Vote for Sandra - Chains we can believe in.
June 21, 2010 7:24 PM   Subscribe

I need some real-sounding political fake-ness (words) for a parody that isn't supposed to feel like a parody.

I want to make a fake campaign ad (video) for me running for a fictitious office that will be playing on a TV in the background of another video I will be shooting. I have the right imagery and visuals to choose from (industrial, economic, heartland, city, military environment, good sea-to-shining-sea and red, white and blue stuff...).

I have a friend with fantastic paternal voice and I really want him to do a voice-over for it.

Here's the problem, I want it to sound as "real" as possible and be totally vague. I don't want to take a stance on anything, but still mention issues. I dont want anyone to infer a conservative or liberal lean. I'd love a lot of pablum that would make you feel all "America, Fuck yeah!" whether you were a Democrat or a Republican, but not actually give you a reason to vote for me or any idea where I stood on an issue.

"Sandra Silvers fights for creating good-paying jobs and protecting the environment. She cares about our children and wants them to inherit an America where their only limitation is their willingness to pursue their dreams..."

*barf*

Can anyone offer suggestions?
posted by sandra_s to Society & Culture (23 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
 
"Sandra Silvers wants to put an end to the same old Washington politics."
posted by Beardman at 7:30 PM on June 21, 2010


Sandra Silvers is from this community, so she knows this community. [voice over of candidate talking about her dad, the cop]

Sandra Silvers will work hard for families of X Area. She will take on the special interests in Washington to do what's right for our community.

Oh, and video of the candidate's family with a child saying something cute or the spouse saying something touching never hurts.

I'll try to think of issues stuff. One problem is that conservatives and liberals tend to talk about different issues in their ads
posted by lunasol at 7:33 PM on June 21, 2010


"Sandra Silvers fights for creating good-paying jobs and protecting the environment. She cares about our children and wants them to inherit an America where their only limitation is their willingness to pursue their dreams..."

This, for instance, it Democratic boilerplate, because of the mention of protecting the environment and creating good-paying jobs. I know that seems crazy, but it's true.
posted by lunasol at 7:35 PM on June 21, 2010


*is Democratic boilerplate.
posted by lunasol at 7:36 PM on June 21, 2010


"Sandra Silvers stands for genuine leadership on the important moral issues of our time, and won't compromise when it comes to basic American values.
"Sandra Silvers is a leader we can believe in".
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 7:37 PM on June 21, 2010


Sandra Silvers remains committed to honoring the service of the men and women in all branches in our armed forces, past, present, and future!
posted by MegoSteve at 7:39 PM on June 21, 2010


Sandra Silvers isn't just another politician. Sandra Silvers came from a modest background, and she knows the value of a hard-earned dollar. She'll work for you in Washington to keep the issues that are important to you on the table. Immigration, healthcare, and our energy policy - all things that she'll vote on to keep our families and our community strong!
posted by randomkeystrike at 7:43 PM on June 21, 2010 [3 favorites]


You may be able to dig up some results by looking for lists of "motherhood statements."
posted by tellumo at 7:45 PM on June 21, 2010


Sandra Silvers has an established record of rising above partisan bickering to get things done.

(I know pro-bipartisanship rules out an ultra-conservative stance, but generic political boilerplate would do that anyway--there are too many far right dogwhistles missing. Anyway, re: bipartisanship, behold the 2008 election: both sides insisting how well they compromise.)
posted by Beardman at 7:46 PM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


Knew I was leaving something out. See also "glittering generalities."
posted by tellumo at 7:47 PM on June 21, 2010


Immigration, healthcare, and our energy policy - all things that she'll vote on to keep our families and our community strong!

This would be my first "LOL" comment on MetaFilter.
posted by Beardman at 7:47 PM on June 21, 2010


You have to use this phrase:

"helping working families"

They can also be "hard-working." They "work hard and play by the rules."

Meanwhile, the candidate will "fight for you."

The only groups of constituents that can be specifically mentioned are "seniors" and "our children." Everyone else is "families." (There are no lone individuals!)
posted by Jaltcoh at 8:02 PM on June 21, 2010 [4 favorites]


Why Excellence Matters.

Lots of other potential sources in the archives, as well. Mix 'n match!
posted by rhizome at 8:10 PM on June 21, 2010


I think you can safely steal from Reagan's "Morning in America" ad, ie safer, stronger, more sure for the future etc. I've never heard more memorable claptrap. Also, too, couples are getting married (seriously, look at the video).
posted by Gilbert at 8:15 PM on June 21, 2010


Here are some more ideas, which I cribbed from this PDF of 2004 candidates' statements:

"Sandra has a positive agenda for [location]."*

"Sandra will strengthen our laws to protect Americans."*

"Sandra will spread opportunity and prosperity to every part of [location]."*

"Sandra believes that what matters is not what divides us, but shared values that unite us."**

"Sandra will invest in technology and innovation that will create the good-paying jobs of the future."**

If, per one of the above comments, you think "good-paying jobs" is somehow a Democratic buzzword, you could take out "good-paying." Everyone's for more jobs, and everyone likes "innovation."

*based on Bush's statement

**based on Kerry's statement

posted by Jaltcoh at 8:17 PM on June 21, 2010


"Solutions, not slogans."

Change, hope, reform, clean up Washington, bring integrity to office, and all that sort of nonsense. You'll fix the economy. You'll protect American values.

You'll stand up for Real Americans like you and me. Because that's what you are: A Real American like you and me. And you. And me.
posted by The World Famous at 8:19 PM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


"... Main Street, not Wall Street..."
posted by drjimmy11 at 8:35 PM on June 21, 2010


You might want to crib some of the rhetoric from these feel-good parody ads from a recent Ad Council campaign:

Old Relish Packet
Bag of Leaves
Side of Hashbrowns
Frozen Peas
Spoiled Yappy Dog
Someone's Teddy Bear
posted by Rhaomi at 8:38 PM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Sandra Silver feels the way you do about important issues like the economy."
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:46 PM on June 21, 2010 [1 favorite]


"Sandra Silver finds solutions where others wallow in partisan strife. Sandra Silver sees a future where any American who works hard and plays by rules can reach any goal. Make the right selection. Select Sandra Silver."
posted by Napoleonic Terrier at 11:01 PM on June 21, 2010


A lot of the trick here is going to be the cheesy music swelling in the background and the tone of your friend's voice. The words don't matter as much as those.
posted by sallybrown at 11:39 PM on June 21, 2010


Sounds like a great idea. I have been waiting to complain about the buzzy language for so long! Phrases I want to ban from political discourse:

"I am absolutely passionate about [something impossible dull, likeminor traffic violations].

Hard working families [mental image of parents taking children down the mines with them] are what makes this country great.

We have to take urgent action [i.e. I am stalling because I have no ideas]

"We need to see stronger support for small businesses" [i.e. I want to look like I am doing something about this, but because we have no money and no ideas, I am going to have to speak in very vague terms. But small things are always better than big things]

Don't forget to claim that you have a long standing relationship with the community because although you only moved there three weeks before you started campaigning, you once drove through a neighbouring state.
posted by marmaduke_yaverland at 4:36 AM on June 22, 2010 [1 favorite]




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