Negotiable affection
September 2, 2010 4:25 PM Subscribe
I need your advice on paying for sex...
I've come the conclusion that, at some point soon, I'm probably going to end up paying for sex. I don't really want a discussion about the advisability, or not, of this conclusion here.
I've realised, though, that I know nothing about the procedural side (the sex I can probably work out...). I don't even know where to find people who'll take my money.
So, I need to know:
I've come the conclusion that, at some point soon, I'm probably going to end up paying for sex. I don't really want a discussion about the advisability, or not, of this conclusion here.
I've realised, though, that I know nothing about the procedural side (the sex I can probably work out...). I don't even know where to find people who'll take my money.
So, I need to know:
- where to find it, how to arrange things etc.
- what I should expect to pay
- etiquette
- legality
- health and safety tips
There are extensive reviews of providers at punter.net.
posted by Forktine at 4:44 PM on September 2, 2010
posted by Forktine at 4:44 PM on September 2, 2010
Paying for sex is not illegal in the UK, just many of the fringe activities relating to it. Looking up the legality of what the OP has in mind would be a good start from them, but I too would suggest a throwaway email address sent to the mods for adding to the question.
Unless the OP fancies a weekend trip to Amsterdam, in which case the answers are all dead easy and you only need a tourist map and you get a free holiday, too.
posted by Brockles at 4:47 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
Unless the OP fancies a weekend trip to Amsterdam, in which case the answers are all dead easy and you only need a tourist map and you get a free holiday, too.
posted by Brockles at 4:47 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
Dan Savage will be mentioned by someone else if I don't.
posted by milinar at 4:48 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by milinar at 4:48 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
lots of people pay for sex. its highly stigmatized but not all encounters are the same. you want to find the right sort of service provider, in a safe, healthy environment where you can have an experience with a little human warmth to it (if you want) and these options DO exist and they are not necessarily overly expensive (although you should be prepared to spend a decent amount of money)
I dont know about the UK but in US (in cali) there are websites with ads by service providers, with pics and details, sites with reviews of said providers, various classes of providers from girls on the street to high-end glamorous escorts. here there is a class of "massage" providers, often "college girl" types, clean healthy attractive down-to-earth, many are sex-positive activists very involved in that community. you can have a safe pleasurable experience but that may require a bit more legwork if you are willing to wait. I think its worth it.
also, please: be sure to keep yourself safe, there are too many stories of people being ripped off or taken advantage of (or worse) in sketchy situations. please treat the provider you choose with respect and consideration. please practice safe sex.
with respect to discretion in your quest the internet is really your friend here, there are tons of resources available for this sort of thing, but take the time to get the info! good luck :)
posted by supermedusa at 5:40 PM on September 2, 2010
I dont know about the UK but in US (in cali) there are websites with ads by service providers, with pics and details, sites with reviews of said providers, various classes of providers from girls on the street to high-end glamorous escorts. here there is a class of "massage" providers, often "college girl" types, clean healthy attractive down-to-earth, many are sex-positive activists very involved in that community. you can have a safe pleasurable experience but that may require a bit more legwork if you are willing to wait. I think its worth it.
also, please: be sure to keep yourself safe, there are too many stories of people being ripped off or taken advantage of (or worse) in sketchy situations. please treat the provider you choose with respect and consideration. please practice safe sex.
with respect to discretion in your quest the internet is really your friend here, there are tons of resources available for this sort of thing, but take the time to get the info! good luck :)
posted by supermedusa at 5:40 PM on September 2, 2010
Respect the person you have sex with. Always, always, always use condoms.
posted by lover at 5:42 PM on September 2, 2010
posted by lover at 5:42 PM on September 2, 2010
Mod note: few comments removed - metatalk is your option if you'd like to talk about something other than the question
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:42 PM on September 2, 2010
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:42 PM on September 2, 2010
Previous discussion from a London-based questioner here.
posted by Wet Spot at 5:56 PM on September 2, 2010
posted by Wet Spot at 5:56 PM on September 2, 2010
Why not take your cues from a real live escort? Las Vegas Courtesan has many helpful entries on procuring and politely enjoying services.
posted by slow graffiti at 6:03 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by slow graffiti at 6:03 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
The bus bench in front of my house is a pretty busy sex store. I don't know where to find it in your particular community, but how it goes here is that the "john" cruises by the ladies and if he gets eye contact or waved at, he stops. Then there is a negotiation of terms through the car window and if they are agreeable the prostitute gets in the car and they go to a quieter location to perform the deed. She is not driven back to where she was picked up. I am unsure of what happens after she gets in the car.
What is not acceptable, at least to the ladies in front of my house, is getting out of your car or continuing negotiations after being turned down.
posted by Duffington at 8:35 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
What is not acceptable, at least to the ladies in front of my house, is getting out of your car or continuing negotiations after being turned down.
posted by Duffington at 8:35 PM on September 2, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you are a person with disabilities, flip through the ouch podcasts. One of them is on finding sex workers for people with special needs.
Note: I am not a person with disabilities, but the folks that do the podcast are hilarious enough that I've listened (consecutively) to the shows from 2006 to 2008.
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:12 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
Note: I am not a person with disabilities, but the folks that do the podcast are hilarious enough that I've listened (consecutively) to the shows from 2006 to 2008.
posted by Nanukthedog at 9:12 PM on September 2, 2010 [1 favorite]
Did you read Belle de Jour? She should have covered this subject--check her archives.
I'm pretty sure she worked out of an escort agency.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:59 PM on September 2, 2010
I'm pretty sure she worked out of an escort agency.
posted by Ideefixe at 9:59 PM on September 2, 2010
Google '[your town] escort', trawl through the many, many sites returned until you find an escort that you like the look of and who is offering the services you require (stick to girls from the UK if you want to reduce the likelihood of getting someone trafficked), read some reviews, then press the 'book' button and input your details (date, time, place, credit card details). A person will then probably phone you to confirm and check you out a bit (you're an unknown quantity too, remember!). Then be at the right place at the right time with condoms and anything else you'll need (your favourite butt plug, lube, whatever) and enjoy yourself! Tip her if you want to, and leave a review if you feel so inclined.
If you can't or don't want to pay the cost of an escort, the ladies on Brownswood Road N4 charge £10/£50, but if you go that route walk, don't drive, as kerb crawling is illegal - and wear three condoms.
posted by goo at 2:19 AM on September 3, 2010
If you can't or don't want to pay the cost of an escort, the ladies on Brownswood Road N4 charge £10/£50, but if you go that route walk, don't drive, as kerb crawling is illegal - and wear three condoms.
posted by goo at 2:19 AM on September 3, 2010
Oh and expect to pay £200 to £400 per hour for an escort. They usually offer date (three hour) and overnight rates as well.
posted by goo at 2:21 AM on September 3, 2010
posted by goo at 2:21 AM on September 3, 2010
As far as I understand it, while paying for sex is legal in the UK, solicitation, i.e. publicly asking someone to pay/asking to pay for sex is illegal.
This may seem irrational, but it actually makes some sense. The UK may be okay with paying for sex, but that doesn't mean that its citizens want streetwalkers on otherwise family-friendly intersections. So criminalizing solicitation gives police the ability to corral the activity into specific areas where it stays out of sight.
So whatever you do, keep a low profile.
posted by valkyryn at 5:51 AM on September 3, 2010
This may seem irrational, but it actually makes some sense. The UK may be okay with paying for sex, but that doesn't mean that its citizens want streetwalkers on otherwise family-friendly intersections. So criminalizing solicitation gives police the ability to corral the activity into specific areas where it stays out of sight.
So whatever you do, keep a low profile.
posted by valkyryn at 5:51 AM on September 3, 2010
No way I'd ever pay for sex myself, but that's me. Second the above recommendations to be careful, be respectful, etc.
But I imagine that reading "real life" accounts, maybe published "diaries" of sex workers' experiences, would give you an idea of the proper procedure, etiquette, and things not to do, etc. In every circumstance of life, empathy is a recipe for success.
I come to this because reading the complaints of waitstaff on the various forum sites for that purpose has helped me to be a better restaraunt diner. And reading similar materials from nannies and daycare workers has helped me to become a better, more considerate daycare customer. (Having worked in a field that works with kids, I understand that the worst part of the job is the parents, unfortunately.)
Anyway, understanding the experiences and complaints of those who work in the sex services industry will help keep you from becoming "that guy" (or worse.)
posted by cross_impact at 6:44 AM on September 3, 2010
But I imagine that reading "real life" accounts, maybe published "diaries" of sex workers' experiences, would give you an idea of the proper procedure, etiquette, and things not to do, etc. In every circumstance of life, empathy is a recipe for success.
I come to this because reading the complaints of waitstaff on the various forum sites for that purpose has helped me to be a better restaraunt diner. And reading similar materials from nannies and daycare workers has helped me to become a better, more considerate daycare customer. (Having worked in a field that works with kids, I understand that the worst part of the job is the parents, unfortunately.)
Anyway, understanding the experiences and complaints of those who work in the sex services industry will help keep you from becoming "that guy" (or worse.)
posted by cross_impact at 6:44 AM on September 3, 2010
I've read the entirety of Belle Du Jour and the main thing I got from it was that you should have clear communication about what you want. For example, don't try to put your finger in the butt without asking first. Goes back to the whole respect thing.
posted by WeekendJen at 7:28 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by WeekendJen at 7:28 AM on September 3, 2010 [2 favorites]
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posted by ixohoxi at 4:43 PM on September 2, 2010