kitty conumdrum
September 22, 2010 8:25 AM Subscribe
Cat cohabitation question. Please help!
I need your advice, mefites! A little over a week ago, I fell in love with a tiny little kitten that I named Ed. I already have an awesome cat named Molly (No pictures, please forgive me!)
So I did everything advised here and elsewhere when introducing a new cat: I kept the cats in separate rooms with separate food and litter boxes, used Feliway, and gave lots of love to both kitties. I was sure I had it covered.
But it isn't working. Ed is lonely for his kitten siblings, and formed a strong bond with me right away. He is happy as a clam when I'm in the room, and the moment he got a whiff of Molly he wanted to be her best buddy. But whenever I try to spend some time with Molly in her territory (I live alone), Ed wails loudly at the door the whole time. I tried a baby gate, thinking that if he could see me and Molly through it he might be better, but the little guy just climbed right up and jumped over it!
Ed's pitiful yowling agitates Molly terribly when I'm trying to spend time with her, so much so that on Monday I had two cats beating on my bedroom door - Ed from the outside trying to get in, and Molly on the inside trying to get Ed to shut the hell up! I can't bear to hear Ed crying, which has resulted in me spending less time with Molly than I should. And yesterday Molly completely stopped eating and drinking.
So yesterday, I finally said to hell with it, and introduced them for the first time. I figured if I could get Ed to stop yowling, maybe Molly would warm up to him. It went about as well as you might imagine. Molly retreated under my bed, hissing, growling and swatting at Ed. Ed, meanwhile, kept trying to convince her to play. At this point, they have spent about three hours together, with no major warfare breaking out, mainly because Molly hasn't come out from under the bed. She seems completely miserable. Ed seems happily oblivious.
So what can I do? Do I just keep them separated despite Ed's crying? I am very worried - I want these little guys to make peace. Please help!
I need your advice, mefites! A little over a week ago, I fell in love with a tiny little kitten that I named Ed. I already have an awesome cat named Molly (No pictures, please forgive me!)
So I did everything advised here and elsewhere when introducing a new cat: I kept the cats in separate rooms with separate food and litter boxes, used Feliway, and gave lots of love to both kitties. I was sure I had it covered.
But it isn't working. Ed is lonely for his kitten siblings, and formed a strong bond with me right away. He is happy as a clam when I'm in the room, and the moment he got a whiff of Molly he wanted to be her best buddy. But whenever I try to spend some time with Molly in her territory (I live alone), Ed wails loudly at the door the whole time. I tried a baby gate, thinking that if he could see me and Molly through it he might be better, but the little guy just climbed right up and jumped over it!
Ed's pitiful yowling agitates Molly terribly when I'm trying to spend time with her, so much so that on Monday I had two cats beating on my bedroom door - Ed from the outside trying to get in, and Molly on the inside trying to get Ed to shut the hell up! I can't bear to hear Ed crying, which has resulted in me spending less time with Molly than I should. And yesterday Molly completely stopped eating and drinking.
So yesterday, I finally said to hell with it, and introduced them for the first time. I figured if I could get Ed to stop yowling, maybe Molly would warm up to him. It went about as well as you might imagine. Molly retreated under my bed, hissing, growling and swatting at Ed. Ed, meanwhile, kept trying to convince her to play. At this point, they have spent about three hours together, with no major warfare breaking out, mainly because Molly hasn't come out from under the bed. She seems completely miserable. Ed seems happily oblivious.
So what can I do? Do I just keep them separated despite Ed's crying? I am very worried - I want these little guys to make peace. Please help!
Just give it time. It sounds like you've done everything right - now it's just up to the cats to take their time and get used to being in the same household.
posted by machine at 8:30 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by machine at 8:30 AM on September 22, 2010
You are doing it right... but this will take weeks if not months to completely work itself out.
posted by kimdog at 8:33 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by kimdog at 8:33 AM on September 22, 2010
And never underestimate the power of cooked shrimp to help Molly associate Ed with da good times.
posted by MuffinMan at 8:34 AM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
posted by MuffinMan at 8:34 AM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
It was a real breakthrough for me to learn that a fan can solve the cat-crying-at-door problem.
The book Cat Vs. Cat: Keeping Peace When You Have More Than One Cat contains a lot of detailed information on how to introduce two cats. Our local public library has it. The author says it's not enough to introduce two cats slowly; you should also use rewards to make them enthusiastic about the introductory sessions.
posted by Ery at 8:34 AM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
The book Cat Vs. Cat: Keeping Peace When You Have More Than One Cat contains a lot of detailed information on how to introduce two cats. Our local public library has it. The author says it's not enough to introduce two cats slowly; you should also use rewards to make them enthusiastic about the introductory sessions.
posted by Ery at 8:34 AM on September 22, 2010 [3 favorites]
And never underestimate the power of cooked shrimp
I've had good luck with raw chicken liver.
Also--nthing the need to give it sufficient time.
posted by Obscure Reference at 8:53 AM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
I've had good luck with raw chicken liver.
Also--nthing the need to give it sufficient time.
posted by Obscure Reference at 8:53 AM on September 22, 2010 [1 favorite]
Breathe deeply. Remain calm.
Molly is the dominant cat here: Ed is in her territory. Let her make the first approaches (which means Ed needs to go back to being behind a closed door for now) and reward those approaches with awesome food treats. Spend time with Ed too, but he's easier. He's just lonely right now. Re bedtime, I'd suggest earplugs until Molly is comfortable enough with Ed to let him roam.
This too will pass, but it would help if Molly didn't keep associating Ed with Major Trauma.
posted by bearwife at 8:56 AM on September 22, 2010
Molly is the dominant cat here: Ed is in her territory. Let her make the first approaches (which means Ed needs to go back to being behind a closed door for now) and reward those approaches with awesome food treats. Spend time with Ed too, but he's easier. He's just lonely right now. Re bedtime, I'd suggest earplugs until Molly is comfortable enough with Ed to let him roam.
This too will pass, but it would help if Molly didn't keep associating Ed with Major Trauma.
posted by bearwife at 8:56 AM on September 22, 2010
Yeah, nthing that it will take longer. My long story short: old cat hated new cat with a passion bordering on murderous. Six weeks later they achieved detente. One year later they love each other with passionate intensity.
posted by BlahLaLa at 8:57 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by BlahLaLa at 8:57 AM on September 22, 2010
Give it time.
Keep an eye on them to make sure they don't actually hurt each other, but other than that?
They'll work it out. Particularly since one of them is a kitten, and isn't going to be making a play for "boss cat," you should be fine.
When we got a new cat last year (unexpectedly, as he'd shown up a the house of an uncle who couldn't take care of him) Mr. Narrative did a ton of research about how best to introduce the cats to each other, a process he envisioned would take several days.
In the end, I kept them in separate rooms for a few hours to let them smell each other, then I opened the door. When it was clear that, despite all the hissing and carrying on on the part of my old (17-year-old actually) cat, they weren't actually going to fight? I just sat in the room with them with some work while they got used to each other.
It's been about a year, and other than the occasional squabble they're absolutely fine.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 9:03 AM on September 22, 2010
Keep an eye on them to make sure they don't actually hurt each other, but other than that?
They'll work it out. Particularly since one of them is a kitten, and isn't going to be making a play for "boss cat," you should be fine.
When we got a new cat last year (unexpectedly, as he'd shown up a the house of an uncle who couldn't take care of him) Mr. Narrative did a ton of research about how best to introduce the cats to each other, a process he envisioned would take several days.
In the end, I kept them in separate rooms for a few hours to let them smell each other, then I opened the door. When it was clear that, despite all the hissing and carrying on on the part of my old (17-year-old actually) cat, they weren't actually going to fight? I just sat in the room with them with some work while they got used to each other.
It's been about a year, and other than the occasional squabble they're absolutely fine.
posted by Narrative Priorities at 9:03 AM on September 22, 2010
Your older cat completely stopped eating and drinking? Not good. At this point I would isolate them again, and try to sound/smell-proof the rooms (I used a thick blanket under the door of the room containing the new cat for about a week). Monitor Molly's food/water intake (i.e. check her litter box for urine/feces), and once everyone is eating again, start the process anew and sloooowly. I also second treats, positive associations, etc, but only after everyone has come down.
I have older female and younger male cat, and I remember feeling very powerless through the whole process. There wasn't much I could do except separate them if it got bad, and wait, wait, wait. Hang in there, and remember that it takes time.
posted by Shusha at 9:29 AM on September 22, 2010
I have older female and younger male cat, and I remember feeling very powerless through the whole process. There wasn't much I could do except separate them if it got bad, and wait, wait, wait. Hang in there, and remember that it takes time.
posted by Shusha at 9:29 AM on September 22, 2010
I would NOT isolate them further ... they've smelled one another, they've had a few unpleasant encounters. Let Molly knock Ed back as needed, and they will work it out. See a vet if she doesn't resume eating.
When my 16.5 year-old Maine Coon died, I introduced another Coon (not my choice, the SO got him from Humane) to my 16.5 year-old Siamese. They HATED each other. But co-existed. A year later I took in 2 rescue kittens and bottle-fed them. The rescue kittens bonded with the Coon, the Siamese spent her last 5 years regally ignoring them all.
posted by cyndigo at 9:37 AM on September 22, 2010
When my 16.5 year-old Maine Coon died, I introduced another Coon (not my choice, the SO got him from Humane) to my 16.5 year-old Siamese. They HATED each other. But co-existed. A year later I took in 2 rescue kittens and bottle-fed them. The rescue kittens bonded with the Coon, the Siamese spent her last 5 years regally ignoring them all.
posted by cyndigo at 9:37 AM on September 22, 2010
Don't isolate the cats again. Give them treats whenever they're not killing each other. Make sure Molly is eating, especially if she's overweight. If you have to force feed her, force feed her. Give Molly extra attention -- more than before, not less.
posted by jeather at 9:47 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by jeather at 9:47 AM on September 22, 2010
I'm reading other people's answers and I'm so envious of their drama-free cat introduction stories! :(
In our case, the female cat "knocking the kitten back" meant a bloody split lip and a gash in the face (at least no eye damage!). Just because she was really scared of him. But it's true, in most cases they will work it out. If not, you can memail me for support and possible ways to manage kitty drama. :)
posted by Shusha at 9:52 AM on September 22, 2010
In our case, the female cat "knocking the kitten back" meant a bloody split lip and a gash in the face (at least no eye damage!). Just because she was really scared of him. But it's true, in most cases they will work it out. If not, you can memail me for support and possible ways to manage kitty drama. :)
posted by Shusha at 9:52 AM on September 22, 2010
Let them work it out. Stay out of it, even if there is hissing and such.
Years later, my two girls still hiss sometimes as part of play fighting or just general communication. Eh.
posted by jbenben at 10:01 AM on September 22, 2010
Years later, my two girls still hiss sometimes as part of play fighting or just general communication. Eh.
posted by jbenben at 10:01 AM on September 22, 2010
Response by poster: Thank you all so much! You've really eased my worries by sharing your own stories. I wanted too much too soon. I will make extra effort, and tempt them with even more tuna treats.
posted by backwards compatible at 10:05 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by backwards compatible at 10:05 AM on September 22, 2010
It have taken my older cat and the new young cat 2 years to get to the point where they will sometimes curl up nearish each other.
posted by meepmeow at 10:21 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by meepmeow at 10:21 AM on September 22, 2010
If Molly's stopped eating and drinking, that can become dangerous pretty quickly. Make sure she has wet food, if she usually has dry, to encourage liquid intake. Keep an eye out for signs of distress.
posted by altolinguistic at 10:25 AM on September 22, 2010
posted by altolinguistic at 10:25 AM on September 22, 2010
We just introduced a new kitten into the home of our 1 year-old cat a couple of weeks ago. The new kitty was just so curious and the old one so indifferent that we let them be together on the second day. They fought a lot at first and we just tried to supervise them and make sure nobody got hurt.
Then on the second or third day they were alone together, the kitten scratched or bit the cat's nose something fierce, causing bleeding and turning the cat into a timid, mopey guy who was scared of the kitten. For a couple of days we feared he was psychologically ruined and despaired for him. We started regretting bringing in the kitten.
But then the older guy's nose finally healed and he's suddenly back to normal. They still fight, but it seems more playful. And a few times, we've caught the cat licking the kitten all over and they seem like they're finally turning into good buddies. They still don't cuddle too often, but they can go from chasing and fighting to just hanging out a couple of feet from each other in a matter of seconds. It looks like it's going to work out.
tl;dr Have patience. It'll probably get better.
posted by callmejay at 10:45 AM on September 22, 2010
Then on the second or third day they were alone together, the kitten scratched or bit the cat's nose something fierce, causing bleeding and turning the cat into a timid, mopey guy who was scared of the kitten. For a couple of days we feared he was psychologically ruined and despaired for him. We started regretting bringing in the kitten.
But then the older guy's nose finally healed and he's suddenly back to normal. They still fight, but it seems more playful. And a few times, we've caught the cat licking the kitten all over and they seem like they're finally turning into good buddies. They still don't cuddle too often, but they can go from chasing and fighting to just hanging out a couple of feet from each other in a matter of seconds. It looks like it's going to work out.
tl;dr Have patience. It'll probably get better.
posted by callmejay at 10:45 AM on September 22, 2010
Yes, relax. And, FWIW, I've never been able to keep cats separated for more than a day before everyone is frantically attacking all available barriers to check out the other cat. We've generally made sure everyone has had a meal and a pee and then just let them out to settle it between themselves. We've typically locked the new cat up at night, when we can't referee, for a few days to a week, which also gives each cat a solo shot at food and pooping (as the new cat is locked up with food and litter, of course) and some away time from the interlopers.
Two cats ago it was the new cat who was freaked out, and it took about six weeks for him to settle down about it and become friends with the existing cat. We kept reminding ourselves that having to share space with just ONE other cat HAD to be better than at the shelter where he could smell FORTY other cats who all yowled nonstop and he would eventually calm down!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:49 AM on September 22, 2010
Two cats ago it was the new cat who was freaked out, and it took about six weeks for him to settle down about it and become friends with the existing cat. We kept reminding ourselves that having to share space with just ONE other cat HAD to be better than at the shelter where he could smell FORTY other cats who all yowled nonstop and he would eventually calm down!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 10:49 AM on September 22, 2010
Cats are weird.
Also, there is a rule regarding AskMe and cats: You must post a picture of said kitt0r at some point. What good's a cat thread if we can't see the cat?!?
Having had a total of seven cats of my own over the years, I've learned they'll get used to each other over time. Dunno if they'll be best buddies for life, but they'll surprise you.
Make sure you have more than one litterbox, in different places in the house. Ideally, you'd have one more box than you have cats -- some cats will turn litterboxes into territorial issues, so having them in different areas prevents one from sitting in the hall and not allowing the other to pass.
posted by Heretical at 12:37 PM on September 22, 2010
Also, there is a rule regarding AskMe and cats: You must post a picture of said kitt0r at some point. What good's a cat thread if we can't see the cat?!?
Having had a total of seven cats of my own over the years, I've learned they'll get used to each other over time. Dunno if they'll be best buddies for life, but they'll surprise you.
Make sure you have more than one litterbox, in different places in the house. Ideally, you'd have one more box than you have cats -- some cats will turn litterboxes into territorial issues, so having them in different areas prevents one from sitting in the hall and not allowing the other to pass.
posted by Heretical at 12:37 PM on September 22, 2010
Time + Food + The bouncy resilient-to-damage properties of kittens will eventually equal acceptance. It might take a little while, and Ed might get swatted and pushed around. But that's what cats do. Make sure it doesn't go too far, and everything will work itself out.
In the long run, at worst, they won't sleep together, at best, they won't both sleep on you at the same time.
posted by quin at 1:30 PM on September 22, 2010
In the long run, at worst, they won't sleep together, at best, they won't both sleep on you at the same time.
posted by quin at 1:30 PM on September 22, 2010
If you feed them wet food, empty the last bits of juice in the can on their heads. They will lick each other clean. You could also try rubbing some cat nip on them, but their reaction could be more volatile.
It took about a month for my cat and kitten to get along at all. I erred on the side of treating the established cat a lot better than the kitten (more attention, more games, he got to sleep in bed with us), because I figured the kitten was young enough that it wouldn't affect her, and the cat was really freaked out and ran away for a week. The kitten is very sweet and gets a lot of attention now, but she is extremely shy and skittish (also a runt) and I feel awful when I think that I may have caused this. So, uh, you're probably not in danger of doing this, but don't treat one cat like shit to make the other one feel better.
posted by ke rose ne at 3:07 PM on September 22, 2010
It took about a month for my cat and kitten to get along at all. I erred on the side of treating the established cat a lot better than the kitten (more attention, more games, he got to sleep in bed with us), because I figured the kitten was young enough that it wouldn't affect her, and the cat was really freaked out and ran away for a week. The kitten is very sweet and gets a lot of attention now, but she is extremely shy and skittish (also a runt) and I feel awful when I think that I may have caused this. So, uh, you're probably not in danger of doing this, but don't treat one cat like shit to make the other one feel better.
posted by ke rose ne at 3:07 PM on September 22, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
grumble grumble no pics grumble grumble not following the rules grumble
posted by desjardins at 8:29 AM on September 22, 2010 [9 favorites]