help me help my kid like daycare!
May 26, 2010 9:03 AM Subscribe
how do I get my son to like daycare?
My son (almost 1 year old, 2 more weeks, eek!) started daycare 2 days a week 2 weeks ago. Everyday he screams and cries and crawls after me when I leave. These cries are more than annoyance at me leaving and more than when I leave him with my mother in law (who watches him other days). I've tried staying longer at daycare when I drop him off, and he always gets calm and starts playing as long as I am there, but the second I stand up, he starts screaming. And he apparently has a "rough time" when he's there too. I can't tell if the daycare is a bit over exaggerating in his rough time (they did call me to get him his second day because he was crying so much) because he doesn't seem that upset when I pick him up. In general the daycare seems very good, and our friend's kid has been going there for most of his life and likes it.
But regardless, I would like him to be less upset when I leave at least, if not be happier there. Does anyone have any tricks I can try?
My son (almost 1 year old, 2 more weeks, eek!) started daycare 2 days a week 2 weeks ago. Everyday he screams and cries and crawls after me when I leave. These cries are more than annoyance at me leaving and more than when I leave him with my mother in law (who watches him other days). I've tried staying longer at daycare when I drop him off, and he always gets calm and starts playing as long as I am there, but the second I stand up, he starts screaming. And he apparently has a "rough time" when he's there too. I can't tell if the daycare is a bit over exaggerating in his rough time (they did call me to get him his second day because he was crying so much) because he doesn't seem that upset when I pick him up. In general the daycare seems very good, and our friend's kid has been going there for most of his life and likes it.
But regardless, I would like him to be less upset when I leave at least, if not be happier there. Does anyone have any tricks I can try?
This is not to freak you out, but is there a way you can check to see if something is happening at day care to make him scared of being there? It might be nothing, and related to separation anxiety. But if it's a serious freak out, and not typical for him, it may be an indication of something more serious. Again, I'm hesitant to say this without proof or anything, but it's the first thing I would wonder about.
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:15 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by SpacemanStix at 9:15 AM on May 26, 2010
We also always referred to daycare as "school" when talking to our daughter. "Time to go to school" we'd say. This would help integrate her activity with what other kids are doing - for example, we would drive or walk past a schoolbus and I could explain to her that those are big kids going to a big kid school on a schoolbus.
When picking her up, we'd talk to her teachers about her day while we were holding her. This way, she saw that her teachers and her parents were good friends, and that we were happy when we learned about what she did in school.
posted by Philemon at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
When picking her up, we'd talk to her teachers about her day while we were holding her. This way, she saw that her teachers and her parents were good friends, and that we were happy when we learned about what she did in school.
posted by Philemon at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
I've tried staying longer at daycare when I drop him off, and he always gets calm and starts playing as long as I am there, but the second I stand up, he starts screaming.
I've been the caregiver many times when parents try this move, and I've never, ever, EVER seen it work. If you're going to leave, you've got to do it as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay and let them cling, the more they think the freakout is working to get you to stay (and they're right, it is).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [7 favorites]
I've been the caregiver many times when parents try this move, and I've never, ever, EVER seen it work. If you're going to leave, you've got to do it as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay and let them cling, the more they think the freakout is working to get you to stay (and they're right, it is).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [7 favorites]
I'm the mom of a 2 year old who has been in daycare since age 9 months. I have found that consistency is the key with my child, and that applies to all situations, including daycare. If her schedule is off, it will throw her off, and she will protest. I see that your son is going 2x/week. Is there any possibility to going more often? At 1 year old, it's hard for children to understand (no, make that probably impossible) that they would only do something once or twice a week. I'm wondering if that's possibly part of the issue.
At this age a lot of children just do not like being left with people other than their primary caretakers. I know that my daughter loved going to daycare at that age, but would not always want me or her dad to leave. It's just part of the age.
You mentioned he's only been going for two weeks. Changes take time and I don't think this is abnormal or otherwise out of the ordinary. I think going more often, maybe four days a week for half days would be better than two whole days, for example.
Another part of this is just the child's interest and readiness for these types of activities. A good daycare will have a curriculum with planned out things to do. A lot of these things mean the child will be interacting with other children. Is your son ready for that? My daughter started noticing other kids around 9 months, so it was a great time to move her full time to daycare. She's also just very independent and focused by nature. She continues to thrive there and we are really happy with it. But if I had a more sensitive child, a child who was just more clingy to mom and dad, not interested in other children and just not ready for a daycare environment, I'm not sure I would have done it at that age.
posted by FergieBelle at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
At this age a lot of children just do not like being left with people other than their primary caretakers. I know that my daughter loved going to daycare at that age, but would not always want me or her dad to leave. It's just part of the age.
You mentioned he's only been going for two weeks. Changes take time and I don't think this is abnormal or otherwise out of the ordinary. I think going more often, maybe four days a week for half days would be better than two whole days, for example.
Another part of this is just the child's interest and readiness for these types of activities. A good daycare will have a curriculum with planned out things to do. A lot of these things mean the child will be interacting with other children. Is your son ready for that? My daughter started noticing other kids around 9 months, so it was a great time to move her full time to daycare. She's also just very independent and focused by nature. She continues to thrive there and we are really happy with it. But if I had a more sensitive child, a child who was just more clingy to mom and dad, not interested in other children and just not ready for a daycare environment, I'm not sure I would have done it at that age.
posted by FergieBelle at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Let me clarify, too, that when I mentioned that I thought it odd that your daycare wanted you to come get him because he was "crying too much" it isn't because I think there's anything untoward happening at your daycare (there's a 99.9% chance that there isn't).
It's just that it seemed like they're shirking their responsibility. You're paying good money, and they're supposed to be professional about providing care and attention to your kid, and calling you when he's crying (I mean, unless he's hyperventilating and turning blue every 10 minutes) is not something I would expect.
Especially since calling you to get him will only drag all this out. As childcare professionals, they should know this, and I'd feel a little less confident about their competence if I heard something like this.
posted by Philemon at 9:23 AM on May 26, 2010
It's just that it seemed like they're shirking their responsibility. You're paying good money, and they're supposed to be professional about providing care and attention to your kid, and calling you when he's crying (I mean, unless he's hyperventilating and turning blue every 10 minutes) is not something I would expect.
Especially since calling you to get him will only drag all this out. As childcare professionals, they should know this, and I'd feel a little less confident about their competence if I heard something like this.
posted by Philemon at 9:23 AM on May 26, 2010
Oh, I know that feeling, and it is so heart-wrenching. Our daughter goes to daycare 5 days a week, and every time she moves up to a new classroom, it's two weeks of crying and readjustment.
At his age, there's a lot of stranger anxiety. It will take a little time for him to bond with the adults and get used to the other kids.
One thing that helped my daughter - and your son might be just a tad young for this but maybe not - is to explain why you are leaving him there and when you will see him again. I was amazed when my daughter became verbal and suddenly asked me on the way to daycare, "Are you going home?" She actually thought I was going home to spend the day without her! I had never thought to tell her WHY she was going to daycare. Now I tell her all the time that I have to go to work, and I love her, and I will see her again in the afternoon. (After nap, after snack, whatever fits.) I've even shown her my office, so she can picture where I am during the day.
The other things that have helped are giving her a picture of us to hold while she is at daycare, and letting her have a special stuffed animal from home. (Our daycare workers were great about this, even though it meant extra work for them to look after an unshared toy.)
posted by Knowyournuts at 9:25 AM on May 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
At his age, there's a lot of stranger anxiety. It will take a little time for him to bond with the adults and get used to the other kids.
One thing that helped my daughter - and your son might be just a tad young for this but maybe not - is to explain why you are leaving him there and when you will see him again. I was amazed when my daughter became verbal and suddenly asked me on the way to daycare, "Are you going home?" She actually thought I was going home to spend the day without her! I had never thought to tell her WHY she was going to daycare. Now I tell her all the time that I have to go to work, and I love her, and I will see her again in the afternoon. (After nap, after snack, whatever fits.) I've even shown her my office, so she can picture where I am during the day.
The other things that have helped are giving her a picture of us to hold while she is at daycare, and letting her have a special stuffed animal from home. (Our daycare workers were great about this, even though it meant extra work for them to look after an unshared toy.)
posted by Knowyournuts at 9:25 AM on May 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
This seemed to help for us: My wife took our son on an off day when he could hang out with the group while they played outside and she stayed with him. That way he could see that all these strangers were okay with her.
I don't know if the many readings of Llama Llama Misses Mama helped, but we did that, too.
Good luck!
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 9:26 AM on May 26, 2010
I don't know if the many readings of Llama Llama Misses Mama helped, but we did that, too.
Good luck!
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 9:26 AM on May 26, 2010
I agree with the other posters that you should drop him off and leave briskly. Don't drag it out, don't hang out there.
Also, does your kid have playdates with other non-family member regularly outside of daycare? It could be he's not used to being around other kids.
posted by Philemon at 9:27 AM on May 26, 2010
Also, does your kid have playdates with other non-family member regularly outside of daycare? It could be he's not used to being around other kids.
posted by Philemon at 9:27 AM on May 26, 2010
I hate to say this, but its true: When my son did this consistently, over the course of a couple of months, what worked was to switch daycares. He simply hated it there. When we switched to the new caregiver the freakouts stopped.
posted by anastasiav at 9:27 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by anastasiav at 9:27 AM on May 26, 2010
IME with daycare, it might be better if the 2 days that he is there are in a row. In fact our daycare strongly discourages dividing days up.
Secondly, and this is likely impossible, but if I were you I'd stick with EITHER daycare OR Grandma. From what I understand, flipping back and forth just doesn't work (at this age) - all of my friends that have tried it have miserably failed at trying to mix it up like that. (and I have 5 friends that have tried it.)
But overall, I'd really talk up daycare and how awesome it is.
Also, did you have a transition period? At our daycare, I had to spend almost a week in that space with him so that he learned that it was an okay place to be. Can either you or grandma do that?
posted by k8t at 9:30 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Secondly, and this is likely impossible, but if I were you I'd stick with EITHER daycare OR Grandma. From what I understand, flipping back and forth just doesn't work (at this age) - all of my friends that have tried it have miserably failed at trying to mix it up like that. (and I have 5 friends that have tried it.)
But overall, I'd really talk up daycare and how awesome it is.
Also, did you have a transition period? At our daycare, I had to spend almost a week in that space with him so that he learned that it was an okay place to be. Can either you or grandma do that?
posted by k8t at 9:30 AM on May 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
We also refer to daycare as "school" and always have - it helps with my 3-year-old, who goes three days a week, since his big sister is also going to school. It might not mean as much with a 1-year-old, but
How do the staff handle the transition period in the morning? Do they help by bringing him into the activity that's going on in the room, or at least hold him while you give him a kiss and hug and leave? They should have a plan for handling transitions, with more than one trick up their sleeves. What is the teacher/child ratio at drop-off time? I'd start by talking to the staff about these things, and ask them to help you make a plan for morning drop-off. If they aren't receptive or helpful, move up to the director. Anyone who works with small kids should be able to handle what is a very common reaction to starting out-of-home care, and if the staff isn't helping with this, then that is a problem.
Also, before he started officially, was there any opportunity for visits, where both of you were able to spend time in the room, checking things out and getting familiar with the routine? It might be too late for that now, but you might see if there's any way for you to come in some other day and just hang out. Letting your son see his favorite person (mom!) in this new place, might help.
Hang in there. It has only been two weeks; changes in routine are hard, especially at this age. But the program should be able to help you with this, and you should feel comfortable talking to them and asking for that help. This is a relationship you have to work on building, and they should be meeting you at least half-way.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:32 AM on May 26, 2010
How do the staff handle the transition period in the morning? Do they help by bringing him into the activity that's going on in the room, or at least hold him while you give him a kiss and hug and leave? They should have a plan for handling transitions, with more than one trick up their sleeves. What is the teacher/child ratio at drop-off time? I'd start by talking to the staff about these things, and ask them to help you make a plan for morning drop-off. If they aren't receptive or helpful, move up to the director. Anyone who works with small kids should be able to handle what is a very common reaction to starting out-of-home care, and if the staff isn't helping with this, then that is a problem.
Also, before he started officially, was there any opportunity for visits, where both of you were able to spend time in the room, checking things out and getting familiar with the routine? It might be too late for that now, but you might see if there's any way for you to come in some other day and just hang out. Letting your son see his favorite person (mom!) in this new place, might help.
Hang in there. It has only been two weeks; changes in routine are hard, especially at this age. But the program should be able to help you with this, and you should feel comfortable talking to them and asking for that help. This is a relationship you have to work on building, and they should be meeting you at least half-way.
posted by Lulu's Pink Converse at 9:32 AM on May 26, 2010
1. Do not stay at drop off. Do not. Get him inside. Give him a kiss. Tell him you love him and to have a fun day. Say goodbye, and leave. Drop off should not take more than three minutes. The longer you stay, the harder it will be.
2. What type of daycare setting is it? Is it a center with infant rooms, toddler rooms, and pre-school rooms? Is it possible he's not liking being around kids his own age? This is where I'll plug a family daycare. Family daycares take a smaller number of kids and of all ages. My son is in a daycare with wee itsy bitsy ones all the way up to 4 year olds, and he loves it. The mixed age environment has been great for him.
3. What is the daycare doing to make him comfortable? A little girl at my son's daycare started when she had just turned two. She had reactions very similar to your son's. For the first week, she cried for awhile after drop off. She didn't really want to play. She didn't want to go outside. Our caregivers respected her as a little person and didn't force her to engage in anything when she could have a choice in the matter. I mean, she needed to eat and sleep. Two weeks later, she went into the backyard with everyone else, but she didn't play. A month later, you'd never have known she was the same screaming, crying little girl at drop off. Is the daycare respecting your son as a little person with wants and needs? Or is something about the daycare environment making it harder for him to adjust?
4. He's going too little. He should be going for three days for it to be any type of recognizable pattern for him. I know a couple whose daughter is in daycare one day a week, or it was only one day a week when they started, and they received the same reports you're receiving. That she cried most of the day, that she was unhappy, etc. When I spoke to my own provider about this, she shook her head and said, "That's not fair to the baby or to the daycare provider. It's not fair to the baby because she can't get used to it, and it's not fair to the daycare because they don't have the chance to get to know her well enough to know how to respond to her." I thought this was a poignant note and offered a new perspective on how daycares operate. All else equal, maybe your daycare providers need more time with your son to get to know him so they better know how to respond to him?
5. It's been two weeks. Give it another two or three weeks to see if it does become routine for him.
posted by zizzle at 9:42 AM on May 26, 2010
2. What type of daycare setting is it? Is it a center with infant rooms, toddler rooms, and pre-school rooms? Is it possible he's not liking being around kids his own age? This is where I'll plug a family daycare. Family daycares take a smaller number of kids and of all ages. My son is in a daycare with wee itsy bitsy ones all the way up to 4 year olds, and he loves it. The mixed age environment has been great for him.
3. What is the daycare doing to make him comfortable? A little girl at my son's daycare started when she had just turned two. She had reactions very similar to your son's. For the first week, she cried for awhile after drop off. She didn't really want to play. She didn't want to go outside. Our caregivers respected her as a little person and didn't force her to engage in anything when she could have a choice in the matter. I mean, she needed to eat and sleep. Two weeks later, she went into the backyard with everyone else, but she didn't play. A month later, you'd never have known she was the same screaming, crying little girl at drop off. Is the daycare respecting your son as a little person with wants and needs? Or is something about the daycare environment making it harder for him to adjust?
4. He's going too little. He should be going for three days for it to be any type of recognizable pattern for him. I know a couple whose daughter is in daycare one day a week, or it was only one day a week when they started, and they received the same reports you're receiving. That she cried most of the day, that she was unhappy, etc. When I spoke to my own provider about this, she shook her head and said, "That's not fair to the baby or to the daycare provider. It's not fair to the baby because she can't get used to it, and it's not fair to the daycare because they don't have the chance to get to know her well enough to know how to respond to her." I thought this was a poignant note and offered a new perspective on how daycares operate. All else equal, maybe your daycare providers need more time with your son to get to know him so they better know how to respond to him?
5. It's been two weeks. Give it another two or three weeks to see if it does become routine for him.
posted by zizzle at 9:42 AM on May 26, 2010
Response by poster: he loves other kids, and we go to kindermusic each week and playgroups every other week. Part of going to daycare is that we wanted him to have more time with other kids. Right now, we can't afford to go more often, but in July we wanted to start him at 3 days a week, but not yet. Similarly, I can't keep him out of daycare, I start a new job soon, my husband also works full time, and my mother in law has medical issues that makes it harder to watch him as he gets more active.
I'm not worried about anything sinister going on there, he seems to like the people fine while I am there. Also, they are very competent in general, we had a discussion about the calling me because he was crying too much, because that was not OK with me, and it hasn't happened since. I do chat with the teachers before and after. and he seems to bond with them, they say he will go right to them to be picked up during the day. he always been a sort of high needs baby, where he was always fine as long as someone was entertaining him. he recently has gotten more independent, which is why I thought daycare was finally a good move. I think the daycare is trying, and there are always at least 2 people in the room when I drop him off, he's one of the older kids in the room, and often the have their hands full with infants, but I can attempt to work out a system with them. he's sadly not attached to any toys at home, so no special toys will work.
Sadly, no one else can drop him off. I'm willing to leave quickly if people think that will help. I have only been staying until he calms down from the initial "Oh No! We are back here!" freakout.
I realize that this will take time, but I wanted to see if there was anything to do to make it easier.
posted by katers890 at 9:47 AM on May 26, 2010
I'm not worried about anything sinister going on there, he seems to like the people fine while I am there. Also, they are very competent in general, we had a discussion about the calling me because he was crying too much, because that was not OK with me, and it hasn't happened since. I do chat with the teachers before and after. and he seems to bond with them, they say he will go right to them to be picked up during the day. he always been a sort of high needs baby, where he was always fine as long as someone was entertaining him. he recently has gotten more independent, which is why I thought daycare was finally a good move. I think the daycare is trying, and there are always at least 2 people in the room when I drop him off, he's one of the older kids in the room, and often the have their hands full with infants, but I can attempt to work out a system with them. he's sadly not attached to any toys at home, so no special toys will work.
Sadly, no one else can drop him off. I'm willing to leave quickly if people think that will help. I have only been staying until he calms down from the initial "Oh No! We are back here!" freakout.
I realize that this will take time, but I wanted to see if there was anything to do to make it easier.
posted by katers890 at 9:47 AM on May 26, 2010
Yeah, don't stay too long at drop-off. And its easier on everybody if the same person does the dropping off. When my wife tried to take and leave, he threw a fit. But me, SAHD guy, he could care less.
posted by ducktape at 10:09 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by ducktape at 10:09 AM on May 26, 2010
Separation anxiety is very common at that age, and perfectly normal. Sucky, though.
My triplets have been going to daycare for the last two years. They started at four months. When they hit around 10-11 months (and up until about 4 months ago) they cried when I left. Their teachers told me they'd stop within about five minutes, but only now, at two and a half, do they not cry when I drop them off.
Short and sweet drop off (but definitely say goodbye, don't sneak off) is the best you can do, honestly.
posted by pyjammy at 10:24 AM on May 26, 2010
My triplets have been going to daycare for the last two years. They started at four months. When they hit around 10-11 months (and up until about 4 months ago) they cried when I left. Their teachers told me they'd stop within about five minutes, but only now, at two and a half, do they not cry when I drop them off.
Short and sweet drop off (but definitely say goodbye, don't sneak off) is the best you can do, honestly.
posted by pyjammy at 10:24 AM on May 26, 2010
FWIW - my son flipped out more when his mom dropped him off than with me, but usually ended up having fine days.
When my daughter transitioned into preschool, I dropped her off the first day and when I said goodbye, she turned on the waterworks. I gave her a hug then left. On my way down the hall, the teacher sprinted after me to make sure I was OK - and she caught that I was beaming - "she's just saying that she loves me and I can live with that."
posted by plinth at 10:30 AM on May 26, 2010
When my daughter transitioned into preschool, I dropped her off the first day and when I said goodbye, she turned on the waterworks. I gave her a hug then left. On my way down the hall, the teacher sprinted after me to make sure I was OK - and she caught that I was beaming - "she's just saying that she loves me and I can live with that."
posted by plinth at 10:30 AM on May 26, 2010
Get them involved in something and then quick like a ninja you're gone. I have seen the mother's that sit and coddle and console the child. The child keeps crying cause they like that and you're in effect teaching your child to get held consoled and so on something they like, they must cry and continue crying. Child is calmed down you get up, child cries again because he/she knows you're leaving. My son I used to sit in the book area, he would grab a book, the second his eyes were off me, Bam, gone. Saved him and me a lot of headaches.
posted by ExitPursuedByBear at 10:59 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by ExitPursuedByBear at 10:59 AM on May 26, 2010
Lots of good advice already, here's my thoughts. Consistency and routine is important to counteract the stress of drop-off. When you drop him off, do you hand him over to the same person every time, who greets him enthusiastically? At that age, a good daycare should be encouraging a bond between him and one caregiver IMHO, so that he has someone he trusts (we call her "second mommy"), and all the other carers are playmates/friends/authority figures for now, they will become trusted figures at he grows.
I have a 1 year old (just turned one last week!) and a 3 year old in a large family daycare (14 kids, 6 staff, 3 age rooms). Both started daycare when they were about 4 months old, and both had the same lady who was "second mommy" when they were babies. Every day (unless I am particularly early and she hasn't arrived yet), the 1 year old goes into second mommy's arms, is greeted enthusiastically and lovingly, and then I make my exit with a kiss and "I love you". Most days he is perfectly OK with me leaving, because he is with someone he loves and trusts.
My 3 year old is in the pre-school room, so he gets dropped off with a different carer now. Recently they hired an additional carer for this room, as the other carer wanted to go back to school part-time for extra certifications. So the new carer is there at drop off, and sure enough, drop-off was stressful and crying and awful with my 3 year old because he hadn't learned to trust his new carer yet. Two weeks later we are mostly out of the woods. I know this is what it is about, because on days when one of the other carers is in charge of the pre-school room he runs up for a hug and happily waves goodbye to me.
Hope things improve soon, but I have to echo others here, that at only two days a week it is going to take longer than if he was there full-time. He will get there though!
posted by Joh at 11:08 AM on May 26, 2010
I have a 1 year old (just turned one last week!) and a 3 year old in a large family daycare (14 kids, 6 staff, 3 age rooms). Both started daycare when they were about 4 months old, and both had the same lady who was "second mommy" when they were babies. Every day (unless I am particularly early and she hasn't arrived yet), the 1 year old goes into second mommy's arms, is greeted enthusiastically and lovingly, and then I make my exit with a kiss and "I love you". Most days he is perfectly OK with me leaving, because he is with someone he loves and trusts.
My 3 year old is in the pre-school room, so he gets dropped off with a different carer now. Recently they hired an additional carer for this room, as the other carer wanted to go back to school part-time for extra certifications. So the new carer is there at drop off, and sure enough, drop-off was stressful and crying and awful with my 3 year old because he hadn't learned to trust his new carer yet. Two weeks later we are mostly out of the woods. I know this is what it is about, because on days when one of the other carers is in charge of the pre-school room he runs up for a hug and happily waves goodbye to me.
Hope things improve soon, but I have to echo others here, that at only two days a week it is going to take longer than if he was there full-time. He will get there though!
posted by Joh at 11:08 AM on May 26, 2010
Also, just so you don't get surprised in the future - very often kids' reaction / separation anxiety will change from time to time. My daughter goes back and forth from kicking and screaming and crying to jumping out of my arms and off to school, and back again. Totally normal.
posted by RajahKing at 11:11 AM on May 26, 2010
posted by RajahKing at 11:11 AM on May 26, 2010
One more thought, this is a personal philosophy of mine, I never, ever leave my kids without telling them I am going, I never sneak away. This may mean that tears are shed where perhaps none would be if I slipped away when they weren't looking, but I feel that it is important to be honest with them, and teach them that I will never just disappear at random. I don't want my kids to ever think that if they let me out of their sight, I may at any time, randomly vanish into thin air without warning or goodbye. So even if one of them is distracted and looking at a book, I will at the very least walk to the gate, then call out my goodbye and wave, so they know I am going.
posted by Joh at 11:11 AM on May 26, 2010 [8 favorites]
posted by Joh at 11:11 AM on May 26, 2010 [8 favorites]
My 13-month-old has been at the same daycare since she was 3 months old, and drop-offs have become messy affairs lately. She very obviously loves being there -- starts wiggling and giggling and clapping when we walk into the room -- but she really hates to see me go. When she is home, she is my little shadow and is sometimes quite literally attached to my hip. She even will cry if I leave her behind with my husband to go out.
In talking to friends with kids at similar ages, this is a prime time for the separation anxiety to ratchet up, so I hope it helps to know that it is definitely developmentally normal.
When I drop her off, I do it as quickly as possible -- put her on the floor, near her basket of favorite toys, put her food in the fridge, hang up her bag, quickly fill out her daily sheet, and then kiss her good-bye. I don't linger, because it always makes it worse.
I agree with previous posters that two days a week might not be enough; my kid gets very discombobulated when our schedules change because of vacations or illness. We also totally call it "school" and at dinner the three of us talk about our day, even if her "talking" is one of us reading off her daily sheet that lists her activities.
Hang in there, I'm sure it will get better!
posted by sutel at 12:06 PM on May 26, 2010
In talking to friends with kids at similar ages, this is a prime time for the separation anxiety to ratchet up, so I hope it helps to know that it is definitely developmentally normal.
When I drop her off, I do it as quickly as possible -- put her on the floor, near her basket of favorite toys, put her food in the fridge, hang up her bag, quickly fill out her daily sheet, and then kiss her good-bye. I don't linger, because it always makes it worse.
I agree with previous posters that two days a week might not be enough; my kid gets very discombobulated when our schedules change because of vacations or illness. We also totally call it "school" and at dinner the three of us talk about our day, even if her "talking" is one of us reading off her daily sheet that lists her activities.
Hang in there, I'm sure it will get better!
posted by sutel at 12:06 PM on May 26, 2010
Response by poster: hmm, can't really switch the days, as Monday is the day Grammy isn't available, and Wed. is music day/day when our friend is there too. And we can't up the number of days until I start my job with income (and for various other reasons), but I will talk to them about setting up a more consistent routine at dropoff (though he actually isn't much of a routine baby as I've been in grade school, and had not set schedules for his entire life), and be quicker. I'm surprised that waiting for him to settle would be causing a big problem, but I'll try anything (though the one time I did just leave was the day they had me come get him).
Thanks for all the responses, keep 'em coming if you can!
posted by katers890 at 12:51 PM on May 26, 2010
Thanks for all the responses, keep 'em coming if you can!
posted by katers890 at 12:51 PM on May 26, 2010
my daughter was deeply offended by the fact that her diaper was changed "in public". it caused a lot of problems for her.
posted by lakersfan1222 at 1:09 PM on May 26, 2010
posted by lakersfan1222 at 1:09 PM on May 26, 2010
I know your son is a bit young to understand time, but my mom always pointed to the clock and told me "when the little hand is on the 5 and the big hand is on the 12, I'll be here to pick you up." Sometimes I wore one of her old watches that she didn't wear anymore. She also gave me a photo of her and my dad to keep in my backpack. Also, I went to what was essentially daycare but we called it nursery school. (I know it's more often called preschool now.)
posted by IndigoRain at 6:18 PM on May 26, 2010
posted by IndigoRain at 6:18 PM on May 26, 2010
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It's only been 2 weeks, so that's what, 4 visits? He just started this transition and you have to give it time. Kids who start daycare a little later just tend to struggle with it at first. Honestly, it's too early for you to even be concerned about this.
Aside from letting time do its work, my tips:
- You could try having someone else drop him off. Maybe it's you specifically walking out the door without him that is upsetting. What if grandmother picked him up and dropped him off instead?
- Find a children's book about daycare, and read it to him regularly.
- Does he know your friend's kid very well, enough that it would be comforting or fun for him to see the other kid? when you drop him off, see if you can't have him say hello to the other kid (presuming he's in a different room).
posted by Philemon at 9:14 AM on May 26, 2010