Dealing with suicide
October 28, 2010 3:15 AM Subscribe
My sister is teaching in Thailand and a colleague has just committed suicide. What, if anything, can I say or do to help?
My sister is on a placement in Thailand where she is teaching English, unfortunately a colleague in the next room has committed suicide. She is emotionally distressed by this and has just spoken to my mum. There are no family out there and I am not sure whether she has any close friends on the placement with her.
What, if anything, can our family do to help her deal with this tragedy. She has access to the internet and phones but calls would probably be quite expensive based on her location. We are based in the UK and I assume that she will not be returning home at this time but will remain out in Thailand unless things become too upsetting.
Any advice would be most appreciated. Other than sending a heartfelt condolences email what other ways are there to consol and support her remotely?
My sister is on a placement in Thailand where she is teaching English, unfortunately a colleague in the next room has committed suicide. She is emotionally distressed by this and has just spoken to my mum. There are no family out there and I am not sure whether she has any close friends on the placement with her.
What, if anything, can our family do to help her deal with this tragedy. She has access to the internet and phones but calls would probably be quite expensive based on her location. We are based in the UK and I assume that she will not be returning home at this time but will remain out in Thailand unless things become too upsetting.
Any advice would be most appreciated. Other than sending a heartfelt condolences email what other ways are there to consol and support her remotely?
If you were planning to visit her anyway, now might be a good time.
posted by amro at 3:45 AM on October 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by amro at 3:45 AM on October 28, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yup, I'd second amro and suggest a visit, especially if you've never been there.
posted by mdonley at 4:11 AM on October 28, 2010
posted by mdonley at 4:11 AM on October 28, 2010
Best answer: Thirding a visit. This is the sort of thing that can send homesickness into a dangerous spiral. She needs to hear your voices and, if at all possible, see your faces, feel your presence. If plane tickets out there are too expensive, then by all means, spend money on phone calls. Could you give her funds to phone you when needed? She will need to. Be as warm and as supportive as possible, it will help her immensely. You don't necessarily need to understand, eh, but just be there, love her, listen to her.
(My own experience: I was just finishing my degree in France when I got a phone call that my French teacher of 5 years in the US, her inspiration and support being THE reasons I was in a French program and overseas, had been murdered by her son, who I knew, and he had also murdered his father, a gruff but kind Spanish teacher I would chat with, and then their son went to my high school and shot and killed some kids I knew, which was witnessed by a very dear teacher first on the scene. His sister, with whom I'd shared many high school and university classes, was then at university in Hawaii and also had to hear all that from far away. My parents hung up when I started wailing. They refused to discuss it with me. No one visited me. I had to find out more details from newspapers and websites. While you've already shown much more compassion than they, I do want to repeat how important loving communication, with as much physical presence as possible, is after such shattering news. It's been 12 years and I'm still dealing with the trauma, which could have been helped vastly if I'd had more support from those close to me.)
posted by fraula at 4:45 AM on October 28, 2010 [2 favorites]
(My own experience: I was just finishing my degree in France when I got a phone call that my French teacher of 5 years in the US, her inspiration and support being THE reasons I was in a French program and overseas, had been murdered by her son, who I knew, and he had also murdered his father, a gruff but kind Spanish teacher I would chat with, and then their son went to my high school and shot and killed some kids I knew, which was witnessed by a very dear teacher first on the scene. His sister, with whom I'd shared many high school and university classes, was then at university in Hawaii and also had to hear all that from far away. My parents hung up when I started wailing. They refused to discuss it with me. No one visited me. I had to find out more details from newspapers and websites. While you've already shown much more compassion than they, I do want to repeat how important loving communication, with as much physical presence as possible, is after such shattering news. It's been 12 years and I'm still dealing with the trauma, which could have been helped vastly if I'd had more support from those close to me.)
posted by fraula at 4:45 AM on October 28, 2010 [2 favorites]
There will be cheaper ways to call her than just picking up the phone and dialling through your regular phone company.
There's Skype, already mentioned, which will need a decent internet connection her end.
But there are also international phone call cards, which can make calls very cheap indeed. If you're in a big city or anywhere with a lot of overseas students, you can probably buy a physical card, but there are internet services as well. Just Googling at random got me this for instance: http://www.digicallingcards.com/ which sells cards which will let you call for a few pence a minute.
Unrelated thought, she should go to the funeral.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 5:51 AM on October 28, 2010
There's Skype, already mentioned, which will need a decent internet connection her end.
But there are also international phone call cards, which can make calls very cheap indeed. If you're in a big city or anywhere with a lot of overseas students, you can probably buy a physical card, but there are internet services as well. Just Googling at random got me this for instance: http://www.digicallingcards.com/ which sells cards which will let you call for a few pence a minute.
Unrelated thought, she should go to the funeral.
posted by AmbroseChapel at 5:51 AM on October 28, 2010
There's nothing you can say. I'm basing this on my experience of when my cousin committed suicide. Nevertheless, I would suggest reconsidering the expense of phone calls. As someone upthread already said, keeping in touch is probably more important now than ever, and this isn't a time to be penny wise and pound foolish.
posted by scratch at 11:22 AM on October 28, 2010
posted by scratch at 11:22 AM on October 28, 2010
She has access to the internet and phones but calls would probably be quite expensive based on her location.
Not sure what city she is in, but many internet shops in Thailand do international calls over their internet connection for reasonable rates.
posted by blueberry at 12:50 AM on October 29, 2010
Not sure what city she is in, but many internet shops in Thailand do international calls over their internet connection for reasonable rates.
posted by blueberry at 12:50 AM on October 29, 2010
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posted by 6550 at 3:28 AM on October 28, 2010 [1 favorite]