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February 23, 2005 11:22 AM   Subscribe

What is a good strategy on obtaining entrance to the mile high club?
posted by five dollars worth of thank you cake to Travel & Transportation (29 answers total)

Charter a Net Jet?
posted by fourstar at 11:27 AM on February 23, 2005

Find a partner willing to have sex with you on an airplane and then have sex on an airplane.

I'm not trying to be sarcastic, but what other answer could there be?
posted by grumblebee at 11:30 AM on February 23, 2005

travelling on a plane with someone else who wants to be a member. it's not very complicated, is it?
posted by andrew cooke at 11:31 AM on February 23, 2005

oh, or what grumblebee said.
posted by andrew cooke at 11:31 AM on February 23, 2005

i mean, you know about the birds and the (not so grumbly) bees, right?
posted by andrew cooke at 11:32 AM on February 23, 2005

Bring lots of 20s to pay off the stewards/stewardesses.
posted by AlexReynolds at 11:35 AM on February 23, 2005

I'm sure what $5 is looking for is ways not to get caught.

I'd say a skirt, sans undies is a requirement. A red eye flight makes life just that much easier. Back of the plane, but not the very last seats as they are too close to the lavatory and steward areas.
posted by FlamingBore at 11:36 AM on February 23, 2005

In addition to FlamingBore's suggestions;

Plane size / flight time could be important factors. If the flight is long enough, people will sleep, be less in tune with what is going on. I would suggest retreating to a "back" restroom, as the coming and going would be unnoticed in pairs. Assuming you're not sitting next to each other.

I tried googling for "bathroom size" perhaps fellow Mefites have better google-fu; I suppose finding a plane restroom yielding the most square footage might be beneficial.
posted by AllesKlar at 11:43 AM on February 23, 2005

Bring lots of 20s to pay off the stewards/stewardesses.

And try and be quick in case somebody has to take a leak. And don't leave a mess behind.
posted by jonmc at 11:46 AM on February 23, 2005

A relatively PG-rated account on Dancing Brave.

We stared at each other. I think, in that second, both our pulses quickened apace. Suddenly we realized that the thing we'd been joking about, the thing that seemed so impossible, was presenting itself to us on a cheap airline-issue platter devoid of any plastic utensils with threatening edges.
posted by occhiblu at 11:49 AM on February 23, 2005

The website has a list of charter companies that offer club entrance flights.
posted by bondcliff at 12:08 PM on February 23, 2005

Get your pilot's license and rent your own plane.
posted by reverendX at 12:21 PM on February 23, 2005

Get your pilot's license and rent your own plane.

You'd get the award posthumously, but still.
posted by DrJohnEvans at 12:26 PM on February 23, 2005

I personally don't think it counts if you charter a plane for the purpose.

What everyone else said: you want a large plane, on a transatlantic or -pacific flight. One of you goes to the loo (while most other people are sleeping), the other follows a couple minutes later. Scout the loos beforehand, and pick one. Wait for no one to be watching, knock, enter, and then--ahem--enter ;)
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:38 PM on February 23, 2005

Suffering from premature ejaculation will help keep the sex efficient and draw less attention from people who need to pee.
posted by AlexReynolds at 12:51 PM on February 23, 2005

All you have to do is Paypal me $300 and consider it done. A week later you'll get your card. No one's the wiser. Talk soon...
posted by hellbient at 1:01 PM on February 23, 2005

any sort of secretive activity you do in a plane may be misinterpreted and you might find an air marshal breaking down the bathroom door to make sure you're not tryiing to detonate a shoe bomb or something of that sort. same goes for fiddling around under a blanket.
posted by probablysteve at 1:17 PM on February 23, 2005

When I was young and foolish, many years ago: my girlfriend went into the bathroom pretending to be sick, I followed slightly thereafter to "make sure she was okay." It was a little unnerving because there was a stewardess nearby, but she either didn't suspect or didn't care.

(Ironically, that same trip, we had arrived home and were taking the tram to our car when we overheard a conversation between a pilot and the flight crew about how absolutely filthy the bathrooms were.)
posted by brool at 1:30 PM on February 23, 2005

What you didn't know is that they were not refering to the sanitary quality of the bathroom, but the action they viewed on the toilet-cam. What you did with that fruit cup - oh,pervert!
posted by five fresh fish at 2:26 PM on February 23, 2005

Unzip, have her, without panties, sit on your lap in the back row, use an airplane blanket over the laps.

At least that's what I'm pretty sure the people behind me did when I was trying to watch the stupid movie but her knees kept hitting my seat, damnit.
posted by Gucky at 3:57 PM on February 23, 2005

Not all bathrooms are created equal. Scout and find the biggest/cleanest in the plane.

Assuming m+f, we found the best position to be doggy with the woman supported by her hands on the toilet lid. I don't see why this wouldn't work with a m+m.

As said above, timing is important. Don't annoy the air staff and they usually won't mind. So don't go just after they take the food away (busy toilet time), wait until after the movies start and people are dozing.

You didn't say why you want to do this. I guess it's a nice-to-have-done-in-theory, but there's not much sexy about air travel.
posted by quiet at 4:09 PM on February 23, 2005

Yup - do it on the seats. Let's face it, you're not trying to make each other have the world's greatest orgasm. You're trying to join the mile high club, not the ten hours long club.
posted by skylar at 5:44 PM on February 23, 2005

I'd also like to hear why you want to do this. It isn't that sexy in practice.

Speaking of practice....have sex in a closet during a party. You'll get an idea of how excited you'd be without the danger of discovery by air marshall.

If by strategy you mean you're looking for a partner you can (1) ask around on the ground and book a flight for two or (2) sit by the plane restroom reading The Mile High Club by Kinky Friedman.

I can't believe no one said "move to Denver."
posted by ?! at 5:50 PM on February 23, 2005

A friend of mine that went thought flight attendant training for US Airways told me they are not to interrupt people having sex unless it is bothering other passengers.

No, seriously, that's what she was told.
posted by sexymofo at 8:48 PM on February 23, 2005

sexymofo, paying customers are paying customers, why should a flight attendant get in the middle if no one's complaining?
posted by billsaysthis at 10:39 PM on February 23, 2005

I can't believe no one said "move to Denver."

I was about to, but I decided it would be a wisecrack that wouldn't really help $5 find an answer.
posted by kindall at 10:50 PM on February 23, 2005

according to George Brown's Airline Passenger's Guerilla Handbook (sadly now mostly outdated and out of print), the two positions suggested were quiet's, and female sitting on counter edge, male standing facing her.

Neither seem too terribly comfortable, and I've never really seen the appeal of having sex in a terribly cramped public restroom.

Rest assured, the flight attendants will know. They may not act like it, but they will know. So will some of the people sitting near the lav. I've heard stories of MHC participants being greeted by applause on exit.

And don't make a mess.
posted by Vidiot at 6:08 AM on February 24, 2005

The last few chapters of Chuck Palahniuk's Choke go into this in great detail. Unfortunately, it's not a book you can Search Inside, or I would tell you a keyword to look up.
posted by blueshammer at 7:21 AM on February 24, 2005

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