How can I stop blushing?
September 9, 2010 4:19 PM Subscribe
A year ago, I started blushing frequently. How can I stop?
For as long as I remember, I have blushed when embarrassed, but until recently this has been rare. Over the past year, however, I have begun to blush with increasing frequency.
It began in earnest when, about a year ago, I made a joke in a room of people I've known for a while but not very well. The joke was funny but embarrassing, and when one person in particular laughed a lot, I blushed. Unfortunately this prompted another to say: "Look, Anonymous has gone really red! Not just a bit red - it's like in the cartoons when their faces slowly fill to the top with scarlet." And of course, the entire room looked at me.
Ever since then, I have often blushed spontaneously when I make a joke and others laugh - which is deeply frustrating, as I am (blow-own-trumpet alert!) quite a humorous guy and love making people laugh. More recently, I've also found myself blushing when taken by surprise, when referred to in conversation, when speaking for more than a couple of sentences (e.g. telling colleagues or friends what I did at the weekend), or even just when thinking about blushing.
I can always feel a blush coming on: my face heats up and takes five or ten seconds to cool down. Sometimes I can tell that whoever I'm speaking to has noticed it and is trying to ignore it; other times, they'll comment, which only makes it worse. Sometimes I'll be in a setting and my face will feel warm (but not quite I'm-blushing-now hot) the entire time, as if I could blush at any moment.
It's frustrating because I suspect it makes my audience think I'm self-conscious about what I'm saying or doing, when primarily I'm self-conscious about the blushing itself. I seem to be experiencing a nasty positive feedback loop, where blushing once makes me more likely to blush in the future.
So, does anyone have any tactics or suggestions for how I could stop blushing? I'd dearly love to stop. My throw-away address is blushingproblem@googlemail.com if you want to send me private mail.
For as long as I remember, I have blushed when embarrassed, but until recently this has been rare. Over the past year, however, I have begun to blush with increasing frequency.
It began in earnest when, about a year ago, I made a joke in a room of people I've known for a while but not very well. The joke was funny but embarrassing, and when one person in particular laughed a lot, I blushed. Unfortunately this prompted another to say: "Look, Anonymous has gone really red! Not just a bit red - it's like in the cartoons when their faces slowly fill to the top with scarlet." And of course, the entire room looked at me.
Ever since then, I have often blushed spontaneously when I make a joke and others laugh - which is deeply frustrating, as I am (blow-own-trumpet alert!) quite a humorous guy and love making people laugh. More recently, I've also found myself blushing when taken by surprise, when referred to in conversation, when speaking for more than a couple of sentences (e.g. telling colleagues or friends what I did at the weekend), or even just when thinking about blushing.
I can always feel a blush coming on: my face heats up and takes five or ten seconds to cool down. Sometimes I can tell that whoever I'm speaking to has noticed it and is trying to ignore it; other times, they'll comment, which only makes it worse. Sometimes I'll be in a setting and my face will feel warm (but not quite I'm-blushing-now hot) the entire time, as if I could blush at any moment.
It's frustrating because I suspect it makes my audience think I'm self-conscious about what I'm saying or doing, when primarily I'm self-conscious about the blushing itself. I seem to be experiencing a nasty positive feedback loop, where blushing once makes me more likely to blush in the future.
So, does anyone have any tactics or suggestions for how I could stop blushing? I'd dearly love to stop. My throw-away address is blushingproblem@googlemail.com if you want to send me private mail.
IANAD either but rosacea was the first thing I thought of too.
Otherwise, I suggest you realize that it's okay to blush. I don't know why people have such great fun pointing it out, but small things amuse small minds.
posted by tel3path at 4:43 PM on September 9, 2010
Otherwise, I suggest you realize that it's okay to blush. I don't know why people have such great fun pointing it out, but small things amuse small minds.
posted by tel3path at 4:43 PM on September 9, 2010
Some people can successfully learn to control blushing. You might try getting in front of a mirror and seeing if you can make it happen. If you can get a blush going at will, you can then try to focus on finding a technique to make it go away.
For example, you might try imagining a frigid winter wind blowing right into your face, or dunking your face into a frozen lake. Really concentrate and think about how cold it is; you are trying to trick your body into constricting the blood vessels in your skin to preserve heat, thus ending the blush.
posted by Menthol at 4:45 PM on September 9, 2010
For example, you might try imagining a frigid winter wind blowing right into your face, or dunking your face into a frozen lake. Really concentrate and think about how cold it is; you are trying to trick your body into constricting the blood vessels in your skin to preserve heat, thus ending the blush.
posted by Menthol at 4:45 PM on September 9, 2010
I blushed at the drop of a hat until my early 20's or so. I still blush occasionally, but not nearly as often. You're right - it was definitely a feedback loop.
The only thing that worked for me was to become less upset about the blushing...which, in turn, made me blush much less. Some things that helped me feel less upset about blushing:
1. Getting an accurate visual of how I look when I blush. I DO go quite red, but not nearly as red as I FEEL. Is there some way you could arrange to get a glimpse in a mirror when you blush?
Take a look. It's certainly not always as bad as that one particular (very rude!) person described...and it's probably not as bad as you imagine. Knowing that I appeared flushed (actually kind of sexy in certain circumstances), rather than like a bright-red cartoony freak, made me less concerned about it.
2. If you can, try to root out that feeling that your self-consciousness is making other people feel more self-conscious. Sure, that happens sometimes, but equally often, self-conscious or awkward people are cute and endearing to me. Are there any awkward people (real or fictional) that are cute and endearing to you? Embrace that side of it if you can. A lot people think blushing is adorable.
3. Verbally acknowledge it/embrace it/make a joke about it. I know, I know, it's embarrassing...but everyone's bodies do embarrassing things. At least you aren't sneezing startlingly loudly or farting uncontrollably! Saying "hmmm, there I go, blushing again" when it happens actually makes the blush disappear much more quickly when I DO blush.
posted by Knicke at 4:51 PM on September 9, 2010
The only thing that worked for me was to become less upset about the blushing...which, in turn, made me blush much less. Some things that helped me feel less upset about blushing:
1. Getting an accurate visual of how I look when I blush. I DO go quite red, but not nearly as red as I FEEL. Is there some way you could arrange to get a glimpse in a mirror when you blush?
Take a look. It's certainly not always as bad as that one particular (very rude!) person described...and it's probably not as bad as you imagine. Knowing that I appeared flushed (actually kind of sexy in certain circumstances), rather than like a bright-red cartoony freak, made me less concerned about it.
2. If you can, try to root out that feeling that your self-consciousness is making other people feel more self-conscious. Sure, that happens sometimes, but equally often, self-conscious or awkward people are cute and endearing to me. Are there any awkward people (real or fictional) that are cute and endearing to you? Embrace that side of it if you can. A lot people think blushing is adorable.
3. Verbally acknowledge it/embrace it/make a joke about it. I know, I know, it's embarrassing...but everyone's bodies do embarrassing things. At least you aren't sneezing startlingly loudly or farting uncontrollably! Saying "hmmm, there I go, blushing again" when it happens actually makes the blush disappear much more quickly when I DO blush.
posted by Knicke at 4:51 PM on September 9, 2010
Oh, I know this well. I've more or less got my problem under control now, after lots of practice, so I'll tell you my technique. Please try it in friendly situations; don't start trying it in situations where you'll just die if it backfires.
Here goes... when you feel that blood start to rise, concentrate on forcing your cheeks to become red. Don't think, "I'm blushing" or "I wish I weren't blushing" or anything of the sort. Just try purposely to redden your cheeks. Really feel the outside of your facial skin (mentally, not with your hand). For some reason, this creates negative feedback and breaks the blush.
And for anyone reading this who has every told a blusher, "You're turning red! No, look, you're the color of your shirt!" shame on you. It may be fun for you, but it is humiliating for the other person.
posted by Knowyournuts at 5:08 PM on September 9, 2010 [4 favorites]
Here goes... when you feel that blood start to rise, concentrate on forcing your cheeks to become red. Don't think, "I'm blushing" or "I wish I weren't blushing" or anything of the sort. Just try purposely to redden your cheeks. Really feel the outside of your facial skin (mentally, not with your hand). For some reason, this creates negative feedback and breaks the blush.
And for anyone reading this who has every told a blusher, "You're turning red! No, look, you're the color of your shirt!" shame on you. It may be fun for you, but it is humiliating for the other person.
posted by Knowyournuts at 5:08 PM on September 9, 2010 [4 favorites]
Go to a bookstore, grab a latte and sit down and read the chapter called "Crimson Tide" from Atul Gawande's "Complications" (you may wind up buying the book - it's phenomenal). LOTS of info about the physiology of blushing as well as a case study of The Lady Who Blushed Too Much (And Underwent a Terrifying Surgical Procedure to Cure It). Prior to discussing the Terrifying Blush-Reducing Surgery, Gawande lists lots o' other things the woman (and other frequent blushers) tried to combat the problem.
posted by julthumbscrew at 5:11 PM on September 9, 2010
posted by julthumbscrew at 5:11 PM on September 9, 2010
Blushing is crazy-complicated. It really is. It's true that it could be a sign of rosacea, but if blushing is your only symptom, I would not be particularly concerned.
It's both a social response and a sympathetic reflex. What may help is accepting that you will blush in certain situations, because you're right that your body will get locked into a feedback loop by the anxiety. (In fact, anxiety will ramp up your sympathetic response--the fight-or-flight system, and worsen the blushing. Propranolol--which blocks a type of sympathetic effect incompletely limits physical blushing.)
In fact--though maybe this won't help--if you remember a time in your life when you were prone to a good number of reflex erections just because your body was running an all-systems check or was particularly responsive to any small trigger, well...blushing is a parallel process. They're both governed by the autonomic nervous system, which keeps a significant part of your body operating without you having to think about things like 'must keep digesting' or 'speed up heart gotta run NOW.'
Although blushing can often occur as a social reaction, blushing in and of itself doesn't necessarily have a social meaning or cause, and people conflate the two. The more you can accept that your body is just doing a thing, because it's a physical body and that's part of how it works, the more you realize that the people who comment on it in front of large groups are doing the equivalent of calling you out for breathing or digesting or your pupils contracting and expanding. How inane. Seriously. (Unless you like them and they think it's attractive...see earlier functional comparison. Then you play that blushing card for all it's worth, buddy. Yes.)
I blush socially quite easily, but part of a condition I have sometimes causes me to blush and pale repeatedly in fast sequence. I can't control it--and actually it's a warning that I need to intervene or I'm about to have an unpleasant time, so I appreciate its unmistakable nature. I find that acquaintances/friends who haven't been around it will comment on the color-cycling because they're feeling anxious or uncomfortable about what's happening or they think will happen, and they are deflecting it on me. Sometimes I get frustrated, because I'm a bit preoccupied to be doing much hand-holding, but when I calmly reinforce that 'Yes, this is part of what happens, and it's just how things are, and here's how this will go and it'll be okay,' and they believe me, or they've seen an episode in entirety, they stop wise-cracking.
Admittedly, the scenario is a bit different, but I think in general people make those sort of comments when they themselves feel a bit internally unsettled, for whatever reason and need to get rid of/deflect that internal tension. It may have nothing to do with you at all.
on preview: one of the links is actually to the Gawande article itself.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 5:49 PM on September 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
It's both a social response and a sympathetic reflex. What may help is accepting that you will blush in certain situations, because you're right that your body will get locked into a feedback loop by the anxiety. (In fact, anxiety will ramp up your sympathetic response--the fight-or-flight system, and worsen the blushing. Propranolol--which blocks a type of sympathetic effect incompletely limits physical blushing.)
In fact--though maybe this won't help--if you remember a time in your life when you were prone to a good number of reflex erections just because your body was running an all-systems check or was particularly responsive to any small trigger, well...blushing is a parallel process. They're both governed by the autonomic nervous system, which keeps a significant part of your body operating without you having to think about things like 'must keep digesting' or 'speed up heart gotta run NOW.'
Although blushing can often occur as a social reaction, blushing in and of itself doesn't necessarily have a social meaning or cause, and people conflate the two. The more you can accept that your body is just doing a thing, because it's a physical body and that's part of how it works, the more you realize that the people who comment on it in front of large groups are doing the equivalent of calling you out for breathing or digesting or your pupils contracting and expanding. How inane. Seriously. (Unless you like them and they think it's attractive...see earlier functional comparison. Then you play that blushing card for all it's worth, buddy. Yes.)
I blush socially quite easily, but part of a condition I have sometimes causes me to blush and pale repeatedly in fast sequence. I can't control it--and actually it's a warning that I need to intervene or I'm about to have an unpleasant time, so I appreciate its unmistakable nature. I find that acquaintances/friends who haven't been around it will comment on the color-cycling because they're feeling anxious or uncomfortable about what's happening or they think will happen, and they are deflecting it on me. Sometimes I get frustrated, because I'm a bit preoccupied to be doing much hand-holding, but when I calmly reinforce that 'Yes, this is part of what happens, and it's just how things are, and here's how this will go and it'll be okay,' and they believe me, or they've seen an episode in entirety, they stop wise-cracking.
Admittedly, the scenario is a bit different, but I think in general people make those sort of comments when they themselves feel a bit internally unsettled, for whatever reason and need to get rid of/deflect that internal tension. It may have nothing to do with you at all.
on preview: one of the links is actually to the Gawande article itself.
posted by Uniformitarianism Now! at 5:49 PM on September 9, 2010 [2 favorites]
Seconding the idea of trying to make yourself blush every time you feel the redness creeping up on you--great technique. I blush quite easily, but it was a lot worse a couple of years ago. When it was all I thought about, it seemed to take over my life, causing me to limit my social encounters. Now that I've started to accept it and move past it, it doesn't occur as frequently. Just like a lot of things, time is key.
My chest also gets blotchy, so I've learned to cover myself up and not wear low cut tops when I know I may end up blushing. For me, knowing my blotchy chest won't show somehow makes me less likely to blush on my face.
Being in a cooler-than-average room also helps, so I usually control the thermostat accordingly.
posted by Junie Bloom at 6:58 PM on September 9, 2010
My chest also gets blotchy, so I've learned to cover myself up and not wear low cut tops when I know I may end up blushing. For me, knowing my blotchy chest won't show somehow makes me less likely to blush on my face.
Being in a cooler-than-average room also helps, so I usually control the thermostat accordingly.
posted by Junie Bloom at 6:58 PM on September 9, 2010
Any chance you're taking a niacin supplement? That can cause flushing.
posted by that's candlepin at 7:11 AM on September 10, 2010
posted by that's candlepin at 7:11 AM on September 10, 2010
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posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 4:38 PM on September 9, 2010 [3 favorites]