Assuming I find some bravery and strength soon, she says wearily.
July 17, 2010 5:06 PM Subscribe
Going through a nasty breakup. Tried to give him the ring back and he wouldn't take it. I'd like to remodel it, turn it into something that celebrates my bravery and strength.
It's a channel-set white gold band with 11 tiny diamonds. Well, I was told they're diamonds. After the last few days, nothing would surprise me.
He also gave me an amethyst pendant. The stone is oval, about 1cm across. I don't like the setting.
I want to remodel the ring into something I can wear/use every day. I wear earrings, bracelets and rings constantly, necklaces less often.
My heart isn't deadset on making another piece of jewellery, I'm open to ideas.
I've considered selling it but for some reason I would rather keep it and remodel it into something that makes me feel good.
Any suggestions from you fabulously-creative Mefites?
It's a channel-set white gold band with 11 tiny diamonds. Well, I was told they're diamonds. After the last few days, nothing would surprise me.
He also gave me an amethyst pendant. The stone is oval, about 1cm across. I don't like the setting.
I want to remodel the ring into something I can wear/use every day. I wear earrings, bracelets and rings constantly, necklaces less often.
My heart isn't deadset on making another piece of jewellery, I'm open to ideas.
I've considered selling it but for some reason I would rather keep it and remodel it into something that makes me feel good.
Any suggestions from you fabulously-creative Mefites?
Oooh! OR, you could make a worry stone! Really great for moments when you doubt how brave you truly are.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:18 PM on July 17, 2010
posted by iamkimiam at 5:18 PM on July 17, 2010
Offer it back a second time. If he still refuses to take it back, it's yours. Take it and the pendant to a jeweler and tell them what you say here - that you want to make a new piece of jewelry. They'll guide you; that's what they do!
posted by goblinbox at 5:24 PM on July 17, 2010
posted by goblinbox at 5:24 PM on July 17, 2010
As someone who kept an old engagement ring diamond re-worked into a pendant, I advise you to just hock it (I eventually did) if he won't take it back. Even re-worked into another piece of jewelry, it will remind you of a painful time every time you look at it. It's better to just get rid of it and move on with your life.
posted by Jacqueline at 5:28 PM on July 17, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by Jacqueline at 5:28 PM on July 17, 2010 [6 favorites]
Mod note: few comments removed - folks the OP is not anonymous, feel free to MeMail her about giving the ring back, this is not a question about whether to give the ring back, thanks.
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:36 PM on July 17, 2010
posted by jessamyn (staff) at 5:36 PM on July 17, 2010
Yeah, I'd ask around to friends to see if they know a good local jeweler who can work with you to create something new and wonderful and brave. Maybe a ring where you surround the amethyst with the diamonds using the the same band, maybe something completely different. Having worked with a really creative jeweler in the past she was able to take ideas I'd had and always work them into something better, sometimes something completely different and way better.
posted by ldthomps at 5:47 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by ldthomps at 5:47 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Why don't you just set the ring and pendant aside for a year, and see how you feel then? And if he does ask for one or both things back before the year is up, you might feel better about having them available to return, regardless of the legal merits of your keeping them. At least you'd still have that option.
posted by WestCoaster at 6:37 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]
posted by WestCoaster at 6:37 PM on July 17, 2010 [7 favorites]
I went through a similar situation and couldn't think of anything to do with my ring. It wasn't my style at all, and I don't like wearing diamonds. I asked around (quietly) if anyone was on the market for a ring on a budget. Mostly friends, but family and coworkers, too. Selling it back to a store will not get you much more than 10-20% of its original value, and making something new will still cost you a good amount of money. Plus you'll always be reminded, no matter what you do with it. Especially since you are putting so much though/time/effort/money into changing it. I'm not really sure what you could with 11 small diamonds anyway.
As far as the pendant goes, I say regift it to a family member you won't see often (teenage cousin?), or put it away for a long time. It has much less of a stigma than the engagement ring (you didn't mention whether it was, I'm assuming it is), and in 5 years it won't bother you if someone asks you where you got it.
And yes, it might be worth while to ask your ex if he wants if back again when things cool down. I left my ring with the ex for a few weeks, and the last time I came back to get my things, he still refused to keep it. Your ex might change his mind. Maybe he still has the receipt!
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:39 PM on July 17, 2010
As far as the pendant goes, I say regift it to a family member you won't see often (teenage cousin?), or put it away for a long time. It has much less of a stigma than the engagement ring (you didn't mention whether it was, I'm assuming it is), and in 5 years it won't bother you if someone asks you where you got it.
And yes, it might be worth while to ask your ex if he wants if back again when things cool down. I left my ring with the ex for a few weeks, and the last time I came back to get my things, he still refused to keep it. Your ex might change his mind. Maybe he still has the receipt!
posted by two lights above the sea at 6:39 PM on July 17, 2010
Did you get a certificate of the value and type of diamonds? Probably not, but I figured I would ask anyway. If you know where it was purchased or have a certificate, the seller may be willing to take the ring back at the value that was paid in exchange for another item. If I bring my engagement ring back to Ben Bridge, they will give me credit for the total amount that was originally paid for the ring.
Barring that, I would look for a crafts person who deals with fine metal and ask them if they can create something new for you.
posted by fifilaru at 7:05 PM on July 17, 2010
Barring that, I would look for a crafts person who deals with fine metal and ask them if they can create something new for you.
posted by fifilaru at 7:05 PM on July 17, 2010
Best answer: When I broke my (first) engagement I simply mailed my ring back. If for some reason you decide you are feeling ambivalent, you can always do that.
But like folks above said, might be a good idea to take the stuff to a jeweler and see what is feasible. Another idea if you are near an art school or know artists, is find someone who does small sculptures and see if there's a way to incorporate the stones into some kind of artwork.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:05 PM on July 17, 2010
But like folks above said, might be a good idea to take the stuff to a jeweler and see what is feasible. Another idea if you are near an art school or know artists, is find someone who does small sculptures and see if there's a way to incorporate the stones into some kind of artwork.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 7:05 PM on July 17, 2010
Response by poster: Maybe I should explain that he hit me. It will be a cold day in hell before I share the same space as that man again. He repeatedly declined to accept the ring back. And if all goes well, I'll never lay eyes on the bastard again anyway.
I should probably try to explain my 'motive' for remodelling instead of disposal but I don't know that I can find the right words to explain adequately.
I have enough scars from previous relationships to remind me every time I look in the mirror that I have made some foolish choices. Looking at whatever-the-ring-ends-up-being-turned-into won't bring back the hurt of this breakup. It will be a symbol of strength, of overcoming a scary situation, of showing my kids by my actions that physical violence is a dealbreaker, no matter what... and of finally being wise enough to walk out the first time he hits me instead of waiting til the seventy-third time.
I do appreciate the input of those telling me to a) try again to give it back, or b) just get rid of it, but my heart is set on keeping this stuff and turning it into something new and wonderful and brave (perfectly said, ldthomps).
Oh, and it was a 'commitment' ring. Technically a wedding ring, but he couldn't marry me til he divorced his lesbian wife and he was in no hurry to do that. I kid you not.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 7:11 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
I should probably try to explain my 'motive' for remodelling instead of disposal but I don't know that I can find the right words to explain adequately.
I have enough scars from previous relationships to remind me every time I look in the mirror that I have made some foolish choices. Looking at whatever-the-ring-ends-up-being-turned-into won't bring back the hurt of this breakup. It will be a symbol of strength, of overcoming a scary situation, of showing my kids by my actions that physical violence is a dealbreaker, no matter what... and of finally being wise enough to walk out the first time he hits me instead of waiting til the seventy-third time.
I do appreciate the input of those telling me to a) try again to give it back, or b) just get rid of it, but my heart is set on keeping this stuff and turning it into something new and wonderful and brave (perfectly said, ldthomps).
Oh, and it was a 'commitment' ring. Technically a wedding ring, but he couldn't marry me til he divorced his lesbian wife and he was in no hurry to do that. I kid you not.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 7:11 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: Not that you need me (or anyone else to say this, MS9x4, but good on ya. For you and your kids. You, madam, have (if I may say so) a set of brass ones.
I'm voting for armlet in a silver metal. Whether you go ironage or flilgree, you will look and (I hope) feel like the badass you deserve to.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 7:25 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm voting for armlet in a silver metal. Whether you go ironage or flilgree, you will look and (I hope) feel like the badass you deserve to.
posted by Emperor SnooKloze at 7:25 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
Best answer: How about selling it and donating the proceeds to charity (or donating it directly)? That way your misfortune has a net +ve impact on the world (assuming the charity won't use your money to do bad things)
posted by gadha at 7:25 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by gadha at 7:25 PM on July 17, 2010 [2 favorites]
I've seen a wedding band set with diamonds cut in half and made into a pair of beautiful earrings.
After my Mom's two divorces, she took the bands and had new, very modern cocktail rings. One is white gold and diamonds. The second is yellow gold and a high quality CZ. Both rings are quite striking.
Good luck!
posted by onhazier at 7:33 PM on July 17, 2010
After my Mom's two divorces, she took the bands and had new, very modern cocktail rings. One is white gold and diamonds. The second is yellow gold and a high quality CZ. Both rings are quite striking.
Good luck!
posted by onhazier at 7:33 PM on July 17, 2010
Best answer: Another way to turn it into something new and wonderful is to sell it and use the money to buy something else for yourself. But even if you get it made into another piece of jewelry, you can always sell that other piece of jewelry if you decide later that you don't want the reminder around.
posted by Jacqueline at 8:17 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Jacqueline at 8:17 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Etsy has lots of artists who make beautiful things with diamonds. Why not find someone whose work you like and contact them? I think this bracelet is lovely, and a set of simple stacking rings might be something nice to group and wear more regularly. You can search on "diamond" and sort by price to pick something in your price range and see whose work you like.
posted by judith at 8:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by judith at 8:35 PM on July 17, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: I wish I could favourite all answers. Well, I know I CAN but shouldn't. So thank you all very much for taking the time to offer suggestions. (And thank you too to those offering support and well-wishes.)
I'm leaning away from standard jewellery now, as your suggestions sink in to my slightly dazed brain. I'm starting to feel that keeping it as a ring, even re-designed, would be too close for comfort. And I've bitten my fingernails to smithereens so won't want to attract attention to my hands for a while.
I like the idea of the armlet (I bellydance), and I'm also intrigued by the idea of incorporating the stones into an artwork of some sort. I live in a fairly crafty town, there are artists galore who could help.
Jacqueline's suggestion made me think of selling it/them to finance more loans to women trying to improve their lives at Kiva. That seems deliciously ironically appropriate.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 9:02 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
I'm leaning away from standard jewellery now, as your suggestions sink in to my slightly dazed brain. I'm starting to feel that keeping it as a ring, even re-designed, would be too close for comfort. And I've bitten my fingernails to smithereens so won't want to attract attention to my hands for a while.
I like the idea of the armlet (I bellydance), and I'm also intrigued by the idea of incorporating the stones into an artwork of some sort. I live in a fairly crafty town, there are artists galore who could help.
Jacqueline's suggestion made me think of selling it/them to finance more loans to women trying to improve their lives at Kiva. That seems deliciously ironically appropriate.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 9:02 PM on July 17, 2010 [3 favorites]
Do you ever wear hair clasps or barrettes or hairsticks or anything else in your hair that could be made of jewelry?
posted by galadriel at 6:16 AM on July 18, 2010
posted by galadriel at 6:16 AM on July 18, 2010
I have turned to etsy to create a piece of jewelry to mark my years of cancer survivorship. I like to get something with the number in it, clustered with other symbols of my experience. I'm a necklace person, so that's what I ask for. Someone will probably come up with something awesome to do with the pieces of your ring and pendant. You can put together an alchemy request on etsy, with pictures of your pendant and ring, and various artists will suggest ways they would modify the existing items into something new. Alternatively, you can look around on etsy, and if you see something that sparks your imagination, you can ask the seller if s/he would be interested in doing custom work for you.
I don't think it's such a bad idea at all.
posted by Hildegarde at 9:55 AM on July 18, 2010
I don't think it's such a bad idea at all.
posted by Hildegarde at 9:55 AM on July 18, 2010
What I did with my commitment ring was to slip it in the pocket of a pair of pants that I was giving away to a clothing drive. It probably got baled together with a load of random clothing as pepe, and became an unexpected prize for some girl in Haiti. I like to think of that.
posted by Countess Elena at 10:35 AM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Countess Elena at 10:35 AM on July 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
My friend Elise is a kickass jeweler, and would be very psyched to work with you on such a project, I bet!
posted by sdn at 12:56 PM on July 18, 2010
posted by sdn at 12:56 PM on July 18, 2010
Best answer: What about a miniature sword that you can use as a letter opener, to remind you that, like Boadicea, you're not going to take any more of that treatment.
posted by Anitanola at 11:10 PM on July 18, 2010
posted by Anitanola at 11:10 PM on July 18, 2010
Response by poster: All great suggestions, thank you, each and every one of you.
I've best-answered the ones I'm leaning towards, but I'm not rushing into making a decision yet.
Rest assured that a charity (thanks, IFDSSN9) which helps women escape violent and/or dangerous situations will benefit financially from this, I can promise you that.
And I'm going to end up with a personal memento of some sort too. It may be an armlet, it may be a vicious-looking letter-opener, it may be a sculpture, I may have it made or I may buy it with the proceeds of selling the jewellery... but it will be one of my most treasured possessions, and I will also remember Mefites very fondly every time I look at it.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:30 AM on July 19, 2010
I've best-answered the ones I'm leaning towards, but I'm not rushing into making a decision yet.
Rest assured that a charity (thanks, IFDSSN9) which helps women escape violent and/or dangerous situations will benefit financially from this, I can promise you that.
And I'm going to end up with a personal memento of some sort too. It may be an armlet, it may be a vicious-looking letter-opener, it may be a sculpture, I may have it made or I may buy it with the proceeds of selling the jewellery... but it will be one of my most treasured possessions, and I will also remember Mefites very fondly every time I look at it.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 1:30 AM on July 19, 2010
Response by poster: Does anyone ever come back to check these things, or is it just me?
I'm currently designing a sword pendant. Some google image searching has thrown up pictures of Celtic swords and axes that really appeal to me (I'd never heard of Scathach til then). That same site has a Highland Sword that - funnily enough - is a symbol of strength and courage. I'm working on a design inspired by those, and will include the amethyst.
I had the ring valued and after being shocked to the core (and nastily thrilled that he's probably still paying it off, minimum credit card payment by minimum credit card payment), I decided that I won't sell it outright, I will turn it into something else.
And yes, we are moving outta here, since he didn't do his usual thing and disappear so he didn't have to be confronted with the fallout of his behaviour.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:46 PM on October 28, 2010 [2 favorites]
I'm currently designing a sword pendant. Some google image searching has thrown up pictures of Celtic swords and axes that really appeal to me (I'd never heard of Scathach til then). That same site has a Highland Sword that - funnily enough - is a symbol of strength and courage. I'm working on a design inspired by those, and will include the amethyst.
I had the ring valued and after being shocked to the core (and nastily thrilled that he's probably still paying it off, minimum credit card payment by minimum credit card payment), I decided that I won't sell it outright, I will turn it into something else.
And yes, we are moving outta here, since he didn't do his usual thing and disappear so he didn't have to be confronted with the fallout of his behaviour.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:46 PM on October 28, 2010 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: Apologies to those with poor eyesight. I buggered up the small thing, obviously.
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:46 PM on October 28, 2010
posted by malibustacey9999 at 3:46 PM on October 28, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
You could embed the stones into one of these items...something special that isn't jewelry, but IS a unique and quasi-functional carry along item that enhances your life and charms you with it's decadent whimsy.
posted by iamkimiam at 5:14 PM on July 17, 2010