Help on lost love
November 23, 2010 1:35 PM   Subscribe

Help on lost love How to get back with a girl who liked me more that 2 years ago, who I think would feel I totally dissed her (although I was interested, didnt pursue her). I was in between jobs and soon had to move to a different city at that time. I had too much in my mind at that time, I realized the clues she gave me only much later.

How to get back with a girl who liked me more that 2 years ago, who I think would feel I totally dissed her (although I was interested, didnt pursue her). I was in between jobs and soon had to move to a different city at that time. I had too much in my mind at that time, I realized the clues she gave me only much later.

So we have no contact since then. But I never stopped thinking about her. I kept thinking she is much smarter and was confused why she would be interested on me. Now I need to stop thinking about her and move on or do something about this as even I think is little unhealthy. I still live in a diff state several hours drive. I know she is single.

I had too much in my mind at that time, I realized the clues she gave me only much later and I regret for not picking up the clues in time. I keep thinking I lost a good partner may be the one.

How do I get back in touch with her? I am sure she would have written me off, it would be not romantic to, not to stay in touch with the person who showed interest in you for 2 years. please suggest and yes she is single.

Dave G
posted by daveg02 to Human Relations (8 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
If she liked you before, she's not likely to be holding a grudge that you didn't reciprocate (assuming you weren't rude or something.) She was probably just disappointed and for all we know is still wondering about you too. If it were me, I'd Facebook her and take it from there. No need to start out by explaining what happened last time -- just, "hey, I was thinking of you the other day, how are you doing?" And then let her reactions guide you.
posted by gabrielsamoza at 1:40 PM on November 23, 2010

Move on. The time to pursue this girl has passed. Chalk it up to experience and instead of dissecting all the clues that she gave you 2 years ago, pay more attention to the women around you.
posted by smokingmonkey at 2:08 PM on November 23, 2010 [4 favorites]

It's not too late. I agree: don't discuss the past, only where you are now, and that her name came up and you were thinking of her and want to catch up sometime. FB is good.

If you do get a chance to meet with her, do yourself a favour and try to get the past might-have-been obsessions out of your head so you can really hear and feel what you and she might or might not really have together now. 2 years is a long time, and your creative obsessions might have altered what was really there, and indeed she might have changed a lot in 2 years as well.

If it's not what you're looking for now, at the FB stage or a meeting, or her response or vibe is not good, then yes, it's time to move on, and you can do so knowing that you've done all there was to reasonably be done.
posted by kch at 3:30 PM on November 23, 2010

Is the question "How to" or is it "Should I"?

If it's the latter, go for it. Take things slowly, give her the time to decide about things and be patient.

Be patient.
posted by xm at 4:20 PM on November 23, 2010

I think that whether or not you should get in touch and how intimate the reconnect should be depends on how you "rejected" her the first time. Did you cold shoulder her while your mind was stuck on other things and blow her off? Or were you kind and able to convey to her the whole time that you liked her, despite not pushing things to the next level?

Because two years is a significant amount of time to go without seeing someone you have feelings for and I imagine it was hard for her, however you initially reconnect with her should be casual ("Hey, was thinking of you recently, how've you been...") and wait to see how she responds. But I do feel like the more relevant question is whether or not you should contact her. Speaking from experience and personal preference: If you were kind to her and just never were able to get things to the next level for whatever reason, then yes, she will probably be glad to hear from you. But if you cold shouldered her or said no to her for a date or did something equally hurtful without explanation, then she may not be receptive to hearing from you again. If I were her, I probably wouldn't be. In that case, I'd go with smokingmonkey's advice.
posted by houndsoflove at 4:37 PM on November 23, 2010

If I were the woman in question, I would think you were in a slump and were desperate and lonely and were hitting on girls from your past hoping that someone was still "on the hook" pining for you when you got around to her. I would be insulted, and say no. YMMV.

You're probably feeling desperate and have cast your mind back to lost romantic possibilities because of a recent life change. Random guesses: You just broke up with a girlfriend, you just got settled in a new job and new place and are bored with nothing to do, you hit a certain age and started to panic about women, you aren't meeting many dateable people, etc. Anywhere near the mark?

You didn't like her before and you don't seem to have gotten to know her any better, so that can't have changed. What has changed is now you're more desperate and willing to lower your strandards. There was a good reason you didn't pursue her before-and if you had realy liked her, work wouldn't have gotten in the way. Try to remember just why you didn't go for her when you had the chance.

Your mind is playing tricks on you. If I were in your place, I would ride this out and wait a few months. See if you feel any better in your life. Maybe you'll meet a new girl. Try to remember what it was about you that attracted her two years ago. You were probably more busy, active, had other options. All things that mean confidence and attract people of both genders. Get back to that place, IMO.
posted by Nixy at 11:38 PM on November 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

I would find it extremely flattering that someone who I *thought* wasn't interested looked me up after two years. I wouldn't think they were desperate at all - I would think, "Two years is a long time to remember someone... there must be something about me that really made an impression on him..."

I say call her up! Just tell you her you've been thinking about her lately, and wanted to know how she's been. Right away she'll know something's up, and if she's remotely curious, she'll be receptive to seeing each other.

Don't tell her everything until you guys are actually out on a date. For now just be friendly.
posted by Locochona at 3:36 AM on November 24, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think your window of opportunity has closed and you should forget it and move on.
posted by meepmeow at 11:25 AM on November 24, 2010

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