I don't even know.

June 27, 2010 3:34 PM

There's this girl that I'm very attracted to and who I feel is also attracted to me. Should I ask her out? Wait, though! I'm a snowflake!

I'm as sure as I can be that she and I have a lot in common, mutual attraction, and good rapport. Great. Obviously yes, right? No, apparently. Factors of uncertainty:

#1: I'm moving across the country in a month. I understand that a month is a long time in this context for some people, but I've never been in a relationship for that short of a period, and I have very little actual dating experience and no successful dating experience.

#2: I only see her when she's working as the cashier at the market I go to. My own reasoning, backed up by the collective wisdom of AskMe tells me that it's rarely a good idea to attempt romantic advances upon those whose job it is to be nice to you. Though I think that it's beyond that, you know, still.

Yes? No? I want to, but kinda think I shouldn't. I don't know which of me to listen to.

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (11 answers total)

#1: I'm moving across the country in a month.

Save your money for the date with the girl you'll meet in your new city.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 3:36 PM on June 27, 2010 [12 favorites]

Give her a memory. Ask her what kind of music she's into and a couple days before you go, give her a disc with something you like on it. Just say that you're leaving town for whatever reason, and that you've enjoyed chatting. Not every "hello" has to lead to a relationship, and not every friend has to be forever. Just give her (and yourself) something to remember.
posted by seanmpuckett at 3:39 PM on June 27, 2010 [8 favorites]

Every date doesn't need to lead to a relationship. Why not mention to her that you'll be moving away in a month, and you'd think it would be fun to meet-up before you leave. If see seems interested make a specific date and enjoy.
posted by Pineapplicious at 3:40 PM on June 27, 2010 [4 favorites]

Asking her out isn't a guarantee she'll say yes so knock yourself out. As you admit, a lot of people who have a job of being nice are just being nice so she may not even say yes. But you'll never know unless you ask.

I would be upfront with her about moving soon. She's probably not going to want to marry you in a month anyway and this takes the pressure of of some sort of relationship. If she's the great girl you describe you could have fun with her for the month you're still around and still be friends after you move. Or you could fall in love and decide to stay. Or she moves away with you. Or it turns out that outside the market she's kind of a bore. You'll never know unless you ask.
posted by birdherder at 3:41 PM on June 27, 2010

There's always reasons not to ask someone out. If you listen to them you'll never ask anyone out. I say go for it. The fact that you're leaving might scare her away, but then again it might lead to a nice little fling for both of you with no pressure or expectations. Won't know if you don't try, and as long as you're up front about leaving (thus preventing expectations you can't meet) the worst that could happen is she says no.
posted by PercussivePaul at 3:42 PM on June 27, 2010

Ask her! Some very fun times can be had if you know there's no pressure to be had on a relationship. And you can dive head first into testing out who you want to be in dating scenarios, (flirt yourself to death). Because if you make a total fool of yourself, its not big deal. You'll be cross country soon enough. She may not say yes, but if she does it could be a lot of fun!
posted by Unred at 3:49 PM on June 27, 2010

Why not say, "Hey, I have really enjoyed chatting with you when I shop here, I'm moving away in a month, I would love to go to coffee with you sometime before I leave," and hand her your phone number on a slip of paper.
posted by jayder at 4:07 PM on June 27, 2010 [4 favorites]

If you mention that you're moving in a month when you tell her you'd like to get together, keep in mind that it's going to sound to her like you're specifically interested in having sex with her.

The other options (that you're genuinely romantically interested in her, that you just want to be friends) are going to seem comparatively far-fetched in light of your upcoming move.
posted by hermitosis at 4:47 PM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

As long as you tell her you are leaving in a month, I don't really see a big deal.

I wouldn't do it, though. It'd give me another reason to be heartsick for "home", which is the last thing you want when you are trying to settle in somewhere else.
posted by Lizsterr at 4:48 PM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]

Also, a move across the country can be stressful and emotionally challenging enough without these sorts of eleventh hour entanglements.

I understand where you're coming from -- the month before I moved to New York I felt like a ghost and found myself getting really lonely as I anticipated the distance I was about to put between myself and my loved ones. The urge to meet and/or hook up with people was especially strong at that time.

But I second Cool Papa Bell's advice. Save your money and your energy, and if you want to encourage yourself to be more confident when it comes to dating, pursue available people.

Why not make a profile at OKCupid and start looking for people in the city you're moving to? "Hey I'm new in town and looking for people to take me out and show me the ropes" is a perfectly grand online dating ice-breaker.
posted by hermitosis at 4:52 PM on June 27, 2010

"I'm leaving town in a month. Wanna grab a drink after work?"

"I'm new to town. What's going on tonight that's fun?"

These things are not complicated, my friend. Good luck.
posted by waxbanks at 8:45 PM on June 27, 2010