Trapped while drilling a hole.
May 17, 2010 4:34 AM   Subscribe

Should I give up a very high paying job that I despise?

I've recently taken a job working on the oil patch in Alberta. I felt pressured into it: it was offered by an acquaintance of my girlfriend and I really had nothing going on at the time.

I hate it. 90% of my time is away from home (I've had another road job for about six years before this and was not looking for anything involving travel). I dislike the duties and the people surrounding me. Sleeping and living in an Atco trailer. I actively avoided becoming involved in this industry up to this point. Also, with the majority of my time being spent in camp and no fixed schedule (I'll be out here for months, for all I know), I don't see a way to find another job while working this one. I keep picturing myself having to do this for the rest of my life, as I approach 34. The entire day feels like a minor panic attack just being here (the middle of nowhere).

But the money is outstanding.

Am I being an ass in wanting out of this?
posted by converge to Work & Money (40 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
 
Am I being an ass in wanting out of this?

Nope. Not even a little bit. Leave. Unless you have major debts, or less than 4 months of living expenses saved up, leave and find something that doesn't give you panic attacks. Otherwise work it until you are in an OK financial situation, then run.
posted by molecicco at 4:40 AM on May 17, 2010 [3 favorites]


Of course you're not being an ass, but you should make your move deliberately. It sounds as if there's little to spend your money on where you are, so you're in a good position to save a lot of it, which in turn could put you in a position to pursue other interests. Try not to focus on the need to escape. Instead, think about what you'd rather do. If you have develop a game plan then your current job can be a means to an end.
posted by jon1270 at 4:42 AM on May 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


You are not going to look back on your life in 40 years time and think, "you know, I wish I'd have spent more time doing jobs I despised".
posted by caek at 4:42 AM on May 17, 2010 [6 favorites]


Life is short. Move on.
posted by special-k at 4:43 AM on May 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


This is just one person's opinion, but I think it matters if you have people (like, children for example) depending on you for their well-being. If you do, then it's your responsibility to do whatever it takes to take care of them.

If you don't, then save up enough to ride out a period of unemployment and get out.
posted by Houstonian at 4:44 AM on May 17, 2010


If you do decide to stick it out a bit longer to save up enough to do something else, set a firm date. Being able to mark off the days until you flee will make the job easier to bear.
posted by metaquarry at 5:01 AM on May 17, 2010


Response by poster: Well, after about two months of this, I have some money built up (at least in receivables). I have no dependents, but some debt. I do, however, feel I will be letting down a number of people if I leave, which makes me feel the ass. Mostly, it's what the money could do for me as far as further education and housing goes, but I really don't want to stick it out for as long as it would take to make that, perhaps a few years for those desires.
posted by converge at 5:07 AM on May 17, 2010


My limit for jobs I hate is a year, in general. I really quit once the symptoms of high stress set in - trouble sleeping, bad stomach, shaking set in, and I definitely know it's not for me. This said, I've quit jobs I hated after one day.

Money can make a big difference in the short term, but not in the long term. I approach jobs that I dislike with great money in precisely the same way.
posted by smoke at 5:24 AM on May 17, 2010


But the money is outstanding.

How outstanding is outstanding? If you can work a few years, then retire, I would say go for it. Maybe get some antidepressants.
posted by delmoi at 5:28 AM on May 17, 2010 [1 favorite]


Generally, when people complain to me about a high paying job that they despise I tell them to suck it up and soldier on; money is emancipatory. (Admittedly, this is not a popular thought on AskMe. But I digress.)

But it sounds from your description that you're working in a remote location, far from people you know, and you don't really like the people that you're working with. This makes for an awful combination.

I'd say move on.
posted by dfriedman at 5:31 AM on May 17, 2010


Response by poster: About $100,000.00 a year if I stick it out - so no, no early retirement.

smoke: those symptoms set in almost immediately. At first, I thought I might just be nervous about a new job, but they persist.
posted by converge at 5:31 AM on May 17, 2010


If the money is so outstanding that you can pay off your debt and sock away a few months emergency "normal salary level" salary within a year so or, you should stick with the job and look for some strategies to cope with the despising part of it.
posted by meerkatty at 5:32 AM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: Normally I'd say stick it out for a year and then leave but a) you say it's causing you panic and b) you also say you can't find another job while you're there (presumably because it's so isolated).

So go. If you think you can get to the point of paying your debts without losing control of your nerves, do that. If you don't think you can manage that, hand in your notice now.

I've spent long periods of time working in jobs where, with every passing minute, my nerves were screaming GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME OUT OF HERE! GET ME OUT OF HERE! Do you think that didn't damage my relationships with others? It's not worth it.
posted by tel3path at 5:34 AM on May 17, 2010


Ah, now that I see your actual salary, I would say: work enough just to pay off the debt and then get out of there. It's not enough money to make your suffering in a remote location with not a lot of further job prospects and people you don't like worth it.
posted by meerkatty at 5:37 AM on May 17, 2010


I guess I'd recommend sticking it out as long as you can. A hundred large ain't chump change, and in this economy it's going to be difficult to find any work, much less work that you either love doing or pays that much.

Save as much as you possibly can, pay off your debt, and then get the hell out of Dodge. But that sort of money isn't the kind of thing most people can just casually walk away from, even if they don't like what they have to do to earn it.
posted by valkyryn at 5:44 AM on May 17, 2010


If it were $200K/yr, I'd say stick it out, save it all and retire somewhere cheap with good healthcare when you're 40. But $100K/yr? That's not so much more than merely decent professional pay that it's worth hating every waking moment.

I left engineering to get my masters' in urban planning in 2003. I still earn 20% less than I did in '02, let alone what I'd be making if I were still in that field today, but it was the right decision.
posted by pjaust at 5:45 AM on May 17, 2010


Set goals for what you want to do with the money, like pay off all your debts, pay the necessary income tax, and sock away six months of normal world expenses for another job search. Calculate how long you'll need to work at the job you hate to reach that goal. Work that long and quit.

Knowing there's an end date really helps make things bearable, I find, and using this job as a way to achieve a goal means that it will not have been a waste of your time.

Who is it you feel you'd be letting down, your friends and family or your employers?

Because believe me, your employers do not feel the same kind of loyalty to you and will happily "let you down" and let you go if the numbers tell them to.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:57 AM on May 17, 2010


Dude, if you've already got the shakes in stressful situations, and your gut is already playing up (esp if it's the, uh, 'lower' end of the spectrum), it's definitely time to quit.
posted by smoke at 6:15 AM on May 17, 2010


I do, however, feel I will be letting down a number of people if I leave, which makes me feel the ass.

Shows character, but really, if you thank them sincerely for the concern and the opportunity and tell them that it just wasn't right for you, no one's fault, and that should be enough. If it isn't, well, eff 'em.

(I speak from past regrets in doing things that other people expected rather than what was right for me. I'm sure the other people would not have cared a fig long term, but I have.)

Mind you, debt free is a highly desirable position.
posted by IndigoJones at 6:16 AM on May 17, 2010


I do, however, feel I will be letting down a number of people if I leave

How much are you letting yourself down by staying? Get out of there.
posted by procrastination at 6:18 AM on May 17, 2010


I've always thought "don't leave until you have something else lined up," but this might be an exception. Living out in the middle of nowhere doing something you hate with no other outlets for relief or sastisfaction in other activities? I say leave as fast as you can.

If you have minor debts and no savings, it would probably be worth it to stick it out for a couple more months and pay those off and build up a bit of savings to hold you through the next job search. If the debts are such that it's going to take more than a month or two to get rid of, just bail and deal with the fall out. Generally people can and should put up with a lot to maintain financial stability, but this is pretty extreme.
posted by T.D. Strange at 6:33 AM on May 17, 2010


100K /year is real money, at least where I live. It's still a really bad economy. If you leave this job, are you likely to find another? What might it pay?

You may be able to tolerate this job you despise if you have en exit date/strategy. Figure out how long you have to work there to get out of debt and build up a 1 year savings cushion. Then your mantra becomes 300 More Days, 299 More Days, etc.

Work on learning frugality, which is difficult in an environment of high earners. Spend some money on netflix, or other affordable boredom-killers. But every time you want to spend, and justify it based on how much you hate the work, and deserve the spending, remind yourself that it will delay the departure date. Maybe an iPad and free books would help. You seem to have Internet access, so great content is available. Also, learn to meditate, get in good physical condition, and consider learning a language, all things that will benefit you over the long term, and will take up the time. And having goals to focus on makes a crummy lifestyle way more bearable.
posted by theora55 at 6:34 AM on May 17, 2010


Im a bit of a hard nosed cow. I was poor growing up and I love money and what money provides. I would do this job for as long as I could physically handle it. Then I would do it 6 months more. I would leave however if it effected my relationship/health more than any other job reasonably would.

But agree with theora55, set a date when you will be comfy and then work towards that.
posted by Neonshock at 6:53 AM on May 17, 2010


I applied for, and had a phone interview for a similar job.

After the phone interview, I spent the rest of the evening reading about the experiences of other people in this line of work. Every. Single. Person. described it exactly like you just did, which presumably explains the high pay.

After the recruiter called me back, I told him I was no longer interested in the position, in spite of the fact that I had no other serious job prospects on the table. My sanity is worth a lot more than $100,000 a year.

My advice is to get out of debt, build up a small cushion, and then get out and don't look back.
posted by schmod at 6:58 AM on May 17, 2010


The whole point of this kind of job is that you get paid well for unpleasant work that doesn't require a lot of qualifications, while having nothing to spend the money on (often room and board are provided). You suffer to save up and then do something else you enjoy more, like travel for 6 months. Or you suffer to provide a good life for your family. If you don't have that ultimate goal, I don't see the point.
posted by smackfu at 7:04 AM on May 17, 2010


As a person from a different culture. I would suck it up, and think about the future. If the money is REALLY outstanding, I would stay there say, for a year. The time limit would make it less horrible, and the thought of my bank account would make everything easier. By the end of the year, you'll be happy. It's like a cardio session. It can be dreadful, but you'll feel awesome when you get out of there.
posted by Tarumba at 7:04 AM on May 17, 2010


Everything's relative. I once had a job that paid reasonably well but I hated every second of it. Then I was sacked with no explanation, and found that being unemployed was actually even worse.

I have to echo what others have said... have a goal (pay off debt, save enough to live on for a spell) and once you hit that move on. And in the meantime set aside a bit chunk of your brain for planning the next step... what kind of work do you want to do? How will you find that job?

$100G is a lot of money in my neighborhood. If I was pulling down that much I'd think long and hard about my next move while socking away as much as possible.

BTW both I and my husband work rather tedious jobs for considerably less than $100G. Prior to that we had our own business and, due to unforeseen tedium and frustration, hated it completely. We started it 'cause we thought it had to be better than working for others. We were wrong. Now, we're happy to collect our paychecks even though they be small and are grateful to have our debts paid off. We live simply and keep our expectations low. Again, it's all relative...

Whatever you decide, good luck.
posted by kinnakeet at 7:31 AM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: So if you're in rural Canada, possibly in a subsidized or free trailer, does this mean you could get your living expenses down to, say $15,000 or so, while working this job? Would that mean that, after taxes, you're still clearing roughly 6 figures after 2 more years of this? Hold out 2 years to pay off all debt and leave with what should be a generous float of savings.

Unless this work is very dangerous. If you could die tomorrow, arrange an exit ASAP (don't be like one of those sad mining or platform oil drilling stories where the guy was "going to retire the next week because he hated it so much").
posted by availablelight at 7:57 AM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: You're not being an ass at all. However, you mention a goal of 'further education' - then you know what the dollar figure is that you need. I would set a budget, and figure out how long you need to work to make that figure, and tell yourself you will get out the minute that you reach that figure. Because education is hella expensive (as you likely know) and is a worthy goal. It's the kind of thing that makes a crappy situation worth suffering through. Otherwise, if you're just saving money to buy toys, your situation will be intolerable.

Make yourself a budget. Pay off all your debt and get that money socked away for further education. Put a calendar on the wall and X it off every night. That will feel real and solid and motivational. It will make you feel in control.

34 is nothing. I know that is adding to your stress. You feel that you should be at some arbitrary place in society based on your age and you're not. You fell into this and you're scared you'll never get out. If you set real goals - write them down! post them on your wall! Keep a private LJ where you write about your goals and steps toward them! - that abyss you see looming before you will get a lot smaller.
posted by micawber at 8:34 AM on May 17, 2010


If you do decide to stick it out for XX more time, figure out something to do in your offtime that will help you deal with it mentally. Start a specific fitness program (P90X or Crossfit or Starting Strength or something else with a specific end-goal) or learn a language or learn to program PHP/Javascript/Python or read all the books on the Greatest Books of All Time List or watch all the movies on the 100 Greatest Movies list.

Do SOMETHING with a specific goal to fill out the days that you are X-ing out on your calendar. Make it a race to see if you can finish your goal before you get to the last X on your calendar.
posted by CathyG at 8:37 AM on May 17, 2010


If you badly want the money, drug abuse might be a workable option.

I hate to advocate weird chemicals, alcohol, violence or insanity to anyone... but they've always worked for me one of my space cadet friends.

When Prozac first became available, he decided to try some out. He wasn't depressed before he started, just interested in finding out what various psychoactive chemicals felt like. So he used his pill press to make a batch of identical-looking placebos, and switched those for his mother's supply.

He reported not feeling anything different or unusual - except that his job (which he used to despise) stopped bothering him. Realizing that scared him enough that he resolved in future not to mess around with the heavy stuff, just stick to lightweight chemicals like acid and mescaline.

If it were me, I'd quit yesterday. Life is too short.
posted by flabdablet at 8:44 AM on May 17, 2010


Geez, who are you people brushing off $100k/year, and what do you do for a living? Because I'm obviously in the wrong line of work.

As a freelance writer (38, single, no kids, living in a very affordable rural area) I live comfortably, if frugally, on $14k/year. How I do that is I guess a topic for another AskMe if you want to toss it out there. But rest assured, it IS possible, and a lot of people live this way: sensibly, frugally, and happily.

My point being, let's say I had a year to earn $100k. I did some quick calculations and figured that I could sock away about $52k. Which would be enough for me to live off for 3.7 years!

Don't dismiss this job out of hand. It's all just a matter of perspective. You could do some pretty cool stuff with that money. And if you write up a solid game plan and focus on that goal, it will make your job much more bearable.

The best advice I can give is, pick up a copy of "Your Money Or Your Life" and set aside a weekend to spend some quality time with it. You won't be sorry.
posted by ErikaB at 9:28 AM on May 17, 2010


What are your monthly expenses?
How much debt do you have?

I would do some calculations. How much do you bring home each month in excess of your expenses (i.e., profit)? Let's pretend it's $5k. If you have $10k in debt, it will only take you two months to pay that off. That's not long.

My husband and I recently calculated that if we could sock away $50K in one year into our retirement account, using just an average market return as our base for calculations (7%), we would never have to contribute to our retirement again, and we'd be just fine in retirement. That was at age 37.

Assuming $5k as before, it would only take 10 months to sock away $50k. With the debt question, that totals exactly one year. ONE YEAR, and you'd be debt free and likely NEVER have to contribute to your retirement account again.

I have been in horrible job situations before, and I know staring a year of that in the face is truly daunting. But if you can stick it out for your own financial future, which would be a major stressor for the REST OF YOUR LIFE if you were unable to, you might just persevere. In the meantime, get some really good meds. Seriously.
posted by wwartorff at 9:50 AM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: A friend of mine once said that many jobs are variations on the shit sandwich. The more dough you get, the better it goes down. While the unfortunate truth is that this kind of sandwich is never going to leave you intellectually or spirutually satisfied, that extra dough is good for all kinds of things.

I agree with ErikaB. Figure out what your average monthly expenses are; set a target to save some number of months (I'd recommend 18), and plunk all that extra dough in a fuck-you fund. When you've reached your target, quit and go do what you really want.

Money is freedom. Having that pile of dough in your back pocket (even if you never use it) earns you the freedom to say no. The more dough you have, the lower that no-threshold can be.
posted by cheez-it at 10:28 AM on May 17, 2010


Set the end date to leave for the beginning of your full time education so you look the people you fear you will disappoint in the eyes and say thanks for the opportunity, now I can do what I really want. You don't need to save enough cash to buy house outright so don't lock yourself into a two year deal. Education is not that expensive and there are still lots of other jobs around. Meanwhile, sign up for courses at Athabasca or where ever and start getting some credits towards what you need to fill up your free time. Then get out and start living life.
posted by saucysault at 10:38 AM on May 17, 2010


I strongly agree with the others advising you to quit. Not to be trite, but you could die next week, for all you know. If you were ambivalent about the job, I think I'd see both sides of the issue, but a situation that gives you that panicky feeling (I know the one) all day is really detrimental to your mental health. Not to be even triter, but no amount of money is worth your basic happiness.
posted by threeants at 10:44 AM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: I worked in oil exploration many years ago. The first thing you have to realise is that hating this kind of job is normal, if it was fun they would not have to pay the high wages.

The average career for a new hire in oil exploration is about 6 months. Some people in this thread are saying you should 'set goals' and 'plan how long you need to stay', much more likely is you will just wake up one morning and realise I.cannot.do.this.any.longer.

So my advice is do not make any long term plans. The statistical chances are that you will be out before summer is over. Plan accordingly.
posted by Lanark at 4:50 PM on May 17, 2010


Best answer: I did 6.5 years on rigs both on and offshore and it does suck if you don't have the right attitude. I've seen people quit after one hitch, and know guys who have been on the rigs for their whole career and wouldn't do anything else. I quit working on the rigs and moved into the office (for significantly less pay) once I got married as I swore that I wouldn't be that guy on his fourth wife. Talking to Canadian guys, working land jobs means no rotation and minimanl time off (300 days on a year is not unusual).

In your situation, I'd hang in there long enough to pay off your debt and make a float/emergency fund to tide you over or go traveling. Having a goal in sight will make it more bearable. People will understand if you tell them that it's not for you. If you feel it's unsafe, then leave today, not worth risking your life over.
posted by arcticseal at 6:03 PM on May 17, 2010


Response by poster: Thank you all. This has helped. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I appreciate all of your input.

Cheers.
posted by converge at 8:09 PM on May 17, 2010


There's a great quote by Howard Thurman:

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”
posted by Spyder's Game at 12:47 PM on May 20, 2010


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