I want to quit..advice needed about "how"

June 2, 2010 9:37 PM

I'm an artist. I owe a lot to my "Mentor". She & I established an art group that has been somewhat successful (we've had good group shows and made a bit of a name for ourselves). Unfortunately, I REALLY want to quit--and I'm having trouble thinking "how" I can quit.

For a couple of years the Mentor (who is an artist of notable celebrity) has pretty much stopped painting and seems to care most about just eating and talking than any painting. I guess she might be depressed or artistically blocked. Even though she's been a huge influence on me we aren't particularly "friends"..probably because of the teacher-student relationship. The whole eating/talking/not painting thing has started to really irk me and cut into my time.

There are about three of us in the group who do all the work to keep it going. I do the majority of the work, if I don't do things they do not get done. It's been a situation where everyone is willing to show up for exhibiting--but not do any of the work required. It gets old to be the mainstay for people who don't seem all that appreciative and now I wouldn't mind moving on--to learn under others.

Since I do the lion's share of the work, I realize if I quit, they'd either have to step up and do what I do, or they will dissolve.

Here is my question...can you think of a way that I can "step down" very very gracefully? I should know how to do this...but I know they will ask me why I am leaving (because I've worked really hard to establish us). I tend to think a white lie is in order, since it would be difficult to tell the truth which is that the mentor is wearing on my nerves and I'm no longer learning much or feeling uplifted, not to mention I'm really sick of doing most of the work.

It is a volunteer situation, so there is no formal letter that has to be written to a board or anything. We've been meeting twice a week. I imagine the stand up thing to do would be to announce that I am stepping down..certainly everyone will want an explanation. I have respect for the Mentor, despite having my fill of her. Can you tell me how you'd handle it? Part of me would like to just stop going to meetings...but I am aware that would be supremely passive aggressive.
The truth is too harsh and I don't mean to "fix" the people involved..I just want to move on. Advice?

posted by naplesyellow to Human Relations (9 answers total)

I think you could just step down and say that it was just getting to be too much work and you are getting drained/want to concentrate on other things.
posted by ian1977 at 9:45 PM on June 2, 2010

I would tell the mentor first and in private. I'd explain to her that I needed to step down to give more time and focus to my own art. Then I'd heap praise and thanks on the mentor for her time, energy and inspiration. Also, give the group some notice before you leave, so they have time to assess what needs to happen.

It seems important not to burn this bridge. The connection might be helpful in the future - even if it's only for a reference.
posted by jenmakes at 9:50 PM on June 2, 2010

So you're slaving away for nothing and now you're feeling guilty for stopping? This person has quite the talent of making you their -



Just be professional about it. Tell them you're moving on, tell them thank you, very very very much, tell them that you're excited for both your futures and like, become a fan of them on Facebook, or something.

If the collaboration isn't mutually beneficial, you should renegotiate, most def. For you, if that means quitting - go for it!
posted by alex_skazat at 9:57 PM on June 2, 2010

"I appreciate the valuable experiences I've had in this group, but right now I really want to focus on my art and my role in the group doesn't give me enough time. Thank you for everything and I wish you all success."
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 10:09 PM on June 2, 2010

If the "time to focus on my art" doesn't work for you, try something like "to grow as an artist, I want to go in some new directions. I've learned a lot but now I am ready to shake things up by working with some new teachers"
posted by metahawk at 11:12 PM on June 2, 2010

I would very much avoid explaining yourself. Stick to a line like: "it's time to move on and challenge myself with something new". If you say anything along the lines of "my role in the group doesn't give me enough time" you run the risk of opening up a discussion (and therefore argument) about the group, potential offers to change things to get you to stay and intensive probing of your own reasonings and motivations. If you want graceful I think the key thing is to not put yourself into any situation where you might have to explain yourself. Just "it's time to move on" and when challenged, repeat over and over. Heaping praise on her is obviously a good strategy too, to deflect the attention away from you.

Good luck!
posted by BinarySolo at 12:19 AM on June 3, 2010 [6 favorites]

I defer to BinarySolo, much better.
posted by L'Estrange Fruit at 5:58 AM on June 3, 2010

I agree with BinarySolo, but I'll also throw out another suggestion: could you find another person who might be a good fit to step into your place as you leave? Maybe there is an art school nearby and a recent grad would love this type of opportunity. And if it's all volunteer that means there is no budget to work within, so how about 2 or 3 people working fewer hours each but still getting the same amount of work done.

Just a thought.
posted by CathyG at 6:37 AM on June 3, 2010

Best answer: If you would really like to see the endeavor continue after you leave, perhaps you could suggest that the group operate more like a non-profit or community organization, with a Board, President, Secretary, etc. If this existed right now, I'd plug you in as President, the "mentor" as the Board and so on. Then just say that you are ready to step down as President and let someone else have a shot at it.

Such an arrangement does not mean that the group would HAVE to gain 503(c) status or anything else; it can just be a way of operating. The drawback is that people might not go for it, or if they do, it could mean you'd have to stick around until you can get an election going.

I'm not sure if you're near a college or university or not, but the organized structure of things could make this appealing for students to do, since it would appear as a good resume builder to be able to put a title in a volunteer organization on there. If needed to find a replacement, this could be a great place to tap into.

This paradigm also means that you don't HAVE to leave the group entirely (although I would probably recommend it at first, just so people won't rely on you too much). You can always come back as a regular volunteer later.
posted by wwartorff at 12:00 PM on June 3, 2010