I always heard that you should stay in school....
October 21, 2010 7:59 PM Subscribe
[Grad School Filter] Help me sort through my mid-semester slump.
This is my first semester in an interdisciplinary master's degree program that's geared primarily towards being a professional degree but with some opportunities to conduct research with paid (hourly) assistantships and independent studies. I entered this program, thinking that I wanted to continue on for a PhD at this or another school that offers study in similar topics. I really enjoyed the first month or so of school: getting to know my classmates, getting back into student mode after being out of college for a few years, learning cool new things, having my day structured around stimulating, intellectual conversations = hurrah. A few weeks in, though, I'd begun to be frustrated with the quality of my classes. Professors not fully engaged, disorganized courses. And I realized that my "interdisciplinary" program was still heavily skewed towards research areas that I don't have long-term interest in while providing fewer opportunities to do the stuff that I want. The number of required courses leaves little room for electives or independent studies until my third and fourth semesters. Yes, I feel like kind of an idiot for realizing that my academic dreams were not going to be easily fulfilled here.
Then, I went out of town for the weekend, out to the countryside, my rural roots. It was a glorious weekend. And then the crash from the vacation high. I've been down all week, done the bare minimum of homework and been disinterested in my classes. I'd had a lot of anxiety leading up to the start of school (whether it was the right decision to go back to school, etc.), and it's not totally surprising that these feelings have come back since I do have a tendency to second guess myself and over-analyze my life choices. Except now, I'm falling behind in my coursework, feeling frustrated with my professors and the curriculum, and, because I'm disappointed in the quality of the courses, am cringing at the cost of tuition (which is about 2/3s covered by my work benefits, but I'm still paying for some tuition + big city living expenses on a drastically reduced income. Was unable to secure funding at this school and the other interdisciplinary programs that accepted me).
This may just be a bad week, but I'm having serious thoughts about transferring to more traditional program or giving up on grad school altogether. I have to finish the semester in order to get reimbursed for my tuition payments, and I also don't want to rush into a decision about leaving school. So, can you help me figure out a way to enjoy the rest of the semester, and maybe some strategies for deciding whether to proceed or not? I have an advisor, of course, and am going to talk to him about these issues, but is there an impartial voice out there?
tl,dr: how do you decide if you should stay in grad school when you're having doubts?
This is my first semester in an interdisciplinary master's degree program that's geared primarily towards being a professional degree but with some opportunities to conduct research with paid (hourly) assistantships and independent studies. I entered this program, thinking that I wanted to continue on for a PhD at this or another school that offers study in similar topics. I really enjoyed the first month or so of school: getting to know my classmates, getting back into student mode after being out of college for a few years, learning cool new things, having my day structured around stimulating, intellectual conversations = hurrah. A few weeks in, though, I'd begun to be frustrated with the quality of my classes. Professors not fully engaged, disorganized courses. And I realized that my "interdisciplinary" program was still heavily skewed towards research areas that I don't have long-term interest in while providing fewer opportunities to do the stuff that I want. The number of required courses leaves little room for electives or independent studies until my third and fourth semesters. Yes, I feel like kind of an idiot for realizing that my academic dreams were not going to be easily fulfilled here.
Then, I went out of town for the weekend, out to the countryside, my rural roots. It was a glorious weekend. And then the crash from the vacation high. I've been down all week, done the bare minimum of homework and been disinterested in my classes. I'd had a lot of anxiety leading up to the start of school (whether it was the right decision to go back to school, etc.), and it's not totally surprising that these feelings have come back since I do have a tendency to second guess myself and over-analyze my life choices. Except now, I'm falling behind in my coursework, feeling frustrated with my professors and the curriculum, and, because I'm disappointed in the quality of the courses, am cringing at the cost of tuition (which is about 2/3s covered by my work benefits, but I'm still paying for some tuition + big city living expenses on a drastically reduced income. Was unable to secure funding at this school and the other interdisciplinary programs that accepted me).
This may just be a bad week, but I'm having serious thoughts about transferring to more traditional program or giving up on grad school altogether. I have to finish the semester in order to get reimbursed for my tuition payments, and I also don't want to rush into a decision about leaving school. So, can you help me figure out a way to enjoy the rest of the semester, and maybe some strategies for deciding whether to proceed or not? I have an advisor, of course, and am going to talk to him about these issues, but is there an impartial voice out there?
tl,dr: how do you decide if you should stay in grad school when you're having doubts?
In my experience as someone who's spent way, way too much time in grad school, this is the exact wrong part of the semester to be making decisions about whether or not you want to continue with grad school. This time of year just sucks, no matter what. If you still feel this way during winter break or the first few weeks of your next semester, that's when you need to start mulling over whether you're in for the long haul.
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:41 PM on October 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by You Can't Tip a Buick at 8:41 PM on October 21, 2010 [2 favorites]
I can't remember taking a truly well-organized class in grad school, although several leap to mind from college. I recall that being disappointing in my first year, but I thought it was just me--that if I knew more, I'd be getting more out of the random jumble of stuff I was being given. Well, it wasn't just me. The classes were random jumbles of stuff, and making me plow through more and more jumbles to eventually arrive at my own sense of order in it was not good pedagogy.
But it was partly me. Grad school didn't get fun for me until I began focusing almost exclusively on apprenticeship stuff (practically memorizing my teachers' work) and personal concerns (my own pet projects). From then on, interactions with faculty were more like conversations than instruction, and classes were just occasions for discussion--their disorganization didn't matter and was almost the point of it. I was well into my second year before that happened, though. If I'd just been doing coursework for an MA, the first three semesters would have been mostly worthless.
In short, if you respect your professors, intellectually, then maybe this gets better and maybe you can turn it around sooner than I did. If not, it's just two months until you can exit with some grace.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 8:59 PM on October 21, 2010
But it was partly me. Grad school didn't get fun for me until I began focusing almost exclusively on apprenticeship stuff (practically memorizing my teachers' work) and personal concerns (my own pet projects). From then on, interactions with faculty were more like conversations than instruction, and classes were just occasions for discussion--their disorganization didn't matter and was almost the point of it. I was well into my second year before that happened, though. If I'd just been doing coursework for an MA, the first three semesters would have been mostly worthless.
In short, if you respect your professors, intellectually, then maybe this gets better and maybe you can turn it around sooner than I did. If not, it's just two months until you can exit with some grace.
posted by Monsieur Caution at 8:59 PM on October 21, 2010
this is the exact wrong part of the semester to be making decisions about whether or not you want to continue with grad school. This time of year just sucks, no matter what.
Ms. Mentor agrees: October is the cruelest month.
Besides being a bad time of the semester, since this is your first year in the strange new world of grad school, right about now is when you should expect to leave the honeymoon phase ("I really enjoyed the first month or so of school") and hit the negotiation phase (disenchantment with professors/program, return of anxiety) of a mini-culture shock.
Give it a few weeks. Look for the good in the program, study hard, get what you can out of it, and try to keep in mind that grad school is a bumpy ride for almost everyone. Be aware of the culture shock effect, and of the "grass is always greener" effect—you're disenchanted with your interdisciplinary program right now, but that doesn't mean that traditional programs are trouble-free.
posted by Orinda at 9:02 PM on October 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Ms. Mentor agrees: October is the cruelest month.
Besides being a bad time of the semester, since this is your first year in the strange new world of grad school, right about now is when you should expect to leave the honeymoon phase ("I really enjoyed the first month or so of school") and hit the negotiation phase (disenchantment with professors/program, return of anxiety) of a mini-culture shock.
Give it a few weeks. Look for the good in the program, study hard, get what you can out of it, and try to keep in mind that grad school is a bumpy ride for almost everyone. Be aware of the culture shock effect, and of the "grass is always greener" effect—you're disenchanted with your interdisciplinary program right now, but that doesn't mean that traditional programs are trouble-free.
posted by Orinda at 9:02 PM on October 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
It is true, October stinks. However, if you can start to plan your final papers now, your life in December will be so much easier. So make a point of going to office hours with your professors, and try to find a topic that really interests you. That way you can spend some time on something that is important to you, you get some face time with your professors, and you still have time to ILL any resources that your local library doesn't have.
posted by pickypicky at 9:34 PM on October 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by pickypicky at 9:34 PM on October 21, 2010 [1 favorite]
Devil's advocate: in your position, I dropped out! Two weeks ago, after realizing the program wasn't going to provide me with the experience I thought it would. And I got my money back. This isn't advice per se -- but no doubt you're in an environment where 99% of the advice will be urging you against this course of action. But recall, it's not the end of the world if you bail. Indeed, I quickly became happier and more optimistic about my future.
To quote what I heard somewhere -- life's too short to spend even one year doing something you don't want. If you've got clear goals you're going to achieve through this program that are worth the amount of time it'll take, stay. Chat with an impartial counselor. But if not...
That said, if you have to finish the term to get your money back... that's a good position, since you'll know better if you still want to tough it out when finals are behind you.
posted by zvs at 10:07 PM on October 21, 2010
To quote what I heard somewhere -- life's too short to spend even one year doing something you don't want. If you've got clear goals you're going to achieve through this program that are worth the amount of time it'll take, stay. Chat with an impartial counselor. But if not...
That said, if you have to finish the term to get your money back... that's a good position, since you'll know better if you still want to tough it out when finals are behind you.
posted by zvs at 10:07 PM on October 21, 2010
I have to finish the semester in order to get reimbursed for my tuition payments
If this is the case, and you won't end up with any out-of-pocket tuition expenses if you finish the semester, then you must finish out the semester. Don't go into debt for grad school!!! (this is the #1 Metafilter Grad School Rule). And, trucking through will get you through the October slump and you won't be rushing into anything.
As for the future, if this were a Ph.D. program and you were a semester in and hating it, I'd say get out as fast as you can, but we're talking about a M.A. program. It's at most, what, a year and a half or two years long? It may be worth finishing even if you're not completely engaged by it.
posted by The Michael The at 3:45 AM on October 22, 2010
If this is the case, and you won't end up with any out-of-pocket tuition expenses if you finish the semester, then you must finish out the semester. Don't go into debt for grad school!!! (this is the #1 Metafilter Grad School Rule). And, trucking through will get you through the October slump and you won't be rushing into anything.
As for the future, if this were a Ph.D. program and you were a semester in and hating it, I'd say get out as fast as you can, but we're talking about a M.A. program. It's at most, what, a year and a half or two years long? It may be worth finishing even if you're not completely engaged by it.
posted by The Michael The at 3:45 AM on October 22, 2010
As another person who has been in grad school a long time, I agree with those above who said that most grad school classes pretty much suck. Most of them are taught by the bigger shot senior professors in the department, the ones who have gotten out of teaching undergrads and view teaching grad students as requiring minimal effort to fulfill the requirement that they teach something. But they would rather be concentrating on their research, and in general so would the grad students.
I know that your program technically doesn't encourage you to do your own research until next year, but is there any way for you to volunteer to work with a professor who is interested in what you're interested in, even for just a few hours a week? Once you get started into something more interesting to you, you may be able to use the work you're doing for class projects and papers. Examples from my grad school experience: if you have to do a literature review, do it on that subject. If you're doing a stats project, try analyzing a dataset you've been working on. This won't solve all your problems, but it may help in making those classes feel more relevant to you.
posted by hydropsyche at 5:37 AM on October 22, 2010
I know that your program technically doesn't encourage you to do your own research until next year, but is there any way for you to volunteer to work with a professor who is interested in what you're interested in, even for just a few hours a week? Once you get started into something more interesting to you, you may be able to use the work you're doing for class projects and papers. Examples from my grad school experience: if you have to do a literature review, do it on that subject. If you're doing a stats project, try analyzing a dataset you've been working on. This won't solve all your problems, but it may help in making those classes feel more relevant to you.
posted by hydropsyche at 5:37 AM on October 22, 2010
Professors not fully engaged, disorganized courses. And I realized that my "interdisciplinary" program was still heavily skewed towards research areas that I don't have long-term interest in while providing fewer opportunities to do the stuff that I want. The number of required courses leaves little room for electives or independent studies until my third and fourth semesters.
My experience has been that a lot of masters students have what turn out to be pretty unrealistic expectations. They are paying a fortune to be there, and they are stunned to encounter classes taught by a prof who wants to chat about theory and rearrange the syllabus rather than a clean and obviously sequential sequence of classes that progress in a linear fashion and contain the specific items of knowledge that the person came to grad school to learn.
And in most programs, most of the time, that's not the way it is. Masters programs are cash cows, plain and simple. The real heart of the department is elsewhere, usually in a mix of undergrad teaching, doctoral projects, and individual research agendas. Teaching the masters students is something that is done to pay the rent; the students are there for such a short time that there is very little one can do with them on any substantive research or pedagogical project. (It can also be a lot better than that, with a close overlap between the course of study and the professional outcomes, but even then there are always imperfections.)
In other words, transferring may not be the magic bullet that you hope it will be. That's not to say that there are both well-run and crappy programs out there; just that some of what is bothering you now is going to bother you anywhere.
The key with grad school, I think, is to not get caught up in the irritations and dissatisfactions. Instead, you need to hunker down a bit and make sure you are kicking ass in the classes you are taking right now while also making sure to go and meet, engage, and find common ground with the professors who are doing work that you find the most interesting. (And, if your program is one where people go off to do summer internships and research projects, don't delay making those arrangements until the last minute.) A masters program is only four semesters and a summer -- there just isn't enough time in there to float around, "find your way," or screw up and recover.
You've already said that you need to finish the semester, so that's what you need to do. You suck it up, maybe swing by the counseling center to vent and practice relaxation techniques, and you make sure you pass all your classes and have a presence in the department. Whether you continue or not after this term is a different question, and not one that any of us can answer -- there's no shame in dropping out of a program that is either poorly run or doesn't meet your needs.
posted by Forktine at 6:42 AM on October 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
My experience has been that a lot of masters students have what turn out to be pretty unrealistic expectations. They are paying a fortune to be there, and they are stunned to encounter classes taught by a prof who wants to chat about theory and rearrange the syllabus rather than a clean and obviously sequential sequence of classes that progress in a linear fashion and contain the specific items of knowledge that the person came to grad school to learn.
And in most programs, most of the time, that's not the way it is. Masters programs are cash cows, plain and simple. The real heart of the department is elsewhere, usually in a mix of undergrad teaching, doctoral projects, and individual research agendas. Teaching the masters students is something that is done to pay the rent; the students are there for such a short time that there is very little one can do with them on any substantive research or pedagogical project. (It can also be a lot better than that, with a close overlap between the course of study and the professional outcomes, but even then there are always imperfections.)
In other words, transferring may not be the magic bullet that you hope it will be. That's not to say that there are both well-run and crappy programs out there; just that some of what is bothering you now is going to bother you anywhere.
The key with grad school, I think, is to not get caught up in the irritations and dissatisfactions. Instead, you need to hunker down a bit and make sure you are kicking ass in the classes you are taking right now while also making sure to go and meet, engage, and find common ground with the professors who are doing work that you find the most interesting. (And, if your program is one where people go off to do summer internships and research projects, don't delay making those arrangements until the last minute.) A masters program is only four semesters and a summer -- there just isn't enough time in there to float around, "find your way," or screw up and recover.
You've already said that you need to finish the semester, so that's what you need to do. You suck it up, maybe swing by the counseling center to vent and practice relaxation techniques, and you make sure you pass all your classes and have a presence in the department. Whether you continue or not after this term is a different question, and not one that any of us can answer -- there's no shame in dropping out of a program that is either poorly run or doesn't meet your needs.
posted by Forktine at 6:42 AM on October 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
Ditto to all those above who have advised you not to make any decisions now. Being a grad student or faculty member is a brain drain. It takes huge amounts of energy to sustain a life of the mind. It's no simple task to focus on higher order intellectual concerns day in and day out. Mid-semester is a time when the escalation reaches its peak. Some part of your brain is saying "whoa.... are we going to keep escalating like this? No. We can't do this." But the reality is that October is more of a plateau. Hang in there and, if after the break you still feel your program is not for you, then bail. But wait until you're not mentally and emotionally exhausted from the semester.
Also, not to diminish what you're going through right now, but I've seen an awful lot of grad students hit the same wall you've just hit. Grad school is a gauntlet of sorts and there is certainly a "survival of the fittest" rule at play. Hang in there. You could be doing your program in Fairbanks, AK, where the daylight hours are reduced to only 4 each day and it hovers around -20 for weeks on end. -50 sometimes too. Our grad students seem to drink a lot for some reason...
posted by madred at 9:45 AM on October 22, 2010
Also, not to diminish what you're going through right now, but I've seen an awful lot of grad students hit the same wall you've just hit. Grad school is a gauntlet of sorts and there is certainly a "survival of the fittest" rule at play. Hang in there. You could be doing your program in Fairbanks, AK, where the daylight hours are reduced to only 4 each day and it hovers around -20 for weeks on end. -50 sometimes too. Our grad students seem to drink a lot for some reason...
posted by madred at 9:45 AM on October 22, 2010
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posted by k8t at 8:10 PM on October 21, 2010