Finding a replacement roommate while looking for new housing?
June 27, 2010 12:32 AM Subscribe
I just moved into an apartment (rented) and am having issues with unexpected noise problems. I'm sensitive to sound and didn't realize this would be such a big problem until I've moved in. I would like to ask for advice how to handle this problem.
So this apartment is in a three-story building. And they built an 'apartment' that is two floors using the upper two floors. The restrooms have this fan that is used to ventilate the bathrooms. These are the major issue for me because the fan is loud, and if the neighbor(s) turn it on, I can hear it through my walls. It makes it difficult for me to sleep and/or fall asleep. I've tried earplugs but the sound still gets through. It's like a low frequency motor that's sitting there vibrating, and it's hurting my sleep. Too many roommates moving around, especially upstairs, is also affecting me. And there's some nearby AC units making noise, too. It'd be nice if they'd switch rooms with me, but it's going to be a big hassle to move everything so I don't know if they'd be cool with it. Could the landlord take care of this, ie please do not use the bathroom fan after x pm? I feel it's unlikely because the vents help keep moisture from building up in the bathroom, but if they use it late at night...
I'm living with three other roommates; we all have our own rooms. I have to move out before the lease expires and I'd like to coordinate it so I can find a new apartment and find a replacement roommate at the same time (we agreed to find a replacement if we had to move out early). What is a good method for tackling this? Please advise me on timeframe, things to do, what I should do next time I'm looking for housing. Thank you.
So this apartment is in a three-story building. And they built an 'apartment' that is two floors using the upper two floors. The restrooms have this fan that is used to ventilate the bathrooms. These are the major issue for me because the fan is loud, and if the neighbor(s) turn it on, I can hear it through my walls. It makes it difficult for me to sleep and/or fall asleep. I've tried earplugs but the sound still gets through. It's like a low frequency motor that's sitting there vibrating, and it's hurting my sleep. Too many roommates moving around, especially upstairs, is also affecting me. And there's some nearby AC units making noise, too. It'd be nice if they'd switch rooms with me, but it's going to be a big hassle to move everything so I don't know if they'd be cool with it. Could the landlord take care of this, ie please do not use the bathroom fan after x pm? I feel it's unlikely because the vents help keep moisture from building up in the bathroom, but if they use it late at night...
I'm living with three other roommates; we all have our own rooms. I have to move out before the lease expires and I'd like to coordinate it so I can find a new apartment and find a replacement roommate at the same time (we agreed to find a replacement if we had to move out early). What is a good method for tackling this? Please advise me on timeframe, things to do, what I should do next time I'm looking for housing. Thank you.
It is possible that even as someone sensitive to sound, you will adjust, given time. I used to regularly housesit for my aunt and uncle who live on a four lane road - and I would be coming from a house with forest on one side of the road (which was maybe 1.5 lanes wide). A big difference. I would always find the first week or so a bit trying in terms of getting sleep, but would then get used to it. If you have literally just moved in, give it a bit of time and try some of the other suggestions here too.
posted by AnnaRat at 1:41 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by AnnaRat at 1:41 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
Agreed with teedee2000. As long as you are a renter, there will be other people making noise at all times. Even if you buy a house, other people will still make noise. There is NO WAY a landlord is going to ask a tenant not to use the bathroom fan after X time - the landlord put the fan in there so that people WOULD use it.
When you go check out apartments to move into, you will be able to tell how it's going to sound just by being in there. Seriously, wear shoes that make noise when you walk under normal circumstances (wood floors, sidewalks) and see whether the noise of your shoes echoes when you do the walk-through. Look for buildings that are fairly new as opposed to these beautiful 19th-century mansions that are all chopped up into apartments now. They're all wood, which apparently does not control sound very well. I used to live in one of them, and not that I mind noise, but there were some crazies in that particular building and I heard someone get stabbed one night. Would that it had only been someone's bathroom fan!
The place I live in now contains roughly nine thousand people, and when I'm coming up my stairs I can hear them ALL! Babies crying, couples fighting (eecchhh), televisions at
maximum volume. But once I'm in this apartment with the door closed, I might as well be in a vault. Cinderblock walls and metal doors are the magic peacemaker in this place. Look for them! You will have to forgo some beauty and charm, but I made this cinderblock palace look pretty cool. (Fabric wall hangings muffle noise, too). It also has the added benefit of no one being able to hear me playing my kick-ass speakers at 4 am. In my old, wooden, beautiful apartment, I was NOT free to do so.
All of that being said, I am a big windows-open-as-little-climate-control-as-possible kind of person. The neighbors across the street have a number of motorcycles (or else all their friends are there all the time). And apparently, they all want to sit in the driveway and rev them ceaselessly at 7 am, every day. I wanted to kill them for about a week, and now I don't even notice it anymore. They're just living their lives, and honestly if I'm tired enough to be physically in bed, I'm tired enough to sleep through the neighbors' shenanigans.
A bathroom fan? An AC unit from next door? Dude, if this is the worst disturbance your neighbors ever cause, then you are a lucky, lucky person. I remember when I used to live in that cheap and "charming" apartment - I was awakened with a start by my downstairs neighbors' girlfriend kicking a hole through their door and shrieking "WHERE'S MY FUCKING CAR??? YOU TOOK MY FUCKING CAR!!" It was awesome. This was on a Tuesday/Wednesday night, @3:00 am. It was AWESOME! Unfortunately, that particular apartment did not possess a bathroom fan with which to block them out. Consider yourself lucky, and get more tired before you go to bed.
posted by deep thought sunstar at 1:56 AM on June 27, 2010 [9 favorites]
When you go check out apartments to move into, you will be able to tell how it's going to sound just by being in there. Seriously, wear shoes that make noise when you walk under normal circumstances (wood floors, sidewalks) and see whether the noise of your shoes echoes when you do the walk-through. Look for buildings that are fairly new as opposed to these beautiful 19th-century mansions that are all chopped up into apartments now. They're all wood, which apparently does not control sound very well. I used to live in one of them, and not that I mind noise, but there were some crazies in that particular building and I heard someone get stabbed one night. Would that it had only been someone's bathroom fan!
The place I live in now contains roughly nine thousand people, and when I'm coming up my stairs I can hear them ALL! Babies crying, couples fighting (eecchhh), televisions at
maximum volume. But once I'm in this apartment with the door closed, I might as well be in a vault. Cinderblock walls and metal doors are the magic peacemaker in this place. Look for them! You will have to forgo some beauty and charm, but I made this cinderblock palace look pretty cool. (Fabric wall hangings muffle noise, too). It also has the added benefit of no one being able to hear me playing my kick-ass speakers at 4 am. In my old, wooden, beautiful apartment, I was NOT free to do so.
All of that being said, I am a big windows-open-as-little-climate-control-as-possible kind of person. The neighbors across the street have a number of motorcycles (or else all their friends are there all the time). And apparently, they all want to sit in the driveway and rev them ceaselessly at 7 am, every day. I wanted to kill them for about a week, and now I don't even notice it anymore. They're just living their lives, and honestly if I'm tired enough to be physically in bed, I'm tired enough to sleep through the neighbors' shenanigans.
A bathroom fan? An AC unit from next door? Dude, if this is the worst disturbance your neighbors ever cause, then you are a lucky, lucky person. I remember when I used to live in that cheap and "charming" apartment - I was awakened with a start by my downstairs neighbors' girlfriend kicking a hole through their door and shrieking "WHERE'S MY FUCKING CAR??? YOU TOOK MY FUCKING CAR!!" It was awesome. This was on a Tuesday/Wednesday night, @3:00 am. It was AWESOME! Unfortunately, that particular apartment did not possess a bathroom fan with which to block them out. Consider yourself lucky, and get more tired before you go to bed.
posted by deep thought sunstar at 1:56 AM on June 27, 2010 [9 favorites]
I'm also really sensitive to sound and, yeah--you're never going to find a place where there are no sounds to disturb you. You'll get more used to it over time, but if you're like me, there are just always going to be days when you wish you could stuff all of your neighbors into a box and mail them to Siberia.
Earplugs never help me fall asleep, because it's less the loudness than the fact that there's this noise! demanding! my! attention! As long as I can still hear it at all, it's still distracting. However, they really help with staying asleep, so I still use them.
I nth the suggestion of some sort of white noise. This makes the biggest difference of all. I use a noisy air filter or a fan. Don't give up if it seems just as bad after the first night or two. You'll hopefully get acclimated to that one noise, which will mask the others.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:28 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
Earplugs never help me fall asleep, because it's less the loudness than the fact that there's this noise! demanding! my! attention! As long as I can still hear it at all, it's still distracting. However, they really help with staying asleep, so I still use them.
I nth the suggestion of some sort of white noise. This makes the biggest difference of all. I use a noisy air filter or a fan. Don't give up if it seems just as bad after the first night or two. You'll hopefully get acclimated to that one noise, which will mask the others.
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 2:28 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
I am super-sensitive to noise as well. It makes me anxious and demands my attention, and it's gotten worse as I've aged.
My most recent coping strategy was:
1. Over the ear noise-canceling earphones using the brown noise option on this site, Simply Noise. You can adjust the volume as needed and still listen to whatever you want online with this running in the background. They also have a few files you can download for when you're away from your computer.
2. Foam earplugs. If the noise was really annoying, I would use the earplugs with the Simply Noise site and earphones.
The key is keeping the earphones on -- it really helps. Construction-site type phones are good, too.
A landlord will never let you move due to noise. Finding a way to cope give YOU control over your situation and allows you to deal with your problem. I wish you well.
posted by kidelo at 5:15 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
My most recent coping strategy was:
1. Over the ear noise-canceling earphones using the brown noise option on this site, Simply Noise. You can adjust the volume as needed and still listen to whatever you want online with this running in the background. They also have a few files you can download for when you're away from your computer.
2. Foam earplugs. If the noise was really annoying, I would use the earplugs with the Simply Noise site and earphones.
The key is keeping the earphones on -- it really helps. Construction-site type phones are good, too.
A landlord will never let you move due to noise. Finding a way to cope give YOU control over your situation and allows you to deal with your problem. I wish you well.
posted by kidelo at 5:15 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
Chances are you'll get used to it. At the moment all these noises are a new stimulus to your brain, and they're distracting because normally, unfamiliar sound = pay attention. After a while your brain will start to tune out from them. The sooner you start relaxing with the noises going on the faster this will happen.
When I moved into my flat I could not believe how loud the cars going by were. It was like trying to sleep on a runway. The first night I was lying in bed mentally following every car that went past. I managed to sleep for 2 lots of 20 mins and thought I'd have to try to break the lease. I wondered if everyone else in the building was sleep deprived. The second night I managed to sleep through everything just cos I was exhausted from lack of sleep the night before, bit this made me realise sleep *was* possible. Now, the car noises are kind of soothing, like waves going by. I sleep like a baby. Relax, you'll get there too.
posted by Chrysalis at 5:24 AM on June 27, 2010
When I moved into my flat I could not believe how loud the cars going by were. It was like trying to sleep on a runway. The first night I was lying in bed mentally following every car that went past. I managed to sleep for 2 lots of 20 mins and thought I'd have to try to break the lease. I wondered if everyone else in the building was sleep deprived. The second night I managed to sleep through everything just cos I was exhausted from lack of sleep the night before, bit this made me realise sleep *was* possible. Now, the car noises are kind of soothing, like waves going by. I sleep like a baby. Relax, you'll get there too.
posted by Chrysalis at 5:24 AM on June 27, 2010
Response by poster: Yea, I have similar problems as everyone here. I use earplugs, and the first night I didn't get any sleep at all because of this. It was somewhat better during the week, but this weekend wasn't too good. I'm sitting in bed feeling anxious all the time, waiting for the next moment that fan noise appears again, and can't sleep well. Or if it wakes me up, I can't fall back asleep. Last night I slept at 1am, woken up at 6am, and I haven't been able to sleep again. *sigh*
posted by eliluong at 7:12 AM on June 27, 2010
posted by eliluong at 7:12 AM on June 27, 2010
I'm sitting in bed feeling anxious all the time, waiting for the next moment that fan noise appears again, and can't sleep well.
If your anxiety is so serious that you can't sleep in anticipation of the bathroom fan, that's a problem has nothing to do with the fan and everything to do with your anxiety. Take steps (doctor, psychologist, whatever your preference) to address this and let your neighbors/landlord be on this one.
posted by carsonb at 7:22 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
If your anxiety is so serious that you can't sleep in anticipation of the bathroom fan, that's a problem has nothing to do with the fan and everything to do with your anxiety. Take steps (doctor, psychologist, whatever your preference) to address this and let your neighbors/landlord be on this one.
posted by carsonb at 7:22 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
To reduce the noise coming in to your room, you can also put a lot of stuff on the walls. Bookshelves against the wall with egg crate style foam mattress pads work well to muffle sound, especially if you can put them closest to where the fan is coming from.
posted by Melsky at 7:28 AM on June 27, 2010
posted by Melsky at 7:28 AM on June 27, 2010
I struggle with this at times, my solution is that I have a big window fan that I keep in my room with me. Somehow I doubt that it's the actual noise that bothers you (though I could be wrong) but rather the fact that it's being turned off and then on again, so your brain is waiting to hear it. If you can block out the noise being on or off it may really help.
posted by wild like kudzu at 8:35 AM on June 27, 2010
posted by wild like kudzu at 8:35 AM on June 27, 2010
I'm sensitive to noise too, but living in a loud city, I'm talking about giant clattering trucks, drunk people from New Jersey yelling "woo!" at 3 a.m. and the din of glass bottles clanking together as scavengers go through the recycling. The things that are bothering you - fans and such - are my go-to solutions to noise!
That said, I totally get the horrible anxiety of Waiting For The Sound. My upstairs neighbors used to wake me up Every. Single. Morning. and it made me insane. I finally moved and the weight off my psyche is amazing.
Try a cheap fan - the pricier ones are quiet and you want the white noise of a fan to drown out everything else. And, even though you say you have tried earplugs, have you tried these Hear-Os? (The cute pink ones don't work as well as the puppy puke-beige ones.) I had thought earplugs didn't really work until I tried those. They are amazing.
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2010
That said, I totally get the horrible anxiety of Waiting For The Sound. My upstairs neighbors used to wake me up Every. Single. Morning. and it made me insane. I finally moved and the weight off my psyche is amazing.
Try a cheap fan - the pricier ones are quiet and you want the white noise of a fan to drown out everything else. And, even though you say you have tried earplugs, have you tried these Hear-Os? (The cute pink ones don't work as well as the puppy puke-beige ones.) I had thought earplugs didn't really work until I tried those. They are amazing.
posted by CunningLinguist at 11:24 AM on June 27, 2010
Consider also a sleep aid. I'd recommend calcium/ magnesium supplements, then melatonin and then a scrip for something like ambien if neither if the first two work well. The last one works for me at a half-dose. I have had issues with insomnia so I understand your sleep anxiety.
posted by amanda at 11:27 AM on June 27, 2010
posted by amanda at 11:27 AM on June 27, 2010
I use a loud fan, currently, to block the boomcars and other outside noises from going beyond our thin window. In other places, I've made sure to decorate my room as completely as could be, as the more stuff you have to absorb the sound, the better (soft hangings on walls were especially helpful). In worse places, where even two fans and a sleep aid didn't help, I used silicon swimmer earplugs.
It's true, though, that these incidental noises will fade in imperative over time. Your brain will get used to that sound not meaning a need for attention and you'll be able to sleep through. That takes acclimation, and filtering with white noise and some noise canceling barrier for your ears will be a more gentle way to put your brain through the exercise.
posted by batmonkey at 11:49 AM on June 27, 2010
It's true, though, that these incidental noises will fade in imperative over time. Your brain will get used to that sound not meaning a need for attention and you'll be able to sleep through. That takes acclimation, and filtering with white noise and some noise canceling barrier for your ears will be a more gentle way to put your brain through the exercise.
posted by batmonkey at 11:49 AM on June 27, 2010
Not-on-preview: be careful with melatonin. There are several disorders wherein it can create a bad interaction and cause greater problems than you started with.
posted by batmonkey at 11:51 AM on June 27, 2010
posted by batmonkey at 11:51 AM on June 27, 2010
As for advice for the next time you are looking for a place: make sure the building was built within the last decade. You may have to increase the amount of rent you pay, but it will be worth it.
How I know this: when I lived in a "cute, charming" building that was built in the seventies, the walls and ceiling seemed paper thin. I could hear the man above me having his nightly phone conversations with his overseas relatives, I could hear him walking around, taking off and dumping his shoes onto the floor, hear him and his girlfriend in bed, etc. We moved into a place built only a few years ago, and the difference is night and day. My neighbors have a freakin' DOG and I can't hear him barking unless I'm in the hallway! It is heavenly quiet to have thicker walls/concrete instead of plywood and drywall!
posted by rio at 12:04 PM on June 27, 2010
How I know this: when I lived in a "cute, charming" building that was built in the seventies, the walls and ceiling seemed paper thin. I could hear the man above me having his nightly phone conversations with his overseas relatives, I could hear him walking around, taking off and dumping his shoes onto the floor, hear him and his girlfriend in bed, etc. We moved into a place built only a few years ago, and the difference is night and day. My neighbors have a freakin' DOG and I can't hear him barking unless I'm in the hallway! It is heavenly quiet to have thicker walls/concrete instead of plywood and drywall!
posted by rio at 12:04 PM on June 27, 2010
Response by poster: Yep, this building was built in the 1980's, I believe 1985-ish? And the walls/floors are thin.
I'm going to give the earplug + headphones a try for a little bit. I'd rather not try medications. And I want to believe that if I use earplugs and still have sound problems, then it is too loud. I've had to use earplugs at other apartments, and it's enough to block the noise that bothers me, but not here. Originally, I asked the question of how to coordinate and develop a timeframe for a move and find a new roommate to replace, but I guess the thread evolved into a I have to cope with it thing.
some noise canceling barrier for your ears will be a more gentle way to put your brain through the exercise
Do you have any suggestions for a 'noise cancelling barrier'? Is this the same as earplugs/headphones?
have you tried these Hear-Os
I've been using howard leight sleepers earplugs; maybe I'll give these a try.
posted by eliluong at 12:39 PM on June 27, 2010
I'm going to give the earplug + headphones a try for a little bit. I'd rather not try medications. And I want to believe that if I use earplugs and still have sound problems, then it is too loud. I've had to use earplugs at other apartments, and it's enough to block the noise that bothers me, but not here. Originally, I asked the question of how to coordinate and develop a timeframe for a move and find a new roommate to replace, but I guess the thread evolved into a I have to cope with it thing.
some noise canceling barrier for your ears will be a more gentle way to put your brain through the exercise
Do you have any suggestions for a 'noise cancelling barrier'? Is this the same as earplugs/headphones?
have you tried these Hear-Os
I've been using howard leight sleepers earplugs; maybe I'll give these a try.
posted by eliluong at 12:39 PM on June 27, 2010
noise canceling barrier: yep - the combination of white noise, plugs/headphones, and baffling material (like things on the walls) that keeps sound from breaking through your sleep.
and, you're right, the main question wasn't answered. the "more" introduced details that seemed like you were asking several questions.
the time frame for finding a new place for yourself is highly dependent on where you are - some markets, you're wasting time if you start more than a month in advance. some places, you're crazy if you don't start looking at least 60 days out. in that case, folks here would probably need to know what market you're in to help with the timing question.
your best bet for finding a replacement roommate is to start looking as soon as possible and plan on needing to interview several people before you find the right one. you'd have to coordinate with the other roommates for that part so they can participate in the choice, likely, which means a preliminary conversation with them would be ideal. they might have opinions on time frame separate from your own.
at minimum, giving yourself a month to find a new place and preparing current & potential replacement roommates for that schedule is generally acceptable & doable. effort-intensive, but once it's over, you're all done.
posted by batmonkey at 1:21 PM on June 27, 2010
and, you're right, the main question wasn't answered. the "more" introduced details that seemed like you were asking several questions.
the time frame for finding a new place for yourself is highly dependent on where you are - some markets, you're wasting time if you start more than a month in advance. some places, you're crazy if you don't start looking at least 60 days out. in that case, folks here would probably need to know what market you're in to help with the timing question.
your best bet for finding a replacement roommate is to start looking as soon as possible and plan on needing to interview several people before you find the right one. you'd have to coordinate with the other roommates for that part so they can participate in the choice, likely, which means a preliminary conversation with them would be ideal. they might have opinions on time frame separate from your own.
at minimum, giving yourself a month to find a new place and preparing current & potential replacement roommates for that schedule is generally acceptable & doable. effort-intensive, but once it's over, you're all done.
posted by batmonkey at 1:21 PM on June 27, 2010
Response by poster: Thanks batmonkey. I don't know how to edit my question, but I'm located in the Los Angeles area, near UCLA. The apartment is located about 5 miles south of the campus, so it would be good for graduate students. We (roommates and I) all agreed when we signed the contract that if we were to move out early, we would give notice and find an appropriate roommate.
posted by eliluong at 2:01 PM on June 27, 2010
posted by eliluong at 2:01 PM on June 27, 2010
Your question doesn't make it clear whether the reason you would move out early is just the noise. If so, people are suggesting you will learn to deal with it and should not bother moving.
I know what you mean about 'waiting' for the sound. Something that occurs at unpredictable intervals is much harder to block out than a constant drone. The idea behind getting your own loud fan/white noise/etc is that then you will have a constant drone next to you that your brain will tune out, and it will stop you from hearing the unpredictable noise that your brain keeps waking up at.
posted by jacalata at 11:57 PM on June 27, 2010
I know what you mean about 'waiting' for the sound. Something that occurs at unpredictable intervals is much harder to block out than a constant drone. The idea behind getting your own loud fan/white noise/etc is that then you will have a constant drone next to you that your brain will tune out, and it will stop you from hearing the unpredictable noise that your brain keeps waking up at.
posted by jacalata at 11:57 PM on June 27, 2010
It's possible that there's also helpful info in the answers to this question I posted last month.
For the record, I find that I've adapted to the noise and don't feel so self-conscious anymore.
posted by kitcat at 12:41 PM on June 28, 2010
For the record, I find that I've adapted to the noise and don't feel so self-conscious anymore.
posted by kitcat at 12:41 PM on June 28, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
1) Get a white noise machine or sleep aid machine -- it plays a kind of fuzzy sound, a little like the inside of an airplane cabin, and it really helps.
2) Ear plugs and noise-canceling headphones.
3) Play music. Watch TV.
In the future, make sound control a priority. But I would focus on reducing your sensitivity. It sounds to me like you are over-thinking this.
posted by teedee2000 at 1:04 AM on June 27, 2010 [1 favorite]