I need some ass!
June 18, 2010 9:51 AM Subscribe
What can a sedentary IT guy do to build and tone his ass muscles?
When I was young, and in shape - and I was - I had a nice round and toned ass. Now that I'm an older dude, my ass is basically non-existent. I sit in a chair all day doing IT work and only have time to work around the yard afterwards. Since pondering whether or not to pose this question I've noticed that I rarely every use my ass muscles for anything. I think over the years I've subconsciously adapted my movement to exclude it from my repertoire of ambulation. Now I got nothing.
I need some exercises that I can do, preferably while sitting, that will target and tone my ass and give me something to hold my pants up.
When I was young, and in shape - and I was - I had a nice round and toned ass. Now that I'm an older dude, my ass is basically non-existent. I sit in a chair all day doing IT work and only have time to work around the yard afterwards. Since pondering whether or not to pose this question I've noticed that I rarely every use my ass muscles for anything. I think over the years I've subconsciously adapted my movement to exclude it from my repertoire of ambulation. Now I got nothing.
I need some exercises that I can do, preferably while sitting, that will target and tone my ass and give me something to hold my pants up.
A former colleague had something like this under his desk, and he used it all day long. I don't know whether it had any effect on his glutes, but he was a really skinny guy.
posted by Admiral Haddock at 10:00 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by Admiral Haddock at 10:00 AM on June 18, 2010
Best answer: Take a five minute break every once in a while and do some lunges and squats. There's nothing better.
posted by something something at 10:02 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by something something at 10:02 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
If you're in a building with an elevator, use the stairs instead. Or take a few minutes before lunchtime to go for a brisk walk up and down some stairs.
posted by Meagan at 10:04 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by Meagan at 10:04 AM on June 18, 2010
Sitting and working your ass muscles are probably mutually exclusive activities - save for repeated clenching, which can offer limited benefit for a short period.
It's impossible to spot reduce an area of your body. So if you're looking to lose any fat, you'll need to reduce overall body fat. But you can spot increase muscle mass; it sounds like this is your primary goal. The way to increase muscle mass is progressively overloading the muscle; that is, each time you work a muscle, using more resistance than the time before.
You should consider a lower-body workout a couple of days a week. Use weights for maximum benefit. This article covers in pretty good details the three main muscle groups you should work, and offers the best training regimen for doing so.
posted by kables at 10:05 AM on June 18, 2010
It's impossible to spot reduce an area of your body. So if you're looking to lose any fat, you'll need to reduce overall body fat. But you can spot increase muscle mass; it sounds like this is your primary goal. The way to increase muscle mass is progressively overloading the muscle; that is, each time you work a muscle, using more resistance than the time before.
You should consider a lower-body workout a couple of days a week. Use weights for maximum benefit. This article covers in pretty good details the three main muscle groups you should work, and offers the best training regimen for doing so.
posted by kables at 10:05 AM on June 18, 2010
Best answer: Well I was going to say Squat, Deadlift, and Lunges; but it looks like you want an exercise you can do while working? You can do Isometric holds for you Glutes. Wall sits are also an Isometric and you could work towards getting rid of your chair but that may be kind of hardcore. How about looking into getting a stim machine.
posted by P.o.B. at 10:06 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by P.o.B. at 10:06 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Buns of steel! Tense your glutes repeatedly while you're sitting, wherever you are.
posted by goo at 10:09 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by goo at 10:09 AM on June 18, 2010
Amy Mac had a fun free podcast called "Assercize" with a lot of good moves. Just take a look in the Itunes store.
posted by bearwife at 10:31 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by bearwife at 10:31 AM on June 18, 2010
TwoHundredSquats.com
You could make your own similar program for lunges, those are great for the butt too.
posted by dnash at 10:46 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
You could make your own similar program for lunges, those are great for the butt too.
posted by dnash at 10:46 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]
Response by poster: Well, trying the squats and lunges hurts my ass like crazy. That must mean it's a good thing. I thought of squats before but wasn't sure if that was a leg/back thing more than an ass thing...after ten of those, it's definitely an ass thing! Course, it's also interesting that I thought of doing squats but never really tried them out until now...
posted by SparkyPine at 10:49 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by SparkyPine at 10:49 AM on June 18, 2010
You only exercise your glutes indirectly. Squeezing your ass cheeks together is like flapping your arms up and down to build up your biceps. ExRx is a great site and dedicated to bodybuilding. Here's their list on exercising your glutes. The highlighted exercises are squats and deadlifts.
However, I warn you: aging has a big factor in sag. Do not expect to be able to get buns of steel. When I worked out a lot (and I mean a lot), the ass was one of those areas that you could bounce quarters off of. I was strong, I had low fat, but I didn't have that body builder cut (at least in my ass). If you're not getting tone from a reasonable work out, doubling and tripling won't help you. You'll only see improvements when you get to crazy low levels of body fat that aren't sustainable long term, and probably not good for your health.
There are little things I do throughout the day to keep in shape. I always go to the highest floor possible to use the restroom, using the stairs of course. And park at the back of the parking lot. Do you have a printer at your desk? Ditch it and print, again, to the one furthest from you -- and don't use the elevator to get there.
posted by geoff. at 10:56 AM on June 18, 2010
However, I warn you: aging has a big factor in sag. Do not expect to be able to get buns of steel. When I worked out a lot (and I mean a lot), the ass was one of those areas that you could bounce quarters off of. I was strong, I had low fat, but I didn't have that body builder cut (at least in my ass). If you're not getting tone from a reasonable work out, doubling and tripling won't help you. You'll only see improvements when you get to crazy low levels of body fat that aren't sustainable long term, and probably not good for your health.
There are little things I do throughout the day to keep in shape. I always go to the highest floor possible to use the restroom, using the stairs of course. And park at the back of the parking lot. Do you have a printer at your desk? Ditch it and print, again, to the one furthest from you -- and don't use the elevator to get there.
posted by geoff. at 10:56 AM on June 18, 2010
Starting Strength - it is the answer to all exercise questions.
posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 11:05 AM on June 18, 2010
posted by useyourmachinegunarm at 11:05 AM on June 18, 2010
Squat. Without weight is better than sitting on your ass, but with a barbell will be better for a better ass. The problem is, of course that you won't be able to do it sitting down. On the plus side, you can do it in your yard after you're done with your yardwork. Building muscle is not generally something that is easy, and being sedentary will make it more difficult.
You could always get a belt or suspenders to hold up your pants.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 11:10 AM on June 18, 2010
You could always get a belt or suspenders to hold up your pants.
posted by Barry B. Palindromer at 11:10 AM on June 18, 2010
Well, trying the squats and lunges hurts my ass like crazy. That must mean it's a good thing.
There is nothing more annoying than pulling your ass. Not only do you walk funny and have to deal with constant low-level pain, you also walk obviously funny which prompts funny looks and questions that you have to answer with "I pulled my ass." You can dress it up all macho and say "I strained a glute exercising," but then you look like a pretentious wanker that pulled his ass, especially if you aren't in good enough shape to make it look like you're a buff superman that pulled a glute training for the Ironman.
Take it easy on the build-up.
Do not pull your ass. If you do, you will discover it's the most-used goddamn muscle in the body, for walking, standing, and sitting. Your only moments of ass relief will come from lying on your side gently whimpering as you try to fall asleep, only to roll over in the night and waken your significant other with a cry of "Oh! My ass!"
Don't push your ass. Your ass will push back. Hard.
posted by Shepherd at 11:20 AM on June 18, 2010 [10 favorites]
There is nothing more annoying than pulling your ass. Not only do you walk funny and have to deal with constant low-level pain, you also walk obviously funny which prompts funny looks and questions that you have to answer with "I pulled my ass." You can dress it up all macho and say "I strained a glute exercising," but then you look like a pretentious wanker that pulled his ass, especially if you aren't in good enough shape to make it look like you're a buff superman that pulled a glute training for the Ironman.
Take it easy on the build-up.
Do not pull your ass. If you do, you will discover it's the most-used goddamn muscle in the body, for walking, standing, and sitting. Your only moments of ass relief will come from lying on your side gently whimpering as you try to fall asleep, only to roll over in the night and waken your significant other with a cry of "Oh! My ass!"
Don't push your ass. Your ass will push back. Hard.
posted by Shepherd at 11:20 AM on June 18, 2010 [10 favorites]
I remember watching Mike Rowe (yes, the Dirty Jobs guy) demonstrate an exhaustive all-body exercise called a Burpie. Designed to be done in a prison cell, they'll get your backside and the rest of you toned without needing anything else.
I'd post a link but YouTube's blocked at my work.
You could also find some stairs at your work and spend a couple of lunches each week running up and down them. Inclined running will help call in more of your glutes than running on a flat surface.
posted by fenriq at 12:12 PM on June 18, 2010
I'd post a link but YouTube's blocked at my work.
You could also find some stairs at your work and spend a couple of lunches each week running up and down them. Inclined running will help call in more of your glutes than running on a flat surface.
posted by fenriq at 12:12 PM on June 18, 2010
Note: climbing stairs doesn't tax my glutes significantly; I suspect my form favors my quads. Some bicycling is said to favor the glutes; I think it's more aggressive geometries like tri bikes that have the seat tube nearly vertical. So if you sant to bike to work you might try that. My own biking to work is not helping my glutes (but the legs are great!), but it's probably because I'm on a fairly relaxed hybrid.
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:33 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by RikiTikiTavi at 1:33 PM on June 18, 2010
Dude, buy a bike and commute to work! If commuting is not an option, try to fit in a long ride on the weekend. If you have any hills near by, climb them. You'll be cracking open walnuts when you sit on them in no time.
posted by Premeditated Symmetry Breaking at 1:42 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by Premeditated Symmetry Breaking at 1:42 PM on June 18, 2010
The burpie is also called a squat-thrust. Briefly, you start standing up, drop down to a squat, put your hands on the ground, bounce up and kick your feet out back so you're in a push-up position, lower yourself into planche (the bottom of a push-up) and then reverse the whole thing, finishing by leaping into the air like you're skipping rope. Repeat until you really want to stop. (Note: This exercise has a lot of names. You should read my description so you know when you've found the correct instructions online; I really don't know enough about this to give good instructions.)
posted by d. z. wang at 3:42 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by d. z. wang at 3:42 PM on June 18, 2010
here's the thing fenriq was talking about:Mike Rowe on Burpees.
posted by dozo at 6:17 PM on June 18, 2010
posted by dozo at 6:17 PM on June 18, 2010
The difference between a Burpee and a Squat Thrust is you don't jump when you do a ST. And anybody who says isometrics don't work haven't really done isometrics, but I digress.
If we're taking the question out of the context of actually doing this while sitting/working, and we are still talking specifically about the ass than my number one suggestion would be Lunges. Second would be Deadlifts than I would put Squats last.
posted by P.o.B. at 7:56 PM on June 18, 2010
If we're taking the question out of the context of actually doing this while sitting/working, and we are still talking specifically about the ass than my number one suggestion would be Lunges. Second would be Deadlifts than I would put Squats last.
posted by P.o.B. at 7:56 PM on June 18, 2010
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by klanawa at 9:56 AM on June 18, 2010 [1 favorite]