How to broach testing to a third grader

November 20, 2010 2:45 PM

How have parents broached testing with a young child? We are going to have our third grade son tested outside of school for learning/reading issues. He's a smart kid, with a smart, older sister that he always compares himself to. He also knows he has problems with reading. We're going to have him tested at a local university and are worried how he's going to take it. At times he's convinced he can't read and this might just add to that. Have any parents come up with a way to somehow portray this in a positive light? I'm thinking about trying to tell him this process will help my wife and I better help him... trying to put it on us. Not sure if that will fly. In the end I think this will be a good thing, just trying to soften it up a little.
posted by rryan to Education (10 answers total)

Best answer: Don't overthink this. He's old enough that you can be honest with him about it. Just tell him that this testing will help show what he's good at and what he might need some help with. Tell him "Some of it will be very hard, some of it very easy, nobody gets everything right, just do your best..." kinds of things. He may be nervous about it before hand, but most kids, especially smart kids, find the types of tests he'll be doing really engaging. Make plans for lunch or dinner wherever he wants afterward to sweeten the deal and it should go fine. Spent two years doing pediatric neuropsych evaluations while in graduate school; it's not uncommon for children to be nervous going into them, but it is very, very rare for them to react poorly to the actual testing situation or procedures. I'm happy to talk backchannel about specifics if it would be helpful.
posted by jimmysmits at 2:55 PM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I'm a speech therapist. When I test kids who have language problems at work I usually say, "I'm going to give you a test to see what you know and what you might have trouble with, to see if there's anything I can help you with." They seem to understand.
posted by christinetheslp at 2:59 PM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

When I was the kid getting tested, my mom presented it as something to figure out more about how my brain worked, which sounded really cool to me. Like jimmysuits suggested, emphasize that this isn't like a test in school--don't worry about getting everything right, that's not really the point of it. Just answer what you can, and Ms/Ms/Dr Smith [don't say "the doctor" or "the tester"] will tell us more about how you think and learn and what you're really good at.
posted by hippugeek at 3:21 PM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

Everybody learns differently and your teacher can do her/his best when s/he knows more about what you know and how you learn.
posted by kch at 3:29 PM on November 20, 2010

Does he like science? Because it's pretty cool to be the subject of directed scientific action designed to help you feel better about yourself.

(Also, good on you. I've known an awful lot of folks with reading issues who slipped by for years and years without diagnosis or accomodation.)
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 3:30 PM on November 20, 2010

This happened to me a long time ago. I can't remember if my parents said anything or not. The testing was not stressful in any way and I barely remember it. Its probably a bigger deal for you than your son.

(Turns out that my reading problems were caused by my "advanced reading skills" for my ages and a boredom of the stories we had to read. This resulted in me making up my own "better" versions of the stories. Sadly, I probably still read at the same level...)
posted by dantodd at 3:45 PM on November 20, 2010

I think its important to say that this is a test that you can't fail; it just helps everyone know how to help you better.
posted by DarlingBri at 3:54 PM on November 20, 2010 [1 favorite]

I knew someone in college who was dyslexic. Until high school, she didn't know, not in so many words. Her parents told her she "learned differently" and then made it possible for her to learn as she needed to. She said it really helped with her self-esteem, not to be told she had a disability, but to be told she just did things differently.

So I think if it were my kid, I'd phrase it something like, "We think you learn differently than they teach in school, and we want to figure out how. And we want you to learn however you need to learn."
posted by galadriel at 3:54 PM on November 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Best answer: You need to be honest with him, for sure. But you also need to make sure he's going to be assessed by an ed psych who knows how to assess a person, not just a learning difficulty. Partly because this will make the session better in itself, and partly because the result you want from this is a practical way of moving forward. A good ed psych should be providing advice and expertise, not just quantitative data.
posted by howfar at 5:18 PM on November 20, 2010

Response by poster: Thanks all.... We ended up being up front with him, and did add a 'bonus' at the end. As most of you mentioned, kids are perceptive and resilient, so not much drama. As with much of parenting, the drama is reserved for the parents. I guess most of us end up OK, in-spite of our parents best intentions....

Thanks to all that answered, I greatly appreciate it!
posted by rryan at 9:13 AM on November 21, 2010