Pepperidge Farm Remem-bars.
October 20, 2010 4:19 PM   Subscribe

I love Goldfish crackers. I love food in bar form. Help me combine these loves.

How can I stick Goldfish crackers into some kind of bar form, like Rice Krispies Treats, but not sweet? What could hold them together and also taste good?

If such a bar of awesome is even possible, do you think it needs to happen with the tiny Baby Goldfish, or can it be done with regular ones? The latter would be better, possibly even combining flavors (cheddar, pizza, and original... parmesan has no place here).
posted by dayintoday to Food & Drink (14 answers total) 24 users marked this as a favorite
What could hold them together that isn't sweet?

1) Cheese. Don't forget to brown it a little when you melt it!

2) Peanut butter. If you mix it with oats or goldfish crumbs or whatever, it will be less sticky and messy.
posted by aubilenon at 4:33 PM on October 20, 2010

Best answer: Truly SAVORY snack bars are one of the all-time greatest puzzles to crack. Most binders which will "stiffen up" are sugary as hell. Clif Bar tried to make savories awhile back (their "MoJo" line); as far as they know, they were panned by many.

For baked goods, meatloaf, etc., egg is generally a good binder. You may want to try pulverizing some Goldfish in a Cuisinart to get a fine powder, then mixing that powder with some beaten egg (and possibly some powdered milk - it's used to stiffen up baked goods) and seeing if that can be used as a good binding agent.

Also: we breaded homemade chicken nuggets with crushed Goldfish once. They were so good we almost died right there on the spot.
posted by julthumbscrew at 4:38 PM on October 20, 2010 [14 favorites]

Goldfish actually go really nicely with sweet things (a friend's signature cupcake is dark chocolate, with cream cheese frosting tinted blue, and Goldfish swimming on top).

I have a sense that you could do something like a peanut butter-rice cereal bar and stud it with 'Fish and it would be amazing.
posted by padraigin at 5:10 PM on October 20, 2010

What about making a mozzarella stick type situation using crushed Goldfish as the breading? Take a cheese stick, coat it in an egg wash and then dredge in Goldcrumbs. Bake or fry until toasty.

Also, Parmesan is the One True Goldfish, so there.
posted by Rock Steady at 5:17 PM on October 20, 2010 [3 favorites]

I'm thinking of what makes dough doughy and sticky. Maybe some combo of melted butter and parmesian cheese and flour. You could make a butter gravy--melt butter, SLOWLY add a little flour while constantly stirring, and add the goldfish and maybe some parmesian cheese and chives. The butter and parmesian would harden as they cooled, and the flour would (hopefully) assist.
posted by shortyJBot at 5:17 PM on October 20, 2010

I think this might be a good question for the Chowhound boards...
posted by lucysparrow at 5:21 PM on October 20, 2010

Crush the Goldfish into a rough powder. Bake something with the rough powder.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 5:30 PM on October 20, 2010

Best answer: Two thoughts:

1) You could do a savory version of graham cracker crust, which is just the crackers pulverized into a rough crumb and mixed with melted butter before being pressed into the bottom of a pan and par baked. You would need some kind of cheesecake equivalent to spread over top, though, in order for it to really hold together. Perhaps half and half goat cheese and cream cheese? I use a similar mixture as the stuffing for a appetizer I make. I'd top with some thin slices of pear or mix in herbs, like I do when I use it as a filling.

But that sounds a little different from what you're after when you say a bar. My other thought is:

2) A bechamel with a shitload of cheese melted in. I've noticed if I overdo it a bit on the flour when making homemade mac n' cheese, when the casserole sets up it's super stiff. So you could make a thick roux --- equal parts flour and butter, cooked gently for two or three minutes over medium heat so that the flour doesn't taste all raw, then you add milk --- maybe say two cups to half a stick of butter, 4 tbs of flour? That's off the top of my head, you'll have to experiment --- and when that bubbles add in a couple handfuls of shredded cheese, I like a nice sharp cheddar. Then add the crackers --- maybe half crushed, half whole? --- press into a pan and allow to chill.

I think that will be stiff enough to mimic rice crispie treats, but you won't know till you try. Also if you do go the roux route you might want to flavor the flour a little bit, otherwise all the dairy kind of blands out the palate --- I usually add a dash of cayenne, a bit dry/English mustard, and a pinch of thyme. Also you might want to have some thing else in there too, just for texture contrast --- onion or water chestnut or maybe apple if you're going with sharp cheddar.
posted by Diablevert at 6:52 PM on October 20, 2010 [2 favorites]

Y'know, I think Diablevert may have the win with the thick, cheesy roux - you can stand a SPOON up in that stuff if you make it thick enough! I'd say go with a generic cheese (to let the flavor of the Goldfish shine) and be sure to cook the roux just right (not RAW, because you'd taste the flour, but also not much beyond deep blonde... "roasty" is not a good flavor compliment to Goldfish, either).
posted by julthumbscrew at 7:02 PM on October 20, 2010

Response by poster: Thank you all for such awesome ideas! (I am dying to try the nuggets now...) This is very exciting. Not sure when I'll have a chance to try these, but I'll come back and post with results when I have them.
posted by dayintoday at 7:04 PM on October 20, 2010

don't they have graham-flavored goldfish, or did i just dream that? you could make lots of delicious things, including using them + marshmallows to make like rice krispie treats. would be sweet, though, and not savory. but you still get the happy goldfish faces.

and maybe this is just me, but i think an apple dessert made with crushed cheddar goldfish crackers (in the vein of diablevert's idea) as a crust might taste kind of good.
posted by kerning at 7:30 PM on October 20, 2010

Not exactly a bar, but what about adapting a spanish tortilla? It's sort of like a thick omelette with potato in it. Ferran Adria has a recipe where he uses potato chips instead of potatoes - you could replace the chips with goldfish maybe?
posted by iona at 5:15 AM on October 21, 2010 [1 favorite]

I think I like Diablevert's idea of making a cheese sauce but stirring in goldfish instead of pasta. Sort of like Pastitsio. Also, there was a previous AskMe which was about how to get Mac N Cheese to bind up in a way to make waffles. You might find some ideas in there which would lead you in the right direction.
posted by CathyG at 8:47 AM on October 21, 2010

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