How do I spank my boyfriend?
June 14, 2010 9:03 AM Subscribe
My boyfriend recently confessed that a conversation about spanking (him being spanked, that is) turned him on. In particular, he liked the idea of being spanked while talking on the phone to an authority figure who had no idea it was going on. Please give me your ideas on 1.) ways to incorporate spanking into our lives (implements? locations?, creative thoughts?) and 2.) any spanking resources you know of. Thanks!
I was antique shopping the other day and was amazed to see a pair of butter pat makers going cheap. Like this. But cheaper.
Anyway, that's about as much as I've got to add on this particular topic.
posted by MuffinMan at 9:20 AM on June 14, 2010
Anyway, that's about as much as I've got to add on this particular topic.
posted by MuffinMan at 9:20 AM on June 14, 2010
For the authority figure thing, I suggest that you get somebody who actually kinda knows what's going on...it's up to you but it icks me out, personally, to involve people who don't know what's up.
Agreed. In my book it's a form of sexual harassment to involve unknowing and unwilling others in your sex life.
Actually I agree with ifdssn9's entire comment.
posted by desjardins at 9:50 AM on June 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
Agreed. In my book it's a form of sexual harassment to involve unknowing and unwilling others in your sex life.
Actually I agree with ifdssn9's entire comment.
posted by desjardins at 9:50 AM on June 14, 2010 [3 favorites]
The Compleat Spanker, Greenery Press, 2000. ISBN 1-890159-00-X.
posted by elsietheeel at 10:02 AM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by elsietheeel at 10:02 AM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
In my book it's a form of sexual harassment to involve unknowing and unwilling others in your sex life.
I'm not sure about sexual harassment, but certainly it is generally regarded as very not-cool to unwittingly involve third parties in your scene.
OP: Think of it this way. How would you feel if you found out that, say, the guy who measured your feet for new shoes was actually a foot fetishist?
posted by Justinian at 10:22 AM on June 14, 2010
I'm not sure about sexual harassment, but certainly it is generally regarded as very not-cool to unwittingly involve third parties in your scene.
OP: Think of it this way. How would you feel if you found out that, say, the guy who measured your feet for new shoes was actually a foot fetishist?
posted by Justinian at 10:22 AM on June 14, 2010
Re: spanking itself, once you get going with it I'd recommend building it up. The BDSM stuff I've seen usually involves some teasing/tickling of the area to be spanked first. Like brush your hand over your SO's buttocks a few times while maybe talking dirty. Then start slapping the area lightly and tell him you're "warming him up". Once the area is nice and flushed then go in with the big guns, erm, slaps, whatever you want. Be safe and have fun!
Also, this book is also detailed and fun: Sex Is Fun: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex. By Kidder Kaper. You can get it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. It's actually done like a graphic novel. You may only want to read certain chapters relevant to BDSM.
posted by ShadePlant at 10:35 AM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Also, this book is also detailed and fun: Sex Is Fun: Creative Ideas for Exciting Sex. By Kidder Kaper. You can get it at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, etc. It's actually done like a graphic novel. You may only want to read certain chapters relevant to BDSM.
posted by ShadePlant at 10:35 AM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
If he likes pain, and he's an average guy, and you're an average girl, then a hand alone will not be enough. Perfect for a warm-up, but beyond that you'll need some implements. Note that he may very well have little to no interest in pain.
Cheap spanking implements: hairbrushes (with a flat back, wooden is better than plastic), rulers, wooden spoons or spatulas, belts, paint stirrers (good for the inner thighs), slippers and/or flip-flops.
Take your time and explore. Make sure to communicate. Ask questions. Find out what he likes and what he doesn't. Note that when it comes to BDSM, sometimes you can hate and love something at the same time.
Also, seconding that bringing an unaware/nonconsenting third-party into play is a gray area at best and a definite no-no in most people's books.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:14 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
Cheap spanking implements: hairbrushes (with a flat back, wooden is better than plastic), rulers, wooden spoons or spatulas, belts, paint stirrers (good for the inner thighs), slippers and/or flip-flops.
Take your time and explore. Make sure to communicate. Ask questions. Find out what he likes and what he doesn't. Note that when it comes to BDSM, sometimes you can hate and love something at the same time.
Also, seconding that bringing an unaware/nonconsenting third-party into play is a gray area at best and a definite no-no in most people's books.
posted by dephlogisticated at 3:14 PM on June 14, 2010 [1 favorite]
I agree with ifdssn9 in entirety.
Especially the fact that involving other people in your sex life without their explicit consent is wrong. So what you need is an accomplice who has consented to you that they are fine with this, and don't tell your boyfriend that they know, so he can maintain his fantasy.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:16 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
Especially the fact that involving other people in your sex life without their explicit consent is wrong. So what you need is an accomplice who has consented to you that they are fine with this, and don't tell your boyfriend that they know, so he can maintain his fantasy.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 3:16 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
I spank women exclusively (with one or two exceptions), and I also have been spanked by women, not as often, but a fair amount. Hand spankings are nice, and probably a good way to get started. But generally I prefer implements; you might too. I believe that a woman should not have to exert herself unduly to thoroughly punish a naughty boy, so if you agree, then implements are de rigueur. Hairbrushes are nice, especially for over-the-knee spankings, but some are much better than others. I prefer implements that sting. CVS has (or had) a brown hairbrush made out of some sort of synthetic material; I think the brand name was "scünci", or something like that. It has a flat back, which is important. It stings quite nicely.
In my opinion, probably the best all-around implement is the leather strap. My all-time favorite strap is called the "convent strap" or "ferule" and is sold by The London Tanners. (Google is your friend.) I think you'll find it most effective. (I have no affiliation with the vendor, I'm just a satisfied customer.) They also have a smaller version with a handle for more convenient OTK use. I don't remember what they're called, but they are also very effective. I have a pretty good pain tolerance, but an energetic whipping with the ferule is more than I can take for very long. So be careful, and start slow.
Other more advanced implements (e.g., the cane) should probably wait until you have more experience. But, given your request, I'd make one exception. Most implements make a lot of noise; even the hand does. But if you go outside and cut a whippy switch from some suitable bush or tree, you'll have an implement that will sting exquisitely and make very little noise. If you decide to use the switch, I suggest you make him strip completely bare, lie down on his back, raise his legs in the air, and then pull them back and apart as far as possible and hold them there. All his most tender, sensitive areas will be exposed to the stinging attentions of the switch. Using mainly your wrist, flick the switch down onto those areas, and see how well he can carry on a telephone conversation. (Be careful not to damage the family jewels!)
I agree with dephlogisticated that it's important for you to find out what he likes, and, as much as possible, why he likes it. (In many cases, he won't really know, but you may be able to infer some reasons after you hear several of his fantasies.) Make him tell you everything. :-) Have him lie down on his stomach, sit on his shoulders facing his bottom, and use the strap to encourage him. Or just let it be your favorite pillow talk. Of course, if you encourage him to tell you everything, you have to be able to handle just about anything. So be careful what you ask for. I'm not going to preach about consensuality; others have already. The fantasy of being spanked while on the phone to an authority figure who is unaware of what's going on is interesting, but maybe not advisable to carry out in real life. He might be interested in one of my favorite fantasies, which is being spanked by a woman I know, with another woman (or women) watching (a friend of hers, for example). That's something you could possibly do with consenting parties. Although be careful how you broach the subject. You might expect that most people would be willing to entertain the idea, and perhaps just say "it's not my cup of tea". But there are some people who would totally freak out, and not in a good way. And it's difficult to know in advance who they are. So be careful.
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but this is getting long already. Feel free to MeMail me if you have questions or just want to bat around ideas (so to speak). I'm discreet; jessamyn is willing to vouch for me in that regard, if you're willing to contact her. I guess you could get a sock puppet account if you're really worried. In any event, good luck. You've taken your first step into a larger world. :-)
posted by Crabby Appleton at 5:28 PM on June 14, 2010
In my opinion, probably the best all-around implement is the leather strap. My all-time favorite strap is called the "convent strap" or "ferule" and is sold by The London Tanners. (Google is your friend.) I think you'll find it most effective. (I have no affiliation with the vendor, I'm just a satisfied customer.) They also have a smaller version with a handle for more convenient OTK use. I don't remember what they're called, but they are also very effective. I have a pretty good pain tolerance, but an energetic whipping with the ferule is more than I can take for very long. So be careful, and start slow.
Other more advanced implements (e.g., the cane) should probably wait until you have more experience. But, given your request, I'd make one exception. Most implements make a lot of noise; even the hand does. But if you go outside and cut a whippy switch from some suitable bush or tree, you'll have an implement that will sting exquisitely and make very little noise. If you decide to use the switch, I suggest you make him strip completely bare, lie down on his back, raise his legs in the air, and then pull them back and apart as far as possible and hold them there. All his most tender, sensitive areas will be exposed to the stinging attentions of the switch. Using mainly your wrist, flick the switch down onto those areas, and see how well he can carry on a telephone conversation. (Be careful not to damage the family jewels!)
I agree with dephlogisticated that it's important for you to find out what he likes, and, as much as possible, why he likes it. (In many cases, he won't really know, but you may be able to infer some reasons after you hear several of his fantasies.) Make him tell you everything. :-) Have him lie down on his stomach, sit on his shoulders facing his bottom, and use the strap to encourage him. Or just let it be your favorite pillow talk. Of course, if you encourage him to tell you everything, you have to be able to handle just about anything. So be careful what you ask for. I'm not going to preach about consensuality; others have already. The fantasy of being spanked while on the phone to an authority figure who is unaware of what's going on is interesting, but maybe not advisable to carry out in real life. He might be interested in one of my favorite fantasies, which is being spanked by a woman I know, with another woman (or women) watching (a friend of hers, for example). That's something you could possibly do with consenting parties. Although be careful how you broach the subject. You might expect that most people would be willing to entertain the idea, and perhaps just say "it's not my cup of tea". But there are some people who would totally freak out, and not in a good way. And it's difficult to know in advance who they are. So be careful.
There's a lot more I'd like to say, but this is getting long already. Feel free to MeMail me if you have questions or just want to bat around ideas (so to speak). I'm discreet; jessamyn is willing to vouch for me in that regard, if you're willing to contact her. I guess you could get a sock puppet account if you're really worried. In any event, good luck. You've taken your first step into a larger world. :-)
posted by Crabby Appleton at 5:28 PM on June 14, 2010
In my opinion, probably the best all-around implement is the leather strap. My all-time favorite strap is called the "convent strap" or "ferule" and is sold by The London Tanners. (Google is your friend.) I think you'll find it most effective. (I have no affiliation with the vendor, I'm just a satisfied customer.) They also have a smaller version with a handle for more convenient OTK use.
That vendor seems to be out of business, but their prices are typical for bdsm shops (cue the old joke about how getting out your wallet is just part of the pain). So for the budget minded, I'll note that many of the same items can be found for much less (and often of better quality) at your local tack shop (aka farm and ranch store, aka western store, etc -- anywhere that sells gear for people who ride horses). Whips and quirts of all varieties, leather straps, intriguing instruments with spiky bits and pokey ends, you name it. (Similarly, if you decide he needs tying up or chaining down, heading to Home Depot or your local hardware store instead of a high-end bdsm store will save you big time.)
But before you even go shopping at the tack store, check out what you already have around the house. Leather belts? Try both wide and narrow. In the kitchen, might you have wooden spoons and spatulas? Broom closet? And a good garage workshop will have too many fun items to even begin to list.
posted by Forktine at 7:12 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
That vendor seems to be out of business, but their prices are typical for bdsm shops (cue the old joke about how getting out your wallet is just part of the pain). So for the budget minded, I'll note that many of the same items can be found for much less (and often of better quality) at your local tack shop (aka farm and ranch store, aka western store, etc -- anywhere that sells gear for people who ride horses). Whips and quirts of all varieties, leather straps, intriguing instruments with spiky bits and pokey ends, you name it. (Similarly, if you decide he needs tying up or chaining down, heading to Home Depot or your local hardware store instead of a high-end bdsm store will save you big time.)
But before you even go shopping at the tack store, check out what you already have around the house. Leather belts? Try both wide and narrow. In the kitchen, might you have wooden spoons and spatulas? Broom closet? And a good garage workshop will have too many fun items to even begin to list.
posted by Forktine at 7:12 PM on June 14, 2010 [2 favorites]
They claim they'll be back in "several months". I hope that's true. Their stuff is expensive, but some of it is worth every penny, in my humble opinion. Thanks for the information, Forktine and ifdssn9. Your advice is well-taken. Shopping at the tack shop can be a lot of fun—and, Anonymous, possibly an arousing experience for your boyfriend, and you.
Let me also second Forktine's advice about household items. Wooden spoons are wicked. A flat wooden clothes brush might be just the thing. Even a (new, unused) flyswatter.
Finding the "right" implements for you is a process of trial and error. I wanted to recommend something I know to be good (and I know that others agree); I'm sorry it turned out to be unavailable, at least for some time.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 7:41 PM on June 14, 2010
Let me also second Forktine's advice about household items. Wooden spoons are wicked. A flat wooden clothes brush might be just the thing. Even a (new, unused) flyswatter.
Finding the "right" implements for you is a process of trial and error. I wanted to recommend something I know to be good (and I know that others agree); I'm sorry it turned out to be unavailable, at least for some time.
posted by Crabby Appleton at 7:41 PM on June 14, 2010
WRT the consent issue: have you considered using a phone sex worker? Not one of the skeevy outfits that advertise in the backs of porn mags or on late-night TV, but a service where you can closely specify the type of roleplaying, maybe even work with someone that specializes in that sort of thing. They could pretend to be someone who knows an authority figure in your boyfriend's life, and you could give them just enough detail about that authority figure without it being really identifying.
posted by Deja Stu at 10:51 AM on June 17, 2010
posted by Deja Stu at 10:51 AM on June 17, 2010
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I don't necessarily think you'll need special spanking implements, a hand by itself should work pretty well.
posted by kylej at 9:13 AM on June 14, 2010