How to Tell Friends About Babymaking
July 23, 2010 8:21 AM   Subscribe

My wife is almost certainly pregnant. This is excellent and exciting. Looking for fun/clever ways to tell friends and loved ones.

We're relatively old (I'm 38, she's 35) and we're longtime wierdos who everyone probably assumed wouldn't breed. Hell, we thought so too for a while. Won't tell workplace (or Facebook) for a while but we'll probably be telling those we're close to pretty quick.

Our fall back method is to just let people be shocked at how we never drink beer any more until someone says, hey, waitaminit. But I bet you all have some better ideas about how to announce.
posted by Erroneous to Human Relations (32 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
Casually mention to everyone that YOU, not necessarily your wife, are eating for three. Congrats. :)
posted by ShadePlant at 8:27 AM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but you should really wait until she is out of her first trimester to inform people. 35 is pretty much the age which a woman's ability to conceive and carry a child starts to seriously decline. Waiting will be worth it, trust me. I've experienced this type of loss personally, and it's shocking whether it was expected or not. Explaining to all of your friends and family that your wife is no longer expecting is a thousand times worse than waiting a few months. Good luck, and congrats!
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:28 AM on July 23, 2010 [27 favorites]

Oh, I'm getting that from the "almost certainly pregnant." If by that, you mean that you've waited the three months and it's for sure happening, that's amazing. Otherwise, wait until you know for sure. Congrats again!
posted by two lights above the sea at 8:30 AM on July 23, 2010

We showed people the printout of the ultrasound. Ultrasounds usually look like sausage or aliens or something ("This close, they always look like landscape.") so they'd scratch their heads for a minute before going "OH MY GOD!!!"

And not to be grim, but early on the only people you want to tell are very close friends and family who will understand and who won't be devastated if you suddenly aren't pregnant anymore.

posted by bondcliff at 8:32 AM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]


Nthing wait until October or so to tell anyone.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 8:34 AM on July 23, 2010

Debbie downer there. Anyways I would just say that you have decided to start shopping for loose clothing for the weight gain that you will go through. Perhaps involving a mumu.
posted by msbutah at 8:34 AM on July 23, 2010

My friends threw a party. One had a T-shirt with an arrow pointing down saying, "This is a beer belly." The other's said, "This ain't no beer belly."
posted by Hubajube at 8:36 AM on July 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

I emailed a picture of the positive pregnancy test to my best friend. I'm not sure she immediately understood the significance of the little plus sign, though.
posted by sillymama at 8:38 AM on July 23, 2010

In re. two lights above the sea's answer: if there is a miscarriage, would you want to be alone in your grief? I miscarried, and I gained a lot from how much "That happened to us too" was involved in not keeping that a secret.

(I am anti-cute-ways-of-telling-people; no help there...)
posted by kmennie at 8:43 AM on July 23, 2010 [8 favorites]

First of all-- mazel tov!!!

After confirming the pregnancy, then your close friends and family are certainly the first to know.

I'd suggest ignoring the advice to wait until after the first trimester. Afterall, if gawd-forbid, there is a miscarriage, your close friends and family are the very people who are going to a big part of your support network. If they weren't even aware of the pregnancy, it may be a bit difficult/awkward for them to offer the kind of empathy and understanding you'd both need. Both joyous and tragic experiences DEEPEN the social connections in your life.
posted by iam2bz2p at 8:45 AM on July 23, 2010 [3 favorites]

Close friends and family will probably guess, just by how happy and excited you look.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:51 AM on July 23, 2010

I saw an extremely clever wedding invitation which was mocked up to look like a tabloid "Stars- they're just like us!" piece, featuring various photos of the happy couple. In the bottom corner was a picture of a grumpy-looking cat with a headline that said "Whiskers: NO COMMENT!" If you have graphic arts skillz and time to kill, you could do something similar.
posted by Clambone at 8:58 AM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

We put a hamburger bun in the oven and then opened it ceremoniously.
posted by chelseagirl at 9:07 AM on July 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Congratulations! Tell everyone, sing it from the rooftops, do it as soon as you're done sharing secret smiles about the thing that only the two of you know.

We bought the grandparents copies of our own favorite books from child hood, wrapped them up, with sticky notes on the front that said "Dear Grandma, I can't wait to hear you read this to me, Love, Baby dpx.mfx" Big hit.!
posted by dpx.mfx at 9:26 AM on July 23, 2010

First of all, you guys are not that old. I had an uncomplicated pregnancy at age 34 (very fortunate at any age, of course). And my husband is older than you. But I hear you - in our families, waiting until after age 25 to have your first baby was virtually unheard of and there were going to be - literally - generation gaps between first cousins. The way we told DH's parents was to say, "We need you to do something that you haven't done for over 20 years. Are you up for it?" They asked what that could possibly be. We said, "Become new grandparents."
posted by Knowyournuts at 9:27 AM on July 23, 2010 [2 favorites]

Solemnly tell everyone that your wife has been informed by her doctor that she is the host of a parasitic lifeform. It will leech nutrients from her flesh and grow to a weight of nearly ten pounds, and will ultimately emerge after approximately nine months. For extra grossness, tell them exactly where it's going to emerge from.
posted by Faint of Butt at 9:32 AM on July 23, 2010 [7 favorites]

We did basically what dpx.mfx did, but we taped the ultrasound picture inside where the dedication goes and wrote, "Love from Eyebrows, Mr. Eyebrows, and Grandbaby #1."
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:59 AM on July 23, 2010

We told people over the phone and over email (by sending a link to our first blog post with a shot of the positive pregnancy tests), but we did do this for our Christmas cards that year (link to our blog post with the photo we used):

We also had our little guy at 35. He was born just a few weeks before my wife's 36th birthday. He's 14 months old now and he's awesome. We told people way earlier than is usually recommended, but for god's sake you can't help but be excited about it when you've waited 35 years to finally go for it, can you? Congrats and best of luck!

(PS - Mrs. Frogs is not actually holding the ultrasound photo in the original image. She's holding a National Geographic. I 'shopped in the latest ultrasound image. The Nat Geo worked well because the clean yellow border made it easy to select and replace.)
posted by caution live frogs at 10:33 AM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Great answers so far, everybody. Our thinking is, worst comes to worst, we'd rather share our grief with the people we love than keep it a secret. We're definitely not telling the boss or random acquaintances for a while though.
posted by Erroneous at 10:37 AM on July 23, 2010

When I told my mom that my wife was pregnant, I just called her up and said, "Hi, Grandma!"

"I think you have the wrong number," she replied.

"No, Mom, I don't," I said.

And then she burst into tears.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 10:54 AM on July 23, 2010 [31 favorites]

I am in your boat - I will be telling my folks about their impending grandparenthood in a couple of weeks. I found a new edition of a book that my mom always read to us as kids, one that always made us laugh. I'm going to give it to them with a note inside the cover along the lines of "I always loved reading this with you as a kid, and I'm looking forward to seeing you create new memories as you read it as grandparents."

I'm not normally sappy either, but I'm sure it will make us all cry. ;-)

Oh, and congratulations!
posted by killy willy at 11:04 AM on July 23, 2010

I really like these Daddy Tees, especially the "My boys can swim" one.

And these [BUMP] Baby Under Manufacturing Process ones are cute.

Invite people to go out to dinner or throw a party and show up wearing one of those shirts. I think it's pretty cute when the Daddy to be announces it in a proud "Look what I did!" kind of way.
posted by TooFewShoes at 11:07 AM on July 23, 2010

My sister-in-law sent me a teddy bear wearing a bib that said "I love my Auntie" to let me know she & my brother were expecting. It was pretty cute, I have to say.
posted by DiscourseMarker at 11:12 AM on July 23, 2010

I think my cousin and his wife were like, hey, let's watch this DVD to my aunt and uncle and it was their ultrasound.

Best wishes!
posted by kat518 at 11:43 AM on July 23, 2010

I know you mentioned not telling Facebook, but this is a little different.

Set up a F'book account for the little one, and then friend just those people you want to know from it.

This could also work as an excellent birth announcement.
posted by Work to Live at 11:54 AM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

Congratulations! My wife and I found a few "Your grandma/grandpa loves you" books from the bookstore and presented them as gifts (it was around some holiday). Took a second to sink in what they really meant.
posted by cebailey at 12:59 PM on July 23, 2010

I did something similar as robocop.

I called my parents. My dad answered and I asked, "How would you like to be a Grampy?" and he said, "NO WAY!!!!" When he passed the phone to my mom, I said, "So, do you want to be called 'Grandma' or something else?" She started crying.

When I called my sisters I said, "Hey there, Aunt ---," and neither of them got it. I had to really spell it out to make them understand. My brother's reaction is by far my favorite because after he answered the phone and I said, "Hey, Uncle ---", he immediately went, "Ohhhhhh! Ohhhhh!!! Ohhh!!!!!"

That said, giving onesies to people is a great idea, too. I shared the news with Dr.E. by buying a Red Sox onesie. If you are waiting to tell people in October because your wife is newly pregnant now, you could either buy a funny infant costume for Halloween. Or if you can and do hold off until closer to Halloween, I'm sure the two of you could come up with some cooky costume ideas and to either wear them to a costume party and let someone guess or go trick or treating to the appropriate people's houses.
posted by zizzle at 2:25 PM on July 23, 2010

Doll. Basket. Swaddling. Doorstep. Knock and run. Note:

"Just kidding. You're not, but we are!"

Bonus points for: Camera. YouTube.
posted by obiwanwasabi at 3:16 PM on July 23, 2010 [1 favorite]

What, no-one has linked the rather spectacular and amazing Star Wars baby announcement video? This is definitely what you should do. If you have the time and the skills ;)
posted by Joh at 3:17 PM on July 23, 2010

One of our friends made a movie opening type announcement. Mr. and Mrs. Erroneous are preparing to release their newest production: Baby Erroneous! Coming in January 2011! It was really cute, and everyone thought it was awesome. So you could consider doing something like that. I wish my husband and I had thought of doing something like that. We became overly excited and just called everyone on the phone. lol.
posted by I_love_the_rain at 4:49 PM on July 23, 2010

A little late, but I just wanted to chime in that while you should wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone, it doesn't hurt to tell a few close friends/family members now. Just screen who you want to tell by the following metric: "Do I want to talk to this person about a miscarriage?" With me that meant I told my my mom, but not my dad (these parents are no longer married to each other, so there's no weirdness there).

And oh hi, I'm 9 weeks today and I've already told MetaFilter (since I've been reading a lot of posts about conception/pregnancy) after the 8 week mark because I would feel comfortable mentioning a miscarriage - and now that I'm out of the first big danger zone, I feel much more confident that I probably won't have to. But I haven't told FaceBook, or Twitter, or - as mentioned - some of my relatives.

I asked this question about sending a book to my step-father. I sent him the Little Big Book for Grandfathers that was recommended and he loved it... though he didn't really get it. My mom really had to spell it out for him. I wish I could say that I had some kind of brilliant and cunning plan for my other friends/family members, but I was pretty shocked to get knocked up on the first try, so my pretty much verbatim announcement was "HOLY SHIT I'M PREGNANT."

Best of luck to you and your family! :)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 7:38 AM on August 6, 2010

Um. So, it turns out we were wrong. It's complicated, but we're not pregnant. Yet.
Thanks to everyone who responded, including the folks who advised waiting. :)
posted by Erroneous at 7:30 AM on August 23, 2010

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