lets make sexy time sexier
November 21, 2010 5:35 PM Subscribe
How do I have a vaginal orgasm? (I got the clitoral orgasm down) VERY NSFW
First off, let me say that I know that not all women can have a vaginal orgasm, and that the clitoral orgasm is pretty awesome, and sex isn't about just the orgasm. And lets assume that me being unable to orgasm isn't caused by the fact that I'm thinking/worrying about it, because 99.9% of the time I have sex because it feels amazing to begin with and I don't worry about not being able to have an orgasm just from sex.
I've been sexually active for 9 years, and during this time I've never had a vaginal orgasm. I can easily come from oral/manual clitoral stimulation. If it's any relevance, it's harder for me to orgasm if there is clitoral AND vaginal stimulation (the vaginal part almost seems distracting to the rhythm I need to reach orgasm), but my orgasms are usually more intense when there's a penis/finger inside, especially when (what I assume is) the G-spot is being stimulated. I've heard that girl on top is good, and when I lean back while on top I feel something that feels totally different (and really good!) than any other position, and when I masturbate in that position I orgasm in less than a minute, but an actual orgasm just from sex while I'm on top hasn't happened no matter what rhythm/speed/angle I tried.
I think it'd be awesome (and pretty convenient) to be able to reach orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. My question is, how do I make this happen? I'm all healthy, according to the gyno. I'm with an awesome guy now, and I'm comfortable with him and we can experiment. What should we try? Any women out there who had the same "problem" and figured out a position/method to make the vaginal orgasm happen? Or is this a hopeless cause? Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
throwawaymetafilter@gmail.com
First off, let me say that I know that not all women can have a vaginal orgasm, and that the clitoral orgasm is pretty awesome, and sex isn't about just the orgasm. And lets assume that me being unable to orgasm isn't caused by the fact that I'm thinking/worrying about it, because 99.9% of the time I have sex because it feels amazing to begin with and I don't worry about not being able to have an orgasm just from sex.
I've been sexually active for 9 years, and during this time I've never had a vaginal orgasm. I can easily come from oral/manual clitoral stimulation. If it's any relevance, it's harder for me to orgasm if there is clitoral AND vaginal stimulation (the vaginal part almost seems distracting to the rhythm I need to reach orgasm), but my orgasms are usually more intense when there's a penis/finger inside, especially when (what I assume is) the G-spot is being stimulated. I've heard that girl on top is good, and when I lean back while on top I feel something that feels totally different (and really good!) than any other position, and when I masturbate in that position I orgasm in less than a minute, but an actual orgasm just from sex while I'm on top hasn't happened no matter what rhythm/speed/angle I tried.
I think it'd be awesome (and pretty convenient) to be able to reach orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. My question is, how do I make this happen? I'm all healthy, according to the gyno. I'm with an awesome guy now, and I'm comfortable with him and we can experiment. What should we try? Any women out there who had the same "problem" and figured out a position/method to make the vaginal orgasm happen? Or is this a hopeless cause? Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
throwawaymetafilter@gmail.com
I think it'd be awesome (and pretty convenient) to be able to reach orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone. My question is, how do I make this happen?
The majority of women never orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex without direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. There is no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" or a "clitoral orgasm"--the clitoral complex of nerves is engaged in all orgasms.
If you want to know some techniques that help some people reach orgasm by stimulating their clitoral complexes at the vagina end rather than the clitoris end--which may or may not work for you--there are lots of resources out there. "G-spot stimulation" might be your best search term.
Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
Yeah, no. I mean, statistically that seems impossibly unlikely, seeing as studies suggest that between 60 and 70% of women don't achieve orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse without clitoral stimulation.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:48 PM on November 21, 2010 [14 favorites]
The majority of women never orgasm from penis-in-vagina sex without direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. There is no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" or a "clitoral orgasm"--the clitoral complex of nerves is engaged in all orgasms.
If you want to know some techniques that help some people reach orgasm by stimulating their clitoral complexes at the vagina end rather than the clitoris end--which may or may not work for you--there are lots of resources out there. "G-spot stimulation" might be your best search term.
Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
Yeah, no. I mean, statistically that seems impossibly unlikely, seeing as studies suggest that between 60 and 70% of women don't achieve orgasm from penis-in-vagina intercourse without clitoral stimulation.
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:48 PM on November 21, 2010 [14 favorites]
I mean, if you said "Wow, it would be so much more convenient to be able to play the piano by ear because it's too much of a hassle to schlep around all this sheet music" I would equally understand what you meant, but it might not be something you're able to do, because it's just not something most people are able to do.
I really want to encourage you to question why you think it's "sexier" to come from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. Making sexy time sexier is a lot more about confidence than it is about reaching some imaginary norm (especially a norm shaped by Freud or porn or Freud porn).
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:51 PM on November 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
I really want to encourage you to question why you think it's "sexier" to come from penis-in-vagina intercourse alone. Making sexy time sexier is a lot more about confidence than it is about reaching some imaginary norm (especially a norm shaped by Freud or porn or Freud porn).
posted by Sidhedevil at 5:51 PM on November 21, 2010 [6 favorites]
Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
That's crazy talk. A) It's exceedingly common for women not to be able to come just from PIV sex and B) (speaking as a guy) guys are in no position to know for certain if the woman they're with has actually had an orgasm.
posted by asterix at 5:52 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
That's crazy talk. A) It's exceedingly common for women not to be able to come just from PIV sex and B) (speaking as a guy) guys are in no position to know for certain if the woman they're with has actually had an orgasm.
posted by asterix at 5:52 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
I suggest you try a prop of some kind to figure out which angles work best for you and your gspot. Then you can show your SO what to do with his fingers first (because they're easier to control), and once he has that down pat, his penis. Also, for me anyway, girl on top is best, but not your typical up and down motion as much as a rocking back and forth. It makes for a lot of suction in there and feels fabulous for me. Don't forget to bring a towel [for underneath him!]
As for this:
and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
Well, take from that what you will.
posted by sunshinesky at 5:52 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
As for this:
and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
Well, take from that what you will.
posted by sunshinesky at 5:52 PM on November 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
See, while I was typing, we all told you that it was crazy to think that "all other girls have been able to".
More like "many other girls haven't had that guts to be upfront about not orgasming". Good for you for being honest with your partner. You're one step ahead on the road to vaginal orgasm.
posted by sunshinesky at 5:54 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
More like "many other girls haven't had that guts to be upfront about not orgasming". Good for you for being honest with your partner. You're one step ahead on the road to vaginal orgasm.
posted by sunshinesky at 5:54 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
the other issues (not all women can, you shouldn't feel like you have to, sex is great without orgasms, penis in vagina is a narrow view of sex, etc) have been covered, but you said you understood all that in the first paragraph. so - to actually answer your question.
if this is something you're able to learn, angle is going to be very important. personally, i have a hard time coming when i'm on top. it's too much for me to concentrate on and the angle is always wrong. for me, as counter intuitive as it seems, missionary with my ankles suspended in the air is the quickest path to orgasm. you might also want to try to learn this with a toy. get one specifically angled for the gspot and try to get yourself off with just the toy - don't touch your clit directly. it'll help you learn what the sensation feels like. i also find that strong kegals are pretty important. it allows me to control some of the pressure on my gspot. for lack of a better phrase, i feel like the rev up to the internal/vaginal/gspot orgasm feels completely different than the direct external/clitoral orgasm. if you learn more what close feels like, you'll be better able to coax it.
if you have any questions or want to talk more about it, feel free to memail me.
as to this: There is no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" or a "clitoral orgasm"--the clitoral complex of nerves is engaged in all orgasms.
yeah, i guess, but there's absolutely different sorts of orgasms that feel completely different. refer to it as internal vs. external if it seems more correct...
posted by nadawi at 6:08 PM on November 21, 2010
if this is something you're able to learn, angle is going to be very important. personally, i have a hard time coming when i'm on top. it's too much for me to concentrate on and the angle is always wrong. for me, as counter intuitive as it seems, missionary with my ankles suspended in the air is the quickest path to orgasm. you might also want to try to learn this with a toy. get one specifically angled for the gspot and try to get yourself off with just the toy - don't touch your clit directly. it'll help you learn what the sensation feels like. i also find that strong kegals are pretty important. it allows me to control some of the pressure on my gspot. for lack of a better phrase, i feel like the rev up to the internal/vaginal/gspot orgasm feels completely different than the direct external/clitoral orgasm. if you learn more what close feels like, you'll be better able to coax it.
if you have any questions or want to talk more about it, feel free to memail me.
as to this: There is no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" or a "clitoral orgasm"--the clitoral complex of nerves is engaged in all orgasms.
yeah, i guess, but there's absolutely different sorts of orgasms that feel completely different. refer to it as internal vs. external if it seems more correct...
posted by nadawi at 6:08 PM on November 21, 2010
I think there's a whole lot of misunderstanding about the term "vaginal orgasm" in the context of p-i-v sex. There are two possible meanings. First, orgasm without any contact with the clitoris at all. That would be the leaning back position that you're describing. Second, orgasm during penetration with the woman stimulating her clit directly by rubbing against her partner's pelvis (maybe girl-on-top with her leaning forward).
The first (no direct stimulation) is probably pretty hard to attain if you're not inclined to it naturally already (although I could be wrong!). After all, the clitoris is the most sensitive part. It would be like trying to make a guy come by just touching the base of his penis. I seriously doubt that "all" the girls your boyfriends have been with come this way.
The second kind of orgasm (grinding/rubbing) is, I think, what most women mean when they say "vaginal orgasm" or talk about "coming from p-i-v sex alone." They are actually getting direct stimulation to the clit during penetration by rubbing against their partner's body. This is probably the kind of orgasm that "all other girls have been able to" have, according to your boyfriends. It's also what positions like the coital alignment technique are designed for.
Or maybe this is just me :)
Anyway, go have fun, but remember that there's no rulebook and nobody to measure up to!
posted by mrs. sock at 6:12 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
The first (no direct stimulation) is probably pretty hard to attain if you're not inclined to it naturally already (although I could be wrong!). After all, the clitoris is the most sensitive part. It would be like trying to make a guy come by just touching the base of his penis. I seriously doubt that "all" the girls your boyfriends have been with come this way.
The second kind of orgasm (grinding/rubbing) is, I think, what most women mean when they say "vaginal orgasm" or talk about "coming from p-i-v sex alone." They are actually getting direct stimulation to the clit during penetration by rubbing against their partner's body. This is probably the kind of orgasm that "all other girls have been able to" have, according to your boyfriends. It's also what positions like the coital alignment technique are designed for.
Or maybe this is just me :)
Anyway, go have fun, but remember that there's no rulebook and nobody to measure up to!
posted by mrs. sock at 6:12 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
Once you learn how to come a particular way, it does get easier to come that way again. Hey, positive reinforcement at its finest! Then, you can do small variations from particular way, with each successful step leading you to your particular goal.
I would start by learning to have an orgasm via the G-spot, by yourself, using fingers and/or toy, whatever is appropriate. Try different positions for your body and a variety of angles and rhythms until you find something that works. Get good at having those orgasms. Then have your boyfriend help you at this task. Eventually, he can take over at this, still using fingers and/or toy.
At each step, you will want plenty of warmup, lots of foreplay, and the kind of teasing that makes you crazy. Sure, you could have the orgasm the easy way, but keep it juussssssst out of reach. Nope, body, you're turned on, but you're gonna have to try something a little bit out of the standard fare if you want it. As long as you are patient about it and are not particularly concerned with making every sexual occasion about hitting another milestone, you'll get there. It isn't always a straight line, either. Sometimes you step back, sometimes you meander, but you can get there. Step back and try something different if you hit a standstill — do not pressure yourself to always move forward to this goal.
A fairly good position for this, once you're finally ready for the big show, is the woman, face-down with her hips (and maybe a towel) on the pillow, and then the man lays atop her and embraces her. After that, both parties have to figure out how to replicate, with their hips, the angles and rhythms that worked out with other things.
Obviously, you'll want a trustworthy lover who is good at reading your responses and who isn't in any big hurry himself. You can use the small, meandering steps to get just about anywhere, up to and including having orgasms from only nipple stimulation via tongue, fingers, or other things.
posted by adipocere at 6:18 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
I would start by learning to have an orgasm via the G-spot, by yourself, using fingers and/or toy, whatever is appropriate. Try different positions for your body and a variety of angles and rhythms until you find something that works. Get good at having those orgasms. Then have your boyfriend help you at this task. Eventually, he can take over at this, still using fingers and/or toy.
At each step, you will want plenty of warmup, lots of foreplay, and the kind of teasing that makes you crazy. Sure, you could have the orgasm the easy way, but keep it juussssssst out of reach. Nope, body, you're turned on, but you're gonna have to try something a little bit out of the standard fare if you want it. As long as you are patient about it and are not particularly concerned with making every sexual occasion about hitting another milestone, you'll get there. It isn't always a straight line, either. Sometimes you step back, sometimes you meander, but you can get there. Step back and try something different if you hit a standstill — do not pressure yourself to always move forward to this goal.
A fairly good position for this, once you're finally ready for the big show, is the woman, face-down with her hips (and maybe a towel) on the pillow, and then the man lays atop her and embraces her. After that, both parties have to figure out how to replicate, with their hips, the angles and rhythms that worked out with other things.
Obviously, you'll want a trustworthy lover who is good at reading your responses and who isn't in any big hurry himself. You can use the small, meandering steps to get just about anywhere, up to and including having orgasms from only nipple stimulation via tongue, fingers, or other things.
posted by adipocere at 6:18 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
I think it'd be awesome (and pretty convenient) to be able to reach orgasm through penis-in-vagina sex alone.
So this is not a vaginal orgasm (I don't know if they exist), but, missionary position, get your guy to basically vigorously bump your clit with his pubic bone (right above the base of his cock) each time he goes deep. He's high and deep, if that makes sense, and he goes hard and fast. That gets my girlfriend off without any fingers. YMMV.
posted by zeek321 at 6:21 PM on November 21, 2010
So this is not a vaginal orgasm (I don't know if they exist), but, missionary position, get your guy to basically vigorously bump your clit with his pubic bone (right above the base of his cock) each time he goes deep. He's high and deep, if that makes sense, and he goes hard and fast. That gets my girlfriend off without any fingers. YMMV.
posted by zeek321 at 6:21 PM on November 21, 2010
I guess there's a little bit of a rub up and down at the deepest point of penetration, too.
posted by zeek321 at 6:22 PM on November 21, 2010
posted by zeek321 at 6:22 PM on November 21, 2010
yeah, i guess, but there's absolutely different sorts of orgasms that feel completely different. refer to it as internal vs. external if it seems more correct...
I absolutely agree that there are different kinds of orgasms that feel different. But I think one of the problems of reducing those kinds to a binary of "clitoral v. vaginal" is that it leads people to be in the headspace that the OP sounds like she's in here.
Reframing it as "focusing on the G-spot and other internal bits of the clitoral complex" vs. "focusing on the clitoris" takes the whole Freud/Horney/Klein nonsense right off the table.
I love the suggestions that you and adipocere both make that the OP might want to practice stimulating her own G-spot to orgasm before trying to make that happen during intercourse! Also, the comments about the OP finding intercourse positions that stimulate her clitoris through body-to-body friction--that's also a great way of reframing the issue, rather than thinking of it as 'cheating' to get the clitoris in on the act.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:29 PM on November 21, 2010
I absolutely agree that there are different kinds of orgasms that feel different. But I think one of the problems of reducing those kinds to a binary of "clitoral v. vaginal" is that it leads people to be in the headspace that the OP sounds like she's in here.
Reframing it as "focusing on the G-spot and other internal bits of the clitoral complex" vs. "focusing on the clitoris" takes the whole Freud/Horney/Klein nonsense right off the table.
I love the suggestions that you and adipocere both make that the OP might want to practice stimulating her own G-spot to orgasm before trying to make that happen during intercourse! Also, the comments about the OP finding intercourse positions that stimulate her clitoris through body-to-body friction--that's also a great way of reframing the issue, rather than thinking of it as 'cheating' to get the clitoris in on the act.
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:29 PM on November 21, 2010
the OP might want to practice stimulating her own G-spot to orgasm before trying to make that happen during intercourse!
Should have written "that the OP might want to practice trying to stimulate her own G-spot to orgasm" because that just doesn't seem to work for a significant percentage of women who achieve orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation (20 to 30%, depending on whose figures you like).
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:31 PM on November 21, 2010
Should have written "that the OP might want to practice trying to stimulate her own G-spot to orgasm" because that just doesn't seem to work for a significant percentage of women who achieve orgasm through direct clitoral stimulation (20 to 30%, depending on whose figures you like).
posted by Sidhedevil at 6:31 PM on November 21, 2010
Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
* I've been sexually active for 20 years.
* I've only been able to have an orgasm through PIV sex TWICE.
* The number of partners I've had is...in the double digits.
* I absolutely refuse to fake an orgasm, and I'm up-front with all my partners about "it just really is hard to work that way".
So that's 20 years' worth of a decent number of guys knowing that this woman can't come just from PIV sex. And no ONE of them, when I told them "it's hard for me to come that way", has ever said anything like "huh, that's weird" or "that's the first time I've heard of that."
....But none of this answers your specific question. ...Um. Uh, the two times it worked for me, I think I was just in such a heightened state of arousal that just about anything would have set me off. I also know that needing stimulation in both areas HELPS, rather than hinders (like you said it did for you). I think the key is -- knowing what works and what doesn't work for you, and working with that (i.e., if you try a particular angle and it's more stimulating than usual, keep trying that angle).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:00 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
* I've been sexually active for 20 years.
* I've only been able to have an orgasm through PIV sex TWICE.
* The number of partners I've had is...in the double digits.
* I absolutely refuse to fake an orgasm, and I'm up-front with all my partners about "it just really is hard to work that way".
So that's 20 years' worth of a decent number of guys knowing that this woman can't come just from PIV sex. And no ONE of them, when I told them "it's hard for me to come that way", has ever said anything like "huh, that's weird" or "that's the first time I've heard of that."
....But none of this answers your specific question. ...Um. Uh, the two times it worked for me, I think I was just in such a heightened state of arousal that just about anything would have set me off. I also know that needing stimulation in both areas HELPS, rather than hinders (like you said it did for you). I think the key is -- knowing what works and what doesn't work for you, and working with that (i.e., if you try a particular angle and it's more stimulating than usual, keep trying that angle).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:00 PM on November 21, 2010 [4 favorites]
it's harder for me to orgasm if there is clitoral AND vaginal stimulation (the vaginal part almost seems distracting to the rhythm I need to reach orgasm)
Because of competing sensation or because of differing rhythm? Because the differing rhythm, perhaps, you can address by syncing them up.
As others said upstream, this binary clitoral/vaginal seems inaccurate. My understanding - as an occasional user of the equipment but not an owner - is that usually vaginal orgasms involve stimulating the clitoris indirectly via the movement of the labia.
I could not count the number of women I have heard say some variation of "there's just the one position I need to be in to come." Perhaps you need to find the one position that will give you the stimulation you need. Don't assume it's woman on top just because that seems more common.
posted by phearlez at 7:16 PM on November 21, 2010
Because of competing sensation or because of differing rhythm? Because the differing rhythm, perhaps, you can address by syncing them up.
As others said upstream, this binary clitoral/vaginal seems inaccurate. My understanding - as an occasional user of the equipment but not an owner - is that usually vaginal orgasms involve stimulating the clitoris indirectly via the movement of the labia.
I could not count the number of women I have heard say some variation of "there's just the one position I need to be in to come." Perhaps you need to find the one position that will give you the stimulation you need. Don't assume it's woman on top just because that seems more common.
posted by phearlez at 7:16 PM on November 21, 2010
I learned to have g-spot orgasms without clitoral stimulation while masturbating. For me it takes intense, prolonged stimulation of the g-spot... as in very hard pressure with a firm toy, and a very long time. I've never had a g-spot-only orgasm during intercourse. While the sex feels amazing it just doesn't give the intense stimulation I'd need to orgasm that way.
I have regularly had hands-free orgasms from girl-on-top intercourse, but those have been due mostly to getting myself into a good position to rub my clit on his pubic bone while he is inside.
Like others have said, experiment with different ways of aligning yourselves. I hear the coital alignment technique works well, but it takes a certain amount of coordination that I've never been able to master. Sometimes just leaning forward when you're riding a guy can increase the amount of clit stimulation you receive. Also, try adding some lube to your clitoral area, even if you think you don't need it. The slipperiness can make things extra sensitive and easier to orgasm.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:48 PM on November 21, 2010
I have regularly had hands-free orgasms from girl-on-top intercourse, but those have been due mostly to getting myself into a good position to rub my clit on his pubic bone while he is inside.
Like others have said, experiment with different ways of aligning yourselves. I hear the coital alignment technique works well, but it takes a certain amount of coordination that I've never been able to master. Sometimes just leaning forward when you're riding a guy can increase the amount of clit stimulation you receive. Also, try adding some lube to your clitoral area, even if you think you don't need it. The slipperiness can make things extra sensitive and easier to orgasm.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:48 PM on November 21, 2010
Are you doing Kegel exercises? If you strengthen your vaginal muscles, you'll eventually be able to clench them hard enough to stimulate your G-spot.
posted by Jacqueline at 10:44 PM on November 21, 2010
posted by Jacqueline at 10:44 PM on November 21, 2010
Expecting the happy feeling you get from fucking to feel the same as clitoral stimulation is a huge source of confusion and self-imposed misery in my experience. Just because people call them both orgasms doesn't make them the same! Stop looking for them to feel the same! Focus on the good feelings you have from fucking and enjoy those. Focus on your own body and your own sensations ("something that feels totally different (and really good!)"). Stop comparing yourself to other women. ESPECIALLY stop relying on men as experts on women's orgasms. No offense, but what your men friends are telling you ("as far as they knew all other girls have been able to") pretty much reveals them as clueless on the topic.
posted by ottereroticist at 11:18 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by ottereroticist at 11:18 PM on November 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
I orgasm from penis in vagina sex and only from that. (I mean, WTF, this is so not convenient if there's no penises handy, you know). Maybe it's one of those dichotomous situations, you can have one or t'other?
I don't do anything special (no pre-sex ritual, no particular position - there's some that would say I do special things) and I can't make it happen alone. It doesn't matter the size of the penis, but it does matter the sexiness of the situation and the more aroused I am beforehand, the more intense the orgasm(s). Good kissing, mutual desire, secure and comfortable room (eg no children running in), that's my wishlist. Hope it helps.
posted by b33j at 11:22 PM on November 21, 2010
I don't do anything special (no pre-sex ritual, no particular position - there's some that would say I do special things) and I can't make it happen alone. It doesn't matter the size of the penis, but it does matter the sexiness of the situation and the more aroused I am beforehand, the more intense the orgasm(s). Good kissing, mutual desire, secure and comfortable room (eg no children running in), that's my wishlist. Hope it helps.
posted by b33j at 11:22 PM on November 21, 2010
Seconding those who suggest focusing on optimizing clitoral stimulation during PIV. The exact mechanics of how this works for me are not exactly the same as official "coital alignment technique," but yes, involve emphasizing a more grinding, circular sort of pelvis-on-pelvis contact rather than penis-thrusting-into-and-out-of-vagina.
They call it the ole bump-n-grind. Less bump. More grind.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 4:12 AM on November 22, 2010
They call it the ole bump-n-grind. Less bump. More grind.
posted by SomeTrickPony at 4:12 AM on November 22, 2010
Response by poster: SeriousPost:
Anal? I've read it produces penetration-related orgasms more readily than PIV, so if you really want an orgasm from penetration you could give it a shot.
posted by Anonymous at 5:37 AM on November 22, 2010
Anal? I've read it produces penetration-related orgasms more readily than PIV, so if you really want an orgasm from penetration you could give it a shot.
posted by Anonymous at 5:37 AM on November 22, 2010
To be scientific and repeatable about this, I might suggest taking a fleshcock out of the equation here :) Those are, um, variable, in hardness, intensity, energy level of the person they are attached to. So, what's the alternative? Something hard (possibly?), maneuverable, and fun, perhaps a glass dildo?
If you have successes using this, then reincorporate you lover back into the mix, and aim for the same sensations.
Best of luck!
posted by gregglind at 7:23 AM on November 22, 2010
If you have successes using this, then reincorporate you lover back into the mix, and aim for the same sensations.
Best of luck!
posted by gregglind at 7:23 AM on November 22, 2010
I can orgasm from PIV sex alone in any position, but I do happen to know that I'm rare in this. (I'm pretty rare in that really, if I'm relaxed and in the mood, I can come from pretty much anything. The only "trick" I know of is to be relaxed and well, in the mood for it.) My partner has mentioned before that he had girlfriends who "couldn't" orgasm and then revealed that yeah, they could, just not from PIV sex. I explained that *most* ladies work that way and I'm kind of a freak.
There's no shame in adding clitoral stimulation during sex. I do this all the time (either myself or my partner manually stimulating the clit while sexy sex is occurring) and I *can* orgasm without it. It's just fun.
While yeah, I guess it's a neat "party trick" every lady is different and your parts work the way they work. Just enjoy having sex and don't think that you have to achieve a certain *type* of orgasm. Really, if you do, all that will happen is that you'll have an orgasm. You won't get a prize. You won't have a merit badge. Just an orgasm.
(And yeah, those other girls? Maybe there have been a few of them who *could* orgasm during sex, but there were undoubtedly also fakers if "every" girl your partner was with could manage it.)
Really, the best way to do this is to masturbate with *penetration only.* A dildo or your fingers would work fine, but no vibrator, no clitoral stimulation. Figure it out and then duplicate the procedure with your partner. It's a fun experiment, but really, don't put too much pressure on yourself to do something that most women just physiologically *can't* do.
The reason I say no vibrator is that a lot of time your body then gets sensitized to the vibration and then you can't orgasm without it, which isn't going to be awesome if you're trying to replicate the experience with a non-vibrating penis. If you want to try and see if you can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and don't mind that you need vibration, go for it, but if the goal is vaginal orgasm with PIV sex, don't masturbate with anything your partner can't do with his own equipment.
posted by sonika at 7:27 AM on November 22, 2010
There's no shame in adding clitoral stimulation during sex. I do this all the time (either myself or my partner manually stimulating the clit while sexy sex is occurring) and I *can* orgasm without it. It's just fun.
While yeah, I guess it's a neat "party trick" every lady is different and your parts work the way they work. Just enjoy having sex and don't think that you have to achieve a certain *type* of orgasm. Really, if you do, all that will happen is that you'll have an orgasm. You won't get a prize. You won't have a merit badge. Just an orgasm.
(And yeah, those other girls? Maybe there have been a few of them who *could* orgasm during sex, but there were undoubtedly also fakers if "every" girl your partner was with could manage it.)
Really, the best way to do this is to masturbate with *penetration only.* A dildo or your fingers would work fine, but no vibrator, no clitoral stimulation. Figure it out and then duplicate the procedure with your partner. It's a fun experiment, but really, don't put too much pressure on yourself to do something that most women just physiologically *can't* do.
The reason I say no vibrator is that a lot of time your body then gets sensitized to the vibration and then you can't orgasm without it, which isn't going to be awesome if you're trying to replicate the experience with a non-vibrating penis. If you want to try and see if you can orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone and don't mind that you need vibration, go for it, but if the goal is vaginal orgasm with PIV sex, don't masturbate with anything your partner can't do with his own equipment.
posted by sonika at 7:27 AM on November 22, 2010
YMMV, which especially goes without saying in threads like this, but for me anyway, vaginal orgasms require more mind-body connection than clitoral. I know that if someone rubs me right (whether it's me or a friend) for a clitoral orgasm, I'm 99% guaranteed to come if they do so long enough with the right pacing, it's a physical heuristic for me, pass Go and collect $200. I don't even have to be that much in the mood, and just touching right will PUT me in it. But vaginal is much murkier, and I definitely need to have the gears turning in my brain, thinking about stuff that turns me on or having my partner say the right things or have felt steamy build up prior or be wearing something that turns me on or whatever. I don't know how common that is, it's just me. But maybe try reading erotica before you get it on, say that afternoon, just to plant the seed of "it's sexy time" in your brain for later, or wear something that makes you feel sexy (stockings, corset, sexy underwear, high heels, whatever), reach in your brain for the images and memories and phrases that turn your crank, fantasize even. For whatever reason my brain needs to be ready to go for any vaginal orgasm to be possible.
posted by ifjuly at 7:31 AM on November 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ifjuly at 7:31 AM on November 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
tl;dr. From the back. It may technically then be g-spot, but....whatever, right?
posted by motsque at 7:39 AM on November 22, 2010
posted by motsque at 7:39 AM on November 22, 2010
tl;dr. From the back. It may technically then be g-spot, but....whatever, right?
YMMV. This is actually one of the most difficult positions for me to orgasm in as the angle means my partner's penis has to be angled *just right* or he slams me in the cervix. (OW.) After a few cervix bumps, it usually works out, but it's quite a bit trickier than missionary or lady on top.
There is no one position that will work for every lady. You've got to experiment with your own equipment and figure it out. My cervix is in a funny place, which means that traditional "g-spot" stimulation positions don't always work out. You might not have this issue. A friend I know has a vagina that angles *backwards* more so than most ladies, so positions work very differently for her as well. No two ladybits are built exactly alike. Find what works for yours.
posted by sonika at 7:58 AM on November 22, 2010
YMMV. This is actually one of the most difficult positions for me to orgasm in as the angle means my partner's penis has to be angled *just right* or he slams me in the cervix. (OW.) After a few cervix bumps, it usually works out, but it's quite a bit trickier than missionary or lady on top.
There is no one position that will work for every lady. You've got to experiment with your own equipment and figure it out. My cervix is in a funny place, which means that traditional "g-spot" stimulation positions don't always work out. You might not have this issue. A friend I know has a vagina that angles *backwards* more so than most ladies, so positions work very differently for her as well. No two ladybits are built exactly alike. Find what works for yours.
posted by sonika at 7:58 AM on November 22, 2010
It may technically then be g-spot
There aren't any nerve endings to speak of in the actual vagina, so there's no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" anyway--there's an orgasm from vaginal stimulation, which isn't the same thing.
Maybe it's one of those dichotomous situations, you can have one or t'other?
No, 30 percent of women do both.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:35 AM on November 22, 2010
There aren't any nerve endings to speak of in the actual vagina, so there's no such thing as a "vaginal orgasm" anyway--there's an orgasm from vaginal stimulation, which isn't the same thing.
Maybe it's one of those dichotomous situations, you can have one or t'other?
No, 30 percent of women do both.
posted by Sidhedevil at 10:35 AM on November 22, 2010
Late to the party, but whatever. I'm a dude, sexually active for about a decade. My number of female sex partners is in the double digits - and do you know how many of those women have been able to have vaginal orgasms? 1. Yes, that's right. 1. For some, I'm convinced it just isn't possible. That isn't to say you shouldn't try and work on it! And there's lots of good advice here on that. So I'll suggest a product my SO (who is a clit-only orgasm girl...so far) have found fun. The WeVibe (can't google this, I'm at work). It's about $100. Basically, it's a u-shaped vibrator that you can sort of bend to fit. You have one side in your vagina against your g-spot and the other side curves around and vibrates on you clit. Then, his penis goes inside you too. That way, you can have hands-free clitoral stimulation while having PIV sex.
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:54 AM on November 22, 2010
posted by Lutoslawski at 11:54 AM on November 22, 2010
2nding the WeVibe. It does do the trick nicely for hands-free fun, and it has the added bonus of being meant to give pleasure to both partners, so if your guy happens to be the kind who would get all offended if you used a vibrator to just get yourself off while he's in you, he might be cool with something like this that is supposed to be a couple's toy.
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:27 PM on November 22, 2010
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 1:27 PM on November 22, 2010
Every guy I've been with has been surprised that I can't come just from sex (but OK with it and happy to please in other ways), and said that as far as they knew all other girls have been able to.
Uh, no, and how would he know? Enjoying the sex loudly and enthusiastically with appreciative clenching of kegels is not necessarily an orgasm. (At times it's better, actually, but still, an orgasm is a discrete thing.)
posted by desuetude at 4:48 PM on November 22, 2010
Uh, no, and how would he know? Enjoying the sex loudly and enthusiastically with appreciative clenching of kegels is not necessarily an orgasm. (At times it's better, actually, but still, an orgasm is a discrete thing.)
posted by desuetude at 4:48 PM on November 22, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
That's nutso. From what I've heard (both from reading and from talking to friends), women who can reach orgasm from vaginal stimulation alone are actually really, really rare. I might not tell those guys, but I suspect there's been some faking going on.
posted by you're a kitty! at 5:47 PM on November 21, 2010 [19 favorites]