they normally don't go wrong in the way we predicted. For me this is one of those learn-the-things-you-can-change issues: how the people behave in line in front of you, or what traffic is like on the way to the airport are not things you can control while you are experiencing them. Maybe you're finding the lack of agency frustrating; but perhaps you could find it liberating. If you're late on a connexion, then that's the airline's fault, and it's their responsibility too. Let them do the worrying.
posted by squishles at 7:27 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I am the direct descendant of people who observe faults in the actions of strangers. I learned that same behavior and it would rear it's ugly head at places like airports. Having a child has helped to cure me of this...I'm not suggesting you have a child as a solution but it did force me to adapt to situations which I could not control. Among my rules are to be a whale: I imagine myself as a whale —moving slowly, gracefully, deliberately in a vast sea with small animals about me...I will even chant "I am a whale" loud enough for my wife to hear. It helps to know the consequences of missing a flight can be overcome, but the chant is eminently more helpful at any given moment.
posted by Dick Paris at 7:36 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


I'm much the same way, to the point where my most common nightmares tend to be about being unable to get where I need to be on time. You know - work starts in ten minutes and I'm an hour away, and if I can just get the train that's just about to pull away from the platform then I might get there on time.... Last time I flew back to the US, I was caught up in that nightmare for real, with a cascade of weather-related delays.

The way I kept myself from going nuts was to repeat what my college drama teacher used to tell us actors during tech rehearsals: "Control what you can control." I did everything I could have done - I got there on time, I knew where my gate was, I made sure I had everything I needed, I had reading material on hand. Anything beyond that was beyond my control and was therefore not something worth losing my head over.

It also helped to think about how stressed out everyone else was - the other passengers, the airport staff, the airline crew - and to remind myself not to add to other people's stress. There is literally no way that can help anything.

I still hated every minute of it, and the stress didn't wear off for days after I finally made it to my destination, but I kept my cool and didn't come off to the rest of the world like a raging, self-centered jerk (I hope).
posted by MShades at 8:03 PM on November 27, 2010 [1 favorite]


My mom is like this. The eye-rolling, the sighing, the slightly-too-loud remarks. It's mortifying, and what I always want to ask her is "Are you making life better? Or worse?"
posted by HotToddy at 8:26 PM on November 27, 2010 [6 favorites]


No one likes a jerk.

People who mutter strike me as being passive-aggressive, awful people, even if it's that one pet hate. It indicates to me an immaturity, an inability to control your behaviour, and a narcissistic complex - with your needs being put above everyone else's. Muttering IS causing a scene and is often no less annoying/dramatic than someone who DOES speak up clearly about their grievances.

You probably are NOT a jerk, but in this instance you are being one, and your wife doesn't like seeing that side of you.

The thing is, everyone has quirks, special snowflake anxieties, and things our partners will learn to put up with and get around. Becoming nasty about your quirk and snowflake needs though, makes it no longer a quirk but a nasty aspect of your personality.

Blaming strangers for things they likely can't control is a particularly nasty one. They can likely hear you and there's no need to upset other people just because you're in a bad position. It's akin to someone in a wheelchair yelling wretchedly at all the pedestrian's for GETTING IN HIS WAY, and then acting like they're entitled to that behaviour.

Keep your snowflake needs and anxieties. Work around them. Get there early. Allow yourself to feel panicked and stressed. But stop being a jerk. Problem solved for your wife.
posted by shazzam! at 8:34 PM on November 27, 2010 [2 favorites]


When traveling by air or a long road trip, I'm a big fan of giving it lots of time. I'm a musician, so I'm usually needed 30 minutes before something begins, at least (I need time to assemble instruments, get music in order, etc.) In my business travel, I generally travel the day before my meetings; I may fly BACK the same day, if we're getting out in time, but if possible I travel the day before the meeting.

Which is to say, if it's absolutely critical that you get someplace at a certain time, build a large buffer into your travel plans. I bet that's what you did when you taught. If you're just traveling for vacation, avoid date-critical plans (show tickets, etc.) that depend on every flight going perfect. And allow a lot of time to get through the airport.

If everything goes perfect, as it usually does, that means time to read, watch the hurried, stressed-out idiots, etc.

Beyond that, I find it helpful in life in general to just budget for people to be idiots. That may seem like a dim view of things, but honestly, there will always be people in line ahead of you who didn't get the word (or, as has been suggested above, are having a bad day for reasons you don't understand - sickness, lack of sleep, etc.)
posted by randomkeystrike at 9:12 PM on November 27, 2010


I use Rescue Remedy and have a little spray of it during the parts of travel I find particularly grating (boarding, deplaning, collecting luggage). I am completely prepared to concede that it may be a placebo effect - but hey, if it works...
posted by AnnaRat at 12:48 AM on November 28, 2010


Well, as you have determined, the easiest solution is always to arrive early, with plenty of time to spare. When I fly I always get to the airport at least an hour before I really need to. Also, check in online before you go, or use one of the automated check in terminals. That cuts out the worry of a long check-in queue. Go straight through security and then you're sorted. Chill out in a bar, read, have a coffee until it's boarding time.

Airports are the worst for possible delays, which is why I mention them as the main item. For trains, buses, anything else, just get there with plenty of time to spare.
posted by Decani at 3:00 AM on November 28, 2010


Well, being rescheduled for your flight isn't such a big deal unless you're like me and have to be back before a certain time to check out of military leave.

Or you should be checking into a hotel or rental house at a certain time, in which case, people are depending on you to be there.

It's a mixture of not stressing out, but being early enough that if anything -were- to happen, it'd be the airline's burden and not really yours. I say no need to be any more than 2 hours early, but you know your local airline.

On a side note, there are various little local airports where it seems a habit to be late, so my tip there is scheduling the earlier possible flight and preparing to wait 4 or 5 hours to take a local plane to whatever major airport your traveling to next (and this has happened to me 4 out of the 5 times I've had to use my local airport in either direction.
posted by DisreputableDog at 3:09 AM on November 28, 2010


I get anxious when I travel - to the extent that if I feel I may be late, I can't enjoy myself (not grousing, but unable to speak/smile/enjoy myself). As a side note, I used to work in tourism and flew frequently for work (I love traveling, I just hate being late). If I'm traveling with someone who would hate (or prefers not) to get to the airport/station as early as I feel I need to in order to feel comfortable (an hour more than "recommended"), I'll propose that I travel there alone and meet them by the gate if they prefer, since it's my quirk and not their responsibility - I genuinely wouldn't mind going on my own if coming that early would stress them out. Generally, after consideration, they decide they prefer my company (and a bit of hanging around) to schlepping their luggage alone, and will humor me. Which is lovely of them. And for those who prefer to meet me at the gate, that's fine too - I trust them to get there on time, I know I'm being neurotic, and I'm happy to have had time to get a magazine, stake out a couple of chairs by the gate, etc by the time they arrive. I hope this helps!
posted by pammeke at 4:34 AM on November 28, 2010


Response by poster: Thank you all for your excellent suggestions. There were so many good ones that I was unable to mark one or two or five as being favorites.

Thanks again...I'll work at getting better.
posted by mbarryf at 5:54 AM on November 28, 2010


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