Not very motivated to finish school (or anything)
September 26, 2010 9:30 AM Subscribe
Not very motivated to finish school (or anything)
I don't feel like finishing school and I barely feel like going to school. Once I'm there things are ok, but I'm 24 and just want to get my first damn degree (computer science) already. The past two semesters I've finally gotten out of the dreaded "core curriculum" and am now taking a majority of classes that related to my comp sci major. Also the first semester up on my own with an apartment to myself at Sam Houston State (bout an hour and 1/2 away from Houston, TX) and I don't want to do a lot of leaving it except to take my dog out to the bathroom or for occasional walks. Lot more responsibility than I thought it'd be. It's nice, but used to having a lot of things done for me by my mom and that's not there anymore.
Anyone else feel like this? I don't want to drop any CS classes this semester but I might be dropping one that I bombed pretty well on the first test.
I've had a history with depression as many know on here (and insomnia big time), but I take Cymbalta and I don't know. Just lifeless these days and it's depressing in and of itself.
I didn't find the advice from my psychiatrist to be extremely helpful either. She basically just suggested exercise (since we've tried 4-5 other antidepressants over the years, but the last different antidepressant was like 1-2 years ago. new psych maybe?)... which I didn't like that much as the sole solution for a $30 copay. I don't feel like exercising because I feel like exercise will only make me want to sleep more after I'm done. It is basically like that commercial for one of the anti-depressants where I feel like I have to wind myself up to get through the day and it's like a grand celebration when I do my school work, lol.
I don't feel like finishing school and I barely feel like going to school. Once I'm there things are ok, but I'm 24 and just want to get my first damn degree (computer science) already. The past two semesters I've finally gotten out of the dreaded "core curriculum" and am now taking a majority of classes that related to my comp sci major. Also the first semester up on my own with an apartment to myself at Sam Houston State (bout an hour and 1/2 away from Houston, TX) and I don't want to do a lot of leaving it except to take my dog out to the bathroom or for occasional walks. Lot more responsibility than I thought it'd be. It's nice, but used to having a lot of things done for me by my mom and that's not there anymore.
Anyone else feel like this? I don't want to drop any CS classes this semester but I might be dropping one that I bombed pretty well on the first test.
I've had a history with depression as many know on here (and insomnia big time), but I take Cymbalta and I don't know. Just lifeless these days and it's depressing in and of itself.
I didn't find the advice from my psychiatrist to be extremely helpful either. She basically just suggested exercise (since we've tried 4-5 other antidepressants over the years, but the last different antidepressant was like 1-2 years ago. new psych maybe?)... which I didn't like that much as the sole solution for a $30 copay. I don't feel like exercising because I feel like exercise will only make me want to sleep more after I'm done. It is basically like that commercial for one of the anti-depressants where I feel like I have to wind myself up to get through the day and it's like a grand celebration when I do my school work, lol.
Your psychiatrist's suggestion is actually evidence-based. There is growing evidence that physical activity and exercise can help alleviate depression.
But, I suspect the depression is talking and telling you not to go out--you said you don't want to go out much, so why not at least try it? Maybe you could start by bringing your dog to the park for a vigorous game of fetch. Your dog's pleasure might at least help you feel a bit better.
My own experience suggests that I have much more energy, and sleep better but not longer, when I am exercising.
I also wonder if you might look for some therapy, for free, through your campus. A lot of times they have support groups for different groups of students, and it can be really helpful to talk to people who are dealing with the same thing. Good luck. This is tough.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:30 AM on September 26, 2010
But, I suspect the depression is talking and telling you not to go out--you said you don't want to go out much, so why not at least try it? Maybe you could start by bringing your dog to the park for a vigorous game of fetch. Your dog's pleasure might at least help you feel a bit better.
My own experience suggests that I have much more energy, and sleep better but not longer, when I am exercising.
I also wonder if you might look for some therapy, for free, through your campus. A lot of times they have support groups for different groups of students, and it can be really helpful to talk to people who are dealing with the same thing. Good luck. This is tough.
posted by bluedaisy at 10:30 AM on September 26, 2010
I'll echo the above re physical exercise. From the biochemical point of view, and what kind of effect exercise has on the body and mind, my own experience says: YES, it does. World of difference between moving and not moving. The benefits of exercise are also psychological in that the habit of exercising reinforces progress or 'movement' in OTHER areas of life; pushing ahead and making progress with projects (school, say) or plans or developing engaging interpersonal relationships. So it's a compounding benefit.
And as Bwithh notes, anti-depressants are a crap shoot. My experience with them is that they increased my insomnia to the point where I was becoming more unhinged by lack of sleep than any other issue in my life at the time. Which forced me off of the drugs and into a stronger, more regular process of working with a talk therapy therapist.
Good luck.
posted by zenpop at 11:15 AM on September 26, 2010
And as Bwithh notes, anti-depressants are a crap shoot. My experience with them is that they increased my insomnia to the point where I was becoming more unhinged by lack of sleep than any other issue in my life at the time. Which forced me off of the drugs and into a stronger, more regular process of working with a talk therapy therapist.
Good luck.
posted by zenpop at 11:15 AM on September 26, 2010
You have great suggestions above ... I would also add, maybe it would help to have something to do that you REALLY look forward to leaving the house to do. Reading tutoring elementary school children? Work days at local nature areas (restoring hiking trails, pulling out invasive plants)? Karate class?
Also, while FlyLady is a little twee for me, a FlyLady-like program (or one you make for yourself based on FlyLady ... or FlyLady, maybe you'll love the tone) for maintaining your apartment may make it seem less overwhelming. "Okay, all I have to do today is clean the bathroom ... I don't have to worry about the catastrophe that is the living room." It can both help you keep up and keep clean, and make it less overwhelming when things are ahead of you.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:24 AM on September 26, 2010
Also, while FlyLady is a little twee for me, a FlyLady-like program (or one you make for yourself based on FlyLady ... or FlyLady, maybe you'll love the tone) for maintaining your apartment may make it seem less overwhelming. "Okay, all I have to do today is clean the bathroom ... I don't have to worry about the catastrophe that is the living room." It can both help you keep up and keep clean, and make it less overwhelming when things are ahead of you.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:24 AM on September 26, 2010
Response by poster: thanks for the replies back so far!
to just add some notes, I do take fish oil twice a day (pretty religiously, for whatever mood-lifting properties it "might" have). so eh, at least that is going for me.
I pop my neck too much of out nervous/bored habits too and I've literally gotten to the point where I have a fair amount of tension/upper neck/back pain. I've never thought it was possible and so that causes me a good amount of grief from time to time. Don't know what I should do about that. Hard to stop. Could one of them there asian peoples help me?
I suppose I could exercise. Just need to make baby steps towards it and try and get it done. I won't feel like it at all unless I just kick myself out of the door. So I will give that a try for 45 mins to an hour. Been sick lately and so that hasn't helped me get back on the exercise route, but I will after.
posted by isoman2kx at 11:33 AM on September 26, 2010
to just add some notes, I do take fish oil twice a day (pretty religiously, for whatever mood-lifting properties it "might" have). so eh, at least that is going for me.
I pop my neck too much of out nervous/bored habits too and I've literally gotten to the point where I have a fair amount of tension/upper neck/back pain. I've never thought it was possible and so that causes me a good amount of grief from time to time. Don't know what I should do about that. Hard to stop. Could one of them there asian peoples help me?
I suppose I could exercise. Just need to make baby steps towards it and try and get it done. I won't feel like it at all unless I just kick myself out of the door. So I will give that a try for 45 mins to an hour. Been sick lately and so that hasn't helped me get back on the exercise route, but I will after.
posted by isoman2kx at 11:33 AM on September 26, 2010
If baby steps are your speed, I recommend One Hundred Pushups. (They have similar programs for sit-ups, squats, etc.)
You start by testing how many you can already do. (When I started, I could do exactly TWO pushups. More like one and a half, if I am being honest.) From there it builds you up just a bit at a time. I've been doing this program off and on for about a year, and now I can do about 25 pushups all at once, even when I'm off the program. It has been pretty good for my self esteem considering I was always the kid in P.E. class who would just hang there from the pull-up bar until the coach finally said I could give up and let go.
posted by hermitosis at 11:48 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
You start by testing how many you can already do. (When I started, I could do exactly TWO pushups. More like one and a half, if I am being honest.) From there it builds you up just a bit at a time. I've been doing this program off and on for about a year, and now I can do about 25 pushups all at once, even when I'm off the program. It has been pretty good for my self esteem considering I was always the kid in P.E. class who would just hang there from the pull-up bar until the coach finally said I could give up and let go.
posted by hermitosis at 11:48 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
I hated school. I was depressed through much of school. I have nightmares about being back in school. Graduating and work has its share of problems and expectations, sure, but I am thankful every day it isn't school.
I took as many online classes as I could and this helped immensely. You do need to be self motivated, but I found that weird since it was an easier thing to motivate for. You do, however, need to be good at self teaching. Still, if that suits you, it is definitely worth looking into.
posted by vienaragis at 2:42 PM on September 26, 2010
I took as many online classes as I could and this helped immensely. You do need to be self motivated, but I found that weird since it was an easier thing to motivate for. You do, however, need to be good at self teaching. Still, if that suits you, it is definitely worth looking into.
posted by vienaragis at 2:42 PM on September 26, 2010
You will find a lot of people in the school health system (if that's where you go for treatment, not that there's anything wrong with that!) may tell you "it's ok, a lot of students get this, just finish school" - and that is true, the cycle of tests, studying, holiday tends to be a drain on everyone. But with depression sometimes just the change to a real life schedule out of that student cycle of tests won't necessarily change things. So it's a good idea now to get a handle on what it is that's making you feel so drained of energy and interest in things.
The symptoms you describe are just the same as I have in my depressions, which I thankfully don't have on a daily basis anymore. So I understand something of what you're going through. And let me assure you - that dog of yours is gold. Hang on to it, and hug it a lot. The dog's getting you out of the house, getting you out of bed to feed/walk him/her - these little things that give you a routine are actually helpful to you, as is the comfort of a living creature. For instance, you care enough for your dog such that you wouldn't stop feeding or walking him/her, right? That in itself is a sign that you're able to take care of the animal and know that it depends on you. You are capable and your dog loves you. These may seem small things, but look back in a few years and I think you'll find yourself suddenly having to go hug your dog.
Unfortunately, I don't have a great set answer for a quick fix to make the listlessness go away. I didn't get a real idea of what was up with mine until I nailed down the medical cause got treatment for it. On the off chance that you might have something similar - check out fibromyalgia - I'll note that it may still be a disputed diagnosis for some doctors, but I have the medical past (and blood tests, etc.) to show that something is going on with my system. The rheumatology department is where I found doctors that helped. (I'm NOT at all suggesting you have this - just tossing out the "it could be other medical issues" idea with this example - because someone suggesting I might have an unfound medical problem was how I got help figuring out what was up for me.) Short version: until I found someone to take care of my medical problem all the therapy and medication I was receiving only was treating a part of my problem. But it took me going to various different doctors to find out what was up, and that took a good long time.
So focus on getting through things daily, and you might try this: sit down and make up some lists of what you can try to make yourself feel better. Sure you recognize that you need to change things, but you also have to find something to help you feel better, even temporarily - find things to do that will help but that you don't just hate or feel like you have to making yourself do. Eating better and exercise are usually high on the list of what's advised. So make a list of better foods to eat (and don't bother with foods you find gross), and try to get some of them next time you're at the store. Exercise may seem hard (I also hated leaving the house) - so come up with an indoor routine at home - floor exercises (stretching, situps, etc.) as well as stair climbing or something low impact you can do in your own place. Even if you don't want to go out, you might try going somewhere outdoors and just sit and rest, look around - sometimes being outdoors will help (especially if you have any vitamin D issues, which you might also have your doc check on).
So besides food, exercise, and just being outside - is there anything you can do that you actually find enjoyment in? Art/craft comes to mind, specifically because making something and finishing it seems to often make people feel better, especially having that sense of completion. Even if it seems silly - getting yourself a box of crayons and messing about with them - or pick anything at all you remember doing long ago and enjoying in the same way. Or something like "today I will take photos of dogs in the park" or "my dog playing with a toy" and try to take X number of different shots of it - if you're into digital photography. Don't let it have anything to do with "I must learn to do this for a living" - just find something to do and focus on the enjoyment of it. If you can find something like this - to take you out of yourself and bring yourself a sense of happiness, fun, even a smile for a moment or two - this will help. If you find a good talk therapist you can both use this to discuss how to get you out of future depressions. If you already have a hobby, this is your ticket to making time to play around with it. (I used to deny myself my hobbies because they weren't work that I needed to finish - that was my mistake, the hobbies helped me without my knowing it and were just as important as finishing my homework.)
On the Cymbalta - part of the "joy" (sarcasm there) of depression is playing the "take this for X amount of time and then try and figure out how much it's working." This is not easy (I'm the impatient sort and hated this "wait to find what works" part) - it's hard having to wait weeks so you can tell if something is working and in the meantime feel like you can't have a real life. This is usually why the doc giving you the meds sends you to a therapist in this time, to help you manage and think out what you're going through. You probably already have chatted with your doc about "is this too much or too little amt I'm taking" or "is this actually having an effect for me." I knew I had the right doctor for me when he agreed that I could take half the regulated dose and then slowly add more so that I could tell if something was working. Always remember that if you aren't feeling good with the meds you should talk again to the doc and ask for alternatives - and be really up front with the doc about any of your concerns.
Since the meds only do part of the work - the rest is you figuring out how to cope with the symptoms - I mention therapy again, because it's usually hard to do alone. Your doctor and your school can usually refer you to people, and sometimes give you cheaper options if price is an issue. The kinds of coping strategies you can learn in therapy that are going to be different for each person, so there's no easy way to tell what works for you. For example, I know that during a lot of my listless "funks" (as I call them) I repeatedly tell myself "this is going to pass, I remember when I didn't feel this way, and I'll feel better again." And then I get into one of my hobbies and then try to feel good about something I've accomplished. Little things, but they seem to help me.
Hang in there. That you can articulate your problems so well and that you're already working with a doc - good work. Pat yourself on the back for getting this far, and for helping yourself as you have.
posted by batgrlHG at 8:02 PM on September 26, 2010
The symptoms you describe are just the same as I have in my depressions, which I thankfully don't have on a daily basis anymore. So I understand something of what you're going through. And let me assure you - that dog of yours is gold. Hang on to it, and hug it a lot. The dog's getting you out of the house, getting you out of bed to feed/walk him/her - these little things that give you a routine are actually helpful to you, as is the comfort of a living creature. For instance, you care enough for your dog such that you wouldn't stop feeding or walking him/her, right? That in itself is a sign that you're able to take care of the animal and know that it depends on you. You are capable and your dog loves you. These may seem small things, but look back in a few years and I think you'll find yourself suddenly having to go hug your dog.
Unfortunately, I don't have a great set answer for a quick fix to make the listlessness go away. I didn't get a real idea of what was up with mine until I nailed down the medical cause got treatment for it. On the off chance that you might have something similar - check out fibromyalgia - I'll note that it may still be a disputed diagnosis for some doctors, but I have the medical past (and blood tests, etc.) to show that something is going on with my system. The rheumatology department is where I found doctors that helped. (I'm NOT at all suggesting you have this - just tossing out the "it could be other medical issues" idea with this example - because someone suggesting I might have an unfound medical problem was how I got help figuring out what was up for me.) Short version: until I found someone to take care of my medical problem all the therapy and medication I was receiving only was treating a part of my problem. But it took me going to various different doctors to find out what was up, and that took a good long time.
So focus on getting through things daily, and you might try this: sit down and make up some lists of what you can try to make yourself feel better. Sure you recognize that you need to change things, but you also have to find something to help you feel better, even temporarily - find things to do that will help but that you don't just hate or feel like you have to making yourself do. Eating better and exercise are usually high on the list of what's advised. So make a list of better foods to eat (and don't bother with foods you find gross), and try to get some of them next time you're at the store. Exercise may seem hard (I also hated leaving the house) - so come up with an indoor routine at home - floor exercises (stretching, situps, etc.) as well as stair climbing or something low impact you can do in your own place. Even if you don't want to go out, you might try going somewhere outdoors and just sit and rest, look around - sometimes being outdoors will help (especially if you have any vitamin D issues, which you might also have your doc check on).
So besides food, exercise, and just being outside - is there anything you can do that you actually find enjoyment in? Art/craft comes to mind, specifically because making something and finishing it seems to often make people feel better, especially having that sense of completion. Even if it seems silly - getting yourself a box of crayons and messing about with them - or pick anything at all you remember doing long ago and enjoying in the same way. Or something like "today I will take photos of dogs in the park" or "my dog playing with a toy" and try to take X number of different shots of it - if you're into digital photography. Don't let it have anything to do with "I must learn to do this for a living" - just find something to do and focus on the enjoyment of it. If you can find something like this - to take you out of yourself and bring yourself a sense of happiness, fun, even a smile for a moment or two - this will help. If you find a good talk therapist you can both use this to discuss how to get you out of future depressions. If you already have a hobby, this is your ticket to making time to play around with it. (I used to deny myself my hobbies because they weren't work that I needed to finish - that was my mistake, the hobbies helped me without my knowing it and were just as important as finishing my homework.)
On the Cymbalta - part of the "joy" (sarcasm there) of depression is playing the "take this for X amount of time and then try and figure out how much it's working." This is not easy (I'm the impatient sort and hated this "wait to find what works" part) - it's hard having to wait weeks so you can tell if something is working and in the meantime feel like you can't have a real life. This is usually why the doc giving you the meds sends you to a therapist in this time, to help you manage and think out what you're going through. You probably already have chatted with your doc about "is this too much or too little amt I'm taking" or "is this actually having an effect for me." I knew I had the right doctor for me when he agreed that I could take half the regulated dose and then slowly add more so that I could tell if something was working. Always remember that if you aren't feeling good with the meds you should talk again to the doc and ask for alternatives - and be really up front with the doc about any of your concerns.
Since the meds only do part of the work - the rest is you figuring out how to cope with the symptoms - I mention therapy again, because it's usually hard to do alone. Your doctor and your school can usually refer you to people, and sometimes give you cheaper options if price is an issue. The kinds of coping strategies you can learn in therapy that are going to be different for each person, so there's no easy way to tell what works for you. For example, I know that during a lot of my listless "funks" (as I call them) I repeatedly tell myself "this is going to pass, I remember when I didn't feel this way, and I'll feel better again." And then I get into one of my hobbies and then try to feel good about something I've accomplished. Little things, but they seem to help me.
Hang in there. That you can articulate your problems so well and that you're already working with a doc - good work. Pat yourself on the back for getting this far, and for helping yourself as you have.
posted by batgrlHG at 8:02 PM on September 26, 2010
isoman2kx: "Could one of them there asian peoples help me? "
Yeah, don't say things like that. Perhaps a massage therapist or a licensed acupuncturist could help you.
I realize you were probably joking but it's really not funny, and for the record I'm white.
posted by IndigoRain at 8:04 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Yeah, don't say things like that. Perhaps a massage therapist or a licensed acupuncturist could help you.
I realize you were probably joking but it's really not funny, and for the record I'm white.
posted by IndigoRain at 8:04 PM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Sorry, I wrote a book there, but I also have to add now that I remember where you're located - that area of the southwest has a heat and a humidity such that all sane folk actually WANT to stay indoors during this time of year! So forget taking a walk outdoors and think about a nice drive around a neighborhood with your dog or something - as long as you're in an air conditioned car. Come mid Oct/Nov when the weather cools a bit and the mugginess isn't so awful, then you can go outside and enjoy nature, if that something that makes you feel better.
posted by batgrlHG at 8:16 PM on September 26, 2010
posted by batgrlHG at 8:16 PM on September 26, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by hermitosis at 10:25 AM on September 26, 2010 [1 favorite]