Cabin Feaver

September 14, 2010 6:16 PM

How do I invite 12 people to a cabin that fits seven?

I recently attended a wedding with a certain group of old friends; we all stayed at the same place and had a lovely time and agreed that it's a shame we don't get to do this more often. (No, really.)

Thing is, we could do this more often. Kind of. My father and his brothers and sisters all have shares in a second home in the woods, near some mountains and a pond. Though it's in pretty heavy rotation in the summer, in the winter people go up much less often and it wouldn't be any trouble for me to use it for a long weekend. I think we'd all have a nice time just sitting around drinking spiked cocoa and talking smack for a few days.

But the cabin sleeps seven comfortably; there are twelve people in this group of friends. (Three bedrooms: Two with queens, one with a set of bunk beds and a single.) I believe the couch pulls out, also. So, nine at a pinch.

The friends consist of three sets of married couples, two sets of dating for a long time couples, and two single people (of which I am one).

Assuming it max sleeps nine, does anyone have any suggestions as to how to handle the etiquette of this situation?

I feel that, realistically, it's probably unlikely that such a large group will be able to align their schedules perfectly. If a few people can't make it, the problem solves itself. And there are some B&Bs not too far away, maybe 20 minutes or so.

But it doesn't seem kosher to me to invite people to a cabin with the understanding that some of them cannot actually stay at the cabin. I am not Jeff Probst. And I definitely can't leave anyone out; believe me, after having been involved in some of the wedding weekend planning, it's a no go.

On the other hand, it also seems like a shame to ditch the whole thing entirely; I've been friends with these people for a decade, we rarely get to hang out, and I really do think it would be fun.

So: Suggestions? Am I being a tool? Should I just dump the whole idea and suggest an inn or something? The reason I hesitate with the later option is that I feel that if you're adding the cost of accommodations and eating out that might push this over people's budgets and then the whole thing falls apart.

posted by Diablevert to Travel & Transportation (20 answers total)

Best answer: Simple. You invite all of them with this proviso: "The place only sleeps seven comfortably, counting me, in the following configuration (describe). It's first-come, first-served, after which others can stay at (names of inns and B&Bs), or pitch a tent in the yard. Other than sleeping, we'll do all meals etc at the cabin." Trust me, it'll sort itself out, because some people would much prefer the B&B to tight quarters and shared baths.
posted by beagle at 6:23 PM on September 14, 2010 [15 favorites]

I think you should present the idea to everyone to see how they feel about it before making any formal invitations. Say, "we had a lot of fun hanging out at the wedding and I'd like to do it again. I have access to a cabin we could all go to sometime this winter (or on X date), the thing is it only has X number of rooms and would sleep X number of people. If this is something you're all interested in despite the cramped accomodations, let me know and we'll make plans. Otherwise, I hope we can all meet up again sometime soon!"
posted by phunniemee at 6:24 PM on September 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

ask your friends what they think? work it out together as a group?
posted by cubby at 6:25 PM on September 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

If these people are young and sturdy I would put sleeping bags on the living room floor and call it accommodation, perhaps doing a lottery for the beds and rotating a bit so everyone gets at least one nice night.

If they are past the age where sleeping slumber-party-style is appealing, I would take the few that I am closest to, and suggest that "we" host such a weekend by staying at a nearby B&B while our friends made themselves comfortable at the cabin, arriving early each morning with a raft of eggs and pancake batter.

(I was going to say tents until I read the part about winter -- but how cold are winters in your parts? If you are a Southern Californian or something -- tents.)
posted by kmennie at 6:26 PM on September 14, 2010

If it really is a group of established, close friends, then I don't see why you should worry about ironing out all the wrinkles 100% before proposing this. Just send an email offering what you've got (loaves-and-fishes style) to the whole group; explain the cabin's capacity limitations, but say that you think it might also make for a fun getaway venue, and see if anybody chimes in with suggestions or alternatives.

There are probably a bunch of ways to increase the cabin capacity in a pinch-- air mattresses, renting a camper for out back, tent if it's in a warm climate-- but which one(s) you use should probably depend on your friends' preferences.
posted by Bardolph at 6:27 PM on September 14, 2010

So there's no empty floor space?

How about a tent with some sleeping bags rated for winter temperatures? I've done it at 30 below, and it wasn't horrible.
posted by Sys Rq at 6:28 PM on September 14, 2010

Does the floor space allow for any blow-up mattresses? If so, I'd just put that in the description of the place when you talk about it.
posted by kpht at 6:30 PM on September 14, 2010

I think beagle's solution is perfect. I also think, as host, it is your responsibility to set the date of the event, maybe clearing it with one or two of your most desired guests privately before inviting everyone else. Do not throw it up in the air and let the group try to work it out on their own. It will be madness.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:47 PM on September 14, 2010

draw straws, sleep three to a bed, air mattresses. Tell folks up front what the deal is, those that can't abide those conditions wouldn't be any fun anyway! :)

sufficient quantities of drinkable and smokeable fun stuff will make this issue go away!
posted by HuronBob at 6:47 PM on September 14, 2010

Float it as an idea, but let people know what the limitations are, and that that it'll be first-come first-serve on the beds, with the people who sign on last getting their choice of staying in the B&B down the street (which some people might actually prefer, you never know) or an Aerobed on the floor, or tent+sleepingbag if they're hardy enough.
posted by Kadin2048 at 7:17 PM on September 14, 2010

I shared cabins with a bunch of friends, and there weren't enough beds for everyone. We made our picks based on a lottery. It worked fine except for one somewhat obnoxious fellow who wouldn't stop complaining about his lot. I think first-come first-serve makes more sense in this situation.
posted by grouse at 7:24 PM on September 14, 2010

Yeah, be up front and give the options, then do first-come, first-served! I'd probably be happy to stay at the B&B ... my husband and I like a little more privacy and we don't get a lot of vacations, so we'd appreciate a little alone time even though it meant away-from-the-group time. But lots of people would be happy to sleep on the floor or on an air mattress or whatever!
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 7:32 PM on September 14, 2010

I'll Nth what Beagle wrote. Explain the circumstances and provide the option of staying in a nearby B&B or camping outdoors. I've done winter tent camping and it's fine if you're equipped for it.

Alternately, ask your father, aunts, and uncles if they know any of the neighbors who might have a cabin that would not be in use during the winter. Unless it's really remote, the neighbors might be willing to rent to some of you, or even let you stay free if they're on good terms with the older generation.

And if someone has or could rent a camping trailer or RV, or even a conversion van, that would also solve your problem.

Whatever you end up doing, have fun!
posted by brianogilvie at 7:44 PM on September 14, 2010

I've had similar situations arise twice, though with rental houses. In both cases the organizers instituted a "first come, first served" system for allotting the available beds, where "first come" meant "first to turn over your share of the deposit money to the organizers." If you do a "first come, first served" system, just make clear what counts as "first come"--the order in which you arrive at the place? The order in which you verbally agree to attend the event? What if people agree to attend before a date is set, and then some people drop out, and other people join who would have joined earlier if they had known the date for sure, etc.?

If you end up with a couple people staying at nearby B&Bs while most people stay at the cabin for free, think about having the cabin-stayers defray the cost of the B&B and additional (back-and-forth) mileage for the others, either directly, or by having the cabin-overnighters pay for all the food / booze / other consumables.
posted by Orinda at 7:44 PM on September 14, 2010 [1 favorite]

But it doesn't seem kosher to me to invite people to a cabin with the understanding that some of them cannot actually stay at the cabin.

It is fine, just explain the situation as clearly as possible, give people the B&B option and do something equitable about who gets what sleeping spaces. I've done similar things in big ski cabins that really only had one bedroom and a whole bunch of beds together in a loft and two rooms with couches and air mattresses and it was fine. If people are particularly troubled by it [one person in our group had a CPAP and needed to be near an outlet and really preferred his own room with his wife] you can just handle that if it comes up. You can even make some sort of accomodation like "Anyone who sleeps on an air mattress doesn't have to do dishes!" if you're feeling unfair about the whole thing. But really, if people want to get together and the only weirdness might be sleeping on a couch or an air mattress, I think that's a small hurdle ot overcome and you're a good person for trying to find a way for you all to get together.
posted by jessamyn at 7:45 PM on September 14, 2010

People might be willing to sleep on the floor, but in terms of whether to use the cabin or go somewhere else, I think the real question is:

How many bathrooms?
posted by Knowyournuts at 8:48 PM on September 14, 2010 [2 favorites]

We just fit 10 people in a hotel room with one king size bed and a twin rollaway. With an air mattress and a cot and someone on the floor, it was fine. The only problem was only having one bathroom, and one couple that liked LONG showers.
Assuming everyone knows what they're getting into to, it should be ok to share.
posted by purpletangerine at 6:07 AM on September 15, 2010

Although, I'm pretty sure it was also a fire hazard.
posted by purpletangerine at 6:09 AM on September 15, 2010

A family member had a vacation condo, and we went there a few times in family gatherings. People slept on the couch, air mattresses on the floor, and hubby and I slept on a futon in what was essentially a closet. A place that technically slept 4 managed to hold 8, I think. It was so small that everything had to be put away during the day, but we were all reasonably comfortable at night too.
posted by galadriel at 7:04 AM on September 15, 2010

You're providing a cabin that sleeps 7 pretty comfortably. If winter is really cold, tent-camping may not be an option. But people could pitch in to rent an RV. Surely they have sufficient heat to be warm enough for comfortable sleep. And it would have a bathroom.
posted by theora55 at 5:21 PM on September 15, 2010