Should I be concerned about being nude around (same-sex) children in the locker room?
July 14, 2010 3:16 PM Subscribe
Should I be concerned about being nude around (same-sex) children in the locker room?
The university where I work and whose gym and locker room facilities I use has a number of summer programs for children that include swimming. As a result, large-ish groups of children (perhaps 20, ages 8-12) are often in the locker room (with a guardian or two). Sometimes they enter while I am in the showers -- and the way the room is laid out, I am in their direct line of sight. Also, I occasionally have to navigate through a group of them while undressed to get to my towel and clothes. Kids being kids, I have also noticed them staring.
I have tried changing the times that I use the gym, but it seems that there are several groups that use the locker room. The hours that are available to me to go the gym are also limited, so I can't move around too much. Also adding to the situation is that since it's summer in a college town, fewer people than usual use the gym, so sometimes the locker room will be pretty sparse.
If it were a group of men, I wouldn't be concerned, of course. But, these being kids, I don't want there to be any misunderstanding.
Am I being too sensitive? Am I fine doing what I'm doing? Should I find another gym for the summer?
The university where I work and whose gym and locker room facilities I use has a number of summer programs for children that include swimming. As a result, large-ish groups of children (perhaps 20, ages 8-12) are often in the locker room (with a guardian or two). Sometimes they enter while I am in the showers -- and the way the room is laid out, I am in their direct line of sight. Also, I occasionally have to navigate through a group of them while undressed to get to my towel and clothes. Kids being kids, I have also noticed them staring.
I have tried changing the times that I use the gym, but it seems that there are several groups that use the locker room. The hours that are available to me to go the gym are also limited, so I can't move around too much. Also adding to the situation is that since it's summer in a college town, fewer people than usual use the gym, so sometimes the locker room will be pretty sparse.
If it were a group of men, I wouldn't be concerned, of course. But, these being kids, I don't want there to be any misunderstanding.
Am I being too sensitive? Am I fine doing what I'm doing? Should I find another gym for the summer?
I don't think there will be any misunderstanding. It's a locker room. This is par for the course at most gyms. I mean, they all have penises too, right? They're just curious about, you know, size and hair and stuff. I wouldn't give it a second thought, myself.
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by Lutoslawski at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Not a man, here. But as a gym goer, I wonder if you can shower with your back to the room (assuming there's no curtain to close), wear a towel when you are moving between shower and clothes locker, and dress with your back to others. That's the etiquette in the locker rooms I share with other adult females.
posted by bearwife at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by bearwife at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2010
(I did summer programs as a kid, I'm a male)
My opinion is 'meh'. A locker room with showers, including a line of sight, is a pretty normal thing. The kids will be in them at some point in their life, might as well be now.
If you're comfortable, then you're fine. You may want to tell them it's not polite to stare if one is being blatant about it - not that it's gross or anything, just in general you shouldn't stare at people for any reason.
If you're comfortable.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
My opinion is 'meh'. A locker room with showers, including a line of sight, is a pretty normal thing. The kids will be in them at some point in their life, might as well be now.
If you're comfortable, then you're fine. You may want to tell them it's not polite to stare if one is being blatant about it - not that it's gross or anything, just in general you shouldn't stare at people for any reason.
If you're comfortable.
posted by Lemurrhea at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
I think you are fine. It is a locker room and these things are bound to happen. The parents know this in signing up.
I understand your sensitivity though, but don't believe you should be too concerned.
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
I understand your sensitivity though, but don't believe you should be too concerned.
posted by wocka wocka wocka at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
I would be concerned if I were you. Wrap yourself in a towel and change in a stall if you are surrounded by kiddos. It's common sense.
posted by cecic at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by cecic at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010
I think you're being too sensitive. You have a perfect right to change your clothes in the locker room. This is one of the uses for which locker rooms are expressly designed and intended, after all.
posted by killdevil at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [6 favorites]
posted by killdevil at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [6 favorites]
I've had the same question in the locker room that I use. My general feeling is that part of using adult-people's locker rooms is that there will be other adult people there using them and children will have to get used to that. You are using the facilities appropriately. Our gym has a "visitor's" locker room that is available for large groups as well as parents who have a bunch of kids of various ages and genders and want to be in one locker room with all of them. That sort of thing might be available to you or to them if you're not comfortable with the situation. The only thing I do differently is I hang my towel near the showers to minimize the "I am walking through a huge crowd of you, naked" time that I have, but I think you're fine. Some kids just stare.
posted by jessamyn at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by jessamyn at 3:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I thought about this when I started swimming at the local pool. Eventually this conclusion was reached: I'm not doing anything wrong, so fuck it.
That said, reasonable precautions are taken. I take a large towel with me in the shower. It's wrapped around me when I come out and as I finish drying off. On goes the underwear, while the towel is still on. Once that's on, the towel comes off. But really, that's just me being slightly caution on my part. Again, if you're not doing anything wrong, it's not a big deal, it's a locker room, you know?
posted by new brand day at 3:23 PM on July 14, 2010
That said, reasonable precautions are taken. I take a large towel with me in the shower. It's wrapped around me when I come out and as I finish drying off. On goes the underwear, while the towel is still on. Once that's on, the towel comes off. But really, that's just me being slightly caution on my part. Again, if you're not doing anything wrong, it's not a big deal, it's a locker room, you know?
posted by new brand day at 3:23 PM on July 14, 2010
You should wear a towel when going from your locker to the shower.
posted by grouse at 3:24 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by grouse at 3:24 PM on July 14, 2010
Also, I occasionally have to navigate through a group of them while undressed to get to my towel and clothes.
Well, don't get into this situation where you have nothing to put on and have to walk somewhere else. Have your towel right there with you.
posted by Jaltcoh at 3:25 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Well, don't get into this situation where you have nothing to put on and have to walk somewhere else. Have your towel right there with you.
posted by Jaltcoh at 3:25 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Being a former tightly-wound youngster I would have appreciated an adult role model that was comfortable with their own nudity in appropriate situations. Instead, it took until I was 26 to ever set foot in a locker room.
I'm not sure what misunderstandings there might be so long as you are using the locker room in a way that is typically appropriate for the institution. It sounds like you are safe.
posted by greekphilosophy at 3:32 PM on July 14, 2010 [7 favorites]
I'm not sure what misunderstandings there might be so long as you are using the locker room in a way that is typically appropriate for the institution. It sounds like you are safe.
posted by greekphilosophy at 3:32 PM on July 14, 2010 [7 favorites]
I think you're right to be uncomfortable navigating through groups of random kids while naked. Them briefly seeing your body across the room while you're showering or changing is OK, but any situation where your unclothed body is less than, say, 2 yards away from the kids, or where you make eye contact with kids while you're nude, is sketchy. I'd say if you're in the midst of showering or changing, it's OK to be naked; but while you are, keep your groin turned away from the kids whenever you reasonably can, and avoid eye contact with the kids or speaking with them while nude. And if you're not actively engaged in cleaning or dressing, wear a towel. I'm not saying to get dressed under the towel like I did during puberty, but I do think you should keep the exposure to a quick minimum. Also be aware, if these kids are anything like the kids I went to camp with, they will furtively watch you change, and maybe giggle with nervous embarrassment when they see you naked, so be ready for that.
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:39 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by pseudostrabismus at 3:39 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Wow. I know where you're coming from because I'm pretty paranoid around kids these days. However, because I'm also pretty determined to live a normal life, I have one simple rule - I don't get ALONE with other people's kids, with or without clothes. If these kid's guardians are also going in and out of the locker room, you're miles ahead. Towel up whenever you can, and otherwise do your thing. You'll have to drop the towel getting in the shower and getting dressed; don't worry about that.
Frankly I do this around grown men too. Why? I dunno - I don't want half the population of my relatively small metro area to know the size of my flaccid penis? I'm average when erect, but I'm a grower, not a shower - I've noticed most of the guys who walk around a lot completely naked in a locker room seem to either be unusually well endowed, or perhaps they're half-erect. Either way, it sends pervy and/or weirdly competitive signals to me.
Wow, that was TMI. Where was I?
I have two boys, and they went from walking around naked in the house, taking showers together, etc. to this thing where they don't want to be seen without underwear, either by me, Mrs. RKS, or their brother. Like, overnight. And we have not particularly instilled any sort of prudishness. So I think this curiosity/squeamishness thing is something that happens kinda automatically in their tween years and how they come out of it is really for they and their parents to work out. As indicated above, I'm not sure that it's entirely a bad thing, as long as they're not paralyzed by it. Let their dad parade around naked to help them get over it, if it's something they need to get over.
posted by randomkeystrike at 3:49 PM on July 14, 2010
Frankly I do this around grown men too. Why? I dunno - I don't want half the population of my relatively small metro area to know the size of my flaccid penis? I'm average when erect, but I'm a grower, not a shower - I've noticed most of the guys who walk around a lot completely naked in a locker room seem to either be unusually well endowed, or perhaps they're half-erect. Either way, it sends pervy and/or weirdly competitive signals to me.
Wow, that was TMI. Where was I?
I have two boys, and they went from walking around naked in the house, taking showers together, etc. to this thing where they don't want to be seen without underwear, either by me, Mrs. RKS, or their brother. Like, overnight. And we have not particularly instilled any sort of prudishness. So I think this curiosity/squeamishness thing is something that happens kinda automatically in their tween years and how they come out of it is really for they and their parents to work out. As indicated above, I'm not sure that it's entirely a bad thing, as long as they're not paralyzed by it. Let their dad parade around naked to help them get over it, if it's something they need to get over.
posted by randomkeystrike at 3:49 PM on July 14, 2010
I was always very uncomfortable using urinals until I started using a locker room shower. I think it's healthy to be fine with being naked when appropriate. That being said, I would not feel comfortable being in your situation because of the pedohunt
posted by rebent at 3:52 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by rebent at 3:52 PM on July 14, 2010
I am a mother and I am not worried about my kid seeing nudity in this context. In a healthier, more functional world I think more kids would learn about adult bodies in this way - rather than from sexual abuse or from unrealistic images in the media.
I feel a bit of awkwardness when I'm in this situation myself, but I just avoid eye contact (or basically I avoid looking around much) to avoid making the kid feel uncomfortable. I avoid eye contact in locker rooms anyway, so it's not a big deal.
posted by serazin at 3:59 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
I feel a bit of awkwardness when I'm in this situation myself, but I just avoid eye contact (or basically I avoid looking around much) to avoid making the kid feel uncomfortable. I avoid eye contact in locker rooms anyway, so it's not a big deal.
posted by serazin at 3:59 PM on July 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
In case you need yet another restating of the same opinion, think of it this way. The camp workers know you and anyone else will be there doing normal locker room stuff and they don't care. Otherwise they would have gone to the gym administrators and asked them to close the locker rooms while the kids are in there.
posted by amethysts at 4:08 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by amethysts at 4:08 PM on July 14, 2010
I am a mother. I have no problems with this scenario.
And while it's not clear from your question if this is the layout of your gym shower, but my college's gym shower was completely open. It was one room with several showerheads in it. No curtains. No single stalls. No place to leave a towel nearby. The nearest place to leave a towel was by the lockers. It was absolutely impossible to shower with a towel nearby. If this is similar to your situation, then navigating through a crowd of kids without a towel isfine. I mean, it's either that or a soggy towel.
This, of course, was also the women's room, but I have it on good authority that the men's room was not any different and that men --- not the college students, but the patrons who paid for memberships --- would regularly do the same because, again, there really wasn't another alternative except a soggy towel.
posted by zizzle at 4:17 PM on July 14, 2010
And while it's not clear from your question if this is the layout of your gym shower, but my college's gym shower was completely open. It was one room with several showerheads in it. No curtains. No single stalls. No place to leave a towel nearby. The nearest place to leave a towel was by the lockers. It was absolutely impossible to shower with a towel nearby. If this is similar to your situation, then navigating through a crowd of kids without a towel isfine. I mean, it's either that or a soggy towel.
This, of course, was also the women's room, but I have it on good authority that the men's room was not any different and that men --- not the college students, but the patrons who paid for memberships --- would regularly do the same because, again, there really wasn't another alternative except a soggy towel.
posted by zizzle at 4:17 PM on July 14, 2010
It's your gym, you're using it properly.
If you are worried about protecting yourself (from say, for example, a "mommy, mommy, that man touched me" kind of thing), be sure to stay within the line of sight of another adult at all times.
That would be my only worry. (but then again I'm a teacher, so the adult/child alone thing comes up a lot more in my line of work and I'm a lot more aware of it.)
posted by NoraCharles at 4:17 PM on July 14, 2010
If you are worried about protecting yourself (from say, for example, a "mommy, mommy, that man touched me" kind of thing), be sure to stay within the line of sight of another adult at all times.
That would be my only worry. (but then again I'm a teacher, so the adult/child alone thing comes up a lot more in my line of work and I'm a lot more aware of it.)
posted by NoraCharles at 4:17 PM on July 14, 2010
(And by, not the college students, I mean many of the college students wouldn't shower after their workouts. I do not recommend this course of action.)
posted by zizzle at 4:19 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by zizzle at 4:19 PM on July 14, 2010
Your question is: Should I be concerned about being nude around (same-sex) children in the locker room?
The answer is: No.
Here's why.
1) It's a locker room. It's almost by definition a place where men/women change their clothes, get naked, and shower. That's what you're doing. So therefore there's nothing wrong with it.
2) What are the old dudes doing? You know who I'm talking about. The 80 year-old cancer survivor who does aqua aerobics in the morning to score chicks and swim laps in the afternoon because he's bored. What is that guy doing? I know exactly what he's doing. He's parading around in his flesh tuxedo like he's goddamn Fabio, that's what he's doing. There's no way you're worse than your standard "locker room old dude." Imagine old dude as the guy who makes everyone else feel comfortable about being naked. It's like his duty. Old dude is on your side.
Short: you're fine. Don't offer the kids candy bars or point and laugh at their tiny peens, and you're going to be absolutely gem dandy.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:25 PM on July 14, 2010 [16 favorites]
The answer is: No.
Here's why.
1) It's a locker room. It's almost by definition a place where men/women change their clothes, get naked, and shower. That's what you're doing. So therefore there's nothing wrong with it.
2) What are the old dudes doing? You know who I'm talking about. The 80 year-old cancer survivor who does aqua aerobics in the morning to score chicks and swim laps in the afternoon because he's bored. What is that guy doing? I know exactly what he's doing. He's parading around in his flesh tuxedo like he's goddamn Fabio, that's what he's doing. There's no way you're worse than your standard "locker room old dude." Imagine old dude as the guy who makes everyone else feel comfortable about being naked. It's like his duty. Old dude is on your side.
Short: you're fine. Don't offer the kids candy bars or point and laugh at their tiny peens, and you're going to be absolutely gem dandy.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:25 PM on July 14, 2010 [16 favorites]
If it gives you any comfort, my father's friends (now in their late sixties) talk about swimming naked at the YMCA when they were young - it was men/boy swim time, and apparently bathing suits weren't worn. So....a few minutes in a locker room doesn't seem like a big deal compared to that! I'm also the mother of a boy, and let him go into the locker room by himself.
posted by Sukey Says at 4:29 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by Sukey Says at 4:29 PM on July 14, 2010
locker room = nudity, don't sweat it. also: note that the us is pretty much the only first world country where people stress out about this—in european and asian countries where going to spas and bathhouses with your parents and getting naked is just something everyone does, you're the weirdo if you walk around in a towel and are the one who makes people uncomfortable. sometimes there are rules that prevent you from entering certain places unless you're completely naked. it's good for kids to see adults comfortable with their bodies enough to be naked around strangers and might help them combat the seemingly inevitable body shame when they hit puberty.
posted by lia at 4:45 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by lia at 4:45 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
In our gym there is a separate family section, and children under 12 or so are supposed to be banned from the locker room.
I am assuming from the way you have worded your question that you are male. I think that if there's a way you can bring a towel with you to the shower that is ideal but as others have said, it's a locker room and locker rooms have naked people in them. If the gym were worried about that then they would have said or done something-since they have not, I wouldn't be overly worried about it.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:02 PM on July 14, 2010
I am assuming from the way you have worded your question that you are male. I think that if there's a way you can bring a towel with you to the shower that is ideal but as others have said, it's a locker room and locker rooms have naked people in them. If the gym were worried about that then they would have said or done something-since they have not, I wouldn't be overly worried about it.
posted by St. Alia of the Bunnies at 5:02 PM on July 14, 2010
I swim regularly at the community center and there are all ages in the women's locker room including naked kids running around. I'm pretty modest so I keep covered with a towel at most times but when changing in/out of my clothes, it's pretty difficult to not be naked. Yeah, kids stare. Ignore them. They're just being kids.
posted by amanda at 5:22 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by amanda at 5:22 PM on July 14, 2010
You shouldn't worry about this at all.
also: note that the us is pretty much the only first world country where people stress out about this—in european and asian countries where going to spas and bathhouses with your parents and getting naked is just something everyone does
This is dead-on and is worth repeating.
posted by smorange at 5:33 PM on July 14, 2010
also: note that the us is pretty much the only first world country where people stress out about this—in european and asian countries where going to spas and bathhouses with your parents and getting naked is just something everyone does
This is dead-on and is worth repeating.
posted by smorange at 5:33 PM on July 14, 2010
Father of two young boys here, although both are under the age group you describe. Continue to use the facilities as you always have. That's what they're for. By doing that, you're helping to teach my sons normal behaviour. It's my job to teach them how to be safe.
If you're not staring back, approaching them or saying inappropriate remarks, that's enough for me.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:53 PM on July 14, 2010
If you're not staring back, approaching them or saying inappropriate remarks, that's enough for me.
posted by GhostintheMachine at 5:53 PM on July 14, 2010
I asked my husband and he said it was fine as long as you're not walking around with a boner.
posted by defreckled at 5:54 PM on July 14, 2010
posted by defreckled at 5:54 PM on July 14, 2010
I can't conceive of why this would ever be a problem. It's just nudity. Children are not automatically scarred for life by glimpsing a wang in a locker room.
posted by Lobster Garden at 6:44 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by Lobster Garden at 6:44 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
One of the great contributors to my general comfort with my body was being in a locker room with women of all shapes and sizes. I wish I'd had more experience with that before college.
posted by freshwater at 8:16 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by freshwater at 8:16 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
This is my training as a foster parent and a youth minister talking, but I personally would avoid the situation by taking all reasonable measures. I am pretty surprised that the camp directors would take the kids in the locker room when other men could be present. I bet they haven't thought that one through.
Maybe you could talk to the camp providers to get a better idea of their schedules and point out the potential conflict? Or bring a towel or a robe with you into the shower? Sure, they might see you in the showers, but you could avoid being naked when you come near or pass by them. I would get my clothes and at least put on my underwear and pants in a stall. I would make sure I was observed taking reasonable measures to not be naked around the children. And if I had to be so I would make sure that at least one other adult is also in the line of sight with me.
Nudity and the childrens' sensitivity to it is not the issue as much as your own protection. All it takes is one misunderstanding to make a very unpleasant life for you. One accusation, and it doesn't have to be substantial, of anything with a child is witch hunt fodder.
Yeah, yeah, the world should be more reasonable and all that. But I've worked with youth for many years and I can tell you that there are few less rational creatures than a scared parent. (Witness: Vaccines and Autism hooey that persists to this day.) I am not willing to bet my life on the reasonableness of concerned parents, at least from the parents I have seen.
posted by cross_impact at 8:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Maybe you could talk to the camp providers to get a better idea of their schedules and point out the potential conflict? Or bring a towel or a robe with you into the shower? Sure, they might see you in the showers, but you could avoid being naked when you come near or pass by them. I would get my clothes and at least put on my underwear and pants in a stall. I would make sure I was observed taking reasonable measures to not be naked around the children. And if I had to be so I would make sure that at least one other adult is also in the line of sight with me.
Nudity and the childrens' sensitivity to it is not the issue as much as your own protection. All it takes is one misunderstanding to make a very unpleasant life for you. One accusation, and it doesn't have to be substantial, of anything with a child is witch hunt fodder.
Yeah, yeah, the world should be more reasonable and all that. But I've worked with youth for many years and I can tell you that there are few less rational creatures than a scared parent. (Witness: Vaccines and Autism hooey that persists to this day.) I am not willing to bet my life on the reasonableness of concerned parents, at least from the parents I have seen.
posted by cross_impact at 8:22 PM on July 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I will n:th that what you describe sounds like totally normal locker room behavior.
But if it would make you more comfortable, may I suggest a suction cup hook that you can use to hang your towel on while showering? Wear towel to shower, choose the shower head closest to the wall, stick the suction cup hook on the outside wall where the towel won't get wet and is in easy reach. Cover up with the towel when you are done in the shower, loosen the hook and bring it with you and put it in your locker/bag. That way, you could still cover up when walking around, which it sounds like is one of the major issues.
posted by gemmy at 9:19 PM on July 14, 2010
But if it would make you more comfortable, may I suggest a suction cup hook that you can use to hang your towel on while showering? Wear towel to shower, choose the shower head closest to the wall, stick the suction cup hook on the outside wall where the towel won't get wet and is in easy reach. Cover up with the towel when you are done in the shower, loosen the hook and bring it with you and put it in your locker/bag. That way, you could still cover up when walking around, which it sounds like is one of the major issues.
posted by gemmy at 9:19 PM on July 14, 2010
when I was a kid, I saw my parents and their friends naked anytime we went down to the local swimming hole (we wore swimsuits at the public beaches, skinny dipped at the private ones). It never occurred to me that it would be considered weird to see adult nudity as a kid...
As an adult, one dojang I went to did specifically separate the 'kid times' and 'adult times' for using changing rooms, which was simple enough because adult and child classes were held separately, but if you were teaching kids or there to practice on your own, you weren't allowed to change when the kids were. I thought that was unnecessary, but obviously went along with the rules of the place. If your gym doesn't make such specifications, though, I don't see why it should be your concern.
posted by mdn at 6:10 AM on July 15, 2010
As an adult, one dojang I went to did specifically separate the 'kid times' and 'adult times' for using changing rooms, which was simple enough because adult and child classes were held separately, but if you were teaching kids or there to practice on your own, you weren't allowed to change when the kids were. I thought that was unnecessary, but obviously went along with the rules of the place. If your gym doesn't make such specifications, though, I don't see why it should be your concern.
posted by mdn at 6:10 AM on July 15, 2010
As has been repeated many times there is nothing wrong with being naked in a locker room, it is what it's for.
That being said you really should take a towel with you to the shower (assuming it is a stall and there are hooks, but even if it is a community shower there should still be hooks around), walking too and from the shower bare ass is gross. My general rule (and one I wish to god would be widely adopted) is a ban on public nudity in the locker room outside of the shower in excess of 45 seconds. There is absolutely no reason to just be standing around naked there, you should either be in the process of dressing or undressing or in the shower if you arent wearing anything.
posted by BobbyDigital at 6:59 AM on July 15, 2010
That being said you really should take a towel with you to the shower (assuming it is a stall and there are hooks, but even if it is a community shower there should still be hooks around), walking too and from the shower bare ass is gross. My general rule (and one I wish to god would be widely adopted) is a ban on public nudity in the locker room outside of the shower in excess of 45 seconds. There is absolutely no reason to just be standing around naked there, you should either be in the process of dressing or undressing or in the shower if you arent wearing anything.
posted by BobbyDigital at 6:59 AM on July 15, 2010
I find this discussion baffling. Where's the problem? Are you the first naked man these little boys have ever seen? What are they staring at? Are you physically different from them (different ethnic maybe, or a tattoo or something?) I'm a long-time denizen of male locker rooms and I've never encountered uncomfortable vibes in them, but I miss things sometimes going to/from the showers since my glasses are stashed in my locker, and without them everything's way out of focus. During that short journey, however, I always carry my towel in front of my genitals, but don't wrap it around, like a skirt -- that seems to be a custom one picks up in the military or fraternity.
posted by Rash at 11:33 AM on July 15, 2010
posted by Rash at 11:33 AM on July 15, 2010
I'm sympathetic in that lately high school swim teams are in the locker room same time as me. I'm not uncomfortable with it (I'm a theatre person..), and the young'uns don't actively display discomfort toward me, but they don't undress in front of each other!. They shower in their suits. I don't get this.
I can remember being uncomfortable in locker rooms when I was young, small for my age, and occasionally the target of harassment, but that was in the context of jock-y nakedness. My friend tells me the women's locker room has the same deal. Weird, huh? I mean, I know the US is weird about bodies in general, but it seems to be getting worse. Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon?
posted by Mngo at 2:16 PM on July 15, 2010
I can remember being uncomfortable in locker rooms when I was young, small for my age, and occasionally the target of harassment, but that was in the context of jock-y nakedness. My friend tells me the women's locker room has the same deal. Weird, huh? I mean, I know the US is weird about bodies in general, but it seems to be getting worse. Has anyone else noticed this phenomenon?
posted by Mngo at 2:16 PM on July 15, 2010
Mngo, out of curiosity, what does the (I'm a theater person..) mean? I've read your comment a few times and don't really get it. Theater people enjoy being nude more than others? They're more comfortable being nude? They're gay? I'm just not getting it.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:17 AM on July 16, 2010
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 4:17 AM on July 16, 2010
Mngo, I always shower in my suit if I'm going to a public pool or other place. I don't care if this marks me as a crazy type. I go to the gym three times a week and then return straight home in sweaty clothes to shower there. (And I'm not the only one- the gym's shower facilities are almost entirely unused.) If I have to shower because it's a public pool, I would shower in my suit, absolutely, and then I would get changed in a stall or do an awkward dance with my shirt and towels so that no one could ever see any part of me.
To the OP, have you discussed this with gym management? Obviously, I'm pretty modest about my body, but if I was in your situation, I would be very frustrated and feel like I was being put in an awkward, potentially explosive situation. I don't like that this is what we've come to as a society, but I think you have an obligation to protect yourself from potential problems. I agree with cross_impact above. Nothing has to happen for you to be accused of something.
posted by aabbbiee at 7:41 AM on July 16, 2010
To the OP, have you discussed this with gym management? Obviously, I'm pretty modest about my body, but if I was in your situation, I would be very frustrated and feel like I was being put in an awkward, potentially explosive situation. I don't like that this is what we've come to as a society, but I think you have an obligation to protect yourself from potential problems. I agree with cross_impact above. Nothing has to happen for you to be accused of something.
posted by aabbbiee at 7:41 AM on July 16, 2010
Got it. I'm a theater person = comfy with being nekkid around others. Thanks.
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 8:32 AM on July 16, 2010
posted by (Arsenio) Hall and (Warren) Oates at 8:32 AM on July 16, 2010
Yeah, what ifds,sn9 said. I'm more than modest, I'm actually embarassed by my body, but at yoga class, for instance, I sometimes have to catch myself from changing in the hallway just because it has a dressing room atmosphere. Thanks for the data point, aabbbiee--makes clear this is not just one cult-like swim team or something.
posted by Mngo at 8:47 AM on July 16, 2010
posted by Mngo at 8:47 AM on July 16, 2010
I keep coming back to this thread because of what cross_impact said and it's really bothering me. I think what he or she said speaks from a background of connections with children. The statistics are that if something nefarious is going to happen to a child, odds are it is someone the child knows: a sibling, a relative, a foster parent, a minister, a camp counselor, etc. But, we can't just give over to a world where all men are pedophiles/molesters until proven innocent. I'm sure that this is somewhat where your hesitation is coming from, anon, but we all need to do our best to get over that. I think you have had a range of good advice and while cross_impact is well-meaning, I hope it doesn't add fuel to your discomfort. Because, as has been pointed out, there's nothing to be uncomfortable about and acting like there is just adds to a pervasive atmosphere of weirdness, in my opinion.
posted by amanda at 10:38 AM on July 16, 2010
posted by amanda at 10:38 AM on July 16, 2010
Sure it is. He doesn't have any choice. He didn't barge into a kids locker room and get naked. He's using a community amenity in the way it was intended to be used. And besides, that's not what I said or intended to say at all. What I said was intended to just reiterate that he has nothing to be uncomfortable about. But, I felt like what cross_impact was saying was that, yes, he should be uncomfortable and that he was operating in a place that other adults should know better than to let their kids in there with him. That attitude is simply ridiculous. Bad stuff happens to kids, to people. But that stuff doesn't have anything to do with the question the poster raised.
Personally, I vote for a certain amount of modesty as that's how I am and how I was raised. But seeing someone just go naked in the locker room doesn't faze me. That's what the room is there for. And this attitude has nothing to do with what is or isn't appropriate in regards to children in a lockerroom.
posted by amanda at 2:12 PM on July 16, 2010
Personally, I vote for a certain amount of modesty as that's how I am and how I was raised. But seeing someone just go naked in the locker room doesn't faze me. That's what the room is there for. And this attitude has nothing to do with what is or isn't appropriate in regards to children in a lockerroom.
posted by amanda at 2:12 PM on July 16, 2010
I agree that it should be reasonable to use the locker room as it was intended. However, this world is often not reasonable. Cross_impact's response was formulated after experience in an unreasonable world. I agree with him because I was brought up by school teachers who were always concerned about how the world might misconstrue something innocent. The OP asked for advice. I think he should protect himself. (Not just because he's a man, either. I would suggest the same to any person.)
In fact, the onus is really on gym management if we're talking about changing the larger culture. They can assume the risk. If management is aware of the situation, is willing to take responsibility for kids in the locker room while adults are going about their own business, and is willing to stand up to parents who come barreling in there to scream about virgin eyes, then that is culture-changing. The current business culture is one of no responsibility because they are also concerned with litigation from unreasonable people.
posted by aabbbiee at 8:31 AM on July 19, 2010
In fact, the onus is really on gym management if we're talking about changing the larger culture. They can assume the risk. If management is aware of the situation, is willing to take responsibility for kids in the locker room while adults are going about their own business, and is willing to stand up to parents who come barreling in there to scream about virgin eyes, then that is culture-changing. The current business culture is one of no responsibility because they are also concerned with litigation from unreasonable people.
posted by aabbbiee at 8:31 AM on July 19, 2010
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posted by brainmouse at 3:20 PM on July 14, 2010