when do you put on the condom?

August 9, 2010 8:55 AM

condom question... when do you put it on?

Casual sex between a man and a woman. We met online for this purpose. Possibly non-monogamous. For which activities would you use a condom, and at what point in the activities would you put it on?

I know everyone's risk tolerance is going to be different, and it's a personal choice. I'm wondering what that choice is for different people, and what the "average" answer is. And if you're comfortable, please also mention if you are male/female/etc and straight/gay/bi/etc.

Throwaway email in case: [e-mail] (reusing a previous throwaway)

I'll start off the answers, I guess. I'm a straight female. I'm ok with no condom for oral, as long as there's no wounds. Condom goes on just before penis contacts anything in the vaginal area.

Thanks everyone!

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (10 answers total)

Yeast infections can still be transmitted orally, possibly resulting in "thrush" or mouth yeast. I know most people aren't thrilled about condoms with oral, but I'd still use one for both of ya 'til there's monogamy or some formal STD Free arrangement.
posted by ShadePlant at 8:59 AM on August 9, 2010

Thinking hypothetically, given the circumstances you've outlined? Condom for any "penis in direct contact with mucous membranes" activities. Female in monogamous long-time hetero relationship here!
posted by purlgurly at 9:02 AM on August 9, 2010

I'll start off the answers, I guess.

I don't understand the purpose of the question if you already have your answer.
posted by desjardins at 9:13 AM on August 9, 2010 [12 favorites]

I think they are trying to find out if there conclusion is wrong or riskier than they initially thought.
posted by Brockles at 9:28 AM on August 9, 2010

Any time you are swapping bodily fluids with someone you aren't monogamous with and there is the possibility of multiple sex partners, you should have a barrier of some sort...HIV/AIDS, hepatitis, VD...oh my!
posted by MsKim at 10:09 AM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

At the last possible second, as you said, just before the penis contacts anything in the vaginal area. Have fun!!
posted by fso at 10:33 AM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

bisexual female, 28 years old

i know the "correct answer" is the one outlined here - latex blowjobs, dental dams, etc. however, i've never given head with a condom (well, unless it was part of some degradation BDSM play), and i've never used a dental dam for anything other than seeing how far they can be flung across the room. the condom goes on before the penis so much as touches the vulva.
posted by nadawi at 11:40 AM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

Mod note: From the OP:

@desjardins: Brockles has the idea for why I'm asking.

Like nadawi said I know there's a "correct" answer, but I'm wondering how many people actually follow that. And if they don't follow that, what are their personal rules for it. So basically like I said in my original post, I'm looking for the "average" answer, wondering what standard practise is, rather than the correct one. And seeing if maybe I need to think about changing my rules.

Thanks!. (I'm at work, so I probably won't be checking in on this again.)

posted by jessamyn (staff) at 1:23 PM on August 9, 2010

Tristan Taormino's videos often have safe sex demos that are really good. She's a great source of info in general, for pretty much everything.

This depends on a certain level of motivation/skill on his part, but oral sex on a guy without a condom is safer if he doesn't come in your mouth. (Don't ask me to cite, please. Sorry.)

I'm more nervous about getting head because I would much rather get herpes orally than genitally and you can get genital herpes from people with oral herpes. Ouch. For that reason I limit it to a few people whose status I know. :'(

Gloves--GLOVES! More people should use gloves for fingering. Hand goes on penis, hand goes on the subway, hand goes in your vagina, you get God knows what (like BV). Oh, and it'll prevent small cuts from stray nails or whatever. You can get fancy black disposable gloves at your local kink emporium, or you can get plainer ones from the drugstore.

Butt play--GLOVES! Have I mentioned gloves? I need to buy some gloves. I would use the thumb of an unpowdered glove/other oral barrier if you're going to be rimming.

I boil my sex toys but that's because I keep track of where they're going and I have enough that I don't have to reuse them, but condoms are great for those if you want to switch it up between partners or butt/vagina before you get the chance to boil them.

Receptive butt sex--super dangerous. Condoms, condoms, condoms. Always, unless you know the status of the penetrative partner and trust them. A lot.

Penetrative butt sex--put condoms on your toys, or boil them.

Vaginal intercourse--condoms. The end. Pregnancy from a casual sex partner is pretty much a nightmare, despite what romantic comedies would have you believe. So hormonal birth control or not, tested or not--condoms.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 4:51 PM on August 9, 2010 [1 favorite]

OH!

Go get the HPV vaccine.

Really. Go get it. It's like a condom for your...cervix? Well, it only prevents against most strains of HPV, but it's still pretty good.

Opening Up, also by Tristan Taormino, has a lot of safe sex stuff in it.

I suggest it for anyone non-monogamous; you don't have to have a primary/"serious" relationship to get a lot of benefit from it.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 4:56 PM on August 9, 2010