Addicted to "tests" and analyzing my relationships
November 15, 2010 3:11 PM   Subscribe

I'm an over-thinking Metafite,..will this mess up my love life?

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 months and I'm so curious about our compatibilty for the long haul. I've learned about myers briggs test and the 5 love languages tests here on Metafilter. I want my bf to take these tests and asked him to "for fun". He resisted, saying, "sounds like scientology or self-help mumbo-jumbo".
But I like tests. I like self-help. I read askmeta almost daily! I need to analyze every aspect, and rely on tons of research and guides and charts to come to the 'smartest' decision for everything (which often prolongs many decisions, big and small). I've read a lot of relationship-filter questions regarding people who are unsure about a relationship, it seems there's a chorus responses that are of the "YOU'LL JUST KNOW" variety. But I don't think I'll ever JUST know about anything! I was unsure about what college to go to, or what city to move to or what neighborhood. Then I was unsure about what career to get into..even now in my career I'm still unsure if its the right one, but going back to school doesn't seem right either. Even before taking any vacation, I make itinerary charts with contingency plans, to ensure optimal fun! (yes, I'm laughing at myself right now)
And in relationships, I've never 'just known', and the closest I've felt to thinking someone was "the one" (based crazy limerance, not logical feelings) ended up being a huge mistake! So, um, I guess my question is going back to this thing with my the fact that I want to test him and he doesn't want to take tests a reflection of incompatability in itself? Or am I just a dangerous over-thinker and poised to ruin a good-GREAT-thing I already have with him? Help!
posted by hellameangirl to Human Relations (38 answers total) 6 users marked this as a favorite
A multiple-choice test cannot predict the existence of a successful long-term relationship. Sorry -- you'll have to do it the old-fashioned way, like the rest of us.
posted by modernnomad at 3:13 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]


Most of the big choices in life, I think, are big choices precisely because you'll never be certain you made correct (or incorrect) choice. It's difficult to know what that question would actually mean in the context of a relationship.
posted by iftheaccidentwill at 3:13 PM on November 15, 2010

My sweetie and I had been dating for about three years when, for some reason, we took the Myers Briggs test, and it turns out we had the personalities that were "perfect" matches for each other. And, really--duh. We kinda knew that already. But it was fun to get outside verification for that, especially since we are very different people.

But really--I doubt a test can predict your true compatibility.
posted by Ideal Impulse at 3:15 PM on November 15, 2010

No, this doesn't represent incompatibility. Look, I love things like that; the MBTI, the enneagram, fortune cookie fortunes, I even look at my horoscope sometimes. But it's just something to ponder over and see if it has meaning to you. I don't take those things all that seriously, and many many people don't take them seriously at all. I don't think it says much about your bf as a person or his compatibility with you.
posted by malapropist at 3:18 PM on November 15, 2010

The one and only person who ever asked me to take a test like that declared that we were meant to be together and that she was positive it was going to be the best relationship she'd ever had... one week before she slept with her crazy ass ex. I don't put a ton of stock into those sorts of things. Obviously. :)
posted by FlamingBore at 3:20 PM on November 15, 2010 [4 favorites]

I think if you're depending on external validation to tell you if your relationship is working and will continue to work, you are looking in the wrong place. It's not that it's overthinking, it's that what you should be thinking about is whether you feel happy, and whether he seems happy.
Predictive testing is no substitute for the experiment, even when you have a decent predictive test (which you don't in this case, really).
posted by gingerest at 3:25 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

What happens if you take these tests and they say you are incompatible? Would you dump him? If no, then the tests and quizzes don't mean anything to you anyway. If yes, then I don't blame him for not wanting to take the tests.

Tests can be gamed, including Myers-Briggs. You may be an over-thinker, but relying on tests to determine compatibility has more to do with not trusting yourself or other people you know.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:26 PM on November 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

If your boyfriend takes this test, and you are polar opposites, what are you going to do, break up?

Love and relationships are not easily quantifiable. When people say, "You just know"--that phrase that annoys you so much with its vagueness--I think what they are saying is that they were comfortable with their partner (in terms of lack of drama, and no game-playing, and ability to communicate when issues came up and of course the sex was great) than with anyone else. There's no magical formula for love.

There ARE compatibility tests, and you could take one, I guess, but again, if you are blissfully happy with boyfriend, are you going to break up if the test indicates you are "uncompatible"?
posted by misha at 3:29 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

Heh, jinx, oneirodynia.
posted by misha at 3:30 PM on November 15, 2010

Response by poster: No, I wouldn't break up with him, but I would understand our differences better and know what to work on. I tend to be overly sensitive too and maybe if I feel irrational about something I can tell myself "oh, its just cuz he's x personality, and y is what is really going on" etc..
posted by hellameangirl at 3:39 PM on November 15, 2010

Best answer: OMG, you have so much energy flying around! The problem is not how or why you could or should get your new bundle to take a personality's what to do with all this cute schmoopy and giddy anxiousness you you don't accidentally flip your lid and annoy the hell out of the both of you. Seriously, take all this whatever it is and channel it into something charming that you'll both laugh at later when it's all settled.

Do an art project. Make a CD. Knit some lingerie. Something.
posted by iamkimiam at 3:41 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

So, um, I guess my question is going back to this thing with my the fact that I want to test him and he doesn't want to take tests a reflection of incompatability in itself?

I think it could be, depending on the specifics of how each of you guys really feel about these things. I know that, were I to find myself in a relationship with someone who sincerely, seriously wanted to Find Things Out about our relationship through Myers-Briggs type testing, it would represent a serious enough difference in how we thought about making judgments about the world that I'd consider breaking things off because of it.

But that's me and an imaginary person in an imaginary situation, not you and your boyfriend in your own real situation.
posted by bubukaba at 3:51 PM on November 15, 2010

I had a friend who realized her ENFP would become ENTP when she dated an ENTP. Helped her realize she would over-analyze when her feelings got hurt, making her more self-aware and more able to interact healthfully with the ENTP's she typically falls for.

posted by Galen at 3:53 PM on November 15, 2010

Best answer: Some large percentage of people get a different result when retaking the MBTI even a week later; there are also questions about the validity of the traits it measures (as useful things to measure, or as being measured accurately, etc.).

If you want to examine your long-term compatibility, I feel like you'd do better with one of those "what would you do?" conversation starter books where you discuss complex moral issues.

And if you really MUST take a test, the FOCCUS and similar tests help couples prepare for marriage by identifying areas of agreement and disagreement. They are interpreted for the couple by a trained counselor (may be a religious counselor) who helps the couple understand the results, the likely disputes that may arise from, say, differences in how families-of-origin handled finances, and guides the couple to further counseling if necessary.

But it doesn't tell you if you're a "good match" or not ... it simply helps you identify areas where you are likely to have disagreements.

And if you look around in the real world, you will see many couples of many different personality pairs that are very successful ... and many that are unsuccessful. I think compatibility has a lot less to do with "personality" and a lot more to do with maturity.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 3:54 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

Best answer: You know, you can pretty much work out for yourself somebody's Myers-Briggs type once you've known them for that long, just from a bit of personal overthinking supplemented by a few innocuous (and spaced out) getting-to-know-you-better kinds of questions.

You'd probably already know whether socialisation charges him up (E) or requires him to recharge his batteries afterwards (I).

Based on maybe his choice of career or how he argues & discusses things, you can get a good sense of whether he prefers abstract theories (N) or concrete evidence & examples (S). It's easy to probe this one: "S" people's eyes will glaze over if you talk theory for more than 5 minutes.

Probably more difficult is whether he makes decisions based on logic (T) or feelings (F), but guys will tend towards T. You could ask him what he thinks of [whatever] and probe why he came up with that answer -was it based on emotion or not?

Planning & scheduling (J) vs go-with-the-flow (P) should be really obvious. What are your dates & outings like? Does he freak out if you change plans part way through?
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:56 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

(socialising, not socialisation)
posted by UbuRoivas at 3:58 PM on November 15, 2010

Response by poster: Oh boy, so many new projects ahead of me: reading about FOCCUS, taking the MBTI with his potential answers in mind, and learning to knit lingerie ;)
posted by hellameangirl at 4:05 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

So, um, I guess my question is going back to this thing with my the fact that I want to test him and he doesn't want to take tests a reflection of incompatability in itself?

Darling, I have to break this to you: That is fucking insane. Watch this Derren Brown video. Meyers-Briggs is about at that level. You might as well ditch him because he's a Capricorn. I'm not saying it can't be fun to take these quizzes, or that there's no such thing as introverts and extroverts. But I am saying that actually using one of them to decide how to deal with your real life relationship is like diagnosing schizophrenia with a mood ring.
posted by Diablevert at 4:07 PM on November 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

But I don't think I'll ever JUST know about anything!

One seldom thinks this, in advance.
posted by thejoshu at 4:14 PM on November 15, 2010

As a long time lover of all things MBTI (and enneagrams and the rest of the ilk), I don't bother nowadays. The real world has so many shades of grey, not just a label of 4 letters.

How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo makes more sense. Don't over-analyse. See what is in front of your eyes; actions speak louder than books.
posted by TrinsicWS at 4:31 PM on November 15, 2010

I was recently in a serious relationship with someone who was absolutely perfect for me in every way, down to this sort of Meyers-Briggs ish "type" business. We worked together seamlessly. We saw eye to eye about almost everything. We never argued.

He broke up with me this summer. We haven't spoken since Labor Day weekend. All the psychological tests in the world cannot predict whether your relationship will last. Sorry.
posted by Sara C. at 4:33 PM on November 15, 2010

I always hated people who said "You'll just know" but I just knew. And then I said "You'll just know" to people who said "I HATE THAT" until they met the person with whom they just knew.

And these tests are at best very limited diagnostic tools, at worst a collection of hogwash. Seconding the recommendation of How to Be an Adult in Relationships and also suggesting the works of Harville Hendrix, John Gottmann, and Pepper Schwartz.
posted by Sidhedevil at 4:41 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

If I were your boyfriend, I can imagine feeling nervous that the results might somehow show that we weren't compatible and would change how you felt about me. I can also imagine I might feel that I was being judged. So I would suggest you try to be really careful not to present it in any kind of a judging, evaluating way.

If you wanted to look at it more as a way of getting to know each other, I think that could make sense. It could be helpful for you two to see some of the ways that you approach the world differently and then talk about them, not in the hopes of determining your compatibility but just to get to know each other better.

I also think that, at three months, you just can't know for sure how things will go. Not that you ever have absolute certainty, but that's really early on and you two have a lot to learn about each other and how you fit together. It's scary not to know how things will go, but there's nothing you can do about it. The more you can let it all unfold in its own time, the happier you'll be, I expect.
posted by zahava at 4:43 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I also am not someone to think that I'll "just know" anything. But when it comes to my husband, I am happier with him around than not. Our good days together overwhelmingly outweigh the bad ones. And I don't feel like it's because staying with him is the path of least resistance. I want to spend time with him.I just like being with him. I can't imagine any test we could take that would change my mind on that. And he would take a personality test if I asked him nicely but he wouldn't be happy about it, so I don't ask.

Stop thinking about your "compatibility for the long haul." Are you having fun? Keep having fun. Not having fun? Why consult a personality test?
posted by kat518 at 4:46 PM on November 15, 2010

So, um, I guess my question is going back to this thing with my the fact that I want to test him and he doesn't want to take tests a reflection of incompatability in itself?

Quite honestly, if my new girlfriend was seriously thinking that me not taking one of those ridiculous personality tests was a bad omen about the longevity of our relationship, I would think she she was nuts and give serious thought to dumping her. Relationships should not involve multiple choice quizzes.
posted by crankylex at 5:34 PM on November 15, 2010

Best answer: To answer your question: I've always somewhat distrusted people's self evaluation of personality type. If you think about it, if someone does a test and they get an xxxx result, it just means that's what they think they are or who they want to be. Not what they actually are! People can be notoriously bad at evaluating themselves.

I'd also recommend the Kiersey interpretation of this - Kiersey is almost identical to MBTI except some minor differences but is much more geared to analyizing relationships. MBTI is more relevant to work / career. Study the Kiersey types and implications yourself: watch his decision making, come to your own conclusions. He's your frigging boyfriend - you don't have to make him take a test that asks "are you organized or do you prefer to act on impulse". YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS. Those tests are for career counsellors who don't know you from Adam.

You sound like someone who would really love and benefit from understanding the Kiersey types. There's a lot of material on this out there - if you're like me, you'll create your own charts, correlate traits, motivations, pin up all the people you know in life in their relative positions in the Kiersey world based on what you know of them, then adjust their positions as you know them more and more and as they reveal themselves to you. You can even have fun drawing lines between people who will be compatible / incompatible with each other. There are parody interpretations too which I must say I have found quite true...

Then you'll start another chart for say, the Enneagram of Personality - which I find quite convincing too - and breaks it down similar to Kiersey but with some subtle differences again - and try to map them to each other.

My theory on personality is something like watching a rainbow: we don't know anything about the brain works, like how most people don't know anything about the electromagnetic wavelengths and how colours are created - but we do know that certain colours are closer to each other, certain colours clash and some work in harmony - all this is, like all science, is creating a model that works as best as we can make it -
posted by xdvesper at 6:00 PM on November 15, 2010

Best answer: i wanted to address the "am i an overthinking metafite" part of it. I have frequently wondered the same thing about myself. In fact, I've read so many threads to death that I frequently find myself (without meaning to) wondering WWMFS? what would metafilter say? (generally in regards to relationship questions, but occasionally other ones too.) in fact, 90 percent of the time when i think about posting a question, i don't because i feel like i know what the answers will look like. actually, i've been pondering posting my breakup question for days, but haven't yet. maybe i should test my theory and see if i can predict what the answers i get will look like :-)

anyway, about the testing thing, i can see why you like that kind of stuff. it's fun for us over-analytical types. but i kind of agree that you should lighten up on it because it might make him feel like it's a test he might fail. like . . . for the sake of argument, let's say you're in school and you're an XYZ major. tomorrow, a study comes out saying XYZ majors are twice as likely to be divorced as other majors. your boyfriend shows it to you. how does that make you feel? like you can predict something about your future? or like you're being called out based on something that has nothing to do with you as an individual person?

but back to the "overthinking mefite" thing. like i said, i have read many relationship threads on here, over and over, trying to figure out my own shit. but you know what? a lot of it seems to be a wash. i'd say there's probably an equal number of threads saying "you're not compatible, break up, move on" as "don't throw away something good, it's worth working on, you have to do what you feel is right." but you know what, no one knows you personally. and i am willing to bet that a lot of people in happy relationships on metafilter now, had they posted "are we compatible" questions during their roughest patches, maybe would have gotten a lot of DTMFA responses. only you know how you feel and what works for you. instead of asking other people how you feel, ask yourself how you feel. (disclaimer- i'm a huge hypocrite, i always want to ask other people how i should feel. but, i make a genuine effort not to.) anyway i should probably go post my own question, so as not to hijack yours. i just wanted to comment that overanalyzing is a huge problem for me too and sometimes i just have to tell my brain: "Dude. Chill the eff out. Just go with the flow and enjoy yourself." So . . . yeah, just chill out and go with the flow. enjoy yourself. it is possible to train your brain to dial down the overthinking when you catch yourself doing it.
posted by lblair at 6:12 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

It sounds like the relationship question is just part and parcel of a larger issue that you have. I wonder if you are a decision "maximizer," someone who wants to know that you've explored every possible option before you feel comfortable making a choice, or fully confident in the choice that you've made. If that sounds familiar, you might want to check out The Paradox of Choice.

My ex was like that. Shopping for something as mundane as a pair of khakis could often turn into an excruciating all day affair. Making a choice can be daunting, especially in something as potentially life-changing as a relationship. Choosing one option often precludes exploring others. But if you get too mired down in the seemingly endless choices out there, or even in the process of choosing, you'll never get anywhere. Indeed, I think that some people, myself included at times, subconsciously get caught up in the exploration, making sure it's the "right choice" dance, because it allows us to put off making a difficult decision, while providing us with the illusion that we're working on it. So ask yourself, are the tests just to buy time to put off making a commitment? As others have recounted, they're not great crystal balls.
posted by kaybdc at 6:47 PM on November 15, 2010 [3 favorites]

Best answer: Oh hai, I heard the over-thinking Mefites were gathering in this thread . . .

I'm going to tell you a story about how I knew my husband was right for me:

We'd been dating for about four years, and I finally felt like I might be ready to get married. (He'd been ready for a long time.) I pondered it in my head for a while, and then started talking to married people I knew about how I felt and asking for their opinions.

I'd say something like, "I really love him, and I feel like we're ready, but I just want to have the kids/money/religion conversation one more time before I give him the go-ahead on proposing. I think I'll just ask him to go over it again on the drive down his folks for the holidays."

And every single one responded with something along the lines of, "Well of course those are important conversations, but dear god, you can't trap someone in a five-hour Conversation like that! Spread it out, and don't ambush him."

I completely ignored those people because it wouldn't make any sense for me to marry someone who couldn't or wouldn't deal with my constant analyzing and rationalizations and overthinking. So for the whole 5 hour drive I interrogated him about all the "big" things and every little one I could think of. And he played along with it because he knows that I roll, and he loves me. And now we're married. And it's awesome!

Ok, about you:

You've been dating for three months. Slow down a little and enjoy the new-relationship giddiness. Don't let yourself use your choosiness as an excuse not to make a decision (I do that all the time, I'm trying to stop). Don't make your boyfriend take personality tests, but do talk to him about your underlying fears that you want to explore through those tests. Are you worried because he's more/less outgoing than you? Too emotional/rational to understand where you're coming from? Talk to him about those concrete things. And make yourself a teenie-weenie crocheted bikini.
posted by (Over) Thinking at 7:20 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I actually didn't think you should go get excited about ANOTHER way to test your boyfriend by telling you about the FOCCUS, although at least it has the benefit of requiring a trained analyst and keeps you way from the self-analysis.

But most studies suggest that the key point in a marriage or other lasting romantic relationship is shared VALUES and shared life goals. Things like shared religious attitudes, shared attitudes towards childrearing, shared attitudes towards money help. Personality is not that important.

The only way you can find out if you share values, goals, and attitudes on Big Issues is by TALKING TO HIM ABOUT THOSE THINGS. Tests will not tell you that.

(Although, yes, the FOCCUS helps you identify areas of disagreement in these things, but it certainly doesn't tell you what constitutes a dealbreaker or why you disagree or how much that disagreement matters in YOUR relationship.)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:32 PM on November 15, 2010

Response by poster: (Over)thinking, I love that story! In fact, I think thats what it all comes down to: will he love me despite my crazy need to over-analyze? Think its cute even? So far things are fun and he is awesome, and he didn't seem upset about the test request (for the record I dropped it as soon as he expressed apprehension). I guess its just my own paranoia that I won't be able to totally be myself around anyone--which of course is scary, as a few posters here have verified that they would question continuing a relationship with me! ;) But every response on here is right on! I'll try and dial down the rush for "knowing" everything AND talk to him rather than test him. But I'm eternally grateful to know I'm understood in this community..its like a support group.."hello, my name is x and I'm an over-thinker." Keep up the good work everybody!
posted by hellameangirl at 7:50 PM on November 15, 2010

In response to people opposed to these kinds of methodologies, remember that they are only tools, which (taken with a grain of salt) can help shed some light on some of the many dimensions of somebody's personality. They're not intended to be definitive or hugely accurate, and I'm sure they state this themselves: they're only guides.

Use them as a set of overlapping tools, and supplement or correct what you learn, based on your own intuitions & observations, but don't take them as gospel.

But to give a concrete example of how they *can* be useful, as a MBTI "P" there's nothing I love more than taking off to a foreign country & making my own way around for a month or twelve. Some people I talk to cannot fathom even the concept that I don't have all my hotels & tickets booked ahead of time:

"But how do you know where you'll sleep?!??"

"Meh, I'll just find somewhere."

"Are you crazy?!?? What if it's no good?"

"Who cares? I've only lost a night - I'll just find somewhere else! For all I know that town's a shithole anyway, and then I'll move on right away to another city..."

Now, if I intend to do that kind of thing with another person, it helps to have the understanding that some people are "P" like that, but others cannot stand it, because they're "J". Which means that I'd need to accept more planning & scheduling or it's not going to work out well for either party. Or maybe I need to find another travel partner who's more "P" like me.

The same goes for other kinds of traits, like "savers v spenders". It doesn't mean that a saver can only live with a saver or vice versa. It just means you need to have the framework that allows you to think about, notice, and interpret these different traits, so you're better informed on where the other person is coming from, how to engage with them, what motivates each of you, what compromises you might make to smooth things between you and so on.

It's this kind of understanding & the dialogue that it facilitates that makes these tools useful, not the idea that you get some kind of definitive ruling on what a person is all about.
posted by UbuRoivas at 8:09 PM on November 15, 2010 [1 favorite]

I tend to be overly sensitive too and maybe if I feel irrational about something I can tell myself "oh, its just cuz he's x personality, and y is what is really going on" etc..

But this would almost certainly not be a healthy thing for your relationship anyway. You need to be able to communicate with one another about "what is really going on", not mind-read, or attempt to mind-read. Part of the growth and, really, the beauty of a relationship is getting to figure those things out, not just skip past them. If you are constantly putting your energy into working around his quirks or whatever, you won't have time to be part of creating the relationship you really want and need.
posted by so_gracefully at 8:38 PM on November 15, 2010 [2 favorites]

In contrast to one of the Best Answers you chose, I'd advise that you not diagnose his Meyers-Briggs type for him. I love MBTI and feel like I really get it, and then when I compared my guesses for people with 8 people's results, I was wrong on, like, 6. Learning why I was wrong was fascinating, but long story short, people are complex. Discovering those deeper complexities is the nice thing about a long-term relationship, by the way. Maybe you could guess his Meyers-Briggs type when you guys are two decades in.
posted by salvia at 11:21 PM on November 15, 2010

Perhaps not at all what you're looking for, but you should read An Abundance of Katherines. Boy falls in love. Many times. With many Katherines. Tries to create an equation to explain the course of any relationship given certain factors about the people involved. It might help you come to terms with the fact that overthinking things doesn't really help, but if it doesn't, at least it's a good book to kill some time with.
posted by SugarAndSass at 6:45 AM on November 16, 2010

You'll like this advice, I think: read How We Decide. Focus on how an excess of information leads people trying to "logic it out" to make objectively and quantifiably bad decisions. (The book presents a raft of scientific data to support that conclusion, though some subtleties are lost in the summary.)
posted by endless_forms at 8:04 AM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

Tests like this are like horoscopes or tarot cards or Ouija boards: dumb, pointless, kinda fun diversions. Until someone who really believes in it comes along and wants to do it with you, when it becomes unbelievably irritating. And when that person is an SO, and you get the feeling your future hinges on it?

Yeah, I wouldn't do it either.
posted by coolguymichael at 11:43 AM on November 16, 2010 [1 favorite]

You're not going to just know. It's okay, I'm not that kind of person either. We check and double-check and check again and wonder if maybe we're missing a factor and how about we check just one more time. It drives me mad and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to do less of that. But at some point you'll be with someone long enough that they'll be an integrated, necessary support in your life, and you'll know that, and you'll choose to make a leap and stop double-checking and just choose them.

My partner loves me despite my crazy need to over-analyze and discuss. He doesn't share those traits.

I've found the MBTI useful in our relationship, but he has never taken the test. I read up on it and observed him and figured out that I was a really strong J and he was a really strong P and I sent him a short bullet list on how they contrast. We had some nice talks where I would read the J list and think "Yeah, that makes sense" and he would think "WTF!!" and then we would have opposite reactions on the P list. We're also opposite for N and S, and had similar reactions to each other's lists. But he wouldn't take the test and you won't catch him reading long articles about the traits or reading forums about it. And now I understand that that's because he's an S, not because he refuses to invest in our relationship (despite what know-it-all research-addict INTJ me will sometimes feel).

Does our relationship work because we have the same test scores? No, but nor does it fail because we have different test scores. It works when we realise that we work differently and there's no "right" way to approach things—there's my way and his way and we have to get a translator sometimes. My "common sense" is his "WTF" and vice versa, so we have learned to laugh at ourselves and each other and to try again. He's helping me relax and I'm helping him plan ahead, and it's all good.
posted by heatherann at 6:06 PM on November 17, 2010

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