Can you recommend some books for women who don’t feel they’re good enough, skinny enough, have enough, or are nice enough.
September 17, 2010 10:11 AM   Subscribe

Can you recommend some books for women who don’t feel they’re good enough, skinny enough, have enough, or are nice enough. What are some books that would allow these women to relate and demystify the great American ideals so they can have a different perspective of their lives.

First off, these women don’t see themselves in this way. They would say that they are modern, take no crap, dream chasing & have it together types. However, their lives are riddled with doing things for family, friends, co-workers out of guilt and obligation but they don’t see how that just fuels the drama that undoubtably ensues. They tend to avoid their emotions through food, alcohol, retail therapy or just ignoring it but don’t realize that’s what they’re doing. It seems that they’re the kind of women who wear a lot of makeup, buy expensive clothes, need fancy dinners to make them feel worth it. Instead of noticing the patterns in their lives, they tend to blame others.

I’d like to help them be ok with: saying that they don’t have it together, owning & being responsible for their feelings, saying no & realize their part in the drama that surrounds them. Soemthign else that makes it difficult for these women to hold the line is dealing with the emotional upsets of others. They tend to say they are protecting others from feeling sad/angry/hurt by avoiding the truth. I suspect there are books for parents to help them hold the line when their children throw tantrums…perhaps there is something similar for adults to deal with the drama in their lives?

I am thinking of books like Women, Food, God... any other book recommendations that might gently raise their consciousness?
posted by PeaPod to Human Relations (19 answers total) 19 users marked this as a favorite
 
It's not clear who this population of women is, or why they should be regarded as homogeneous for the purpose of book recommendations. Since you seem to have a lot of ideas about information and principles that would be helpful to them, have you considered writing such a book yourself?
posted by AkzidenzGrotesk at 10:20 AM on September 17, 2010


Response by poster: oh sorry! these women are friends of mine & they seem to be going through a lot of turmoil. i wanted to come up with some books for christmas that we could all share.
posted by PeaPod at 10:27 AM on September 17, 2010


Well, if you enjoy bad language, hot sex, a fair amount of violence, and a good mystery, you might enjoy the Julie Collins series by Lori G. Armstrong. The Julie character may be skinny and blonde, but she comes from an abusive family, and has a passion for expensive tequila and scary men. She also gets her ass kicked regularly while trying to do things no one else has the guts to do. She's the first to admit that she's a little messed up, but she is a very sympathetic and endearing character.
posted by SamanthaK at 10:44 AM on September 17, 2010


Operating Instructions. Anne Lamott.
posted by endless_forms at 10:46 AM on September 17, 2010


The Beauty Myth and No Logo?
posted by hot soup girl at 10:49 AM on September 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


I know you asked for books specifically, but I want every woman I know to listen to "Still Dope," Empress Stahhr's guest track on the MF DOOM album "Born Like This." Given your description of these women, it might not be their usual thing, but that's kinda the point.

Lyrics here.
Amazon mp3 here.
posted by Ragged Richard at 11:00 AM on September 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Books for adult children of narcissistic parents.

Children of narcissistic parents learned that their own feelings should be sacrificed to the feelings of others. Protecting others from hurt feelings was a survival mechanism at a time when a hurt parent could mean crazy chaos in the home. Also, the child's perception of their own feelings and emotions were either denied, co-opted, or contradicted by the parent.

Since "narcissism" is usually stereotyped, many people don't realize that their parents are narcissists. But it's very easy to recognize yourself as a "co-narcissist," or someone who's developed certain behaviors and thought-patterns in order to cope with a narcissist.

Everything you described -- the denial/suppression/difficulty in recognizing one's own emotions, the striving for performance/achievement, the need to keep it together at all costs -- can be symptoms of growing up with a narcissist.
posted by thebazilist at 11:02 AM on September 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


Our Bodies, Ourselves
posted by ocherdraco at 11:05 AM on September 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Response by poster: I have & love No Logo but I don't think it would hold the interest of these busy women. I thought about books for adult children of narcissistic parents but I think they would see that as a diss to their parents. The titles can't be too loaded with 'bad' connotations.

This is a great list! keep em coming...i have till December!
posted by PeaPod at 11:13 AM on September 17, 2010


Response by poster: oh and humor definately helps!!
posted by PeaPod at 11:16 AM on September 17, 2010


Innately Good by Jan Denise

I haven't read this book but I have heard interviews with Jan Denise and have read a few articles by her. She seems to have something intelligent to say and she's not crazy.
posted by Fairchild at 12:29 PM on September 17, 2010


Also, you may want into looking into books about maturity and self-acceptance. Creating and encouraging drama is a maturity problem.

Listen to interview with Stacy Kaiser (author of How to be a Grown-Up)

A really entertaining, encouraging, and inspiring book that I finished reading recently is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. You can even form a Happiness Project group with your friends. To make your own happiness project, you make a list of commandments and resolutions based on your individual goals and work on them.

Here are the author's personal commandments and website.
posted by Fairchild at 1:08 PM on September 17, 2010


The best book I've ever read on the subject, of many, Australian author Kaz Cooke's "Real Gorgeous". I've gifted it to a number of women in my life, young and old and always received the same feedback... wow, I feel like I can just let so much stuff go! Here's the link to it on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Real-Gorgeous-Truth-about-Beauty/dp/0393313557/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1284761273&sr=1-5

Do note, it's very Australian :) You will laugh so hard you'll be looking for the section on why sometimes when you laugh real hard, a little bit of wee comes out
posted by TheOceanRefusesNoRiver at 3:11 PM on September 17, 2010 [2 favorites]


This may sound like a funny suggestion, but if they are busy, how about Suze Orman podcasts? She has a book called Women and Money that addresses how women will put everyone else's needs before their own, often leading them to buy things that make them feel self-worth or to garner attention (this can lead to financial problems, which is where she steps in). Her comments on these topics are succinct, hard-hitting, and to the point. She has done several shows/podcasts focused on women's themes, and they're only an hour long!
posted by theflash at 4:42 PM on September 17, 2010


There is a book called 20 Something, 20 Everything by Christine Hassler. It specifically addresses the sense of "not enoughness" that plagues some young women.
(I'm on an iPhone right now and having trouble formatting this post, otherwise I'd link to the book on Amazon)
posted by val5a at 6:01 PM on September 17, 2010


A perfect reason to buy several copies of Women Food and God. It's spiritual without being religious. The reviews listed on Amazon will give you some insight into its content.
posted by zoomorphic at 8:19 AM on September 18, 2010


Good old feminist classics: Fat is a Feminist Issue and Feminine Mystique
posted by coffee_monster at 1:15 PM on September 18, 2010


Perhaps Appetites: Why Women Want would be a good choice.
posted by bookish at 4:15 PM on September 18, 2010 [1 favorite]


Seconding the Real Gorgeous recommendation, but it is aimed at younger women so I'm not sure if that fits your group.

Enough by John Naish is also interesting for people who are spending too much, information-overloaded, over-eating, and over-worked. Personal anecdotes mixed in with psychological research, persuasive rather than preachy. It's not specific to women, as such, but has lots of relevant examples.
posted by harriet vane at 1:12 AM on September 20, 2010


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