Help me have orgasms pain-free!
August 3, 2010 7:56 AM   Subscribe

NSFW: Help me have orgasms pain-free!

I'm a single, heterosexual man in my mid-30s and it hurts when I come while having vaginal sex, doggy style. Everything feels great up until the point of orgasm, but once I ejaculate it feels terrible, like peeing finely crushed glass. Youch! The pain only lasts for the length of the orgasm. Urinating afterward is pain-free.

This has been the case for as long as I can remember. I've been checked for STIs (gonorrhea, chlamydia, HSV, HIV) multiple times, all negative. It didn't occur to me to bring this up with any of the doctors I've seen because I just got used to it. I'm a bit thicker and longer than average but not superlatively so. I don't have this problem with any other position I've tried or when masturbating. I've had multiple sex partners and it's happened with all of them.

I'm assuming what's going on here is that there's pressure on the urethra restricting the flow of ejaculate and that's what's causing the pain. There have been a few times where I've come in this position and it hasn't been painful, which I've guessed had to do with me being positioned in such a way that it was less snug. As you might imagine, I've been reluctant to experiment.


1. Aside from "Don't do that!" can you lend me any advice/tips? I quite like the position and would like to reclaim it as an option beyond just an intermediate position.

2. Also, I'd be curious to hear if anyone else has ever had this experience. Hearing some "Me too!"s would make me feel less alone. I know it's nothing tragic in the scheme of things, but it's still a bit of a bummer. I searched askme and the Internet at large and couldn't find anyone with this exact problem.

3. If your answer is, "Don't ask the Internet, ask a doctor!", is there a particular type of doctor you'd recommend? I'm not confident this is something a GP would be well suited for. Is a urologist a better bet? Someone else?


Reusing a previous throwaway email address: lubedwrestling [at]
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (7 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

The following is a hypothesis based on a comparable experience. I find doggy-style orgasms to be particularly mind-blowing because what seems to be happening in there is my partner's cervix rubbing on the underside of my glans -- an area particularly full of nerves. If you want to experiment and see if it is that particular kind of stimulation that causes your discomfort, try masturbating (or receiving oral) by stimulating only this region.

You may be able to help the problem, if that is the cause, by using a very small amount of "delay creme" on the underside of your glans. I've never used the stuff but if it can keep pain away without taking away all the fun, it might be worth a try.
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:05 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

This happens to my partner. He also thinks its something about the angle and/or pressure that is pinching his urethra closed. He's even bled a little afterward on occasion. Basically, we've done what you are thinking about... experiment with angle. Generally, he can sort of sense if it's going to be owie at the critical moment, and pulls out if that's the case. But that's about all the advice I can give.
posted by kimdog at 8:07 AM on August 3, 2010 [1 favorite]

Why do you like the position -- depth into your partner, seeing/feeling her from behind, etc.? There are variations that can give you similar positions but perhaps change the angle or weight that could help you out. Or you could do most of it that way but change positions near the end. (Which isn't always smooth in the moment, I know, but it's better than peeing glass, right? If you feel better, you can probably last longer and have more fun.)

I see that it's about the pressure and not the friction, but would a little bit of lube help? Maybe there's a teeny bit of extra pull that is exacerbated by your size.

Your GP might not be well suited for it, but he or she can refer you to the proper specialist. Most GPs are very familiar with "embarrassing dude issues." Despite the name, you might also find some resources here.
posted by Madamina at 8:16 AM on August 3, 2010

Ask a GP, a partner who had a similar (but not identical) problem had a long-standing prostate infection. No STIs. 4 weeks of antibiotics later, all was well. The GP did all the diagnosing and treating.
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:23 AM on August 3, 2010

Also obviously I can't say it's an infection. I don't know. But it's your penis! Take care of it! Make sure it is healthy! Be happy! :)
posted by internet fraud detective squad, station number 9 at 9:25 AM on August 3, 2010

You don't say if you're using condoms. You might try with to see if that helps.

I say this because the discomfort I associate with orgasming while having my urethra compressed is not pain at the end of my penis but down around my testicles, where the muscles are compressing and trying to force out fluid that's being constrained.

The kind of pain you describe sounds more to me like the discomfort I associate with having had some abrasion or foreign material (soap, primarily) in contact with the delicate mucous membrane just inside of my urethra. I wonder if this angle is causing you to rub the tip of your glans or pull them in such a way that you're slightly abrading that area. Or perhaps the cervix contact seanmpuckett mentions is allowing you to get vaginal secretions inside your urethra that you don't get from standard penetration.

Either way, it makes me wonder if you couldn't figure out if this is the problem by providing some protection to that area with a condom. If that solves the problem at least you're one step closer to figuring it out.
posted by phearlez at 10:52 AM on August 3, 2010

I... umm... know a guy who this happens to once in a while. It's the angle, your penis is probably getting a little kinked, which is putting pressure on your duct (or whatever it's called). It's squeezing, which makes it uncomfortable. Imagine pinching your penis from the top and bottom while you come (or piss), that would probably cause the same sensation.

In doggie style position, you may be too low -- try getting your waist a little higher to straighten out your penis. Or, pull it out just before you come.
posted by Simon Barclay at 6:39 PM on August 3, 2010

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