Waiting is the hardest part
August 19, 2010 8:10 PM   Subscribe

Thanks to the suggestions in this post I have decided that I need to tell a fantastic guy that I really like him. Yay! Problem? He's leaving for a week and my anxiety is going to drive me nuts.

I'm the type of person to over-think and over-analyze everything. PLUS I've never told anyone that I liked them before. So constantly thinking of all the possibilities of what might happen (and what might go wrong) for a week probably isn't the best thing for me.

So help this anxious gal out! I need suggestions/tricks to keep my mind off the guy and on other things!
posted by littlesq to Human Relations (12 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Do it now. Right now.

"So... when you get back, do you want to grab a drink? As in a date?"

If all is well: He likes you too, and you can spend the next week excited instead of anxious.

If all is not well: He's totally gone for a week, so you can grumble and mope about that without having to worry about running into him.
posted by Tomorrowful at 8:19 PM on August 19, 2010 [5 favorites]

This so makes me glad I'm older than dirt..

It's only a week, it will be OK..
posted by HuronBob at 8:22 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure if this is helpful to others, but whenever I feel anxious and like my mind is jumping all over, trying to imagine ten different possibilities at once, I try to concentrate on one at a time and see each through to its logical conclusion. Somehow planning for the eventualities (even the bad ones) makes my mind slow down and organize and then I feel calmer. Best of luck with your beau.
posted by cranberrymonger at 8:46 PM on August 19, 2010

Something I read once (in relation to telling people you like them: Nobody ever died of awkward. And you know what? I was certain that I would be patient zero in the "dying of awkward" epidemic, but I'm still alive.

Do what Tomorrowful said!
posted by needs more cowbell at 8:56 PM on August 19, 2010 [1 favorite]

Realistically, there are two results: he says says or he says no. Both of those have an infinite range of options within them, but for the purposes of this question that doesn't really matter.

So, if he'll say yes, then you should ask him now. A load off the mind, a week of happy anticipation instead of anxiety, and something to look forward to for him.

If he'll say no, then you should ask him now. A load off the mind, you spare yourself a week of anxiety, and at least you can deal with it so when you next see him socially you've got it together.

Conclusion - stop looking and leap already.
posted by twirlypen at 9:22 PM on August 19, 2010

Just do it!
posted by canadia at 10:31 PM on August 19, 2010

$100 the guy is into you. I can virtually guarantee that he is if he told you (a woman he's comfortable around) he never makes the first move with women. If he made that comment, and he can honestly be termed geeky, he's broadcasting that he likes. It's a male geek coded transmission, but he's doing the best he knows. Heck, he's probably been into you even longer than you've been attracted to him. I'll be the first to start....

littlesq and some friend dude sittin' in a tree...
First comes...

Ah, you get the idea. (I should start a geek matchmaking service. I'd make a mint and be responsible for more marriages than Sun Myung Moon.)
posted by InsertNiftyNameHere at 10:55 PM on August 19, 2010

Agreeing with Tomorrowful. Call him. ASAP. You've already decided you need to. Don't wait.

I hemmed and hawed over asking my boyfriend out for weeks. When I finally decided to, I still put it off for hours due to my anxieties. Finally, I felt like if I waited any longer the moment/opportunity would pass me by. That was a Thursday. We went on our first date on Sunday, the night before I was to leave on a week long work trip. I'm so glad I didn't wait until after my trip.

Best case scenario, your guy likes you back and you get to spend a week building up anticipation and excitement about his return. Worst case, he doesn't reciprocate and you get to spend a week getting over him without having to see or talk to him.
posted by vilandra at 11:13 PM on August 19, 2010

Best answer: Lots of people are going to tell you to do it now, that he's going to either say yes or no, so you might as well know now.

The thing is, the way you interact before you ask him will make a difference to how likely he is to say yes.

If a female friend of mine were to suddenly tell me she liked me tonight, I'd be a little shocked, because our interaction has generally been like two friends, and I'm used to thinking about her as a friend.

If she had liked me for a while but this was only just being sprung on me, if any romance were to develop, I'd need a chance to catch up in terms of what I'm feeling.

It would be completely different if this week she dressed up a little more, or in a slightly different style, so that I see her differently, and then she kept catching my eye and holding eye contact, maybe laughing and teasing me and sharing laughter with me, and touching me a little more. It gives the guy a chance to start to like her and think of her that way. It doesn't take long to catch up.

After a couple of times hanging out like that, where you're behaving less like a friend and more like a potential girlfriend, you'd definitely see if he's feeling it or becoming more interested. That's when you could ask him out, but more likely, you won't have to.

I would definitely not recommend blurting it out suddenly tonight. The only times I've seen that go well are where the guy already really likes you. It makes a guy feel really crap to have to tell a female friend that he thinks of her just like a friend. But if you give him a chance to develop the feelings, you give yourself and him the best chance.

So I'd go and do something else to take your mind off it. Go hang out with some friends, throw yourself into some work or project or hobby, because thinking about it too much will only make your feelings more intense and thus harder for him to catch up to yours. When he gets back, start letting him see you as a cute girl that he might have a shot with and pretty soon his feelings will probably overtake yours.

Best of luck. Let me know what happens!
posted by surenoproblem at 11:30 PM on August 19, 2010 [2 favorites]

Go through the feelings, don't run from them. Allow yourself to feel them, but train yourself not to react to the feelings. Your problem isn't the feelings of liking someone, its the feelings like you might get rejected that come along with it.

Learn to feel the feelings regarding liking him and then look to see if the other feelings also come up. Feel those too, but become comfortable with them as well. In other words, learn to acknowledge that they are just feelings, not reflections of the facts of your interest in this guy and his potential interest back. You can't read minds.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:40 AM on August 20, 2010

Don't tell him before he leaves for a week. Wait till he gets back. Doing it right away is not the best plan, IMO.

I say this as someone in this EXACT situation right now with a girl who just left for a week.
posted by smitt at 12:45 PM on August 20, 2010

Response by poster: Well, just found out the reason he's going is because he is meeting some girl. He didn't mention this to me - I found out through a mutual friend.

Soooo probably not the best idea to tell him now. Otherwise I'm going to get the whole "Sorry I just like you as a friend" spiel.
posted by littlesq at 7:34 PM on August 20, 2010

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